My Heart be Damned (21 page)

“Mercy...” I stared down at the knife in her hand pointedly. She didn’t even need a knife; she was eating a sandwich.

“We’ve left it late as it is,” she said through gritted teeth, “because you had shifts at The Hut you couldn’t let down. And now, you want us to go looking on the day?”

“It’s not my fault, and you know it.” I slowly pried the knife from her grip. “I’d go with you if I could, but I need to train.” I hissed this last past quietly in case Sam was listening in.

“And you needed to do extra shifts at The Hut too.”

“Well, yeah. I’ve paid off the window. Now this money is hitting my pocket for a change. How am I supposed to pay for an outfit with no money? You answer me that, Einstein.”

Mercy sighed and tugged one of her spiral curls. “You make me crazy.”

“Love you.” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “Look, we’ll be fine. We’ll hit every costume shop in London if we have to. I promise we’ll be fine.”

“You haven’t got your costume yet?” Sam asked, turning away from his conversation with a guy at the table behind us.

“Thanks for bringing it up, Sam,” I snapped.

He looked guilty. “Sorry.”

“Have you got yours?” Mercy asked. Her left eye twitched. She hated leaving things to the last minute, which made her a good person to go to if you wanted to copy one of her essays. You could bet she’d already done it by the time you’d even thought about it.

“Yep,” Sam said, smiling proudly. “Not gonna tell you what, though. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Mercy turned to me. “I hate you,
Amerie
. We’re gonna have to dress up like the Village People or something. They’ll be the only costumes left.”

“Oh, have faith,” I said. “You gonna finish that sandwich?”

Chapter Twenty

Party Pooper

“You’re distracted today,” Marshall declared after having bested me in a training fight for the third time that evening.

I flipped to my feet and yanked out my hair band, retying it so that it was tight on my head. “No, I’m not.”

That was a lie. How could I not remember that this time last year, my mum had still been alive and decorating the house for my birthday the next day. Hugging me goodbye before leaving and never coming back. Now she was dead. Murdered by a Damned who had some kind of vendetta against her. A vendetta I knew nothing about.

“I’ve never been able to floor you three times in a row before.” He flexed his hands before heading over to our ‘snack’ table and taking a large gulp of bottled water.

I watched him, furious at myself not only for caring about his wounds, but also for wanting to reach out and stroke his face. I shouldn’t have had mixed feelings between thinking about him and my mum. It would always be about her first.

“I’m ready to go again,” I said, my chest heaving.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and walked back over. “I was thinking you need to focus. I’ve got a couple yoga exercises we could do.”

I shrugged. “Sure, whatever. You’re the trainer.”

He reached out and pulled me to stand in front of him. His palm was cool against my hot skin. “I want you to completely relax.” His breath tickled my ear.

Relax. Right. Like I could do that with his chest pressed against my back. I nodded anyway. His hands grabbed both of my wrists and lifted my arms so that they stretched above my head.

“Breathe,” he whispered. “In and out. Deep breaths.”

“Right. So you can stare at my chest going up and down. I’m onto you.”

He chuckled lightly. “I could do that anyway. But seriously,
Amerie
, I want to see your breathing technique. Close your eyes and just breathe.”

I shut my eyes, relaxing my mind as much as possible and began to breathe deeply. His fingers trailed down from my wrists and ran down my arms, sending shivers down my spine. Then one hand dropped and the other moved towards my chest, his palm pressing against my heart.

“There is nothing more relaxing than listening to the beat of a heart,” he said, and my eyes flew back open. “Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.”

I gulped, letting my arms drop down behind his neck.

“Dum-dum. Dum-dum. Dum-dum. Why’s your heart rate increasing?”

I spun around, our faces inches apart. This time, he stayed still and my hand moved up to sweep across his black eye, his red cheek, the cut on his mouth. My finger ran across his top lip hesitantly. With reflexes as fast as mine, his hand flew up and snapped around my wrist, yanking my fingers back. But he didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. Didn’t step away. Feeling braver than I usually would have in a situation like this, I edged forward, hoping to place my lips where my finger had just been. His head dipped, and I kept my eyes open, not wanting to miss a single moment of this. Just as his lips brushed over mine, he whipped his head to the side, staring down at the floor.

“
Amerie
,” he whispered. “We can’t.”

Humiliation burned through me like a fever. I stepped back, shaking my head as if the near kiss didn’t bother me at all, when actually all I wanted was to scream, “Why don’t you want me?”

“I’m not good for you,” Marshall said sadly, but there was a hint of guilt behind his eyes, too. As though, it was his fault that I had feelings for him because he’d done nothing to avoid it. “I’m only supposed to train you until your mentor is picked. Then I won’t have any more contact with you.”

My head snapped up. “What? You were just gonna, what, back into the shadows and never talk to me again?”

“There’s a reason I can’t stick around,
Amerie
,” he said cagily and with eyes that wouldn’t quite meet mine.

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Did it slip your mind that I do have a life? There’s other things I need to do with what’s left of it.”

“What?”

“And don’t forget The Sisterhood and what they want…”

I grabbed one of the bottles of water and threw it at him. He sidestepped it easily. “I don’t give a shit what the Sisterhood wants!”

“
Amerie
, please...”

“No.” I shook my head again, and stormed across the room, ready to grab my coat and bag. “You actually did mean all that stuff in the car. We’re not friends. I’m just a job to you. Well, screw you, Marshall. I don’t want to train with you anymore, and I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“But... what about Seal?”

“Seal can kiss my ass. You get Albert to call me and tell me what I need to know.”

Marshall’s eyes widened almost…desperately. “
Amerie
, wait. Come on – I’m sorry. You’re being a bit immature about all of this. I didn’t mean…”

“Oh am I? I thought that I was making this easier on you,” I hissed. “We don’t want your leaving me to be hard now, do we? So I’m leaving while I’m still nothing to you.”

“If you want to go home, please let me drive you. We can talk about this on the way...”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” I pulled on my coat roughly and stormed out of the warehouse, slamming the metal door behind me. As it clanged shut, I winced and
sucked in a deep breath. Then with another deep breath, I took off at a run towards the bus stop and didn’t look back.

I got off the bus five stops early and headed towards the cemetery instead – something I hadn’t been doing for a while. I found nothing. No Damned. No mischief. Nothing to distract my grief. In the end, utterly dejected and feeling extremely sorry for myself, I headed home.

After a morning of intense shopping, Mercy and I were equipped with killer outfits and were at Mercy’s house, getting ready. She had a whole lot more makeup, and accessories, than I did, which made dressing up that much more fun.

“What about these?” Mercy asked, dangling a pair of diamond teardrop earrings in front of my face.

I looked up from the magazine I was reading on her king-sized bed. “They’re okay. I
kinda
wanted something more plain. Got any studs?”

“Oh, I do! Red ones. They’re the cutest things...” She spun back around and began digging through her
jewelry
box again.

I flipped the magazine shut and stared around Mercy’s bedroom. I never could get used to how
colorful
she liked things, red walls with black furniture and all black accessories. Her room was enormous, too. Bigger than even my old bedroom from before.

“So, what’d your dad and step-monster get you for your birthday?” Mercy asked, back still turned.

“I reckon Bitch Face bought my presents this year, but I got loads of clothes vouchers and a new phone.” I pulled it out of my pocket, suddenly remembering it.

Mercy turned to glance at it. “Nice. Oh, and we should so go shopping tomorrow with your vouchers.” She returned to her searching. “Was your dad mad you weren’t spending your birthday with him?”

“Nope. Don’t think he really cares. It’s probably a relief, to be honest. All I’ve done is bitch about this day for months now, but I’m glad we’re doing this. It’s taking my mind off a lot of stuff.”

“Like what? Your mum?”

“For one.” I sighed. “And... I tried to kiss Marshall last night.”

Mercy spun around so quickly, I startled on the bed. “What?”

“I didn’t get very far,” I added. “He doesn’t want to get too close to me because the Sisterhood told him once they find me a mentor, he’s gotta stay away from me. And though he breaks like a million rules, it seems he’s planning to obey that one. Oh, and not to mention he has a life, and I’m not part of it.”

Mercy narrowed her eyes. “That’s bullshit.”

“I know,” I agreed with a frown.

“No, I mean the fact that you believe he’ll do that is bullshit.”

“What are you talking about, Mercy? He turned away from the kiss and told me that he’s gonna leave as soon as they tell him to and go about his merry way living his merry life.”

Mercy plodded over to the bed, hands full of necklaces, bracelets, and earrings. “Hun. You have a little thing to learn about guys. In my mind, he doesn’t want to risk anything with you in case the Sisterhood punishes him or they get you a new mentor quickly. So he’s trying to play it safe. But he won’t be able to stay away for long, because you can tell he likes you.”

“How would you know?” I demanded, folding my arms like an insolent child.

“Duh, I’ve seen it.”

“The two times you’ve ever seen him?” I argued. Deep inside me, hope began to bubble. Was Mercy right?

“I know. You said he was gonna swing by to the party tonight, right?”

“Yeah, but he won’t now. Not now that I told him to stay away from me.”

“If he turns up, it means he likes you. If he doesn’t turn up, it means he’s doing what he thinks is right and staying away.”

“Or,” I countered, “he’s turning up to look out for me even though I told him not to because he’s following through on his word.”

“Same difference,” Mercy said, shaking her head. Suddenly she glanced down at her hands. “There they are! Oh, you’re gonna look amazing. When Marshall shows up, you’re gonna knock him off his feet.”

Sam and Chuck arrived in Sam’s car at ten on the dot. I checked my reflection in the mirror once more as Sam beeped impatiently. I’d been going for sexy, but I wasn’t sure that I was actually coming across that way. It looked more slutty than amazing, to me.

“You ready?” Mercy asked, strutting back into her bedroom. She looked stunning, of course. Part of me wished I’d kept hold of the outfit she was now wearing. Originally, I’d picked it up, but then we both decided Mercy would look better dressed as Snow White, with her pale skin and dark, black hair.

So, I’d gone as Little Red Riding Hood instead. My dress came to the middle of my thigh, and had a
checkered
red and white corset that started below the bust and flared at the waist coming just short of the white dress below it. Mercy and I both wore knee-length white stockings and killer high heels. Mercy’s outfit was topped off with a bag in the shape of an apple. My outfit was finished with a red silk cloak, and a hood that came down to the length of my dress.