More Than This: Contemporary Christian Romance Novel (25 page)

The noise of the tourists at the bottom increased, and Liz realized they were in fact only steps from the bottom. “Whew. Looks like we made it.”

“Yeah,” he said with a breath. “Looks that way.”

After being inside the statue, outside felt very, very good. Jake inhaled deeply, trying to snag back onto reality. That was so weird. That picture of the cabin behind the hill. He hadn’t seen that coming at all, and then all of a sudden it was there. Another piece of the puzzle.

“You sure you’re okay?” Liz asked, gazing up at him with concern.

He tried to laugh it all off. “I’m back on solid ground, aren’t I?”

She looked back and up at the statue, but Jake didn’t dare. Even the height of the thing like this freaked him out.

“So you want to go to Ellis?” she finally asked. “Or do you want to walk around a little?”

Walking around sounded like a great idea. “I think we should walk.”

“Then walking it is.” She reached down and took his hand in hers, and together they started down the little sidewalk. They had gone all the way out to the first turn before she continued. “So, you’re afraid of heights then?”

He exhaled, feeling like a complete failure. “Yeah.”

“But you live in New York City. How does that work?”

“Mostly it doesn’t bother me unless I have to go up in something. Looking out is even worse.”

“So you don’t go into tall buildings then?”

He shook his head. “Not if I can help it.”

She nodded and took five more steps. He wanted to say something, to head off what she was about to ask, but he couldn’t think of anything. The headache of being up so high was starting to catch up to him.

“So what was that?” she asked, glancing behind them.

“What was what?” He hoped she wouldn’t be able to pin it down.

“That... back there. It was like... like you... I don’t know... suddenly saw something or something.”

She was way too perceptive for her own good.

Jake shrugged, lifting the dark wool of the shoulders of his coat. The world suddenly felt very warm again, and he wasn’t even off the ground this time. “It was nothing. I just...” But he didn’t know how to continue.

“Just?” she asked when he said no more. At one of the little green benches, she slowed and turned them to it.

He sat and she sat next to him, looking more at him than at the view of the harbor beyond which glinted in the sunlight and breeze. Her gaze drilled into the side of his head, searching for the answer or maybe more.

“You know,” she said softly, “whatever it is, you can tell me.”

The invitation pulled his gaze down to the opposite side of the bench. A moment and her hand came to rest on the middle of his shoulders.

“Jake?”

Hurt twined through him, creating pain every place it touched. “Yeah?”

The center of her gaze softened until it looked like a feather pillow waiting to catch him if he decided to jump.              “I want to know. Can you tell me?”

Could he? Could he trust her that far? His gaze came up but only made it out to the wind and the waves. “I got another piece. I think.”

“Another piece?” She puzzled over that a second. “Of the book?”

Not wanting to, he nodded and then looked over at her, knowing he would find judgment in her eyes. Instead, she was gazing at him with only concern that faded into interest. “Tell me.”

He looked back down, humiliated by the strange workings of a mind he couldn’t control. “I don’t know. I just... when I saw that house on the other side, I just... knew.”

“Knew what?”

A moment and finally he exhaled hard. “I knew that the family from France now lived there.”

Liz nodded, her gaze flitting across his face.

“And they know about the book.”

She was fighting to not sound like he was completely crazy, but it wasn’t working. “Does Jasmine know about them?”

Jake thought about that, trying to dig into the story. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Okay. So what part do they play in the story then? Jasmine already has the book, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“You don’t know?”

“No. I don’t know. The pieces, they don’t always come in logical order. I get this and that and the other thing over there.” He scratched his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just nuts.”

But her eyes softened again. “You’re not nuts, Jake. You’re a creative genius.”

He laughed out loud at that.

“What? I’m serious.” And she sounded serious too. “You are.”

Jake raised his eyebrows. “That’s one I’ve never heard before.”

Anger coursed across her soft face. “Well, somebody’s got to say it because it’s true. You have this incredible imagination. I wish I could tap into it. You’ve got a gift, Jake.”

“Feels more like a curse.”

She looked down for a moment and then back up at him. “Who else knows about this? About your story-telling I mean?”

Why did it suddenly feel a million degrees on this planet? He shifted to get free of his coat that was going nowhere.

“Does anyone else know?”

Slowly he shook his head though he kept it down. “Only a few people online, but they don’t really know me.”

She was nodding, pulling the truth out of him with each bob of her head.

“Everyone else would think I was crazy.”

“I don’t,” she said softly.

His gaze went over to her, and he had to fight the tears that stung in the backs of his eyes. “I don’t know why.”

And then, just like that, she put her arm around him and pulled him into her embrace. Her hand wrapped up onto his head as she cradled him against her body. “Hey,” she breathed against him. “It’s okay. I promise. We’re going to figure this thing out. We will.”

When he finally sat back, Jake wiped his nose on the sleeve of his coat and stared out at the world that felt so very far away. “I always thought everybody did that, you know.” The words started, and he couldn’t get them to stop. “That they all had the movies going in their heads, but I know now they don’t. I get it that I’m strange like that, that I see things I can’t explain, and I know things and I don’t know how or why I know them, I just do.” He glanced over at her. “Told you I’m nuts.”

Liz pursed her lips together as she looked at him even as he dropped his gaze to his hands. “I’m not sure where you got that or why, but just because you’re different doesn’t mean you’re crazier than any of the rest of us. You’re just crazy in a different way, a cool way. A neat way. But you’re pushing it away instead of letting yourself be what God made you to be.”

He laughed. “I think God messed up when He made me.”

“No.” The word was adamant and hard. “Satan is telling you that, but it’s not true. God made you the way you are for a reason, Jake. He gave you a gift. Now just because you’ve bought into the lie doesn’t make it true.”

“But it’s weird to be like that, to be like me, to see stuff you don’t understand.”

“Or it’s awesome. It all depends on how you look at it.”

A moment and his gaze came over to hers. “You really think it’s awesome?”

She nodded, holding his gaze in her gentle one. “Yeah, I really do. But more than that, I think you’re awesome. I’m so glad God brought you into my coffee shop and let us become friends.”

“Friends?” His gaze dropped between them to her hand which he took in his. “Is that what we are?”

When he slid his gaze back up to hers, there was peace in her soft ones. She held his gaze steadily and carefully. “Unless you want it to be more.”

Somehow he hadn’t expected that answer at all. Everything bad in his life floated away from his consciousness as he drank her in with his eyes. “Yeah.” He was moving toward her, leaning in, closing the space between them. “I definitely want more.”

The next few hours passed in a haze. They talked for a while longer and then took the ferry to Ellis Island.

“Can you imagine what it was like,” Liz said, again leaning over the railing, him right behind her. “Can you imagine coming up on this place, not knowing what you were even going to find when you got off the boat? The old ones who gave up their whole life to come here; the young ones who left their families. I can’t imagine.”

Jake rested his hand on the railing at her elbow, his face turned into the wind brushing past them. She looked up at him, and love gripped her so hard she nearly gasped.

“All those hours,” he said as if to the wind. “All those hours on the boat, out there, at the mercy of the wind and the waves, and then you’re here. It must have been incredible.”

Liz dropped her gaze back to the water. “So many of them had no idea what they were even coming to. They didn’t have family here. They didn’t have friends. All they had was a dream they couldn’t even really see.”

“But so much of that was just letting go of what was so they could embrace what could be. Believing that life could be better. Hoping that it could be. Believing it didn’t have to be the way it was back in the old country.”

“Yearning to be free. Free to chart your own course and do what God sent you here to do.” Her gaze swept back out as Ellis Island began to loom larger around them. “But still, I think that would be so hard to really do that, to really let go and trust in what you couldn’t see.”

“I don’t think they were trusting in that.” He looked down at her, and there was a peace that hadn’t been there before when she looked up at him. “I think they were trusting God to get them through it all.”

That surprised her— him talking about God, but it felt really good to her spirit. “I guess that’s pretty much what we all have to do— trust Him with our unknowns.”

“And be willing to let go.”

The great hall of Ellis Island where so much of humanity had passed was huge. It soared above them as Jake swung his gaze this way and that to take it all in. He let his hand go to the small of her back so that he wouldn’t lose track of her.

“Wow. This is amazing,” Liz said in awe as she walked slowly just in front of him. “Look at the flags. Can you imagine standing here with maybe a child or two, wondering, hoping, praying you would get through?”

“You can just smell the history, the humanity.” Jake took a deep breath, and she followed. “It’s like all of these millions of storylines in history crossed right here, through this place.”

“Would you get to go to the new country or be sent back to the old?” She touched the wooden railing. “I can’t imagine the fear, the courage.”

“You just wonder, would we even be here right now if it weren’t for them. I mean, I know I’ve got some Irish in me and some German, so chances are that my family came through here.”

“Who knows, we could look out on the wall. See if there are any McCoys listed.”

The thought of the wall— all those undecipherable names— brought him up short, but he covered it with no effort. “Sounds like a plan.”

Sure enough, half an hour later, they stood at the wall. Jake put his hands back on his hips, leaning backward to take it all in. “There’s so many of them.”

“I read it’s something like 200,000.” Liz dug out the brochure she had stuffed in her pocket. “Yeah, 200,000.”

“Amazing.” He glanced over her shoulder but only that. “You just wonder whatever happened to them all. Did they find the dream they were searching for?”

“Well, it was hardly a road paved in gold if they did. The shanty towns, the hard labor. Still. They were the pillars this whole country is built upon. Their faith and determination built that.” She swept her finger the other way toward New York, and Jake shook his head.

“It’s so hard to believe.” With another small shake of his head, he found a place on the sidewalk to just sit and look up at all the names. What he wouldn’t give to be able to read them all— not just to read them but to ask them to tell their stories, to sit and listen. It would be incredible.

Liz looked down at him and then joined him there, sitting on the sidewalk. “So, what do you think? You glad we came?”

When Jake’s gaze grabbed hers, his smile answered for him. “Very.”

“Me too.” She smiled at him until he couldn’t keep from kissing her. At this rate they were going to have kissed in every historic spot in the whole city. Not that he would mind. When the kiss ended, she snuggled closer to him. “So do you think that family’s name is here?”

Surprise and confusion jumped into him. “What family?”

“That one. From France. You know, the one with the book?”

Jake’s thoughts ricocheted back through their day. “Yeah,” he said with no trace of hesitation or fear. “They were here.”

She angled her gaze up to his face. “And the book?”

A slow smile spread through his entire body. “Yeah. It too.”

“So,” Liz said as they sat at the tiny bistro across from her apartment as the sun dipped behind the buildings of New York, “what’s up for tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, Mount Rushmore sounds like fun.” Jake sat back in the little booth, smiling at her in open amazement. Never had he been with anyone so easy to be with.

“Well, that’s a little far out of our budget right now, don’t you think?”

He leaned forward on his elbows, really liking the opportunity to just sit and look at her. “Well, then, what do you have in mind?”

She said nothing for a long minute and then only glanced up at him. “Well...”

Raising his eyebrows, he scanned her suspiciously. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”

“Well.” She shifted in the booth, looking supremely uncomfortable. “I was just thinking. In the interest of Jasmine not keeping you up all night, you could come over to my place and write.”

That slammed him backward with surprise.

Her gaze jumped up to him. “But only if, you know, you want to. I mean, it was just a thought. You don’t have to. I just thought maybe you could write, and I could study.” She shook her head. “Never mind. It was a dumb idea. We can do something else. Unless...” Fear twined through her gaze when it came up to his. “You have something else you need to do tomorrow. I mean, I’m not trying to push you into spending it with me or anything.”

Amusement curled through the remnants of his fear and pride. “Now, what else would I want to be doing?” He reached over and took both of her hands so her fingers dangled over his. Oh, what that simple touch did to his heart and soul. Bending forward, he kissed the top one and then smiled up at her. “You got any other dumb ideas I might like?”

She smiled and then blushed. It made her even cuter than normal. “Maybe one or two.”

Jake stood in her entryway two hours later, knowing he should leave but not wanting to. “So, what time tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. Eight or nine? Or is that too early? We could do ten or even eleven if that would be better.”

He smiled at her skittishness. “Eight sounds great.”

Liz nodded though she didn’t really look up at him. “I’ll be sure to tell my alarm clock this time.”

Carefully, gently, he brushed the hair from her shoulder. “I don’t know. I kind of liked the unkempt right-out-of-bed look.”

Her face scrunched in a wince. “You can’t be serious. I can’t believe you didn’t run screaming for the exits.”

However, he was now caught firmly in the pull of her soul on his. “Never.” With that, he leaned toward her, his hand brushing the side of her neck and twining up into her hair. It was beyond description what her kiss did to him. For whole swatches of time he was simply lost in it, not even trying to find his way out. The center of him settled peacefully, knowing he had finally found a home where it was safe to be himself. He loved that feeling almost as much as he loved her.

When the kiss broke, he gazed down into her eyes, loving how she was looking at him. “Thanks for today.”

She smiled and nodded. “You’re welcome.”

Then he bent once more, knowing he should be going but never wanting to again. This time he pulled her into his arms and crushed her to him. It was only when he felt her stiffen slightly that his brain caught up with where his body was going and jerked him back. They had come too far to mess it up now. He carefully let her go, making sure she was steady before he did so. “You’ll be all right?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay.” He reached for the doorknob, praying she would call him back. The door opened as if on its own power. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

Gazing at him, she nodded and almost smiled. “I’ll see you then.”

He shouldn’t, but his heart wasn’t getting the message. Quickly he bent and brushed her cheek with his lips, and then knowing if he stayed even one second longer, he would overstay his welcome, he broke away and headed for the outside. When he turned to glance back, she was still standing there, watching him go. Walking away was the hardest thing he had ever done.

Liz closed the door with a soft thump and locked it without seeing the bolts and chains. When she was alone, she leaned against the door as quiet tears etched down her cheeks. He was so wonderful, so solid and kind. What had she ever done to deserve him?

She knew what she had done to not deserve him, and that painful thought jabbed into her. The whole day had been so perfect, and what had she done at the end— pushed him away without even meaning to? It wasn’t her fault her body reacted the way it did. It was scared. She was scared. Maybe more scared than she had ever realized she would be. When he was just Jake— a kind friend who happened to come around once in a while, she had convinced herself that she could do this, that she could handle it, that he would never have to find out.

But today she had willingly agreed, no, even asked him to take it to the next level. However, now that she was here, she realized how dangerous doing that felt to her heart. The bruises and cuts in her spirit were still there. She hadn’t noticed them in a long while, hadn’t taken account of them in so long she had convinced herself maybe they had healed. They hadn’t. And now, somehow she was in the relationship she had wanted for so long with no way to tell him and no will to hurt him.

She put her head in her hands as the tears increased in velocity and volume. “Oh, God, what am I going to do? Please help me not to hurt him. Please.”

True to his word, Jake was on her doorstep, computer in hand, at eight the next morning. His heart reached up and rapped his knuckles on the door for him. Only one, small thread of him was nervous. The rest of him was just excited.

He heard the locks, and his heart surged. In a blink, the door was open, and like sunshine itself, she stood there looking better than a home-baked pie just out of the oven. “Morning.”

Her soft smile lit his heart. “Morning.”

The kiss was a quick peck, but that didn’t bother him. There was something natural about it, something that said they were comfortable together. “You look wide awake.” He followed her into the apartment where the smells of breakfast wafted out.

“Yeah, an alarm clock can do wonders.” She disappeared into the kitchen. “You hungry?”

“I wasn’t until I smelled that.”

“Well, it’s a good thing. I think I got enough for five people here.”

“Long as you got coffee, we’re good.”

“Of course I got coffee. Duh.” She glanced back at him standing in the doorway. “Oh, you can put your laptop in the dining room if you want. I’ll bring this out in a minute.”

Jake nodded and had to beat back the nerves to go in and lay his computer down. It looked so very vulnerable sitting there. He scoped out the room around him, sensing where the walls were that would hide what he didn’t want her to see. Yes. After breakfast, he would take her spot at the table. That tiny area was banked by two walls. It would be impossible for her to casually catch a glance at his screen. But what if she didn’t catch a casual glance? What if...?

“Breakfast is ready.”

During breakfast, Jake seemed quieter than usual, and he was usually pretty quiet. Liz noticed but didn’t have the heart to ask. The why of it might lead back to the night before, and she didn’t want to chance that. So she mostly ate her breakfast slowly, trying not to watch him but watching him just the same.

“These eggs are really good,” he said without exactly looking up.

“I used some of that seasoning we got for the turkey. I didn’t want it to go to waste.”

“Mmm.” But that was all he said.

“So have you heard any more from Jasmine?” Liz bit into her own eggs thinking it was a little odd to be asking as if Jasmine was a real, live person.

“Luckily she finally let me sleep.” He took a drink of orange juice. “I just hope she shows up today.”

“How many pages do you have written on this one anyway?”

“Well, that depends on which
one
you mean. I already had the one started. I have about 75 pages of it, but this one about the book is different. I’ve written about 20 pages on it.” He inhaled a long breath and then exhaled. “I feel kind of scattered with all of it, you know?” His fork scraped back and forth across the plate. “I don’t know which one to work on. It’s like having too much homework, you never know just where to start.”

“Ugh. I hear you there. This final paper I’ve got in psych class is due next week. I should’ve already had the thing written, but do you think I can get myself going on it?”

Surprise jumped to his face. “You’re a procrastinator?”

“
A
procrastinator? I can be
the
procrastinator if it’s something like this. Ugh. I just don’t see the point of psychology, you know? Most of it is just mumbo-jumbo.”

“But isn’t that where you found the dyslemia stuff?”

She laughed. It was nice to have someone around to lift her spirits with jokes. “Dyslexia, and yes. I’ve thought about doing it on that, but it’s so big. I need an angle. Not the whole thing.”

Jake laid his fork to the side, cleared his throat, and wiped his mouth with the napkin. “How about what the struggle to read does to a kid’s ability to learn?” He took another drink of orange juice as her gaze went across the table to him.

“How do you mean?”

He set the glass down, looking only at it. “Well, let’s say you have this kid, and let’s say he’s in fourth grade. He’s way behind already. What does that do to him not just academically but socially? Is he still an outgoing kid, or does he give up not just on reading but on himself?”

There was something about the way he said it that glued her gaze to him. “It must be really hard,” she said softly, “to keep trying when you’re not getting it. To watch the other kids and wonder what’s wrong with you. I can’t imagine.” She shook her head slowly, liking the idea for the paper as she bent her head back to her breakfast. “I bet I could talk to Mrs. McLaughlin. She’d probably have some stats and stuff. The paper’s only three pages.”

“So have you gone back?”

“To the Literacy Center?”

“Yeah.” It was incredible how intimate his look was from all the way across that table. It was soft and warm and safe.

Liz shook her head slowly. “No. Not yet.”

The look never dropped. “What are you waiting for?”

She didn’t know, and yet she did. Life had a way for her of not working out— especially when she wanted something so badly. “To not be afraid?” she asked softly without looking at him.

He inhaled sharply and then reached across the table to take her hand. “I think it’s time to jump.”

Her smile drifted up from her heart, gaze down at their hands, she nodded. “I think so too.”

All day Liz worked on her paper on the couch, and Jake worked on the book at the table. They broke for lunch around one, ate quickly, laughed a lot over the grilled cheese sandwiches, and then got back to work. By seven her paper was all-but finished. The two books from the library had helped immensely. Now all she needed to do was swing by the Literacy Center on Monday, ask a few questions, add those in, and she was home free.

Shutting down her laptop, she pulled herself up from the floor by the coffee table. At the dining table he sat, his chin in his hand, reading. It was beyond belief that a guy like him was here with her, looking like that— both the gorgeous and the comfortable. She tugged at the bottom of her shirt. “How’s it coming?”

“Okay. Jasmine just located the house behind the hill.”

“Oh, really? Cool. Does she know who lives there yet?” Liz walked over to the table and started toward him, but before she could get there, he straightened and shut the lid of the computer.

“Not yet, but she still has the book, and she hasn’t been shot yet though it was a close call at the library.”

Stopping perpendicular to where he sat at the table, Liz leaned on a chair. “So what happened to Mr. Nguyen, the library guy?”

He shook his head one way. “Don’t know.”

“Will you ever know?”

The shrug was barely there. “Don’t know.”

A moment and she shook her head. “I don’t know how you do that.” With that, she pushed away from the chair and headed into the kitchen to dig up what was left of the turkey.

“Do what?” He stood, stretched, and then followed her.

“That would make me crazy not knowing. I don’t know how you start writing without knowing where it’s going.”

At the door, he leaned his shoulder against it, hands in his pockets as he watched her. “I don’t either, but what can I do? That’s the way the stories come to me.”

She glanced at him, rolled her eyes, and smiled. “It would drive me nuts.”

With a teasing glint in his eye, he smiled back. “Not a very far drive from what I can tell.”

Her mouth dropped open in shock, and she spun on him. “You know for someone who’s about to be fed by me, you sure are brave over there.”

He smiled again as he pushed away from the frame. “Good point. What can I do to help?”