misunderstoodebook (42 page)

“K-P’s dead,” Johnnie repeated.

Christopher kicked a bucket that sat next to the table and sent it flying. “I CAN SEE THAT WITH MY OWN TWO FUCKIN’ EYES, MOTHERFUCKER,” he snarled, stalking around the table and lunging for Johnnie. “WHAT. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Say?” He shook him. “What? Seem kinda fittin’, yeah?” he continued a hint of wildness creeping into his voice. “K-P was the last of ‘em. Rack. Big Joe. Snake. When you fuckin’ think about it, he didn’t have any other fuckin’ end comin’ to him.”

The door opened and Val and Stretch stepped in, but Johnnie didn’t pause and neither did Christopher.

“Jesus, you’re cold. I thought Megan had warmed up your heart.”

Christopher slammed Johnnie away. “Keep Megan name fuckin’ out of this. No part of her belong in this fuckin’ death chamber.”

He should’ve done just that. But he was so fucking angry. At
everyone.
But most of all at himself. Because he’d fallen prey to Logan again and believed his bullshit. He wanted to fight and to kill, so he went on, unable to shut up.
   
“You asshole,” Johnnie snapped, pushed to the edge of his limits, not thinking anything through, just reacting. “I have every right to say whatever the fuck I want about her. You fucking left her with me and wanted to kill me because she jerked me off.”

Tension whirled into the room, sweeping away everything else.

“Megan did what to you?” Unlike the roar of his voice before, Christopher’s tone had turned deathly quiet. He’d gone pale, his fists balling at his sides.

“Don’t do this, Outlaw,” Val advised, shooting daggers at Johnnie. “Things too hard right now. Both of you need to cool off.”

No one breathed as Christopher stared at Johnnie, still like a statue who’d flare to life at any moment. He pointed a finger at Johnnie. “If you ever so much as look at Megan again, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.”

Johnnie saw Christopher’s anger, but the hurt and betrayal was also unmistakable.

A muscle ticked in Christopher’s jaw. “Come to grips with who the fuck Logan was and move the fuck on. Cuz I hate to fuckin’ break it to you, your idol was a fuckin’ piece of shit and you ain’t
ever
had the fuckin’ balls to accept that. Grow the fuck up. But, most of all, stay the fuck away from my girl.”

Christopher stormed out and Stretch went behind him, his shoulders slumped.

Val stared at Johnnie. “You lost your fucking mind, John Boy?” he fumed.

Covering his face with his hands, he leaned against a wall. Yes. Yes, he had lost his fucking mind. He hadn’t stopped to consider his words, how they’d affect his relationship with his cousin. How they’d affect his cousin’s relationship with Megs. And the last thing he wanted to do was cause Megan pain. Coming between her and Christopher would certainly do that.

“Talk to me,” Val snarled.

“What do you want me to say?” he shouted, dropping his hands and glaring at Val.

Val walked up to him, the tear drop tat under his left eye wavering in and out of Johnnie’s vision as he focused on the man.

Johnnie straightened, that unreachable place, where only spilled blood appeased him, pulling at him. He struggled to stay sane, blotting out the image of reaching for the dagger stored in the silk-lined, inner pocket of his jacket, and slitting Val’s throat.

Val reached for him and Johnnie shoved him away. “Get the fuck away from me, motherfucker,” he snarled.

“Fuck you,” Val shot back, not in the least intimidated. If worse came to worse, they’d probably kill each other. Val was as lethal as any one of them. “We brothers, fucker. We supposed to stick together. Outlaw finally pulling this shit together and you open your fucking mouth about old shit better left unsaid? Are you so jealous he has Megan you told him that shit on purpose, asswipe?”

Was he? No, he couldn’t be. He’d do anything for either of them and he had Kendall. Their baby. “I want them happy—“

“Could’ve fucking fooled me. You revealing shit like that ain’t exactly a recipe for happiness. Especially with Outlaw where his wife is concerned. You lucky he didn’t blow your fucking dick off.”

“He left her with me!” Johnnie barked, using the only defense that made any sense. “He knew what would happen.”

Val shrugged and rubbed his eyes, tired and sad. “You fucking blind? You don’t think this shit tearing him up and he need all of us right now.”

“He has Megan.”

Val scowled. “And you got Kendall. Even if you fucking didn’t, Megan don’t need you hurting her husband. She need you looking after him.”

Chapter 31

“I’ve never ventured so deeply into the forest,” Megs chirped from behind Johnnie, three hours later. “I hope you know the way back because I’m already lost and I haven’t seen Christopher so we can’t call him.”

Keeping a secure hold on CJ whose little legs dangled around Johnnie’s neck, he forced a chuckle. After what he’d said, he hoped Christopher came back tonight. “Almost there, sweetheart. I promise.”

“Where are we going?”

“I need to talk to you alone, so I thought I’d take you to my special place.”

“Shouldn’t you be taking Kendall?” she said with a sniff.

“I’m sorry you two got off to a bad start.”

“Whatever,” Megs retorted.

Although she’d agreed to walk with him when he’d found her in Dinah’s room, caressing her sleeping mother’s hair, Megs still acted distant. He wanted to clear the air between them without any distractions, needed to tell her the rest of his and Christopher’s story. She’d know what to do to keep Christopher sane—help her to forgive him, Mortician and Val—for keeping the secret of the true relationship from him.

“I will bring her here. But I need your opinion first, sweetheart.” That was also true.

Little Man wiggled and clutched his hair.

The sound of a waterfall reached his ears, already calming him. It was beautiful here, with unsurpassed scenery. His hidden cave backed up to a small waterfall and fast moving stream and the evergreens sharpened the dull day with color.

“Oh my God,” Megan gasped. “This is gorgeous!”

“Come on.” Two minutes later, he was guiding her into the entrance of the cave.

“Johnnie?” she whispered, unsure. She closed the distance between them, her fingers gripping his arm.

He stopped. “What’s the matter? Afraid of the dark?”

“Y-yes.”

CJ whined.

“Shhh,” he soothed. “Grab onto my shirt, Megs. There’s an inner cavern where I have matches and lanterns and blankets.” She didn’t hesitate, just gripped each side of his shirt and clung to him all the way to their destination and didn’t let go until he’d had the lanterns lit. Ancient drawings decorated the stone wall but neither sound no air reached the place. She reached for her son and rubbed his little back. CJ sniffled and laid his head on her shoulder.

“Shoot! I didn’t bring a bottle for him.” She glanced around, her hair moving with her, the light playing off her features. Exhaustion was setting in and Johnnie rubbed his neck, unable to keep his gaze from her baby bump. “It’s all right, love,” she cooed, kissing her son’s forehead. “Mommie is sooo sorry. I promised I washed my hands before we left.”

Before Johnnie questioned what she meant, she stuck her pinky in the little boy’s mouth, who began to suck in contentment. He stared, fascinated, and CJ looked up at Megs with such an adoring regard, his chest hurt. Megan rubbed her nose against CJ’s, said over and over again how much she loved him, before she began to sway from side to side in tune with a lullaby she hummed.

She looked around again and he realized she’d been standing up for the past few minutes while he gawked at her.

“Let me get a blanket for you to sit on,” he whispered, knowing not to raising his voice too much or else CJ would awaken. When he had two blankets arranged across from one another, he took care and transferred the toddler from Megs’s arms into his own. She plopped down and drew in a deep sigh. Although she reached for her son, Johnnie ignored her and went to his blanket, stretching the little boy out in his lap.

Yawning, she folded her legs up and laid her head on her knees. “So why’d you bring me here?”

He wanted to pretend Megs’s sweet voice didn’t affect him. But, Jesus, it did. Which was so fucked because he truly cared for Kendall.

He shifted and sighed, watching the rise and fall of the chest of Christopher’s little prototype.

“What’s going on?” she asked again. “Why’d you bring me here?”

“I’m sorry,” he said again with all the sincerity he’d been unable to utter with their audience. “The things I said to you, I never meant to hurt you.”

She glanced away and studied a wall before shrugging. “It’s okay. You said what you did in the heat of the moment after you
killed
your pig of a grandfather in my kitchen.”

“You know about that?”

“Yes, Johnnie,” she said with a sigh. “Christopher told me.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“What am I supposed to do? He’s already dead.”

He inched closer to her, wishing she’d look at him. “Megs,” he whispered, sliding some of hair behind her ear.

She stiffened but didn’t move away or remove his hand nor did she demand he not call her by his special name.

“You have to forgive me.”

“It’s over,” she said with impatience. “I know how you feel about me. Let’s forget about it.”

“I think the world of you, sweetheart.”

“You were angry, so you said what was on your mind. You must’ve felt that way at some point to even think of those things.”

He ruffled her hair. “Fuck, Megan. Yes, it annoys the shit out of me that Christopher never lets you out of his sight.”

“He’s my husband and my best friend. Where do you expect him to be?”

“We’re friends, Megs. Friends forgive one another.”

“True,” she bit out, “but friends don’t go around saying hateful things just because they have a lover. If we’re friends, then we’re friends no matter what.”

They fell silent, their conversation at a standstill. “I want to surprise Kendall,” he announced, changing topics. “Bring her here tomorrow with food and some drinks. Do you think she’ll like it here?”

Megan finally glanced at him and shrugged again. “Kendall isn’t me.”

No shit. He scowled at her. “Thanks for pointing that out,” he snapped.

She sat up and glared at him. “You asked. You know Kendall. Do you honestly believe just because I like something,
she’ll
like it?”

“Megs—“ CJ moved and Johnnie shifted his weight to make the child more comfortable. The question that had been haunting him came to his mind and he had to ask it. “Do you ever think about the time we spent together? Christopher once said you’ve been crushing on me for a long time.”

Instead of acknowledging his statement, she turned a delightful shade of pink. He laughed and, after a moment, she giggled, breaking the tension between them.

“Does it matter?” she asked after a moment. “We’ve both moved on.”

“Was I so special that you had to
move on
from me?”

“You know what I mean.” She gave him a sad smile. “I’m not Kendall,” she said softly.

“You sure aren’t.”

“She isn’t me, Johnnie. Stop comparing us. Stop making me the standard by whom you measure every woman you deal with.”

“That’s rather presumptuous of you—“

She cocked her head and waited. Johnnie had the grace to blush.

“A part of me will never stop loving you.”

She lowered her lashes. “I’ll hold onto our memories together forever,” she whispered. “But they are tucked here.” She laid her hand over her heart. “In a tiny, special place that no one can touch. It’s time for you to let go of me and do the same with those memories.”

He swallowed at her blunt honesty, appreciating her sweetness all the more and realizing he’d already tucked away their time together in that special place she spoke of. That’s why he wanted to move on with Kendall.

If only Kendall wasn’t…No, no if onlys. He had to accept Kendall for who she was or not accept her at all. She needed a lot of understanding. As long as he
if onlyed
he’d always expect her to be something she wasn’t.

“Fair enough, sweetheart.”

She smiled at him and crawled to where he sat, taking CJ into her arms and laying him on her shoulder. They stared at each other for long moments and she allowed him to touch her cheek, pass his thumb over her lips. She did the same to him then sat back and smiled at him, her tenderness for him there in her eyes.

“Kendall is really, really lucky to have you, Johnnie,” she whispered.

He nodded. “And Christopher is lucky to have you.” A fact Outlaw knew, so he wouldn’t fuck up his marriage because of Johnnie’s stupidity.

“I think I’m lucky to have him,” she returned.

He didn’t respond, so she continued. “If I was Kendall and you brought me to your special getaway for a romantic date, I’d love it. I think she will appreciate the idea you’re showing her a private side to yourself. Just don’t tell her you brought me here first. Or ever.”

“I’m not entirely insane,” he said with a smile. “The more people who know that, the more chance there is of Christopher finding out.”

“True, but I don’t think you’d risk being killed if you didn’t have something really important to tell me. Besides, the time we spent together has always been hanging between us and it needed to be discussed.”

“I have something else as important to talk about and I need your help. I…you’re the only one…Christopher will listen to you.”

She stared at him, the concern in her eyes letting Johnnie know he had her full attention. He swallowed. “Christopher and I are half-brothers and I need your help to tell him.”

Chapter 32

Kendall sat up in bed when Johnnie opened the door and walked in, pausing when he saw her.

“Hey,” he greeted, flipping on the lamp and sitting on the edge of the bed.

She’d seen him leave with Megan. Kendall had walked out of the kitchen with Zoann in time to see Johnnie taking Megan’s son into his arms and guiding her outside. No one uttered a word. They didn’t even blink. Outlaw wasn’t there, even though they were on lockdown, so Johnnie and Megan had went off to be alone together.