Montana Homecoming (17 page)

Chapter Seventeen

H
ow did this happen? In the vet’s waiting room, Liam leaned forward in the chair and pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. How could his heart possibly be this shredded? Get a dog, he’d thought when the lonely evenings rattling around his house had gotten to him. It had seemed like a great idea at the time. He wanted a companion, a buddy, nothing more, nothing that would shatter his heart.

Too late for that. The pieces of his heart that Brooke had broken were now being shredded into smaller bits by Oscar. Not exactly his plan in life. The Bible verse about man making many plans but the Lord’s will prevailing jumped into his head. He launched out of the chair, feeling foolish. He’d never been in charge of his heart.

A car door closed in the parking lot, muffled by the row of windows. Awareness moved through his soul. He knew it was Brooke before he saw her round the front of the old pickup. Hurt and bitterness squeezed hard in his chest, but it wasn’t strong enough to shadow the pure love within him. It shone a beam of light through the deepest darkness.

Just let her go,
he told himself. He didn’t want to love a woman like that. One who moved through the May day like a sunbeam, her hair fluttering in the breeze. One so beautiful and kind, he’d been blinded by it. He’d let himself think for one brief moment she was real, that his dreams for her could be real, too.

Their gazes locked through the window. He ignored the rock to his heart, the jolt. He refused to acknowledge the apology poignant in those violet-blue depths and softening her rosebud mouth. Snapping to attention, he held himself tight and turned his back, set against her. Every muscle tensed, his resolve firm and his stance unyielding.

Seconds ticked by, each as long as eternity until the door opened and she tapped in. He felt the touch of her gaze on his back and sensed her hesitation. Silence stretched between them, but he didn’t intend to break it. He hadn’t invited her here. He didn’t want to hear her excuses. As hard as it was to believe, he’d finally seen the woman she was. A liar. Someone pretending to be what she wasn’t.

“L-Liam?” Her alto wobbled, the perfect pitch to portray vulnerability. “How’s Oscar?”

“The last I heard his surgery is going fine.”
Be tough,
he told himself.
Don’t turn around. Don’t look at her.
“Still don’t know if it’s cancer or not.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sorrow laced her words. An award-winning actress couldn’t have topped her portrayal. She padded closer and he ignored the tug of his soul toward her, held by some unexplained gravitational pull that defied logic. She laid a hand to his arm, the lightest brush and brief. “Is there anything I can do?”

He wanted to be harsh. He wanted to order her away, but his arm tingled where she’d touched it and that innocent sensation of pure emotion arrowed all the way to the broken pieces of him. This would be easier if she wasn’t kind. If she were as cold and selfish as Sidney, a woman who only cared about getting what she wanted, then the solution would be easy. He’d just tell her to leave.

But she stood right where he could see the tremendous worry crinkling in the corners of her eyes, so honest even he started to believe it.

Fine, she cared about Oscar. But that didn’t mean he had to give an inch. He cleared his throat so when he spoke, no emotion showed. “I’d prefer to wait alone, if you don’t mind. I can have Dr. Flynn’s receptionist call you when Oscar’s out of surgery.”

“Thanks.” Disappointment weighed down her voice, but he didn’t want to analyze it. He no longer cared about figuring out Brooke McKaslin. She bit her bottom lip, worrying it while she debated. “I couldn’t leave town not knowing how he was. I have something for him.”

He clamped his teeth together. He listened to the whisper of her purse flap, the rustle of paper and the scent of vanilla as she moved in. She held out a wrapped gift. “I thought he deserved a present after what he’s been through.”

“Thanks.” He hated accepting it because he had to turn and get the full impact of her. The silent plea in her eyes, the sorrow on her face, the question unspoken in her heart. He could feel that question as if it were a part of him. He didn’t know how to stop the connection he felt with her or how to protect himself against it. “I’m sure Oscar will appreciate it.”

“There’s one more thing.” She clasped her hands together. They were obviously trembling. “I owe you an apology.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He waved her concerns away. He didn’t need to hear them. The shredded remnants of his heart tore even more until he couldn’t stand it. “It’s the past. It’s over. No need to drag it up.”

“No, it’s not. I hurt you. I kept the truth from you and that’s as good as a lie.” She winced, her brightness dimming as if wrapped in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your apology.” It hurt too much. He’d believed in her. Watching her in the park with Oscar, laughing with her in the morning sunshine, feeling like she was a kindred spirit. It remained, taunting him. “Maybe it’s better if you just go now.”

“Sure, but I c-can’t.” Tears stood in her eyes, genuine.

Genuine? He shook his head. He couldn’t start believing her.

“I know what it feels like to trust someone and have them betray you. It cripples your ability to trust the next person who comes along, someone who might be good for you.” She blew out a shaky breath, then bit her lip again as if fighting for courage and the right words. “I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to think I’ve hurt you the way Sidney did and to close your heart to love.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He turned away, acting casual, fighting to keep her words from touching him.

“I don’t want to be responsible for that, Liam. You are a good man. I know. After Darren, I wasn’t going to trust anyone. Not a single man. Then you came along and I couldn’t help it. You were good and kind and wonderful. I just fell for you. There wasn’t one thing I could do about it and I tried. Believe me.”

That’s how it had been for him, too. Even now he struggled as hard as he could to hold back the tide of affection threatening to let loose with tsunami force.

“I didn’t tell you about prison because I was afraid to. It would change how you saw me, and I didn’t want that. Not after you told me about Sidney.”

“You would rather let me believe a lie.”

“I tried to get my courage up, but I didn’t do it quickly enough.” She came closer, radiating enough pain that even he could feel it. “I told you about Darren. What I didn’t say was how he asked me to meet his grandparents, who lived in Vancouver. I thought he was going to propose to me because I was finally meeting the people most important to him growing up.”

“And did you?” Nothing was going to move him. Not her story or her quiet sincerity. Not the wobble of her chin or the misery shadowing her eyes. No, he was stone. Cold, unfeeling stone.

“No. He was going to meet me at his grandparents’ home. He had some traveling to do for work.” Her knees shook, so she eased down into a nearby chair. Her dark hair tumbled around her face like a shield. “He put a few things in my car’s trunk for me to take along. A duffel bag, a few grocery sacks. I didn’t look in them. I figured it was his hockey stuff and gifts for his grandparents.”

“But it wasn’t?”

“Not even close.” She shook her head, fisting her hands to hold back the pain of betrayal that still cut like a blade. “I drove right up to the Canadian border checkpoint, so happy I could hardly contain myself. I was already planning our wedding—that is, until the border agents found drugs in my trunk.”

“Supposedly Darren’s, huh?” He glared down at her, his blue depths remote. He set aside Oscar’s gift, turning away from her.

Staring at the broad plane of his back, she’d never felt so small. So alone. Bereft, she fought to find the right words and the strength to say them.

“I didn’t know what it was at first. I’d never seen heroin or anything like it. At first I couldn’t believe what was happening.” Once again she could feel the clasp of the handcuffs around her wrist and the panic roaring through her. Remembering was tearing her apart. “I tried to explain, but they wouldn’t believe me. The federal agents called in wouldn’t believe me, either. Not even my court-appointed defense attorney thought I was telling the truth.”

“Maybe because you were caught red-handed?” His words rang harshly, but something softened in his eyes. She feared it was pity.

“I wasn’t that dumb. If I had been transporting drugs, I wouldn’t have tried driving through a checkpoint at the border where they look for things like that.” What had been obvious to her had not been plain to the jury. “I went to federal prison with women who had committed terrible crimes. Nothing was more terrifying. I lost my friends, my life as I knew it, my hope for going to school. And Darren? He never called. He never visited. He didn’t show for my trial. Two years later he was arrested for transporting heroin. He’s still in jail.”

“Some might say you were in it together.” He folded his hands across his chest, a barrier between them, one impossible to scale.

She hadn’t come to try to change his mind. She’d already lost him. There was no way to fix that. She lifted her chin. “I know the truth. You believe what you want. But I want to know I’ve done what I can to set this right. So you won’t carry around a sense of betrayal that you don’t need to. Believe me—it wasn’t easy to come here.”

“No.” He watched everything about her. Her raw emotions written on her face, so dark in her eyes he couldn’t see anything but integrity as she rose from the chair. A woman who put her life together after injustice tore it apart. No wonder her family was protective of her, no wonder Colbie kept looking after her.

“Take good care of yourself, Liam.” Unguarded, there was no more mystery. He could see all the way to her soul. He could see the woman who didn’t believe love could happen to her. Or that someone outside her family could see the truth. She took a shivery breath, popped out of her chair and swished away so quickly he couldn’t think fast enough to stop her. Apology weighed down her voice as she glanced over her shoulder. “It changed my life knowing you. Goodbye.”

“I—” The words clumped in his throat, a tangle of emotion and affection he couldn’t get past his Adam’s apple. Maybe because he was afraid to say them. Tender words did not come easily to him and he needed them now. He needed to move past his comfort zone and put his heart on the line.

“Liam?” Dr. Flynn startled him, coming up on his blind side. He swung toward her and in the partial second that he took his focus off Brooke, he heard the door whisper open. He felt her presence slip away. When he looked back, the door swung shut. All he could see of Brooke was a flash in the window rushing down the sidewalk, taking every scrap of his heart with her.

“Oscar made it through surgery just fine,” Dr. Flynn informed him. “The tumor was small and localized. I feel confident I got it all. We’ll hear from pathology maybe late tomorrow or the next day. He’s in recovery right now. You can see him in an hour or so.”

“Thanks.” Relief crashed through him and he was grateful for the encouraging news, but all he could think of was Brooke. He couldn’t forget the apology in her eyes, the thin and traumatized sound of her voice as she told her story and the bleak grief written on her lovely face. She was the woman who could have been the love of his life.

* * *

She collapsed behind the wheel, plugged in the key and that was as far as she got before the agony overwhelmed her. At least she’d kept it together in front of him. That was what mattered. She choked on a mangled sob, forced it back down and covered her face with her hands. Apologizing to him had been one of the toughest things she’d had to do in a long while. He hadn’t believed her. She’d read it on his face. All the time they’d spent together, the moments they’d shared, it hadn’t been enough for him to believe in her.

Maybe it never would have. The sob trapped in her chest expanded, becoming a well of grief. See what a bad idea falling in love was? She’d fought it, she’d denied it, she’d done everything she could to stop it and even now, when all hope was lost, she loved him with a depth that had no end.

Just breathe in and out,
she told herself.
Breathe in fresh air, breathe out pain.
This would pass. She had to accept this was God’s will. She wanted to be obedient to His path for her, but losing Liam hurt. It would always hurt. The gentleness of his love was the sweetest thing she’d ever known.

The sun beaming through the glass heated up the truck, so she rolled down the window, cranking away. Soothing summer breezes fanned her damp cheeks and she swiped away the tears she hadn’t remembered crying. One painful thing down, one more left to do. Time to head back to Colbie and Lil’s and pack. How was she going to say goodbye to her family? Tears blurred her eyes and she blinked them away furiously. What was wrong with her? Why was she falling apart?

Because her barriers were gone, the shutters surrounding her heart dismantled. She sat utterly defenseless, reeling from a lethal blow. It felt as if once again her life was in shambles, nothing but pieces impossible to put together.

“Brooke?” Liam emerged from the bright glare of the sunlight, pacing toward her. Powerful shoulders, confident stride, gorgeous man. He stalked toward her like a soldier on a mission, shoes striking the concrete with an intensity that made her breath catch.