My Mr. Manny (3 page)

Life moved in a flash after Lucia’s arrival. Dirty diapers, midnight feedings, rocking her in the chair, and watching her sleep occupied my time. I hadn’t noticed at first, but Alex continued to work long hours even after the baby was born. It didn’t matter to me at the time because I was lucky enough to stay home with our baby.

When she turned three years old, Lucia was able to enter pre-school. I wanted to work while she was in school; I needed to get out in the job market before I was considered useless and too old.

I was lucky enough to find a job at American Airlines as the administrative assistant to the station manager of LAX, Los Angeles International Airport. I loved my job, and my boss was very flexible and understanding with my hours. He never gave me trouble, even when I had to leave to pick up Lucia from school activities, or when I had to deal with her colds and flus.

~*~*~

It was September, and my baby girl had just started kindergarten. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed my light russet hair had a few grays, and my honey brown eyes were starting to look sunken in. My face was haggard, with dark circles and bags under my lower lids, although my fair olive skin still looked supple. I knew I was still semi-young; I had just turned twenty-eight in April. I just wondered if my appearance was starting to reflect my age and exhaustion.

Things had been rough for us, and our family unit had changed so much. The caring and attentive Alex from the beginning of our relationship was no longer present, physically or emotionally. He continued to work as if it was the only thing important in life. His routine was to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and come home well after Lucia was in bed. I convinced myself he did it for us, so we could live in comfort, but I began to wake from my five-year baby fog and realize that I was happy without him. I thought about trying to change our situation and encourage him to spend more time with Lucia and me. It was sad how the past five years had flown by and how Lucia barely knew her daddy.

At the beginning of November, I decided I would wait up for Alex to come home. I wasn’t quite sure what time he got home on a regular basis because I was always asleep before he arrived. I took a shower and shaved, then lathered myself in lotion and put on a sexy nightgown. It was lingerie, and it was prettier than the sweatpants and too-big T-shirts I sometimes wore to bed. I must have dozed off while waiting for Alex, but I woke up when I heard the shower running. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was twenty minutes past midnight. I wondered for a moment if that was the time he came home every night, which led to the thought of how odd it was for a CEO to be working that late every single day. I felt insecure about my decision to wait for him; it had been a long time. I thought about his reaction to finding me awake and waiting for him.

He walked out of the bathroom, flipping the light switch before he crawled into bed. I smelled the musk from his body wash and some mint from his shampoo when he climbed in next to me. He was on his side, facing away from me, so I scooted closer and wrapped my arm around him. Alex jumped as soon as my arm rested on his body.

“Hi,” I said, for lack of anything better to say

He rolled toward me slightly and replied, “You’re awake?”

“Yeah, I was waiting for you. I wanted to surprise you.”

“Surprise me?” he questioned, with doubt and sarcasm in his voice. He was trying to be hurtful, and it was working.

Beginning to regret this whole idea, I realized I should have just left things the way they were; it would have been easier than putting myself out there just to get stomped all over.

“Well, I thought it was a good idea. I thought we could, you know, spend some time together.”

“Mia, I’m tired. I just want to sleep. Maybe another time.”

“Fine. Sorry to bother you.”

What in the world? He wanted to schedule sex with his wife? This was what my life had come to.

A few hours later, I awoke to the sun shining through the window. As the first part of my morning routine, I slid my hand across the spot next to me on the bed, and as always, the sheets felt empty and cold. I felt stupid and vulnerable after what I had done the night before. After I’d gathered my courage and taken a chance to connect with my husband again, I’d been rejected. It left me cold, empty, and very hurt. I supposed it was my own fault for not doing it sooner, for allowing things to change between my husband and me, and for not trying to keep our marriage alive. I had heard from watching those daytime talk shows that sex was the first thing to go in a relationship, and when it did, it meant the couple was in a bad place. I had also heard that the hardest thing to do was to get the passion back and that restarting intimacy was a very difficult thing to accomplish, but if the relationship was important and worth saving, it should be done. Most women thrived on the emotional part of the relationship, and most men thrived on the sexual part. If either one felt slighted, they would look somewhere else for satisfaction. I thought perhaps I had fulfilled my emotional needs by loving my daughter with all my heart. With who and how did he fulfill his part? Because it wasn’t with me.

I flipped the sheets back and walked into the bathroom. The beige tile was cold, so I hopped to the big, dark, red mat in front of the shower. I turned the knobs to let the water heat up and proceeded to get undressed. My favorite room in the house was next to the water closet. My walk-in closet was grand; it displayed all of my shoes and purses and had ample space to hang all of my clothes. Alex’s was on the other side of the toilet and was the same size. This feature was what had persuaded us to rent this condominium, and now it was all ours. The owners had sold it to us a year ago, and I was so happy I wouldn’t have to worry about moving or finding a new place that suited us.

I showered and got dressed in a knee-length black skirt and a turquoise silk blouse. The skirt showed off my narrow waist and the curve of my round hips. I did my hair and makeup and put on my jewelry before I woke Lucia.

She needed a lot of coaxing to wake up, so I sat on the edge of her bed and ran my hand over her hair and whispered to her. I made up cute little songs to rouse her from slumber.

“Lucia, Lucia, it’s time to get up. Lucia, Lucia, you have to get ready for school. Lucia, Lucia, don’t be a fool,” I sang, and she giggled. She lay there with her eyes closed and stretched a bit. She knew that once her eyes were open, it would be time to begin her daily routine. I sang on and on until she graced me with eyes that glimmered like the ocean in the morning sun. It always made her happy — and what a wonderful way to start the day.

Lucia put on her school uniform, which was a navy blue plaid with thin white, yellow, and green stripes, a white blouse with a round collar, and a navy blue sweater. She wore navy blue knee-highs and black Mary Janes.

“Come on, baby girl. What do you want for breakfast today?” I asked.

“Good morning, Momma. Um . . . I think I want waffles today,” she replied.

I made some coffee, poured her some orange juice, and popped the waffles in the toaster. She sat at the breakfast bar on the big stool and waited for her food.

“So, do you know what you’re doing in school today?”

Her mouth spread into a big smile that showed the adorable dimples she had gotten from her father.

“Yup, we’re working on our sight words today. I already know them all, but the teacher said I have to work on them with the class anyway.”

“That’s great, baby. You practice so much, don’t you?” I asked.

“I do, Momma, and it helps me learn them faster,” she said with such pride.

I placed in front of her a plate of waffles with very little butter and syrup spread on top, and I continued to sip my coffee.

My daughter was beautiful. She had long, russet brown hair with a slight curl, and her dad’s crystal blue eyes. Her skin was fair, but in the summer, she tanned with ease and never burned. She was small and petite like a little flower. She was a girly girl who loved dresses and pink. In that aspect, she was nothing like me; I was more of a tomboy.

I drove Lucia to St. Augustine’s Catholic School and walked her to her line. All of the children were split by classroom and had to line up until school started. It kept them all in order. We waited there until the teacher came for them. Lucia gave me a big hug, and her little arms could almost make it around my waist. I whispered, “I love you,” in her ear when I bent down, and she kissed my cheek and whispered the same.

Lucia was my sunshine, my partner in crime, and my distraction. She was my heart.

After drop-off, I made my way toward Pershing Drive, our employee parking lot behind LAX. School began at eight for Lucia, so I had plenty of time to make it to work before I started an hour later.

I found a parking spot near the employee bus stop and snagged it fast. I was lucky; most days, those spots were full, and I had to park a long way from the stop. The busses ran every fifteen minutes and I always made the half past tram.

On the way to my workspace, I waved to some of my coworkers. Opening the door to my office, I heard my boss on the phone. I peaked in to let him know I had arrived. He nodded and continued with his conversation. Once I put my stuff away, I got down to business. Since my boss was the manager of a department with over three hundred employees, I was kept busy responding to their needs. I gathered their timecards from my inbox and began to work on payroll. Mr. White handed me some letters to type for him, and then gave me some money to pick up lunch for the both of us.

He said, "I'll buy if you fly."

I couldn't refuse because I was starving, so I ran to the food court and ordered us some sandwiches from Chili's.

Five o’clock arrived before I knew it, and while I sat on the bus to go to the parking lot, I decided to call Alex. I was hoping he would be home for dinner today.

“Hello.”

“Hi, honey. How are you?” I asked.

“I’m busy.” He sighed like he was irritated.

“Oh, I was hoping you could make it home for dinner today. I’m on my way to get Lucia from after school care.”

“Mia, I can’t. Being the CEO of this company is not easy. I have idiots working here, and I have to fix their mistakes. Paperwork never ends, and we are doing some employee replacements,” he spat out. I flinched and scowled at his reaction to my simple request.

“I’ll be home late. Don’t wait up,” he said.

I sighed. I was sick of his attitude and disregard for his family.

“That’s fine, Alex. Lucia and I will have dinner alone as usual. It’s not like we know any different. You work seven days a week and never find time for us,” I whisper-yelled. There were a few other people on the bus, and I didn’t want them to hear my conversation.

“Look, Mia, this is not the time to get into this. I gotta go, okay?”

“Well, it’s never the time, is it? Do I need to make an appointment to speak with you, since you’re never home for us to have any sort of conversation? You’re gone before I wake up, and you come home after I’m asleep. This isn’t normal, Alex,” I huffed.

I could feel the blood rushing to my head in anger. My limbs began to tingle, and my nasty temper was signaling that I had sat back long enough. I knew I shouldn’t have let this build up so long, but I had tried to remember he wanted the best for us. He was a dedicated employee; I just wished he was as dedicated to Lucia and me as he was to his job.

“Mia, I gotta go. This is ridiculous. I’m doing this for us. I have invested a lot of time here, and I know it will pay off one day.”

“Bye, Alex,” I said, my voice laced with venom, and hung up. I didn’t even want to hear him say goodbye. I was so angry I didn’t want to hear him at all.

I picked up my precious girl from school, turning my angry tingles into gooey happiness. Lucia was so excited to see me, and my chest felt tight with pride and guilt. I wished she knew what fun with her dad felt like. Who knew if she’d ever have the chance to experience that? I had no idea, and it scared me.

My arms wrapped around her in a hug and I smothered her face with kisses.

“Hi, baby girl. I missed you today.”

She giggled from the kisses and said, “I missed you too, Momma.”

When we got home, she sat at the bar on her stool and started on her homework while I cooked dinner.

Our galley-style kitchen was spacious, and the breakfast bar backed up to the living room. The whole condominium had an open floor plan, so you could see the dining room, living room, and kitchen all at once.

I breaded and fried some chicken cutlets, sautéed some spinach with garlic, and made garlic mashed potatoes. When dinner was finished cooking, I set the table for two, and Lucia and I sat down to eat. Lucia told me about her day and seemed interested in what I did at work while she was at school learning.

After dinner, I cleaned up the table, and then helped Lucia pack up her school stuff for the following day. Bath time came next. Lucia soaked in the tub and played with her toys while I washed her up and rinsed her off when her skin pruned

It was my turn to pick out the book to read to her, which I did while she put on her pajamas. She jumped on the bed, and I tucked her in and lay next to her while I read
Tallulah’s Solo
. Lucia’s head was on my chest, and my arm was wrapped around her. I loved being with her like this, but it always saddened me that her dad was never here to read to her or tuck her in.

That was how our weekdays passed. Every day, one after the other.

Chapter 5

Dodge Ball

One weekend afternoon, Susan, Lucia, and I spent the day at the Getty Center to look at their newest exhibition. Lucia participated in the kid’s crafts while Susan and I examined the artwork, and then we three ate lunch at the museum restaurant.

While we ate, we hardly spoke a word, and the silence allowed crazy thoughts to run through my mind. The most wild idea popped into my head, and I whispered to Susan to see if she was available that evening. She agreed to sit with Lucia while I brought dinner to surprise my husband at work. This was not going to be a sexy-surprise. Instead, I was going to confront him and tell him that if things continued on the way they were going, we might not last much longer as a family. I did everything on my own anyway, so being an official single mom wouldn’t be much different for me.