Mourning Sun (7 page)

 

Mathias nodded once and stepped back, leaving me to face Tawnya's obvious discomfort.

 

"It's not safe, Mairin. This is for your safety."

I threw up my hands. "You're kidding, right? Aren't you the one who always encouraged me to go out, to spend time with people from school? Now, all of a sudden it isn't safe for me to go to a school event I've attended every year since I started high school? There wasn't a problem before? What changed?"

Tawny looked at my mom and then at Mathias. "Loraine..."

"No, Tawnya. I told you earlier that what you saw wasn't something I agreed with," my mom said. "Mairin, honey, of course you can go to the school tonight."
"Loraine, it's not a good idea," Tawnya said. I noticed her halo was beginning to pulse. Her eyes were wide and she looked more stern than I'd ever seen her. A chill chased down my spine and I took a step back.

"I decide what's good for my daughters, Tawnya," Mom said flinching slightly when Tawnya's eyes shone with hurt. "Mathias, you'll have Mairin home before midnight, yes?"

"Of course, Ms. Cote."

 

"Then it's settled."

Tawnya gave my mom a look that said it was anything but settled before she stomped into the reading room. It was only when she'd gone that I realized I'd been holding my breath.

Mom watched her go and I felt guilt flood over me. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't meant to..."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Mairin." She hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Tawnya did a reading earlier and she's been going on about some dark cloud in your life ever since. I'll talk to her. You go have fun."

Mom headed toward the reading room and I could hear her talking in low tones to Tawnya before Mathias pulled me out the door. I hated to think that I was the reason they would spend the next several hours or days angry with each other. Tawnya and my mom rarely fought, but when they did argue, the fights could be epic. I hoped this one wouldn't drag on too long. Tawnya might convince Mom that Mathias was the problem if she had enough time or ammunition.

"I did not wish to be the source of problems with your family, Mairin."

 

"You aren't the problem, Mathias," I said. "I am."

 

"Do you always accept responsibility for what others have done?" Mathias asked.

 

"I'm not doing that," I said, but I knew he was right.

 

"Always so concerned with the happiness of others," he said. "Surely I don't deserve you."

"I'm not a saint, Mathias. I'm actually pretty selfish. I didn't want Tawnya to convince Mom that I shouldn't be with...go with you tonight, so I picked a fight with her. Now she and Mom will be upset with each other and it's my fault."

"If you would prefer not to go tonight, I will certainly understand."

 

I blinked slowly, stunned by the pain that bloomed in my gut at the thought of staying home. "Do you want me to stay home?"

"Of course not," he said, leaning against the side of his car. "But you always have the choice to do as you please when you are with me, Mairin. I won't ever force you."

"You're not forcing me," I said softly.

 

"Then I will pick you up at seven." The sunny smile I adored stretched his lips and I remembered the interrupted moment in the hall.

I straddled Mathias' legs, leaning against his chest and pinning him against his car. He stiffened, putting his hands on my shoulders, and pushed me gently away. I ignored him and cupped his face in my palm.

"Mairin, this is unseemly," he whispered. I heard an edge of desire in his voice and it made me bold to realize he wasn't as reserved as he wanted me to believe.

"What if I don't care?"

 

He sighed, turning his face to kiss my palm before straightening up and carefully pushing me away.

"I care about you and your reputation, Mairin, even if you don't." The hot, choking tears surprised me. I fought them back, turning away so he wouldn't see how hurt I was. It was a weak excuse at best for not wanting to touch me, to kiss me, on my terms.

"No, my sun," he said, lifting my chin to stare into my eyes. "Never doubt that every touch from you is welcome. I simply will not allow myself to endanger you in any way. That includes your reputation."

"Why do you care about my reputation so much? It's not like one kiss would destroy me."

 

Pain creased his forehead. He leaned down, brushing his lips against my forehead.

 

"I will see you in a few hours."

 

He slipped into his car and was gone before my stunned and numb brain deciphered the whispered words that had accompanied his kiss.

 

"It would destroy us both."

 

***

The football stadium was already brimming with students and parents when Mathias pulled his car into the student lot. I huddled into the passenger seat, attempting to disappear as people stared into the darkened windows. I was pretty sure no one could see me, but I'd have to get out of the car eventually.

The hours waiting for Mathias to come to pick me up had been excruciating. I'd vacillated between cursing and crying for the majority of the time as I alternated between being angered by Mathias' rebuff and being crushed by it. I hadn't been until almost six thirty that I realized this first date with Mathias would have an audience. Most of the town would be there and they would all be inordinately interested in the new resident and his choice of date. I was in full panic mode by the time Mathias knocked on the door.

"You are lovely, Mairin," he said, kissing my hand. "Thanks," I mumbled.

 

"Shall we go?" He glanced past me to the stairs Kerry had just run up.

 

I sighed. There was no turning back. "Yeah, I guess I can only die of embarrassment once."

 

Mathias looked at me strangely, but took my hand and led me to his car.

Now we were surrounded by nearly every Highland Home resident and I couldn't bring myself to open the door and expose myself to their ridicule and speculation.

"They're going to see you in a moment, Mairin."

 

"Yeah, I know." I sat up straighter.

 

"We do not have to stay, you know. We could do something else."

 

"No, we can't now. Everyone's seen your car. Let's get this over with," I said.

We'd driven mostly in silence. Mathias focused on the road while I focused on what I was going to do when I got home later. When Mathias had arrived at my house pick me up, Kerry had been running upstairs in tears. It seemed my little sister agreed with Tawnya about Mathias. She wanted me to stay away from him.

I was baffled. No one else seemed to have such a strong reaction to Mathias and neither Kerry nor Tawnya would tell me exactly what it was about him that made them want me to stay away. Without a solid explanation, I wasn't going to stop seeing Mathias. I was already lost when it came to the boy who now held my car door open and offered me his hand to help me out of his car.

"Stop worrying," he said. "We're going to have fun tonight."

 

"Sure, sure. Fun."

Mathias laughed. "Only you could make fun sound like a death sentence, Mairin."
Just as I was going to snap off some smart retort, I realized everyone in the parking lot was staring at us. "Oh my God," I whispered.

"Ignore them. I do."

 

"It's easy for you. You don't know them like I do."

 

"Nor do I care to. It is just you and me, Mairin. No one else matters tonight."

We walked through the gate that led out to the field, surrounded by our classmates and their families. Some stared, others made an effort to not look at us at all. I guess my transparency and Mathias' vivid presence made it difficult for people to decide how to handle us.

"Look at that," someone said loudly. "Isn't that the new guy and Mairin Cote? I thought for sure she was a dyke like her mother."

Nothing ever changed, I thought. No matter what, I was still the freak with the lesbian mother. Shame washed over me for thinking of my mother and Tawnya like that. With the color flooding my face, I was certain I was glowing brighter than the stadium lights.

"Only you and me, Mairin." His smooth voice and electric touch kept me grounded.

I nodded, clutching Mathias' hand. I could do this. Cecelia waved at me from the bottom row of seats. Her bright smile helped me take my next breath. As we headed toward my best friend, I saw something that made me wish for invisibility more than I had ever wished for anything in my life.

"Oh crap," I muttered, trying to pull Mathias away from the group of football players gathered near the edge of the field. In the middle of the pack was Braden Lambert, the Highland Home quarterback and Stephanie's boyfriend. I noticed that the muddy green halo around Braden's head and shoulders was even darker than it had been earlier that day. The color was horribly sinister, as though it reflected something more than Braden's normally nasty personality. My heart thumped heavily and a headache began behind my eyes. I didn't know what to do to stop what would surely be an ugly confrontation.

"Hey freak," Braden shouted. "I've got a bone to pick with you."

 

For one horrifying moment, I thought Braden was talking to me. Then Mathias paused and stepped in front of me, blocking Braden from my sight.

 

"I will be happy to discuss your issue at a later time," Mathias said, sizing up the school quarterback. "I am otherwise engaged right now."

Braden blinked slowly as though confused by Mathias' formality. "I don't care what you're doing, freak. You owe my girl an apology and I plan to take it out of your ass."

"I will not fight with you," Mathias said calmly. He looked down at me. "Mairin, will you please stop tugging on my arm?"

 

I stopped my attempt to physically restrain him and stepped closer to Mathias. Maybe I could diffuse the situation if I apologized. "We're sorry," I said.

 

"No, we are not," Mathias said. "Your girlfriend was deliberately cruel to Mairin. I did nothing but elicit an apology from her."

 

"From what I hear, you did a lot more than that. You're gonna pay for scaring my girl, freak."

 

"I don't think so. I told you, I will not fight you. Now is not the time or place for this."

I looked around and realized everyone was watching the exchange between Braden and Mathias. I cringed. If they started fighting now, the rest of the team would jump in on Braden's side. I doubted if any of the spectators would take up for Mathias. He was still an outsider in Highland Home, especially as he had spurned the opportunity to join the Golden Ones in favor of being with me and my friends. As I surveyed the crowd, I realized that most of the East Hampton football team was paying just as much attention to the confrontation as the Highland Home players. One of the East Hampton players, a tall boy with pale, luminescent green eyes and a vibrant orange halo, stared intently at Mathias. As I watched, he lifted his head and sniffed the air. The movement reminded me of a predator scenting the air for his prey. It was something I never wanted to see again even thought the movement wasn't particularly threatening. A chill ran down my spine and I stepped even closer to Mathias. There was a definite threat implied in the gaze of the East Hampton player. If this situation exploded, Mathias would be alone. I refused to consider the possibility of anyone harming him as I braced myself for what seemed like and unavoidable battle.

I looked away from the East Hampton players, and saw, with relief, that the Highland Home football coach was pushing his way through the crowd. He eyed Braden and Mathias as though they were gladiators about to clash.

"Okay boys, break this up," he said. "Braden, you need to get back with the team."

 

Braden grinned at Mathias, though it really looked to me like he bared his teeth. It was a chilling look, one I hoped never to see again.

 

"This isn't over, freak," Braden said. "Not by a long shot."

Mathias bowed slightly, little more than a tipping of his head. The movement reminded me of the old movies where one man challenged another to a duel over the honor of his lady. The movement was enough to open up my line of sight to the East Hampton side of the field and I locked eyes with the pale-eyed boy. He nodded once, much as Mathias had done and turned back to his teammates. I suddenly wanted to get away from the stadium more than anything. I'd had enough weirdness for one day. Two boys, two different but equally threatening halos. Two obvious battle challenges. It was too much.

"Let's go. Please, Mathias," I said.

 

Mathias continued to watch Braden until the other boy was a safe distance away from us. Only then did he look at me.

"Of course. Your wish is my command." When it became clear there would be no blood bath, the crowd quickly lost interest, thinning until only a few people stood near us. I took a deep breath and attempted to get a better handle on myself. The strange behavior of the East Hampton player, and the open hostility between Braden and Mathias left me shaken.

"Do you want to go home?"

 

Mathias' voice broke through my jumbled thoughts. "No, I don't want to go home," I said.

I realized I was shaking when Mathias took my hand and pulled me into his arms. It was the first time he'd allowed himself to touch more than my hand or face and I sighed. I realized the warm earthy scent I'd smelled the first day I'd met him was the scent of his skin and I wanted to lose myself in it.

"You were never in any danger, Mairin," he whispered into my hair.

 

"I know, but you were."

 

He laughed. "No I wasn't."

I looked up at him. Had he not seen the other players or the boy from East Hampton? Had he missed Braden's size or vicious nature? "You don't know Braden. He's an animal. He got cited last year for unnecessary roughness after a player from another school wound up in a coma. Braden hit him so hard, the boy didn't wake up for weeks."

"I am sure that was a horrible experience for all involved. But you can rest assured that I was never in any danger from that boy."

 

"And what about the guy from the other team? He looked at you like you were something he intended to eat for dinner."

 

"What guy?" Mathias asked, scanning the crowd.

I pointed, "That one. The boy with the brown hair talking to the East Hampton coach."
Mathias watched the boy for a few moments before the East Hampton player looked up. The two boys stared hard at each other from across the field before they both turned away. I felt like I had missed a secret handshake or something. Mathias and the other boy had decided something, I was sure of it, but I had no idea what had been decided. I hated feeling out of the loop, but I didn't know how to bring it up without sharing more about myself than I was comfortable doing.