Montana Rescue (The Wildes of Birch Bay Book 2) (23 page)

“Good grief, no. We just wanted to conquer it. To say we’d done it.”

He was beginning to understand her. “No” wasn’t in her vocabulary. Nor was “risk free.”

“It was my idea to attend the school.” She spoke more softly now. “I talked him into it. It was the last class, and I was determined to prove I could do it. I made it to eight seconds on my third try that day, and I was flying high. Thomas was so proud of me. And then it was his turn.”

Nick immediately understood that this part of the story hadn’t turned out well. “What happened?”

“He ended up in the hospital. Broken rib, punctured lung. And it was all my fault.”

“Why your fault?”

“Because I made him ride.”

Nick went silent to allow his words to slowly form. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but he’d picked up on a pattern with her. The burden for whatever happened to Thomas fell upon her. But why?

“From everything you’ve told me about him,” he finally started, “I wouldn’t think him to be the type you could make
do
anything if he didn’t want to. Didn’t you say you two were pretty much alike?”

“I did. But at the same time, I’d asked myself on occasion if maybe we
weren’t
so much alike. Did he do as much, risk as much, only because I egged him on?”

Nick turned the light back on and faced Harper. “I thought he followed in his brother’s footsteps. Would Harry have wanted to ride a bull?”

“And more from what I learned about him.”

“Then how do you figure any of it was your doing?”

She went totally silent and completely still. When Nick couldn’t stand it anymore, he lifted a hand and brushed his thumb over her cheek. Her skin was soft and creamy, and she seemed more fragile than he’d ever seen her. But she hadn’t answered his question, so he remained silent, giving her the time to get out whatever it was she needed to say.

“His parents blamed me.” Her words splintered as she spoke. Her eyes were sad, the corners seeming to droop on the outer edges. “And not just for the accident, but for him living
here
. For him dying,” she whispered. “Which
was
my fault, but they don’t even know about that part of it. They just knew that he wouldn’t have been jumping out of planes if not for me.”

“Yet the army has you jump out of planes.”

Her brow creased. “They do.”

“And didn’t you meet Thomas after you’d both enlisted?”

“I see where you’re going with this, but you’re off track. That was a short period of his life. Being with me was the ‘after.’” Her chest rose and fell with her breaths. “While Thomas was in the hospital, his parents offered to buy me out of our marriage. If I’d only let him come home to California where he belonged, they’d give me all the money I could ever desire.” The words were bitter, and Nick wanted to hold her. But not yet. She wasn’t finished yet.

“But money wasn’t what you wanted?” he asked.

“I had what I wanted. I had Thomas, and a good marriage. I loved my life. The only thing that could have possibly made any of it better was if they’d loved their son the way he’d loved them. He wanted their approval. Up until the day he died. He wanted them to see that him being here was an act of love. His parents hadn’t handled Harry’s death well, so Thomas did it for them. He showed respect for his brother by never letting him be forgotten.”

Nick wrapped his arms around her. “He sounds like a good man.”

“He was the best. He went to see them one final time before we tried for kids. To ask them to be in our lives.” Her head moved in a negative motion. “They were so bitter. I don’t get that. They had a son who died, yes, but they had another one who was alive. Thomas was the one who’d lost the most. Both brother and parents. It wasn’t fair.

“I never told Thomas they tried to buy me off,” she added softly, “but I did wonder if I should have taken them up on it. If I had, Thomas could have had his parents back. He shouldn’t have had to choose.”

“No, he shouldn’t have.” Nick tilted her face up to his. “But I’d take a guess that Thomas made his own choices in life. You didn’t make them for him, right?”

She puffed out a short breath. “I’d like to believe I didn’t.”

“I’d place bets that you’re right.” He touched his lips to hers. “I’d also venture to guess that if Thomas had it to do over again, he would choose you every time.”

The corners of Harper’s lips lifted marginally, then she closed her eyes and tucked in next to him. Nick wrapped both arms around her, and when her breathing finally grew regular, he let his go there, too.

Chapter Twenty

Y
ou must be the flavor of the month.”

Harper went still against the gate at the words spoken close behind her. Words that very much sounded as if they’d come from Nick. Yet, she had her eyes on Nick. He waited in the second set of chutes, one rider before him.

Therefore, these words must have come from his twin brother. Nick had mentioned Nate would be there tonight.

Slowly turning, she found herself taken aback at the similarities between the two men. She’d known they were identical—and she’d been around both of them together a few times as kids. But witnessing the grown-up specimen times two—this one also in a dusty, worn cowboy hat—was a bit shocking. The heavy beard only added to his looks.

Not letting anything show on her face, she took her time and scanned Nate up and down.

When finished, she arched her brows. “And you clearly turned out to be the less attractive twin.”

Nate’s entire face broke into a grin as laughter boomed out of him. And that fast, Harper remembered what a good guy Nick’s brother had always been. He’d dated Chastity for a very short time.

He thrust out a hand. “Nice to see you again, Harp. Okay if I call you Harp?”

“As long as you don’t call me honey.”

She’d never really had a problem with that particular pet name until Nick had used it at the wrong time.

“Noted,” Nate said. “How about hot ass, then?”

“Only if you want to find yourself flat in the dirt.”

And once again he laughed. He moved to the gate to stand beside her and then hung his arms over the railing. The rider before Nate had finished. He’d lasted only five seconds.

“I’d heard he still had the hots for you,” Nate mused. “Not that I can blame him. But I’m guessing I
can
blame
you
for me getting kicked out of his hotel room tonight.”

Twenty feet away, Betsy came into view, and Harper caught Nate’s eye, then very purposefully looked at Betsy. “Or maybe you can thank me. Might be that you could bunk with his favorite buckle bunny instead.”

Nate eyed the other woman—as well as the men whose attentions she currently held. “I seem to be missing the big buckle for a chance at that.”

“Then steal one from your brother. I guarantee that’ll bring her running.”

Nate’s attention immediately returned to Harper, and his scrutiny unnerved her. But when Nick’s name was announced, she forgot all about his brother and turned back to the arena. She stood motionless as Nick got settled on the bull. The animal was a caged ton of weight, clearly not wanting any part of being the entertainment tonight. The gate swung open, and Harper held her breath.

One . . . Two . . . Three . . .

Dang. That bull was vicious.

Four. . . Five . . .

She cringed as Nick’s head whipped back. Somehow his hat stayed on.

Six . . .

“How does he not dislocate his shoulder again?” she murmured.

Seven . . .

She shot a frantic glance at the clock.

Eight. The buzzer blared, and Nick jumped free.

Harper didn’t look away until the animal was steered from the arena. As the gate closed behind the bull, she heard a swoosh of air expelled from Nate, and glanced his way. “Never easy to watch, huh?”

Not that it wasn’t also as sexy as hell.

But instead of replying to her question, Nate’s eyes, so much like Nick’s, locked onto hers. “He told you about his shoulder?”

Oh.
Had she said that out loud?

“Good ride tonight, Wilde.” Charlie Scott shook Nick’s hand. “We’ll talk more this coming week.”

“Call me,” Nick said.

His agent walked away, cutting through the cleanup crew, and Nick stood, hands in his pocket, watching the man go. He had a big decision to make, and the timer had started.

“What was that about?” Nate asked as he joined him.

It was Saturday night, and Nick had just earned a new championship buckle. And a potential new deal. “I got an offer,” he said. He snagged a bite of funnel cake from the plate in his brother’s hand.

“What for this time?”

“Ads, commercials, action figures.”

Nate whistled under his breath. “I assume this offer
isn’t
to stay with Montana Pro.”

“You assume correctly.”

“And they’re willing to invest that kind of dough before you ever sit on your first bull for them?”

Nick pinned his brother with a look. “Told you I wasn’t just good.”

He didn’t say anything else for several moments, instead letting it all sink in. He could turn down the offer and still decide to join the PBR later on. It wasn’t as if this were a do-or-die situation for continuing as a bull rider. But it
was
a onetime offer. That had been made clear. They wanted him as the next face of bull riding, and they were tired of waiting.

“What are you going to do?”

Nick shook his head. “I have no idea. But I have only until next weekend to decide.”

He picked up the bag that held his gear and turned from the departing crowd. Gabe and Jenna were there somewhere. But instead of finding his oldest brother, Nick’s gaze landed on a truck and trailer not too far away, and his thoughts veered away from his family. Harper was in that truck.

“I like her,” Nate said. Clearly he’d followed Nick’s line of sight. “She’s tough enough to bust your balls.”

Nick smiled as he thought about all the ways she and his balls had become involved over the weeks. “She has, too. Literally. Did I tell you she’s a helicopter pilot? God, she looks hot in the cockpit,” he muttered, getting sidetracked for a second. He glanced at his brother. “The first time she took me up, she laid us sideways. I almost cried like a baby.”

Harper saw them watching her, and when he took a deliberate chunk of funnel cake off Nate’s plate and lifted it to his mouth, the grin that broke across her face had those very balls of his tightening. She didn’t look at other men the way she looked at him.

“Geez, you have it bad.”

“I’m afraid that I do.” The truck pulled away, and Nick saw Gabe and Jenna over by the facilities.

“How did that even happen?” Nate asked as they moved in the direction of their brother.

“Beats the hell out of me. One minute I’m trying to get her to talk about her husband’s death, thinking that would help her.” He’d filled Nate in on the details of the accident. “And the next I’m not only having dinner with her parents but hoping I get an invite to come back.”

“You think this could be something?”

At the quietly spoken question, Nick’s heart squeezed. “Maybe,” he admitted. He still couldn’t believe the possibility of a relationship was even in his head, but over the last couple of days, the idea had played on repeat. “But to tell you the truth, she worries me sometimes. Kind of reminds me of . . .”

He couldn’t even bring himself to say it.

“Who?” Nate asked.

Nick shook his head, unwilling to go there. Harper was not like their mother. Not at all. But at the same time, the same insecurities he’d dealt with his whole life kept rearing their heads when it came to her. And that made him question everything.

He realized he was walking alone and turned back to find Nate standing twelve feet behind him. “You don’t mean Mom?” he asked. His features had turned hard.

“Not really
like
Mom.”

“Like Michelle?” His brother’s voice went cold.

“No. Of course not. Harper is a good person. You can see that.”

“Then what exactly
are
you saying?”

Nick swallowed. He wished he hadn’t brought it up. The very idea of one of them getting tangled up with another woman with issues similar to their mother was unconscionable. He should have kept his mouth shut and worked through his worries on his own.

“I don’t know, exactly,” he finally answered. He could tell Nate didn’t intend to let this go without an explanation. “She’s lost a lot in her life. That’s hurt her. Had her pushing the edge too much.” Though that part of her
had
calmed down some. When they’d gone over to Swan Valley for a hike the week before, she’d been fine taking the trail that was one step below the kill-yourself path. “She’s a physical person,” he told Nate. “And a huge risk-taker. And I worry.” And he felt like a class-A wuss for voicing his fears. “What if she hurts herself and I can’t do anything to stop it?”

The heat immediately cleared from Nate’s features, and his mouth turned into a slash. “Please tell me you don’t think you could have stopped Mom. Is that what this is about? You know everything she did was for attention.”

“Yeah, I know. But . . .” Nick paused but then decided to throw it out there. Maybe it was time Nate knew. “I saw her cut herself that day,” he said. “When we were five.”

Nick held his breath as he watched Nate process the words.

Then Nate’s shoulders sagged. “Christ, man. You saw her do that? You never told me.”

Nick shrugged. “Didn’t seem to be a need. I walked in on her, blade already buried in her finger.” His voice dipped. “I
begged
her to stop. But she only wanted me to go away. To keep my mouth shut.” He looked away from the too-knowing eyes that perfectly matched his own. “So I went away and kept my mouth shut.”

Nate didn’t say anything at first, just stared at him. Then together they began moving once again, closing the distance to Gabe and Jenna. But before reaching the others, Nate’s feet stopped. “You couldn’t have stopped it.”

But he should have been able to. “I know.”

“You also couldn’t have loved her enough to keep her from doing it in the first place.”

Nick didn’t respond. And it was embarrassing as hell that Nate understood that about him.

“It’s not just Harper’s riskiness,” Nick finally forced out. He wanted the conversation steered back to the present. “She keeps an emotional distance. A large one. She’s the epitome of independence. And she makes it clear that she doesn’t need or want my help.”

“And that’s a problem why? You telling me you want a needy woman now?”

Nick blew out a frustrated breath.
“No.”

But he would prefer someone who needed him at least once in a while.

“You told her about the sheep,” Nate said. The words came out accusatory, and the subject change surprised Nick.

“We’ve been dating,” he defended. “People share things when they date.”

“But you shared a big thing.”

Yeah, the sheep had been big. Because that had been a turning point for him. He’d suddenly known how to get his mother’s attention. “So?” he questioned. He didn’t see Nick’s point.

“So don’t push her away now.”

“Who says I’m pushing?”

Nate shook his head as if disgusted with the man his twin had become. “You’re looking for excuses. I know you. If you shared the sheep with her, you’ve shared more. Which says she means something to you. And I don’t believe for a second that she’s like mom. You might have actually lucked upon a good one with her, so don’t be an idiot and blow it.”

“What are you, her cheerleader now?”

“I’m just the guy on the outside looking in. She cares about you. And yeah, maybe she’s not fully over her loss yet. Might be that she needs that emotional distance a while longer.”

“But I could help her get there if she’d let me,” Nick complained.

Nate smacked Nick on the side of the head. “Why would she let you? Didn’t you just tell me she’s the definition of independent? She needs to do this on her on. Give it time. You can’t worry this one to death like you’ve done your whole life.”

“I haven’t—”

“You worry about everything,” Nate interrupted. “You want to
fix
everything. To have everyone love and adore you. It’s why you love riding so much, isn’t it? Groupies, championships, commercials. They all come crawling to you.”

Nick stared slack-jawed at his brother. Nate was right. He loved the attention. He thrived on it.

He
needed
it.

“Good God,” he mumbled. “I’m just like our mother.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake. You are not like her. Get over yourself, idiot.”

“Kiss my ass, moron.” Nick followed up his words with an elbow to Nate’s gut—a move that was only half in jest.