My Dear Bessie (38 page)

'
Tis Christmas Eve 1945

My Darling, Wonderful One,

You may be interested and amused to know that the yellow mepacrine tablets we take as anti-malarial precaution are
considered to render a man sterile. Reason: about twenty married men of 30 Wing came from the February leave, and none had any children as a result. This time (mepacrines not having been taken) three are ‘certs' (they say – blowed if I know how they can tell) and two are (as it is put) ‘sweating'. It is actually three, but of course I have said nothing.

Yes, I should get out as regularly as you can, for fresh air and exercise. A walk for twenty minutes daily is all that you need in poor weather. Try and keep indoors when it is rainy or very windy.

You seem to have made some reduction in your cigarettes. I hope you keep it up, but I shouldn't distress yourself.

While not opposed to four children, I suggest you see how No. 1 treats you, before we adopt it as a policy! It is a great test of endurance for you when the time comes. I shall have no ‘say' in this. It is up to you and it would be unfair for me to suggest we have anything contrary to your wishes.

Please don't ‘flop' if it isn't, my darling. We have tons of time ahead, and you must usefully occupy yourself in some way else.

Which pullover did you wash, the khaki, or the smashing light brown from Meakers?

I would like to consume one of your ‘meat puddings by guesswork'. I could perhaps send you a good spaghetti recipe, but that's about all.

I love you.

Chris

Christmas Day 1945

My Wonderful Wife,

I will continue replying to your letters.

I do like short pants with buttons, please. Were not the matches handy? Please send the
Statesman
weekly if you can, ordinary paper with a piece of string to keep it together. Address in margin of paper, and only ½d. stamp. I like hearts better than liver, although I am quite content with liver for a change. A good deal depends on how liver is cooked, I think, more than other meats. Glad you had another go at the batter pudding, and it was approved. I am a very lucky man.

Does the ‘peculiar sick feeling' affect one so early? What I wonder is, what about the chance of it forming in the passage, as it suggested in that book. Have you had time to look at the book at all?

Again, the house. The more I think on our chance to get it, the more thrilled I am with our luck. ‘Get it if you can', I feel like urging you continually. It's a front door of our own, it's a place, it's our castle! It appeals to me a lot. It means security, independence and a place to think of. It means making a start.

The travelling is a bind, but it is NOTHING compared with the joy of having a place, especially one that you like. And if we had a child, a good open-aired spot would be most useful.

I can understand your concern over how I shall find Civvy Street, and I must say I am disturbed at reports of chaps who have just left the Army, being so dissatisfied with it. I think it must be
true that civilians (late Army) miss the travelling. I think (as I write the page is wet all over with orange juice, as we have just been out, picked a dozen oranges from a tree, and started to throw them at each other, splashing all over the walls) all men want to climb mountains. The Army gives them that rare chance. If you find me wanting to climb mountains, I know you will be able to lead me to a nearby eminence. I think that, if the conditions were there, I could leave the Army and carry on in the ‘Mets' Branch as though I had not seen the Pyramids, swum the Suez and had Vesuvius as my neighbour. But my old life has gone and I have no regrets. I expect that Army life is like an illness, which you notice when you have it and forget when you are cured. But I really believe I am a better man as a result of my Army life – the minor rackets in which I have engaged are transient, unmarking.

I have been amazed, disgusted and sometimes frightened by the Italian manifestation of joy at the Christmas festivity. The silly lot let off fireworks – I suppose this is the first time for five or six years. They started the 23rd, and we had them again last night. Continuous. And very, very loud. They put our English (even pre-war) fireworks completely in the shade – and I'd sooner be in the shade. The people are mad. It has been one terrific bang after another.

We drank ‘The Loyal Toast', plus ‘The Cooks', today. Before I drank my little drop of Vermouth, I said ‘MY WIFE'.

I love you.

Chris

PS I have just had a word with a chap who lives only a couple of stations nearer London Bridge than Sanderstead. He says the fare is only perhaps 2s. return and not the 3s. I had imagined. Which would be a big help to us. The mile and a half walk to the station, or longer, would be nothing to a man with my energy.

29 December 1945

My Darling,

Vesuvius was not visible today when I looked out of the window on waking. Often the top is obscured by clouds, but today none of it could be seen. And it is very near. Thrillingly near, I think. We are as near to it as Ben Nevis is to Fort William. I am not going to say I shall climb it when the good weather comes, because I am hoping for plenty of scene-shifting during the next six months. But should I be here when the evenings are light, I shall certainly try to go up it a little. A truck takes one to a hotel used by tourists in peacetime in about twenty minutes. This is halfway up, and in a couple of hours one can stand on the edge of the crater (now quite large because of the 1944 eruption), and take a quick look down it, where it is red and hot. Sometimes great billowings of smoke are visible, other times just little frisky cigarette wisps. Really, I look forward to contemplating its hugeness.

At any rate it has saved me harping on the house, which I am rather barmy about at the moment. Perhaps it could be a better house, nearer a station, and so on. But it is a house, and it means we shall have a real home of our own. An invaluable asset in these days. Before the war, it perhaps was not so much to get excited about. But I do feel, now, it is a big thing. I shall be very pleased to hear you are the owner, and (as you once said in a letter) that you are mentally putting up the curtains.

I wonder how much a baby costs (in money; there are many tears!) in the early years? I should think the Income Tax would be reduced to practically nothing. ‘If', we shall have to write to the Board of Trade to find out what coupons are available, and so on. You are going to have a busy time in front of you, ‘if'. And it won't be only for eight months, either!

I love you.

Chris

*
Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists.

†
The legal Regulation 18B came into force early in the war to detain those deemed hostile and dangerous to the defence of the realm.

11

Serving Hatch

3 January 1946

My Darling Wonderful One,

I will be at your side next Christmas, my darling. I am sorry we have had to spend this one apart. I was sympathetic about your four-hour struggle with the duck.

Be careful, when scanning the ‘demob news' in the papers, NOT to get your hopes anchored to a date, or to have much faith in a prophecy. I
hope
to be out in June. I
may
be out rather later, perhaps several months later. So don't get a fixation on June, just take a little interest in it.

I am doing far less whistling though I still cannot bottle myself up entirely. Also I have said ‘female dog' several times of late, and instantly regretted it.

I told you the Christmas pudding would turn out well. I am sorry to hear that you have a cold again. Try and eat plenty of vegetables and what fruit you can. I don't suppose you have started to take Cod Liver Oil and Malt yet, but I should get a big
bottle if I were you. I am very concerned about your pain and your danger. It seems great whatever anyone may say. But it has to be, and I hope I can get stoical about it. (Those USA films of anxious fathers in posh maternity homes will have nothing on me! – Oh my darling, lovely one.) It is very desirable that I get home when you most need to have me, and I hope I can do it. But it is going to be a narrow squeeze.

The people who say Australia for the Jews' are merely sidetracking. Libya and Madagascar are also amongst the lands mentioned. I don't know the answer to the Palestine question, but I know that mentioning other places
isn't
the answer. Anyway, surely some questions have no answer?

I don't really think that ‘bringing up baby' will be so very bad. All sorts of people do it, some moderately well. It will stop us ‘gallivanting about', but I have no doubt there's a lot in the successful marriage depending on children idea. Of course, it also depends on the married couple! I am certain that we will be OK, though you'll have to tell me when, what, why and how to do the various fatherly tasks.

I love you.

Chris

7 January 1946

Wonderful One,

Congratulations on your acceleration, initiative, independence, resourcefulness, and absolute perfection. I wish I could have carried you over the threshold of OUR HOUSE. May you always be happy there, and may I be joining you soon.

I love you.

Chris