Mourning Sun (14 page)

 

***

I watched Mathias walk across the parking lot, marveling at the beauty of the clear gold aura that surrounded his beloved face. Though several weeks had passed since Elise had helped me understand the meaning of Mathias' aura, I hadn't devised a plausible reason to speak with him again. I had to admit I was a coward. I couldn't pluck up enough courage to just tell him I'd made a mistake, that I had been horribly wrong about him.

I mean really, how did you walk up to someone and say, "You know, I'm really sorry I freaked out about the fact that you kill what you eat. I see how hypocritical that is when everything I eat has to be killed for me. Can you forgive me and let me love you?" The enormity of what I'd done, the depth of the insult I issued, was such that I just couldn't do it. I couldn't apologize.

Resigned to another depressing day attending classes along side Mathias, but not speaking to him, I stepped out of my car and headed for the school entrance. Kerry had dashed into the school as soon as we'd arrived, leaving me to wait for and silently watch Mathias' arrival alone. Kerry had been great with helping me to convince Tawnya that we'd been wrong about Mathias, but she wouldn't help me fess up to him about my revelation. Tawnya still wasn't convinced Mathias wasn't the most evil creature in Highland Home, but she had stopped cheering when the topic of me not seeing him came up. As for me coming clean with Mathias about my mistake, I was definitely on my own. No one wanted to be the one to say it, but I knew. I'd made the mess and I would have to clean it up. I would have to find a way to redeem myself if I wanted my chance at happiness with Mathias.

Kerry's voice raised in anger snapped me out of my reverie. Students were streaming past me, rushing to the site of what sounded like a barroom brawl. I charged around the corner with the other students, praying I would be in time to save Kerry from whatever was going on. As I rounded the corner, Kerry screamed, "You hateful, spiteful bitch!"

Kerry was squared off with Stephanie Bartlet. The two girls were surrounded by what looked like the entire cheerleading squad and most of the football team. The Golden Ones screamed and shouted. Someone started to chant, "lesbo," while someone else screamed, "dyke." Braden's aura was nearly black as he gleefully egged Stephanie on.

"Give her hell, honey," he shouted.

 

I shoved, twisted and pushed until I broke through the circle of spectators and stepped between Kerry and Stephanie.

 

"Kerry, what are you doing?" I shouted at my sister. "You know this isn't how to handle anything."

"You didn't hear what she said, Maire." Kerry's voice broke and I saw that she was on the verge of tears. "She said you'd wished Daddy dead. That you could have saved him. That you wanted him to die." Tears streamed down my sister's face and my heart ached for her.

"It doesn't matter what she says, Kerr. We know the truth." I hugged Kerry, trying to calm her enough to get her out of the circle and away from Stephanie before someone got hurt. Kerry's temper was volatile at best. I'd seen her get into tousles with bigger kids when she was younger and she'd always come out on top physically. The problems came later when the guilt for having hurt someone struck down my usually quiet and loving sister. I knew if I didn't help her get her temper under control, she'd do something she'd regret later.

"Back off, dyke," Stephanie shouted, shoving me from behind. "If your lesbo little sister wants a fight, she'll get one."

I turned, pushing Kerry behind me. "Stephanie, I've put up with your crap for years. I've ignored the foul things you've said about me and the people I love most in this world. I've walked away rather than fight you, time and time again. What is wrong with you that you can't just give it up?"

Stephanie swaggered across the circle, showing off for the crowd. "What should I give up, dyke? What are you going to do to make me stop anything? You're weak and you have zero power in this school or in this town."
My own temper was rising. "I am not weak, you twit. Do you think a weakling could have put up with your stupid ass for as long as I have? A weakling would have beat the crap out of you years ago."

"So you think you can take me, dyke?"

 

"You're not worth it, Stephanie. You never have been." I turned back to Kerry and started to lead her out of the way again.

What happened next was a blur that no one could clearly explain later. Cecelia screamed my name. I turned in time to see Stephanie charging across the circle and I pushed Kerry away, hoping she would get clear of the carnage. I held my ground and waited for the screeching cheerleader to hit me. My eyes were closed when I heard the incredibly sweet and deeply terrifying sound of Mathias' growl. The hairs on my neck stood up and my heart thundered as though it were beating for the first time since I'd left Mathias' home in September. He was here, standing between me and my enemy. It didn't matter what his words told me. This action, this one act of protection, showed me the depth of his feelings for me. He was willing to expose himself, to have to leave Highland Home, to keep a stupid teenager from hurting me. I couldn't let that happen.

"Coward," he growled. "You dare to attack when your opponent's back is turned. Have you no honor?"

I opened my eyes and drank in the scene before me. Mathias stood between me and a clearly terrified Stephanie. His back was to me, but he held one hand behind him. I wanted nothing more than to step forward and take his hand, to let him know I was safe and he didn't need to do anything more, but I held back.

"You can't touch me," Stephanie whispered, backing away from Mathias.

 

"That is what you fervently pray to be true, coward, but do not test your theory today."

"Touch her and die, freak," Braden thundered, stepping into the center of the circle and pushing Stephanie behind his back.
"Would you care to find out which of us would survive, mongrel?" Mathias growled. "I find I am in the mood to battle."

Across the circle, I could see teachers beginning to stream into the hall. This was about to become an ugly scene where adults who had no idea what was really happening would intervene and possibly get hurt. They would have no idea that a demigod with a penchant for hurting people was trying to pick a fight with a vampire who wouldn't hurt anyone unless they tried to hurt me. I couldn't let Mathias get hurt, or allow him to be held responsible for what should have been nothing more than a quick squabble between teenage girls. I took the step that closed the gap between us and put my hand on Mathias' arm.

"Mathias, please," I said softly. "Teachers are on their way. Kerry is fine. I'm fine. Let it go. Please."

He looked down at me, pausing to glance at my hand on his arm before focusing on my face. I let myself drown in his eyes and despite the stress of the situation, I prayed it would continue forever. There was no anger in his gaze, only the love he had once shown me. I watched the darkness drain out of his aura as the hardness returned to his gaze. I shivered under the frigid look he gave me as he stepped away from me.

"As you wish, Mairin," he said. He looked at me for a moment more before he stalked out of the building.

"All right everyone, break it up, break it up." The assistant principal began herding students out of the lobby. Kerry and I blended into the crowd, escaping the scene of the fight without getting pulled into the disciplinary actions. I heard Stephanie crying and Braden swearing Mathias had started the fight.

"She's going to get away with it all, isn't she, Mairin?" Kerry asked.

 

"She always does. The principal won't punish her and risk the yearly donation the Bartlet Foundation makes to his favorite charity."

"How do you stand it?" "Practice and patience. That and I know I'll be able to leave Highland Home, go to college, and live a happy life where Stephanie Bartlet can't touch me."

Kerry smiled sadly before heading for her homeroom in the freshman hall. I reached my own homeroom in time for Cecelia to pop out of the room and grab me.

"That was amazing!" Cecelia exclaimed. "Did you see how Mathias just appeared in the middle of all that?"

 

"Actually, no. I had my eyes closed. I figured that was safer than watching Stephanie throw a punch."

"Wimp," she teased, dragging me into the classroom. "Well, at least you know for sure he doesn't actually hate you. Nobody could be that ferocious in protecting someone they hated."

Cecelia's words tugged at something in my chest. "It doesn't really matter, Cece. He still won't talk to me."

 

"That's because you're too chicken to tell him what's on your mind. If you don't do it soon, I swear I'm going to tell him for you."

 

"Tell him what?"

 

"That you love him and you forgive him for whatever it was that drove you away in the first place."

 

"I wish it were that simple, Cece. I have a lot more to beg forgiveness for than he ever did."

"I don't believe that, Maire. You're a good person. You always have been." Cecelia flopped into her chair and leaned in as close as she could. "As for Mathias, you obviously love him. What could be more simple than telling him? You're the one making everything so complicated."
Cecelia's words echoed through my brain for the rest of the day. Was I really the one making everything complicated? Could it be a simple matter of cornering Mathias and telling him I loved him?

I imagined going to his home and pounding on the door until he opened it. He would be framed in the lovely entrance way, surrounded by the beautiful home he chosen because he loved the stretch of beach behind it. He would be cold and distant, but I would be firm and insist he listen to me. I would tell him of my love. I would apologize. I would beg his forgiveness and beg that he stay with me. In my dreams, Mathias would sweep me into his arms and kiss me and we would live happily ever after. The daydream was certainly pleasant enough, but unless I was willing to put my heart and happiness on the line and risk his rejection, nothing would change between us. I didn't know if I was strong enough to risk that much, but I knew if I didn't try something, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I dropped Kerry at the house before I headed to The Astral Plane for another lesson with Elise. As much as I had hated the psychics Mom had found for me to work with on my dreams, I liked Elise. I was learning not only what the auras I saw meant about the people to whom they were attached, but how to help those people heal damaged auras or clear muddied ones. We had had a particularly good session last week where I helped a young woman from East Hampton heal a tear in her aura that had been caused by an encounter with a demon. It terrified me to think that there really were demons walking the earth, but what I was learning was worth every moment of fear.

My only issue with Elise was her grandson. Xavier came with his grandmother every time she came to The Astral Plane. He'd wait with her at the shop until I arrived. Once I was there, he would stare at me, sniff the air as he'd done that night at the football stadium, and then leave. It took weeks for me to figure out Xavier hadn't believed me when I'd sworn I wouldn't let Mathias change me into a vampire. He kept checking to be sure he didn't have a reason to seek out Mathias. I shuddered to think what would happen if Xavier deemed Mathias enough of a threat to go after him.
I pulled into a parking space about two blocks from the shop. Parking after school was always such a hassle. The downtown had gone through one of those revitalizations a few years ago and there were trendy shops like my mom's up and down the three blocks considered "downtown." The coffee shop the Golden Ones favored was overflowing onto the sidewalk. I hurried past it when I noticed Stephanie and Braden holding court in the center of the group of tables the shop had in their courtyard. I didn't want to risk them seeing me, so I ducked down an alley that took me past one of the few historic homes still standing in Highland Home. In the garden behind the beautiful home, a flash of glossy black and shimmering gold caught my eye.

Mathias stood in the garden, his head bowed. Something about how still he was, how tired he looked, stopped me. I slipped quietly up the path, feeling like an intruder, but unable to stop myself.

"Kathryn, would you have been able to forgive what I had become had I not taken your life with my first thirst? Would you have loved me as you always had or would you have run screaming, given the chance? I hope you would have run. I hope you would have lived a long and happy life if our paths had not crossed when they did."

Mathias rubbed his temples. In the bright sunlight, he looked even more pale and tired than he had at school. Something was wrong, though I couldn't imagine what could make a vampire look as tired as Mathias did. I watched as he knelt in the dirt and scooped several handfuls of soil into a glass jar.

"Thank you, my Kathryn," he said, kissing the last handful before dropping it into the jar and screwing the lid on tightly. "My home, my link to the sun. I am ever in your debt." The words had the ring of ritual, but not of the deep emotion Mathias had displayed when he'd told me the tale of Kathryn's death. Something had changed in him, something fundamental.

I ducked behind the house as Mathias rose, thinking he would be walking up the path to the street. Instead, I heard him speaking softly again. I peered around the corner again, tears rising to choke me as I eavesdropped on his deepest thoughts.
"She reminds me of you, Kathryn. Fiery, stubborn, free. She doesn't want my help, doesn't want me to be her knight. So much like you, Kathryn. Would it surprise you to know how she has filled the place in me where you once lived? Would you forgive me? I think you would. You always wanted what was best for others and this girl, this amazing human girl, would be good for me. For her, I would give up the sun. I would live in the darkness if I thought that penance enough to deserve her." Mathias sighed and rubbed his temples again. "I will come back to you, my Kathryn. I must always come home, but I have to leave. I have to give Mairin a chance to be human, to live a life without my disease, without the danger I place her in by being near. I will never be whole without her, but she deserves better. She would hate that I'm doing this for her own good, but I know that as long as I stay here, she will never let go, never move on. I only wish I were deserving of her. If I thought I could redeem myself in her eyes, I would stay with her."