My Lost Daughter (12 page)

Lily was beginning to panic. Her daughter was clearly irrational and the look in her eyes was frightening. She was either already psychotic or she was teetering on the brink. There was no doubt she needed immediate treatment. She would have to find someone local. The problem was it was so late, and tomorrow was Saturday. Most psychologists didn't keep their offices open on weekends. Finding someone who would see a new patient right away wasn't feasible. The only thing she could think of was to take her to a mental health clinic. She didn't believe an emergency room would dispense the kind of medicine her daughter needed. Every university had some kind of student clinic, but she didn't want something like that in Shana's records. “Do you have a phone book? I need to call the airlines.”

“I'm not going. You'll be wasting your money if you buy me a ticket.”

“You don't have to come with me. I just need to call and confirm my flight for tomorrow. Will you at least let me buy you a decent meal?” She glanced around the room. “You'll get sick if you keep eating junk food.”

“Fine,” Shana said, picking the hammer up from the coffee table and handing it to her. “I'll go to dinner with you if you promise not to talk about me going to Ventura anymore. I think the phone book is on top of the refrigerator. If you can't find it, just look up the number on my computer. I'll take my shower now. Talking to you makes me feel dirty.”

The bathroom was in the hallway. Once Shana went inside and closed the door, Lily darted into her bedroom and sat down at her desk. Books were stacked on the floor, along with piles of paper. She typed in “mental health” on Shana's computer and found a listing of private hospitals in the San Francisco area. Most of them were for alcohol and drug rehab, but she didn't care. All she needed was someone to prescribe medication. If Shana could get some sleep, she might be able to get over the hump by Sunday night when Lily had to leave. She was an adult so she couldn't force her to come back to Ventura with her.

Lily found a hospital named Whitehall that was located on the outskirts of San Francisco. From the picture, she believed she had passed it on her way to Palo Alto and it looked like a nice place. Quickly entering the phone number and address into her cell phone, she returned to the living room to wait for Shana.

“I think I got all the rats out of my hair.” Shana was dressed in a pair of blue slacks that looked several sizes too large for her and a heavy white wool sweater.

She was a beautiful woman, Lily thought, far more attractive than herself. Her hair had more gold tones in it, although she'd inherited her mother's natural curl. They both hated their hair because it was perpetually frizzy and hard to manage. Shana's body was more curvaceous than Lily's and her legs were long and shapely. Lily's legs were pasty white toothpicks. She used to work out every morning, but lately she hadn't had the energy and her back pain was too severe. But right now, Shana's looks meant nothing. If she acted like this around other people, they would turn around and run the other way.

Lily stood and smiled. “Are we ready?”

“Yeah, I just need to get my cell phone.”

Shana didn't realize what she had said. If the phone didn't work, why would she want to take it with her? She had been avoiding Lily's calls, plain and simple. Why? What had she done? She gave her everything she asked for. She was obviously sick. Nothing else made sense.

They finally made it out of the apartment. Lily knew Shana would refuse to go if she knew where they were headed. It was late now, past ten, and it seemed far more important to get help rather than to buy her a meal she more than likely wouldn't eat.

Approximately thirty minutes later, she pulled into the driveway of the hospital and parked. There was no sign on the building and only six cars in the parking lot, which she assumed belonged to the staff. The exterior of the hospital resembled an old Southern mansion, which was probably why they had named it Whitehall. There were balconies and ivy growing up walls near the entrance.

“I've never been to this restaurant,” Shana told her, staring up at the large white structure. “What kind of food do they serve?”

Lily's nerves were frazzled. She wished she'd had time to call the hospital and explain the situation but if Shana had overheard her, she would have refused to leave the apartment. “Let's go see, okay?”

The lobby resembled a hotel, which made Lily's story that it was a restaurant more believable. “Why don't you have a seat while I see if they'll take us without a reservation?”

“There's no one there, Mom. Maybe they're closed.”

Lily ignored her and walked up to the counter. She saw a phone on the counter and picked it up. When a female voice answered, she cupped her hands around her mouth and spoke in a hushed tone. “My daughter needs help and I don't know where else to take her. I tricked her into coming here. She thinks this is a restaurant.”

“Don't worry,” the woman said, “we'll take care of her. Stay there and I'll come right out.”

A middle-aged woman dressed in business attire appeared, glancing at Lily and then over at Shana as if she wasn't sure which one of them had the problem. Lily hurried across the room, leaving Shana on the sofa.

“Michelle Newman,” the woman said. “I'm one of the hospital administrators. It might be better if you stepped outside for a while. As soon as we take her back, you can return and wait here in the lobby. The interview process usually takes about an hour.”

“But you don't even know what's wrong with her.”

“We're professionals, Ms. . . .”

“Forrester . . . Lily Forrester. I don't want her admitted. She just needs some type of medication to calm her down and help her sleep. She's depressed and she hasn't been sleeping.” Shana was glaring at her. Lily knew she had to do something fast.

“We'll call you in to discuss our assessment of your daughter as soon as we conclude the interview. All I need is her name, date of birth, and her insurance information.”

Lily provided her with the information. “Okay, I'll leave. She's not going to be a happy camper. She spent some time in a mental hospital years ago and hated it.” The woman's interest intensified. “Nothing was actually wrong with her. I mean, she doesn't suffer from a mental disorder. She was basically stressed out, which might be what's happening now. She attends law school over at the university.”

Shana was gesturing for her. Lily held up a palm to let her know she should wait. “Your ad said you deal mostly with drug and alcohol problems. Is that correct?”

“We treat a wide variety of illnesses and addictions. Shana is in good hands, Ms. Forrester. Whitehall is one of the finest hospitals of its kind in California.”

A large man with bulging muscles came out, dressed in a striped polo shirt and tan slacks, a bored expression on his face.

Lily started inching her way toward the door when Shana stood to follow her. The man came up behind her and grabbed her by the arm.

“Get your hands off of me!” Shana shouted, trying to jerk away. “Mom, what kind of place is this? Why are you leaving? What's going on?”

“Everything will be fine, honey. This is a hospital and they're going to help you.”

Shana started kicking and screaming. “Why are you doing this to me? Are you punishing me because I didn't answer your stupid calls? I just haven't been in the mood to talk to anyone.” She
paused and gulped in air, red-faced and furious. “This is a damn mental institution, isn't it? You're the one who's insane, not me. I fucking hate you.”

Lily felt oddly calm. She walked out of the hospital and didn't look back. She heard another string of profanity just as she stepped outside into the cold night air.

She sat down on the steps of the hospital, wishing that she still smoked cigarettes. Here she was amidst all this natural beauty, and all she felt was a blinding sense of failure. The scent of burning wood filled the air. The sky was clear and the moon was full. Shana hadn't meant the ugly things she had said, she told herself. Once she got some rest, she would be fine.

Lily also knew the use of illegal drugs was escalating among high-achieving young people such as doctors, mathematicians, and physicists, people a person would never conceive of as drug abusers. The competition was so fierce today and the workload was so heavy that they sometimes resorted to drugs just to stay awake. But she'd never considered law school to be that difficult. Maybe Shana wasn't as intelligent as she thought. Here was another area that reminded her of Noelle Reynolds. She had skated along for years before the truth came out.

Most people's finances were in such terrible shape, they couldn't afford to send their children to an expensive university like Stanford. Parents who had saved for years in order to provide their children with an education woke up one morning last year to find it all gone.

Lily was fortunate because she had a steady income, but knowing that the presiding judge wanted her gone kept her constantly on edge. If she made any mistake whatsoever, Hennessey would fire her. There were far too many attorneys in California and setting up a private practice was expensive and time consuming. Her expertise was in criminal law, which would make it hard for her to earn a living as a defense attorney. The majority of criminals were indigent.

She reached the Dodge rental car and slipped into the driver's seat. She gave thought to climbing into the backseat to take a nap,
but she was too anxious to sleep. Maybe she'd done the wrong thing by bringing Shana to this place. She always seemed to do the wrong thing when it came to her daughter. Shana had made that perfectly clear tonight.

Lily struggled to keep from going back inside and taking Shana home. If she wasn't in trial, she could stay in Palo Alto and take care of her, get to the bottom of things. Her career had always interfered with her life, especially when it came to her daughter. But she had to support herself. There was the expense of the new house and providing for Shana's education, which seemed to grow more costly every month.

What was she doing with all that money? Lily asked herself. She hadn't bought new furniture and Lily hadn't seen any shopping bags from clothing stores. It had to be drugs. She thought of gambling. Although gambling wasn't legal in California, there were Internet gaming sites and a person could get in just as much trouble as they could inside a real casino.

Then another thought passed through Lily's mind. Shana could have become pregnant and undergone an abortion. But even that wouldn't explain the kind of money she claimed she needed every month. She could have been arrested for DWI, which would have cost a bundle. Her father had developed a problem with alcohol and it had landed him in serious trouble.

Merely thinking of the things John had done made Lily furious. While driving under the influence one night, John had struck a pedestrian in Los Angeles, leaving the poor man to die alone on the street. After their divorce, he had quit his government job to become a real estate agent, a job he wasn't cut out for. A person who made their living in sales had to work hard and John had been habitually lazy. He had also been stupid in many ways. While bending over to check the injured man, he had dropped his wallet. The police had tracked him down the next day and arrested him for vehicular manslaughter. It didn't help that it had been his second DWI.

And who did her ex-husband call to post his bail and hire an attorney to represent him? He had called Lily, of course. When she
refused to give him money, he had cut a deal with the DA, telling them that Lily had killed Bobby Hernandez. In exchange for his information, John received a reduced sentence in the hit-and-run.

Lily had been relieved when the police had showed up on her doorstep, grateful that the nightmare would finally be over. Precious Shana had saved her, though, marching into the DA's office without her mother's knowledge and claiming she was the one who had shot Hernandez. The DA knew she was covering for her mother. The crime was far too sophisticated to have been committed by a young girl. Shana didn't even have a driver's license. Lily would probably still be in prison if Marco Curazon, the man who'd actually raped them, had not been apprehended a short time later.

Shana had shown courage and self-sacrifice in doing what she had done. After Curazon was arrested, Lily had been forced to come up with something to explain Shana's strange behavior. The only thing that made sense was telling them that she had suffered a breakdown. To make sure their story was credible Shana had agreed to spend a week inside a mental hospital in Ventura.

As Lily thought about it, she came to the realization that it wasn't long after the stint in the hospital that Shana started to resent her again. Desperate to talk to someone, she called Chris to tell him what was going on.

“Why in God's name did you take her to a mental hospital? Was she really in that bad a shape?”

“She wasn't rational and she hadn't been sleeping or taking care of herself. I can't explain it, Chris, but she needed immediate treatment. Her place was a mess and I found marijuana. Not much, I admit, but Shana has never used drugs before.” She paused and took a breath. “They're not going to keep her, Chris. All I want them to do is give her some medicine so she can sleep. They're evaluating her now.”

“I don't know what to say, honey. I've never met the girl. Do what you feel is right.”

“Chris, there's something we have to talk about when I get back.”

“What?”

“I did something terrible. That's why I was trying to talk you out of marrying me.”

“Listen, we've all done things we regret. I want us to start off fresh, make it a new beginning for both of us. The past doesn't matter. It's our future that matters, and I know it's going to be wonderful.”

“But you don't understand. I committed a crime, Chris.”