Mirror Image (45 page)

"There's not much to say, " Victoria lied politely at first.

"It's really not very important."

"Important enough to come here for? " he asked gently, "or was it
something else? "

"It was many things, " she said honestly, feeling obliged now to tell
him something since he had been so honest, or at least she thought he
was. But his story had the ring of truth, and the kind of stupidities
she herself might have entered into. "Yes, there was someone, " she said
finally, "I was very young and very stupid, it was two years ago.

I was twenty. And incredibly naive. Actually, " she looked embarrassed
briefly and he smiled encouragingly, "it sounds so unimportant now. Then
it seemed so monumentally important. I fell in love with him, and he
swept me offmy feet. I did a lot of very foolish &things in a very short
time. We were visiting New York for a couple of months, and he was
older, and very charming .. . and very married .

.. he had three children.

But he told me he hated his wife, that they had nothing more than an
arrangement and not a marriage, and he was planning to leave her at any
moment. They would get divorced, and if I would wait patiently, of
course we would be married. And of course .. . it was all nonsense .

.

. I .. . I .. ." She couldn't say the words to him, it was too
embarrassing even after all he'd told her. "I believed what he said, "
and then she forced herself to say it, "and I fell very much in love
with him. I .. . I compromised my reputation, and someone told my
father. My father confronted him and he said, " her eyes hardened here
as Edouard watched her, "he said that I had seduced him. He denied me
entirely, denied that he had ever made any promises, he even told me
that he never intended to leave her at all, in fact she was pregnant.

" And then she decided that if she was going to shock him, now was the
time. She had nothing to lose yet, and if he told anyone, she would hate
him.

But something deep inside her told her to trust him. "His wife was
having a baby, " she said softly, "but so was I. We went back to
Croton-on-Hudson where we live, and I fell off my horse and lost it a
few weeks later. I had to go to the hospital, and I think I almost died.
I lost a lot of blood, but it was all over. My father was in an uproar
by then.

He said everyone in New York was talking about me. The man I'd been in
love with had been telling people what I'd done. I suppose he thought it
was very funny, but my father said I had to do something to regain my 1!

I reputation, and his, and my sister's. He said I had jeopardized
everyone by what I'd done and we'd never be able to set foot out of the
house again. That sort of thing, " Victoria said, and sighed as she
looked out the window, remembering how awful it had been then, and how
desperate she had felt when he said it. And then she turned to Edouard
with a sad smile. "So he forced me to marry one of his lawyers. He said
I had no choice. I owed it to them. And I believed him. I used to think
I never wanted to get married. I just wanted to be a suffragette and go
on hunger strikes and go to jail, and get arrested, " she said, her eyes
alight again and Edouard laughed with an interested expression.

"That's certainly an alternative, though not necessarily one I would
recommend." He put her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers.

"I don't imagine you were easy to control two years ago, or , , per laps
ever.

She smiled at him, acknowledging the possibility of that. "Maybe not.

Anyway, I did it. I married him. He was a widower, with a son, his wife
died on the Titamic, and he wanted a mother for his son."

"And were you? " he asked with even more interest. There was certainly a
great deal more to her than he had expected. But she had not come here
for no reason.

"No, " she answered him honestly. "I was not a mother to him, or a wife
to Charles. The boy hated me, and I believe the father does too.

I was everything his wife wasn't. And he wasn't .. . the man I'd been in
love with. I couldn't be who he wanted me to be, do what he wanted me to
do.

I hated all of it, and I hated him .. ." Her voice trailed off as
Edouard watched her. "I felt nothing for him, " she said sadly, "and he
knew it."

"Is he a bad man too? "

"No." Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head and looked at
him. "No .. . he isn't. I just didn't love him." That was the whole of
it, she never had, and she never would, and Edouard understood that.

"And where is he now? " Edouard asked softly. He wasn't the only one who
was encumbered.

"In New York, " she whispered.

"And you're still married to him, I assume? " He sounded disappointed.

This was not what he had expected.

"Yes, I am." She looked at him, with wide, sad eyes.

"Perhaps he loves you more than you think if he let you come here." It
was a generous thing for him to do, and Edouard admired him for it.

He knew he couldn't have done it with a wife of his own, no matter how
headstrong or independent.

But then she startled him even more. "He doesn't know I'm here, " she
said quietly, knowing she had to tell him all of it. There was no
holding back now, whatever the dangers. She had to trust him.

She wanted to. For the first time in two years, she trusted a man.

And she knew that this man wouldn't hurt her.

"Where does he think you are? " he asked, horrified, and suddenly she
grinned at him. It really was awful, but it suddenly struck her very
funny. It was so funny she didn't know how to begin to explain it.

"He thinks I'm at home with him." "What on earth do you mean? " He
looked totally confused, and then he stared at her, his mouth opening in
amazement. "Oh my God ..

.

your sister .. . is that it? Does he think .. ."

"I hope so."

"You changed places with your sister? " He looked appalled and she was
suddenly frightened that he might expose her. He had her home address
after all in her passport. What if he wrote to them and told them?

"I can't believe you would do such a thing, but surely .. . but .

.

. a man and a woman .. . a husband and wife .. ." "We stopped that right
in the beginning. It was awful, everything we hated about each other was
there between us like a boulder that kept us from ever getting closer.
All she has to be is his housekeeper, and he'll never know the
difference."

"Are you sure of that? " He looked at her, still amazed by the audacity
of what she'd done in order to come here.

"Absolutely, or I'd never have asked her to do it. She is very sweet and
very kind, and all the things I'm not, and the boy adores her."

"Will he know? "

"I don't think so. Not if she's careful." He leaned back against the
seat then, trying to absorb what she had told him.

"You certainly left quite a tangle behind you, didn't you, Olivia? " She
smiled at him again and shook her head, putting her finger on his lips.

"Victoria, " she whispered.

"Victoria? But your passport .. ."

"It's my sister's."

"Oh you witch, of course .. . even your names must be switched ...
the poor man, how I pity him .. . how will he feel when you tell him, or
will you? " Perhaps she was just going to slip back into his life again
when she'd had enough of the war, but Edouard wanted to know that now
too. And he hoped he had a right to.

"I'll have to tell him everything when I go back. I thought of telling
him in a letter, but that seems so cowardly, and it's not fair to
Olivia. I've thought about it ever since I left, and I know what I have
to do. I can't go back to him again. I'll go home eventually, but not to
him. I just can't, Edouard. I don't love him. It was the wrong thing to
do in the first place. I never should have let my father force me to do
it, but I thought he knew what was best. Maybe some people can live like
that, but I can't. I'll go back and live with my sister. Or maybe I'll
stay here. I just don't know yet. But I'm going to ask him to divorce
me."

"And if he won't? " Edouard asked curiously.

"Then I'll live apart from him and remain legally married, " she said
philosophically. "I don't really care, just so I don't have to go back
to him. And I won't do that. He deserves better than that too.

He should have married Olivia, she would have been perfect for him."

"Perhaps he'll fall in love with her while you're here, " he said,
amused at the comic side of it, and there definitely was one. It was
like Racine or Moliere, a French farce at its best. The amazing thing
was that she'd have done it. She was very brave and quite outrageous.

"I don't think they'll fall in love with each other. Olivia is far too
proper. The poor thing, it can't be much fun for her, taking care of
them and pretending to be me, she was an angel to do it. I told her I'd
die if she didn't switch with me for a while. We used to do it as
children. She was always getting me out of trouble." She smiled,
thinking of Olivia, and Edouard could only laugh in amazement at the
tale she'd told him.

"And you, " he said pointedly, "are not an angel, but a devil, Miss
Victoria Henderson. What a dreadful thing to do." But he was actually
amused by it, it was so outrageous, and then he thought of something he
had forgotten to ask and she hadn't told him. "How long did she give
you? " Victoria hesitated before she answered, her eyes wide as his blue
eyes met hers filled with questions. "Three months, " she said quietly.

"And you've been gone a month, haven't you? "

"Five weeks, " she answered.

"That doesn't give us very long, does it? " But they both knew that
nothing in life was sure, that they were in uncertain times in a place
where nothing meant anything for an hour or a day, or a single moment.

"How do you feel about spending time with a married man? " he asked her
honestly.

She smiled at him then. "How do you feel about spending time with a
married woman? "

"I'd say we deserve each other, my dear .. .

wouldn't you? " In truth, they both deserved far more than they'd been
given, and without saying anything more to her, he leaned across the
seat, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her.

Chapter 25.

Although Olivia had promised to stay with her father in Croton in June,
she found that when it came time to go, she couldn't bring herself to
leave Charles and Geoffrey. Their whole lives had been changed in the
past few weeks. Ever since he had reached out to her the night that
Olivia learned her sister was alive, he had hardly been able to keep
himself from her. Their life had become the honeymoon they'd never had,
and rather than shutting Geoffrey out, Olivia only felt closer to him.

It was everything she had ever dreamed of. The only trouble with it was
that everything she had now had been borrowed from her sister. Her
husband, his son, even her wedding ring were really Victoria's, but all
she could do now was cherish them, and lavish all the love she had on
her sister's husband and stepson. She told herself that whatever she was
giving them would be credited to Victoria eventually, so it was in a
sense the ultimate gift she could give her. But at other times, she knew
how wrong it was, and she was consumed with guilt over it, until he
turned to her and took her in his arms again, or reached across their
bed to her at night and touched her. Their passion had reached heights
he'd never known, and he had never for an instant suspected Victoria
would have been capable of, even back in the beginning. Her sensuality
was different than it first had seemed. She wasn't as wild or as
uncontrollable as he first thought she was, instead her emotions seemed
to run deep, and she bared her soul to him just as he had feared Olivia
would do to him when they first met. In a way, it was a relief not to
have to face her now. His feelings for her had always been confusing.

But he was no longer confused about anything, except leaving for the
office in the morning.

They laughed like children as they struggled to leave their bed, and
hurried back to it at night, ready for fresh passion. In fact, lately
they had been going to bed earlier and earlier, until they had to force
themselves to stay up at least as late as Geoffrey.

"We are terrible, " Olivia giggled helplessly one morning, as Charles
followed her into her bathroom and all the way into her bathtub.

"This is obscene, " she said, totally without conviction, as he took her
slowly below the warm water. She moaned as she lay there with him, and
she looked almost glassy-eyed half an hour later as she prepared their
breakfast. And he patted her bottom playfully when he left. But when the
house was silent again, Olivia stood quietly in the living room,
wondering how she would ever leave him. They had two months left before
Victoria came home again and reclaimed him. And the terrible part of it
was that she knew without a doubt now that her sister didn't love him.

The stories he had referred to, the comments he had made, and things she
had gleaned from Geoff told her exactly what Victoria had said herself,
that theirs had been a totally nonexistent marriage. The only trouble
was that it was real and it was binding, and Charles had absolutely no
idea she wasn't her sister. And eventually, Victoria would come back to
him, and inevitably he would wonder what had happened. Olivia had no
idea how to solve the problem. And all she could do in the meantime was
stay with him, lavish attention on him and Geoff, and love them.

And Charles thought he had died and gone to Heaven. What he had with his
wife now was what he had hoped to have when he married her, and more and
even far more, than he had ever had with Susan, though he was still
afraid to say that.

"It only took us a year to adjust, " he said one night, teasing her
after they'd made love, and lay in each other's arms together.

"It wasn't long, was it? "

"It was far too long, " Olivia said honestly, and he rolled over and
looked at her.

"What do you suppose happened to change it? " As he looked into her
eyes, he saw something there, but in a way it terrified him, it was too
open, too dear, the doors of her heart stood wide open, and he rolled
away from her again and looked at the ceiling. "I suppose I should just
be grateful and not ask the Fates too many questions.

" But as he said it, Olivia had an odd sensation, almost as though he
knew without knowing. But he fell asleep peacefully a short time later,
and he never seemed to question anything, even when she didn't remember
little details that she should have, like where he kept their bills, or
his tools. Even Geoff lost patience with her at times over it.

But she was in such a good mood these days that he didn't want to ask
too many questions.

They left, as Olivia fought back tears, for Croton-on-Hudson as soon as
Geoffrey finished school, at the end of the first week of June, and
Charles promised to come up every weekend. He was true to his word, and
stayed late on the night of their anniversary, which fell on a Sunday
that year. He had decided to take the next day off from work, and stay
in Croton overnight to celebrate their anniversary with her.

Her father was pleased to see them so happy too. It was obvious to
everyone, including Bertie, who more than once eyed Olivia with
suspicion.

'"You must want something from him, like a big new house, " Bertie had
teased her only that afternoon about being so kind to him, but they both
knew Victoria was going to inherit the house in the city, since she
lived in New York now. And Olivia would inherit Henderson Manor, though
Olivia hated to think of it. But her father's health had been less than
perfect for the past year, and since Victoria's disappearance, worse
than ever. He seemed to be enjoying a lull for the past few days. His
lungs were clear, his spirits were good, and he opened a bottle of
champagne for their anniversary that night, and then, as he normally did
anyway, he went to bed early.

Geoffrey was sleeping in Olivia's old room, as he always did now, and it
still hurt Olivia to go in there. Just seeing the bed she'd shared with
her twin for twenty-one years always made her miss her.

She'd had two letters from her by then, she'd picked them up at the
Fifth Avenue house as she'd said she would, and all she knew l was that
she was in Chalons-sur-Marne, working in a field hospital, and caring
for dying soldiers. It sounded grim to Olivia. This was certainly not a
vacation, particularly after the way it began, but it was obvious from
everything she said that Victoria loved it. And whatever her reasons for
being there, as much as Olivia missed her twin, she had to admit
secretly to herself that she was glad she was gone, even if only
briefly. It gave her these precious moments with Geoff and Charles, and
that night on their anniversary, their lovemaking was especially tender.

He made reference afterwards to their time on the Aquatania the year
before, and how lonely and disappointing it had been for both of them,
and Olivia's heart went out to him, as she pretended to remember it, or
at least know what he was talking about, which she didn't. All she could
glean from everything he said was how unhappy they both had been, and in
the end they made love again, and this time it seemed somehow different.

She had felt a blending of their hearts and souls like no other she had
ever known, even in the past weeks with him, and afterwards, as she lay
beside him, wearing Victoria's rings, she felt truly married.

It was as though he felt something different for her too, he spoke to
her differently now. Everything about them seemed more intimate now that
they had entered a more physical union, and the next day when he left,
he almost had to tear himself away. He couldn't take his eyes from her
face, and he almost turned around and drove back as soon as he got to
Newburg. He had to laugh at himself eventually, and he wrote to her that
night, just to tell her what she had come to mean to him now, and how
much he loved her. Olivia cried when she got his letter. Life was never
meant to be this perfect.

Olivia rode with Geoff in Croton almost every day, his style had
improved considerably, and she coached him over jumps that his father
was afraid were too high for him, but she watched him carefully, and
Geoff was capable of it. He was surprised that she rode with him so much
now, he knew she didn't like horses as much as her sister. But she had
changed a lot in the last two months, and he was willing to believe that
Victoria was making an effort. She reminded him a lot more of Olivia
these days, but she still had her , .

moods too. And now and then, Olivia still made it a point of snapping at
both of them, just so they would never suspect her deception. The only
difference between her and her sister was that Olivia would be consumed
with guilt the moment she'd done it. And she spent the rest of the day
making it up to them, with kind gestures, and warm words.

In fact, Geoff almost liked it. He liked spending time with his
stepmother now, though he was still aching over the shock of Olivia's
disappearance. He talked about it now and then, but it was obvious to
her that the pain of it still ranked with the loss of his mother. And
she felt terrible about it, but there was nothing she could do to change
that, except love him, and she did, more than ever.

Charles was due to spend the last week in June with them, and the day
before he arrived, Olivia and Geoff were riding as usual, they were on
their way home when she jumped over a small brook, and her horse lost
her footing. She stumbled, and Olivia didn't fall, but the horse seemed
a little lame after that and Olivia dismounted and walked the mare home,
with Geoff astride his own horse beside her. When they got back to the
stable, she found a large rock wedged in the mare's shoe, and she
grabbed a sharp pick to push it out, but a sudden movement from another
mare startled her and the horse shied and moved away quickly, just as
the pick dug instantly into Olivia's right hand between her fingers.

There was blood everywhere, and a stable boy ran to get a towel as
Robert, the old stable man, took the horse from her, and dealt with the
rock himself. Geoff was nearly in tears as they walked outside rapidly,
and Olivia held her hand under the pump to clean it.

"It might need a stitch or two, Miss Victoria, " one of the stable hands
said with concern, but she bravely insisted it didn't. She was feeling a
little weak from the pain and the sight of so much blood and Geoff went
to get a crate for her to sit on.

"Are you okay, Victoria? " he asked nervously. It made him feel a little
sick too, and he looked away as the blood flowed freely into the cool
water.

"I'm fine, " she said, grateful for the box to sit on, as she put her
head down and tried to clear it. Geoff was holding a clean towel for
her, and when she finally thought she'd run enough water over it, she
held her hand out to him and let him play doctor. "Tie it tightly
please, " she said, unable to do it herself one-handed, but as he stared
down into her right hand, he gasped and looked at her. His whole world
had suddenly gone topsy-turvy. She hadn't even thought of it. But he had
seen the freckle, and he knew exactly now who she was, and who she
wasn't.

"Aunt Ollie .. ." he whispered, unable to believe it, and staring at it
again in dhsbehe He had known there was something different about her,
but he would never have thought they'd switched, not for so long.

"Where's .. ." he started to ask as Robert, the stable man, approached
them.

"How's it look? " he asked with concern. "Shall I call old Doc?"

"No, it's fine, " she said, afraid now that he might see it too.

Perhaps he knew the difference between them. And Bertie would for sure.

She couldn't show it to anyone now. She knew that. "I'll be all right.