Mirror Image (48 page)

There were no specters left between them, except perhaps Susan, but even
her memory had been laid to rest. The only one left, as Olivia knew only
too well, was her sister.

"Shall we go, my dear? " Charles offered her his arm, and they swept
back into the drawing room as he looked down at her with a small smile
of pleasure. "That was very nice. Remind me not to tangle with you
again. I'd forgotten how good you are at it, with words like daggers.

" The truth was, the real Victoria was far better at it than she was,
but he didn't know that. And for once, Olivia rose to the occasion.

"Were you listening? " She looked both embarrassed and shocked.

"I didn't mean to, but I saw him follow you out there, and I went out to
make sure he didn't annoy you."

"Are you sure you weren't jealous?

" she teased and she thought he blushed faintly, and didn't answer.

"You needn't be. He's a disgusting worm, and it's time someone told
him."

"I think you did that quite successfully, " he smiled, and kissed her
cheek as he led her out onto the dance floor.

Chapter 28.

It was a strange Thanksgiving in Croton-on-Hudson that year, with Olivia
seemingly gone, although she was still in their midst and they didn't
know it. And in Olivia's heart, she felt Victoria's absence terribly.

It was the first time, on a holiday, that they hadn't all been together.

Their father said grace, but the atmosphere was subdued, as they each
thought of years past, and missing loved ones. The only thing that
really cheered them all now was the impending arrival of the baby.

Geoff thought it was a little embarrassing, but he thought it might be
fun too. Olivia was five months pregnant by then, and it had finally
begun to show, in spite of the care with which she chose her outfits.

And she knew that by January, she wouldn't be able to go out at all
anymore, except to close friends', or very private dinners. The baby
already seemed quite large, and she was secretly hoping for twins, but
the doctor didn't seem to think so. She had said as much to Charles, and
he had rolled his eyes and said he wasn't sure that he was up to that.

"Maybe next time? " he said, with his eyes full of questions.

But so far, she'd had an easy pregnancy, unlike Susan's with Geoff, and
despite all her supposed early dislike of having babies, she seemed
completely at ease about it now. She had never even mentioned again the
fear she had mentioned earlier generated by her mother having died in
childbirth.

She seemed quite unafraid, in fact, and very happy. But when he asked
about having others after this, she only said it was up to him, and he
knew he'd be satisfied with this one, if she chose not to have another.
Twins would have quite undone him.

The winter in France was arduous in 1915, as both sides fortified
themselves for future battles. New supplies were laid in, fresh troops
arrived, and the old ones rested as best they could in the freezing
trenches. The gas attacks continued. And by November, Edouard had
returned from Artois and was back in Chalons-sur-Marne for the winter.

He and Victoria were comfortably holed up in his two rooms at the
farmhouse. There had been considerable talk about them of late, and it
was no secret what was happening, but the camp seemed to regard their
affair with warm affection. The officers who shared the farmhouse with
him left them alone most of the time, and Victoria was laughing late one
night as they cooked the smallest bird she'd ever seen in the old
country kitchen.

"Don't be difficult. I'm sure it's a quail, " Edouard said, trying to be
optimistic.

"It's not, " she laughed at him heartily, it was hardly bigger than a
mouse when they took it out of the oven. "It's a sparrow."

"You don't know anything, " he said, kissing her, and pressing her
against him. He'd just gone to nearby Verdun for two days, and he'd
missed her. He always did. He could no longer bear to be without her.

And there was never any talk of going home now. In fact, he had talked
to her seriously about moving to Paris with him, after she went home and
faced Charles and her sister. Their situations were identical.

Neither of them could get married, and he suggested that they shock the
polite world, and live together in sin in his chateau, and live happily
ever after. "And perhaps one day, when the witch dies, the current
baroness, I can make you an honest woman."

"I'm an honest woman now, " she said staunchly.

"Oh please .. . with your sister masquerading as you with your poor
husband in New York, I don't think so." They both laughed mercilessly
about that, and she at least had the grace to be embarrassed. No one in
Chalons-sur-Marne could ever understand why everyone called her Olivia,
and he called her Victoria. They thought it was a private joke, and
Victoria never explained it.

That night with their tiny bird, Victoria informed Edouard that in the
States, it was Thanksgiving.

"I remember that when I was at Harvard, " he said nostalgically, smiling
at her, "I liked it. Lots of food and good feelings. You know, I'd like
to meet your father one day when we get through all this, " he said
wistfully, but neither of them, nor the rest of the world, knew when
that would be. It seemed like it would be a long time before the poilus
came out of the trenches.

"He'd like you, " she said, eating an apple. It was the smallest
Thanksgiving dinner of her life, but perhaps the happiest, as she looked
at Edouard, and tried not to think of her sister. It was so hard being
away from her, and yet with him, she felt she had a life now.

With Charles, she had had nothing. "Wait till you meet Olivia, " she
grinned at him.

"That frightens me. The thought of you two together is truly terrifying,
" he said, and then later, they lay together on his bed, and talked
about their childhoods, their friends, the things they liked to eat and
do and be as children. He talked about the brother he had lost, and
Victoria could tell he'd loved him deeply, enough to marry the girl he
had gotten pregnant, even though he didn't love her.

But as they lay together that night, and she began to drift off to sleep
after they'd made love, she could feel his hands touching her gently,
and she opened her eyes and turned to him. His eyes were filled with
questions.

"Is there something we should talk about, Miss Henderson? "

"I'm not sure what you mean, " she said, with a mysterious smile in her
eyes.

"You're a terrible liar, " he said huskily, moving closer to her, and
Lying right behind her as he held her stomach. "Why didn't you say
something? " He sounded hurt, and she was truly sorry. She turned to
face him then and kissed him gently on the lips as he held her.

"I only figured it out about three weeks ago .. . and I wasn't sure what
you'd think .. ." He couldn't help but laugh at her, her stomach was
already round with their baby. He assumed it was his, it certainly
wasn't Charles', from everything she had told him.

"How long did you think you could keep that little bundle a secret?

" He was smiling at her. It was the first child he'd ever had, and he
had just turned forty. In spite of the circumstances, he was ecstatic,
and then suddenly he looked at her, worried. "You should go home now,
Victoria, " he said softly, aching at the thought of losing her, but
doubly wanting her safe now.

"That's why I didn't tell you, " she said sadly. "I knew you'd say that.

But I won't go. I'm staying."

"I'll tell them you're using a stolen passport, " he said, wanting to
sound firm with her, but not succeeding.

"You can't prove it, " she said, smiling up at him. "Resign yourself,
I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't have the baby here, " he said, horrified that she'd even
think of it, but nothing in Europe was safe now, except Switzerland, and
she might as well go home then. But he could tell from looking at her
that she wasn't going to. And a part of him didn't want to argue with
her.

"I'm going to have the baby right here, " she said, looking very womanly
and very beautiful, and a little too thin after all her hard work in the
field hospital, but lately her appetite had been ferocious.

"I don't want you on your feet fifteen hours a day, " he said adamantly.

"I'm going to speak to the colonel."

"You'll do no such thing, Edouard de Bonneville." She looked furiously
at him. "If you do, I'll say you raped me and you'll be court-martialed,
" she said, and rolled over in bed again with a look of satisfaction.

"My God, woman, you're a monster. I have a better idea. How would you
like to be my driver? " '%our driver? " She looked surprised. "What a
good idea. I can do that till I can't squeeze behind the wheel anymore.

Will they let me do it? "

"If I ask the colonel, they will.

That would be a lot better for you right now, if I can stand your
driving." He always complained that she drove too fast, and she told him
he was a coward. This was France. And it was wartime. He suggested that
neither of those were adequate reasons for suicide, but for the sake of
their baby, he was willing to risk it. And then he looked at her
seriously. This was no joking matter. "Are you serious about this,
Victoria? You really want to stay here? It could be very rough on you."
And he knew from things she'd said that she was afraid of childbirth.
She'd had one bad experience and she could have another.

And Chalons-sur-Marne was no place to have a baby, even without
complications.

"I want to be here with you, " she said softly, "I'm not leaving.

" He could tell from looking at her that the battle had been lost before
he fought it. She was staying. And then he asked her a second important
question.

"How do you feel about our not being married? >> he asked seriously, and
she grinned at him.

"We are married, cheri, " she said lightly. "Just to other people.

"You have no morals, " he said, kissing her from the bottom of his soul,
and loving her more than any other being in his entire lifetime.

"But a lot of courage, " he said softly. And this time, when he made
love to her, he knew he had no worry about getting her pregnant.

Chapter 29.

Christmas at Croton was quieter than usual that year, but still
surprisingly happy. Geoff loved everything he got, and Charles was
extremely generous with all of them, as was her father. But it was also
obvious that he was not well. He'd had a bad cough for months, and
flirted with pneumonia several times that year. And it worried Olivia to
note that he was looking considerably older. She wasn't sure if her
sister's disappearance had even done it to him, he just seemed to be
running out of steam, and the doctor said his heart was getting weaker.

But they still spent a happy holiday with him, and they drove back to
New York shortly after New Year.

They'd been home for two days, when Bertie called Olivia and said that
she thought she should come back. Her father was suddenly failing.

Apparently, he'd caught another bad cold right after they left, and he
had an enormous fever. He'd been delirious all that afternoon, and the
doctor wasn't sure his heart was strong enough to sustain him. She
wanted to send Donovan down for her, but Charles insisted he would drive
her back himself in the morning. He didn't like the idea of her going
anywhere without him anymore. She was more than six months pregnant, and
she was huge, or so she thought, for a woman carrying a single baby.

But the doctor was absolutely sure. He could only hear one heartbeat,
and each time he said it, Olivia foolishly felt a stab of
disappointment.

They kept Geoff out of school, and he went back to Croton with them, and
as soon as Olivia got there, she was glad she had come. Her father
looked as though he'd aged twenty years in the three days since they'd
been there.

"I don't know what happened to him." Bertie wrung her hands, in tears,
and then looked at Olivia strangely. But she didn't say anything.

She just blew her nose and went back to the kitchen, she knew he was in
good hands now. She just wished Olivia could be there, she knew how much
it would have meant to him, but at least he had one of his daughters.

Olivia sat with him all that afternoon, and Charles went out riding with
Geoff. There was very little else he could do. The estate was well run,
and there was nothing for him to do there, except keep Olivia company
whenever she came out of the sickroom. He had told his office he'd be
back in a few days, and he waited patiently as Olivia came and went,
making broth, making teas, and using herbs which she was convinced would
help him. It made Bertie watch her all the more closely.

But she could never quite believe what she was seeing. It wasn't
possible, they wouldn't do a thing like that. She was imagining things,
and she knew it.

But Edward Henderson only got worse in the next day or two, and by the
end of the third day they were there, he was having a very hard time
breathing. The doctor wanted to take him to the hospital, but he flatly
refused, and told Olivia he wanted to die at home. He belonged here.

"You're not dying, Father, " she said, fighting back tears.

"You're just sick again. You'll be fine in a few days." But this time he
shook his head and the fever got worse, and that night she sat with him
all night, holding his hand, and watching him, and putting a glass of
fresh water to his lips whenever he would take it. Her hands were gentle
and firm and loving. And she wouldn't let anyone else nurse him.

Charles was upset over it, but as he had always known, his wife was very
stubborn.

And it was early the next morning, when Olivia suddenly knew that the
end had come, he was gasping for breath and looking wild-eyed, as he
begged her to get her sister and bring her to him.

"Victoria, bring your sister upstairs .. . I have to see her now .

.

." he said, gripping her hand so hard it hurt her to hold it, and for a
moment, she didn't know what to say, and then she nodded and left the
room, and came back only an instant later.

"Olivia, is that you? " he asked, and she nodded as tears streamed from
her eyes.

She hated to deceive him.

"It's me, Daddy .. . it's me .. . I'm home now." "Where were you?"

"Away, " she said, as she sat next to him, holding his hand. He didn't
even see that she was pregnant. "I needed to think for a while, but now
I'm back, and I love you very much, " she whispered, overcome by her own
emotions. "You have to get well now, " she said firmly but he shook his
head, fighting to stay conscious.

"I'm going .. . it's time now .. . your mother wants me.

" "We want you too, " Olivia said, sobbing as she sat next to him.

And then in a small, anguished voice, he asked her the question that had
tormented him for eight months. Were you angry at me for making her
marry him? "

"Of course not, Father. I love you, " she said again, and soothe his
brow. He was so hot and so agitated and so worried.

"You love him, don't you? " She smiled at him then, and nodded.

Maybe it was better for him to know the truth. Maybe in the end, that
would calm him.

"Can you forgive me for making her marry him? "

"There's nothing to forgive. I'm happy now. That's why I went away. I
have everything I want now, " and he could see in her eyes that she
meant it. He closed his eyes for a while then, and drifted off to sleep,
and then he opened his eyes again and looked at her with a smile.

"I'm glad you're happy, Olivia. Your mother and I are very happy too.

We're going out together this evening, to a concert." He was delirious
again, and he drifted in and out of sleep all day, unsure of who she
was, sometimes he thought she was Olivia, and at other times, her
sister. And by nightfall, she looked almost as bad as he did.

"I'm not letting you stay in that room another hour, Victoria, " Charles
said to her fiercely in a whisper, when he saw her in the hallway,
speaking to Bertie.

"I have to. He needs me, " she said with equal conviction, and then she
went back into the room again. The fever broke mysteriously that night,
and she sat next to him, holding his hand, convinced that he was going
to be better in the morning. She only drifted off to sleep once, briefly
before dawn, sitting in a chair beside him.

While she dozed she could see Victoria's face so clearly she thought she
was next to her, and her mother, and when Olivia awoke again, she put
her hand on her father's brow, and then she looked at him, and saw that
he was gone. He had gone peacefully to join his wife, convinced that he
had said good-bye to both his daughters.

Olivia was crying when she came out of the room, and Bertie saw her and
put her arms around her. The two women stood crying for a long time and
then Olivia went back to Charles. He was sound asleep, and she lay down
next to him, and thought of her sister. Olivia wanted her to know
somehow, that their father had gone, and she wondered if she did.

Olivia would write to her that day, but she was sorry Victoria couldn't
be there with them. At least he had thought she was. Olivia knew that
was something. It had been the only gift she could finally give him.

"Are you all right? " Charles was awake and looking at her. She was
lying there, so pale and still that he had been worried.

"Daddy's gone, " she said softly. They hadn't called him that since they
were children, but she felt like a child again, losing him. She suddenly
felt as though she had lost everyone, with Victoria gone, and now her
father dying. And yet she had this man, whom she loved so much, his son,
and their baby. But all she had now were gifts she had borrowed from her
sister. But Charles knew none of it as he put his arms around her gently
and held her.

It was two o'clock in the morning when Victoria woke up, with a very odd
feeling. At first she thought it was the child, but when she put a hand
on her stomach and felt it moving, she knew that it wasn't.

It was something else. She closed her eyes and saw Olivia sitting in a
chair, deathly serious. She wasn't sick, she wasn't saying anything, she
was just sitting there. And yet Victoria knew that something had
happened to her.

"Are you all right? " Edouard asked her, rolling over on his side to
look at her. She was driving him now, and he was always worried that
jiggling around on the bumpy roads was going to send her into labor and
she was only six and a half months pregnant.

"I don't know, " she said honestly. "Something's wrong." "With the baby?
" He sat up, looking worried, but she shook her head.

"I think the baby's fine .. . I don't know what .. ." It was as though
Olivia were sitting right next to her bed, saying something to her and
she couldn't hear it.

"Go back to sleep, " he said with a tired yawn. He had to get up in two
hours to arrange for special movements in the trenches. "It's probably
something you ate, " or didn't. They never had enough to eat these days,
and most of them were always hungry. He put an arm around her, and she
lay next to him, but she never slept again that night, and for days, she
had the oddest feeling.

It was the beginning of February before Olivia's letter reached her in
France, and then she knew what she had felt that night. Their father had
died. She felt terrible about it, and about not seeing him again before
he did, but she was infinitely glad and relieved it wasn't her sister.

"It must be very strange, " Edouard said when she explained it to him.

He had a great respect for what they shared, and never belittled what
she told him. "I can't imagine being that close to anyone, except you, "
he smiled. "Or him." He pointed to her stomach. But the relationship the
twins shared was entirely beyond him.