My Lost Daughter (8 page)

Lily loved her daughter with all her heart, but she had turned into what people today referred to as an “energy vampire.” Five minutes into a conversation and Lily was completely drained, and that was when nothing was wrong. Right now she was so exhausted, she felt like cancelling the afternoon session and going home. “Shana, darling,” she said, propping her head up with her hand, “Ventura has a number of excellent review programs geared specifically to passing the exam. So you spend some extra time preparing. What's the big deal? I was in one of those programs and it helped me tremendously.”

“Don't placate me, Mother. You passed the bar the first time and scored in the top ten percent of the nation. Shit, don't you know what an accomplishment that was? I can't even begin to compete with you. I inherited your looks, not your intellect. Dad would have never let this happen to me. You just can't admit that you have a daughter that isn't as smart as you.”

Both Lily's lines were lit and blinking. She looked at the clock and saw it was past time for her to return to the courtroom. If Hennessey found out she'd held a fully staffed courtroom waiting, he would carve her a new asshole. She punched the button for the intercom and told Jeannie to advise the clerk that she was running late due to an emergency. When she returned to the line, Shana was still speaking.

“. . . You never told me the California bar exam is one of the hardest in the nation. They have an exclusionary bar. That means that rather than merely trying to screen out people who're incompetent, the exam is used to regulate the number of lawyers in the state. Other states have shorter and easier bar exams because they don't have the large number of attorneys California has.” Shana stopped speaking and sucked in oxygen. “Why didn't you send me to school in Oklahoma or something? Then I would at least have a chance. But no, you wanted me to fail. Dad said you liked it when people screwed up because it made you feel even more superior.”

Lily felt like crawling out of the office on bloody knees. According to her daughter and her deceased husband, she was responsible for everything that went wrong in the family. John had even blamed her for the rapes. But John was dead, and Lily had done everything in her power to establish a good relationship with Shana. Every time she thought the past was behind her, it came back to smack her in the face. “I'm coming up there. We'll sort things out and get you back on track. I can't come until tomorrow night because I'm in trial.”

“You're always in trial. Don't worry about me, Mom. I'll be fine.”

Lily heard the phone click and knew Shana had hung up. Chris stuck his head in the door to her private office with a downcast look on his face. They were supposed to have had lunch at Joe's Bar and Grill a few blocks from the courthouse. When she'd finally got through to Shana, Lily had told him to go without her and she'd meet him as soon as she finished. “I'm sorry,” she told him, a line of perspiration across her forehead. “I'm late and they're waiting.”

He placed a sack on her desk. “I brought you a sandwich. You've got to eat, Lily. You're already too thin.”

“I'm five-ten, Chris,” she said, shoving her arms into her robe. “I've been thin all my life. It has something to do with my metabolism. Thanks for the sandwich. I'll eat it at the afternoon break.”

Lily jogged down the corridor to Division Forty-seven, her black robe flapping like a cape. By the time she raced up the steps to the bench, she was out of breath and panting. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself, and then called the court to order. Once Clinton Silverstein concluded his opening statement, Lily turned to Fowler. “You may begin your opening statement, counselor.”

Fowler stood and faced the jury. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have been brought together today because a tragedy has occurred. An innocent, unsuspecting child was the victim of a senseless act that was undeserved. You or I could just as easily have been involved in the situation leading up to the events that brought us here today. But there is a second tragedy in this case. My client, who has attended our school system and is the daughter of a highly respected member of our community, stands here today before you wrongfully accused of this crime. Try to imagine, if you will, what it feels like to be falsely accused of the kinds of things the prosecution wants us to consider. How would you react? What the prosecution has failed to tell you is that part of this case is based on junk science. Sure, my client's DNA was found inside the trunk of the car where the prosecutor claims she intentionally left her beloved child's body. This is her car, so her DNA is naturally present throughout the vehicle.

“Do you think for a moment that Dr. Reynolds, an esteemed member of the medical community for over thirty years, would not have made provisions for his grandson's care if he had any suspicions whatsoever that the child was being abused by his daughter? Certainly, there were ill feelings between Noelle and her father during the course of her lifetime.” Fowler paused and chuckled. “Who can say they got along perfectly with their parents? My father served in the marines and would have let me rot in a jail cell if I broke the law, let alone abused a child. Like Dr. Reynolds, he
was a stern parent who laid down the rules and expected me to follow them.

“I know your heart is breaking for the unfortunate victim in this case, but that should not be convincing to you or any other group of reasonable people. Ladies and gentlemen, we cannot bring the poor, unfortunate victim back to tell you what happened. My client would, if she only could, have the truth exposed. Nor should we depend on the kinds of unreliable testimony and shoddy police work you will see exposed in the State's case. Please keep asking yourself the hard questions, and remember there's always another side to every story. As you listen to the prosecution's case, remind yourself that they will not tell you the whole story. It's not their job to do that. They have invested too much of the State's resources already in the misdirected investigation and charging of my client, and it's too late for them to admit they're wrong. My client will be the first to admit she's far from being a perfect person, but hasn't every one of us made a mistake we later regretted?

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Fowler said, summing up, “promise me you'll listen to the whole story, and prevent another tragedy from occurring—the wrongful conviction of an innocent person.”

Once Fowler sat down, Lily said into her microphone, “This court is adjourned until tomorrow morning at nine o'clock.” For a while, she just sat there, staring blankly out over the courtroom. When the attorneys began packing up their litigation cases, she finally exited the bench.

Chris drove his own car three days a week so he could work out at their health club. She peeked into his chambers, but both he and his assistant had already left. Heading back to her own chambers and finding Jeannie gone as well, she glanced at her watch and saw that it was six-thirty. She never ran this late, but her mind had been all over the place today.

Taking the elevator to the garage, where her Volvo was parked, she got in the car and took off. She suddenly realized why her thoughts had kept turning to Shana during Silverstein's opening statement. Her daughter possessed some of the same personality
traits as Noelle Reynolds, not that she would ever commit an act of violence. John had spoiled her, turning her into a demanding brat. His failure to discipline their daughter was one of the reasons their marriage had failed. He always made Lily the bad guy, placing an irreparable strain on her relationship with Shana. The most despicable part was he had done it intentionally.

Hitting a wall of traffic, Lily's mind spun back in time and she began driving on autopilot. She had just been made supervisor of the sex crimes division. The crimes they handled were so horrific and the caseload so backlogged, Lily was forced to work fifteen-hour days, leaving little time to be with her family. One of the reasons she had given in to Richard's sexual advances at work was there was simply no other time to see him.

One particular day would stick in her memory forever. John coached Shana's softball team and she was pitching that day. Lily was held over at work and then got stuck in rush-hour traffic. By the time she arrived at the community center playing field, the game was almost over.

1993
VENTURA, CALIFORNIA

Lily's heels sank into the soft dirt as she walked to a position behind the plate and laced her fingers through the wire fence. Shana was pitching and she made eye contact as her right arm moved back for the pitch. The other parents in the bleachers wore down-filled jackets and sipped steaming coffee from Styrofoam cups. Lily wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to stay warm.

Her daughter was charismatic, the only way to describe the type of popularity she'd been blessed with since the first grade. A ball of energy, beauty, and quick wit, she'd been the most adorable little girl Lily had ever seen. And she'd been Lily's life. Up until the last few years, no matter what was going on in her career, Lily saw her entire universe spinning around Shana. Her daughter had been the one who'd convinced her that there was goodness in the world, real goodness. She had taught Lily how to smile, laugh, and cry tears of joy. She was slipping away now, growing up, changing into a woman. She didn't need Lily anymore. She had her father to meet her every need. Whereas Lily had always been John's baby, Shana was now all he cared about.

The problems with Shana were more than just the oedipal phase of puberty. John was turning her own daughter against her for reasons she couldn't understand. Was it because she'd told him she wanted to become a judge? John had always dreamed of her entering private practice where she would “make a ton of money” and he could retire and spend his time managing their investments. A position on the bench might be prestigious, but the salary was only a notch above what she presently earned as a prosecutor. John didn't understand. He told Lily she was a fool, insisting that she wanted the judgeship for the power alone, simply to feed her ego.

Shana had been only a few months old when Lily decided to enter law school. The decision was major as she was working as an admitting clerk at a local hospital and John was employed at a personnel agency, where his salary fluctuated from month to month. The only way they could afford to get by was for Lily to continue working. John encouraged her desire to become an attorney, continually talking about all the money she would make and how they would never have to pinch pennies again. “You go to law school, and I'll open my own personnel agency. We'll have it made.” Lily worked the graveyard shift and attended classes during the day, leaving Shana with the babysitter only during the hours she was in class. The remainder of the day and evening, prior to the start of her shift at the hospital, Lily carried her daughter around with her, chatting with the baby as if she were an adult.

Lily remembered the exact moment Shana started to talk. It wasn't remarkable, she only said “da da” like all babies, but in no time she started chattering away. All the words Lily had said to her seemed to pop back out like magic. The more the child talked, the more Lily talked to her, until Shana developed a fairly extensive vocabulary. People would ask her name and Shana would smile and say, “Plaintiff.” Thinking she had said “plain tough,” they would roar with laughter. Shana would clap, giggle, and say it again.

Lily had never once spanked her. She read every book she could get on parenting. “We don't bite children,” she'd tell her, “but we can bite an apple.”

Although Lily slept only a few hours a day, napping when Shana napped and nodding off at work during the early morning hours, she was happy. She had no time to worry about her relationship with John. Her grueling schedule left little time for anyone other than her daughter. Oddly, John didn't seem to mind. He'd stopped having sex with Lily not long after Shana was born. Lily had tried to rekindle that part of their life but had not had much success.

She accepted a position with the district attorney's office as soon as Shana entered
kindergarten. Every morning Lily would make her lunch and walk her to school before work. Shana's classmates and teachers adored her. She knew how to share, loved to make other children and adults laugh, and looked as if she'd stepped out of a Disney movie with her freckled face and carrot-colored hair.

In a way, those first words, “plain tough,” also applied to little Shana. Lily had raised her to fear nothing, wanting her to be able to protect herself against anyone and anything that came her way. Just as she had taught Shana how to share and be kind to others, she'd taught her to be strong, brave, and mature. “When I'm not here,” Lily would tell her, “or your daddy's not here, if anything bad ever happens, then you must believe you're a grown-up and do exactly what a grown-up would do. Believe you can do it because you can.” Shana would always blink her eyes and smile when Lily made her speech. She looked for occasions when she could prove herself to her mother, knowing it would make Lily smile with approval. With Lily's encouragement she climbed trees, played ball, would stomp on a spider rather than scream, and once punched a neighbor's dog in the nose when it growled at her. Afterward, she ran home and leapt into her mother's arms, bursting with pride. To John and Lily, she was the golden child, the magic child.

As the years went by and the magic persisted, Shana learned to see it and use it for the power it afforded her. Seeking to bask in her light, her friends would do her homework, give her money, and let her wear their new clothes, many times before they'd even had a chance to wear them.

Shana had started to change around her tenth birthday. John's influence grew stronger, and the girl began snapping at her parents. She also developed quite a temper. Lily refused to tolerate it, but John undermined Lily's attempts to discipline her and allowed Shana to order him around like a servant. The fissure between them as parents widened.