My Heart Can't Tell You No (51 page)

“So you broke up.”

“Yeah, Sailor, sort of. We broke up.”

“And you were pregnant with me.”

“That’s right.”

“But if he loved you—why didn’t he want
me
?”

“Because he didn’t know about you, honey. I never told him you and Robby are his sons.”

“But you were married to Dad when you got pregnant with Robby. I know that. I remember that.”

“Yes, I was. But although I was married to Bob, I still loved Joe. And he still loved me. We were trapped together during the flood. And like I said before, when two people love each other that much . . . .”

“They
do
it,” he said sullenly.

“Well, that’s one way of putting it,” she breathed.

“Is that why Joe came back here to live? Because we’re his sons?”

“No. He doesn’t know.”

“Are you going to tell him?” He started crying again.

“I’m not going to tell him. I
can’t
tell him.”

“Why?”

“Jackie, it’s too complicated.”

“No it’s not. I’ll understand.”

“No. You have to allow me this privacy. Maybe when you’re older, much older, I’ll try to explain it to you. As of now, I’ll only say Joe wouldn’t forgive me for lying to him.”

“Tell him, Mom. Tell him so he’ll go away and it’ll be the way it’s always been since Dad died. We don’t need him, Mom. I can take care of us.”

“No, Jackie. I won’t tell him. I won’t send him away. Because Robby and I
do
need him.”

“More than you need me?”

“Never more than you. You are a part of me. You’re a part of the man I love, and I need you so very much. But then, you need and love me too, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And you need and love Gram, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then can’t you see I need and love all three of you? You, Robby
and
Joe?”

“
I
don’t need him and love him. I
hate
him!” He ran to his bedroom, then back with his framed picture of Bob. “And I don’t need or love
him
anymore either.”

Maddie watched with shock as he tossed it into the wastebasket and picked up his baseball bat and smashed it down on top of it.

“Jackie!! Don’t!!” She pulled the bat from him before he could bring its tip down on the already smashed frame. She might be able to save the photograph. “I said don’t!”

“It’s mine! I can break it!”

“It’s broken already. So let it be. I know you’re upset—but don’t destroy the picture. You’ll want it again after you’ve calmed down.”

“Why? He’s not my
father
. You told me all about that.”

“No. But he’s the man who raised you until he died. He’s the man who gave you his name.” She delicately picked up the broken frame, emptying the glass in the wastebasket before dusting the rest of it off with a paper tissue.

“And
you
gave me Joe’s name!”

“No, I didn’t. I gave you John’s name. Bob named you Joseph. And it was Bob’s idea to put Joe’s name down as your father. He wanted you to know who your father was for your medical history.”

“What’s that?” he asked skeptically.

“Your mother’s side of the family—my side—has a lot of heart disease and diabetes. On my father’s side very few of his brothers and sisters died of heart ailments. Only two out of thirteen children. But everyone else in Pap’s family is living up into their seventies and eighties, and Pap’s father died when he was ninety. That is half of your family medical history, Jackie. Doctors want to know this, so they know what to look for and know what signs, if any, you might come up with so they can treat them before it’s too late. They want to know Gram’s dad died of a stroke and cancer, and her mother died very young of a heart attack. They want to know Pap’s mother died of cancer, and his father lived a full, long life. That’s why Bob wanted you to know Joe is your father. Because half of you is Joe too. If he carries any illnesses, you’ll know.”

“So, do you know what his family died of?”

“His father had a heart attack.”

“Does that mean Gram will die soon? Because her family history says so?”

“Gram is very sick. She
may
die soon, because her heart is like her mother’s. But she has her father’s side to consider too. He lived well into his seventies.”

“Does that mean you’ll die soon too from a weak heart?” His tears were brimming his eyes again.

“I may take after Pap’s side of the family. My Grandpap Baker lived a very long time.”

“So me and Robby
need
to know. I understand. But I still don’t like him. And I never will.” He turned and went back to his room.

“Oh, Jackie,” she sighed as she watched him go.

She glanced at the clock, seeing it was his bed time anyway, although she doubted his early rise that morning would do him any good now. She put the picture on her desk, then moved into the bedroom to find him lying on his bed with his back to her. She moved to sit next to him and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

“I love you, Sailor.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

“I know this is very hard for you. I’m just asking you to come and talk to me when you feel you need to.”

“I will.”

“Are you sleepy?”

“Yes. I think I’ll go to sleep real fast now.”

“All right. I’ll stay home from the store tomorrow and see you off to school if you want me to.”

“I’m too big for that, Mom.”

“Too big for me to make you breakfast and see that you’re dressed properly and your hair is combed? How about if I promise not to stand with you while you wait for the bus? This year you can wait for it by yourself, as long as Tom or I watch from the window, and you don’t cross the road until the bus has come to a complete stop. How does that sound?”

“All right. I’d like it if you stayed home tomorrow.”

“Try to get some sleep now, okay?”

“I will.”

“Goodnight, Jackie.”

“Goodnight, Mom.”

Maddie left the room, slowly walking toward the living room but stopping when she saw Joe standing at her desk holding a drowsy Robby with one arm, and the broken picture frame with the other.

“What happened here?” He looked up at her.

“That’s my father,” Robby explained as he reached for the picture, but Joe pulled it away from his small hand.

“Don’t touch it. You’ll get cut.”

“
Shh
.” Maddie went to them and took the picture, quickly picking up the birth certificate from the coffee table that he hadn’t seen. She moved back to the filing cabinet/safe and removed Robby’s birth certificate from the filing side and deposited all items in the safe before closing everything up. “Jackie’s in bed for school tomorrow. He has to get to sleep.”

“So what happened?” Joe sat on the couch with Robby and pulled the youngster’s thumb from his mouth. “Don’t do that.”

“I won’t,” Robby yawned as he nestled against Joe’s chest, then promptly stuck his thumb back in his mouth as his eyelids drooped.

“We had a small accident,” Maddie explained, going back to her desk and putting all of her papers inside her folder. “That’s all.”

“A small accident that happened when someone smashed that picture of Bob and Jackie with that bat,” Joe told her, watching her carefully.

“Jackie was upset with Bob.” She picked up the bat and looked at its tip, seeing particles of glass on it, then took it to her bedroom. She would fix it tomorrow. She didn’t have the energy tonight. When she returned to the living room she saw Robby was fast asleep on the end of the couch as Joe sat smoking a cigarette. “You’re quite the detective to figure that out from just a glance.”

“Why was he upset with Bob? I thought the man was his hero.”

“I don’t know. I sent him to bed.” She sat on the chair closest to him, hoping he would drop the subject. She needed him to hold her, not badger her about something she had no intentions of telling him.

“You sent him to bed,” he said flatly. “without asking what was on his mind. That’s not like you, Maddie.”

“Well, I was extremely busy with inventory figures at the time.”

“When your
store
interferes with your kids, then I’d say its about time to close up shop.”

She looked at him through angry eyes. He had no right to tell her what to do with her business! He should know better! She had a broad enough mind to take care of the store, and her children,
and
him,
and
worry over her mother’s health! But as she looked at him she realized he
did
know better. It was her remarks that had made him question her.

“I’ll do that. If it becomes a habit. Okay?”

“If you say so. What do you plan on doing about it in the meantime?”

“Doing about
what
? Jackie or the store?”

“Jackie.”

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow before he goes to school. I’m staying home so I can see him off. Does that make up for it?”

“Come here.” He crushed out his half-smoked cigarette and took her in his arms as he pulled her down onto his lap. “Did I tell you I’m in love with this gorgeous brunette, and I have a feeling she could do
anything
and I’d let her get away with it?”

“Anything . . . but lie.”

“Don’t spoil a compliment when I offer it to you. I don’t offer them that much,” he smiled lazily as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. “Where were you this evening? Robby and I were waiting for you. We were going to take you out for some ice cream.”

“Only because you know I don’t like it and you would’ve had to eat mine as well as your own.”

“You don’t like ice cream? That’s un-American. That’s even un-human.”

“Well, what can I say? I never was an ice cream eater. While you, Bob and my brothers were bankrupting my parents with ice cream cones, I was taking a few licks then handing mine to Tom to finish.”

“Not me. I ate mine because Mom bought it for me. I couldn’t see her wasting her money.”

“Not that you liked it or anything,” she teased.

“I like you better.” He pulled her against him as he smiled into her eyes.

“I know,” she chuckled. “I bet you don’t make those noises when you’re eating ice cream. Now, I think we need to go clean this little guy up. And I’d like to thank you for bringing my son home with chocolate ice cream melted over his shirt, face and hands.” She took Joe’s hand from her waist, bringing it up to the front of her and showing him the brownness of it. “Then we can start on you. You’re almost as bad as Robby. Were you trying to see who could wear more chocolate ice cream?”

“You’ll never believe how that happened.”

“Go ahead. Try me.”

“I was sitting there, watching Robby climb up beside me on the bench when this beautiful redhead and her friend come up to me. Naturally I was watching her instead. She was talking to me as they sat across the table. I heard Robby yell, and I looked over just in time to see his ice cream falling off his cone and heading straight for my lap. I didn’t have time to grab anything else, so I caught the mound of gushy ice cream in my hand.”

“And what did your beautiful redhead have to say about that?”

“Something like,
Dad,
you’re
gross
,” he smiled, bringing a chuckle from her as she rose and carried Robby to the bathroom.

“Robby. Wake up. You need to be washed off.”

“No, I’ll eat it tomorrow.” He nestled tightly against her.

Maddie looked down at him, not having the heart to wake him. She transferred him to Joe’s arms and wet a washcloth, wiping Robby’s face, hands and the area that had been dribbled on his chest. As Joe took him to his bedroom, she hoped Jackie was asleep.

She went to her own room for some fresh clothes. When she came back, Joe was standing in the bathroom, removing his shirt to take his bath. As she stepped into the boys’ room, she saw both were sleeping soundly; then she moved to the living room. She needed a few minutes to herself. After her talk with Jackie she hadn’t been allowed any time to think. Funny how the man who was the center of her problem was the man who had eased her mind and prevented her from thinking with a heavy heart. Since talking with Joe she had a feeling things would turn out all right. She’d be gentle with Jackie, but he had a strength that surpassed many seven-nearly-eight-year-olds. He would survive and deal with it.