My Never: a novella

MY
NEVER

(a novella)

Renée
Swann

Volume
One of the

MY
NEVER
series

MY
NEVER

First
Digital
Edition, 2013

Copyright © 2013 by Renée Shearer

This is a work of fiction. Names,
characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination
or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any persons, living or dead,
business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Artwork: Strawberry Moods/Shutterstock.com

All rights reserved. Any reproduction or other unauthorised

 use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited
without the express written permission of the author.

www.reneeshearer.com

For Troy,
because you believed in me
.

August,
2010

Troy,

I dreamt I was
with you last night. We were skipping pebbles across the river, holding hands.
You turned to me and, for the first time, said you loved me. I will always
remember your laugh, your smile. They are imprinted in my brain and forever on
my mind. You will always be a part of my life. But I don’t know if you will
ever see me again. It hurts too much think of what could have been.

Love always, Mon.

May
,
2013

My life is over. I’m
turning thirty. And as if
that isn’t
enough, I had a major fight with my best friend of twenty years. Katie
should’ve known better, and I hate myself right now for feeling this way.

When
I was twenty, I had my life all mapped out. I was going to open my own book
publishing business and get married and have kids. I never thought I’d end up
single, friendless and an editorial assistant.

This
week was supposed to be fun. Kate and I planned to fly to Cairns for a joint
birthday celebration - but I guess that’s cancelled now. Maybe I’ll go by
myself and meet a hot guy who I’ll have a fling with. A girl can dream.

My
thoughts circled to my one true love - Troy. We were high school sweethearts
and never would have broken up if we hadn’t gone to different colleges, on
opposite sides of the country. I remembered him as if it was yesterday. And I
missed him. He’s my never - the person who I should have ended up with, the one
who shakes your soul, but timing was never right.

With
endless possibilities for my solo vacation, I packed my bags and was on the
next available flight to Cairns.

I
stowed my carry-on in the overhead compartment and settled into my seat.
Cairns,
here I come!
I thought. Two weeks of sun, sand and Kerouac. I tugged
The
Town and the City
from my handbag and flicked to the marked page.

My mother was the first
person I called when I landed.

“Monique,”
she said, “How was your flight?”

“It’s
was okay,” I said, “Couldn’t wait to have my feet on solid ground again.”

“This
thing with you and Kate, it’s silly. Are you willing to let a little lie get
between the two of you?”

My
face crumpled at the thought of the friendship being over. “I don’t know, Ma.
And it was a pretty big lie.”

“So
what? It’s silly!”

My
finger punched the
end call
button. Now I needed a drink. Everyone I’d
confided in thought I was being childish, irrational - but I can’t stand liars.

I
stalked over to retrieve my luggage then located the airport bar and hauled
myself onto a stool.

The
bartender floated over. “What can I get’cha?”

“Whiskey,”
I grumbled.

He
appraised me then arched an eyebrow.

“What?”
I said, “Girls can’t drink hard liquor?”

He
poured me a shot, lips stretching into a lop-sided grin.

“Thanks.”
I flicked a stray peanut off the counter. Now that I was here, I just wanted to
relax and forget about my crappy life for two weeks, if that was possible.

A
man in his sixties occupied the adjacent stool. He eyed me then removed his
black fedora. “You look like you’ve been put through the wringer.”

I
nodded. “Feels like it.”

“Been
there myself,” he said, “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.”

He
caught the bartender’s attention. “Another, for the lady, and a gin and tonic
for me.” He swivelled. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?”

I
sniffled. “I’m on holidays. I was supposed to be travelling with a friend but-”

“You
had a fight?”

“Yeah.”
I gnawed on my lip.

“Cheer
up, Love. Nothing’s ever as bad as it seems.”

I
hoped not. But right now, it felt pretty awful.

I pushed through the
glass doors of the resort, towing my suitcase behind me, and stepped up to the
reception desk.

“Can
I help you?” said the receptionist, Kaley, with a saccharine smile in place.

“I
have a reservation under Cullen,” I said.

Her
fingers clicked on the computer’s keyboard. She stared at the screen for a beat
then said, “Oh, you’re already checked in.” She slid a key card across the
counter.

Huh?
How was it possible that
I had already checked in? Unless ...

I
rushed to the elevator and punched the
up
button until the doors opened.
I jumped in then rode it to the fifth floor. As I entered room 512, a flash of
blue caught my attention. A slender blonde traipsed into the living area.

I
dropped my suitcase and stalked over to her, my features hardening. “What’re
you doing here?”

Kate’s
eyes drifted to me. “Celebrating my thirtieth. Didn’t think you’d come.” She
ripped open a chocolate wrapper and took a bite.

I
sighed, squeezing my eyes shut. I couldn’t bear to spend two weeks with her,
let alone another moment. “Why must you ruin
everything
for me?”

“You’re
doing this to yourself, Mon. I only said that I’ll
consider
us moving in
together because I didn’t think you’d stay long.”

Anger
boiled inside me. “You think I can’t commit to something?” I wanted to reach
out and wipe that smug grin off her far-too-innocent face.

“I
never said that. You’re twisting my words again.”

I
snatched the handle of my suitcase, shaking my head.

“What?”
she said.

“You
can take your house and sh-”

Her
phone rang. She put it to her ear. “Hello?”

My
teeth gnashed. Katie had always been the same self-absorbed girl since she was
young. She will never change. Why bother continuing with the friendship?

I
rode the elevator back down to the lobby then marched over to the reception
desk. “Can I get another room?”

“Sorry,
all booked,” said Kaley.

Absolutely
perfect.

I
trudged outside. The sun was setting and I was starving. I didn’t know where to
go. I was three thousand, four hundred and forty-four kilometres from home.

As
I lumbered down the street, the scent of cheese and beef invaded my nose. My
eyes searched for the source - a pizzeria, half a block away. I ordered a
pepperoni pizza and a beer then slid into the booth by the door.

Where
was I going to sleep tonight? I didn’t know.

A
few minutes later, my greasy dinner arrived. I nibbled at a slice as I
people-watched out of the window. I felt a hand on my shoulder and swivelled.

“Well,
well! What’s Moni Cullen doing in the Sunshine State?”

I
gazed up at the handsome man with sparkling blue eyes. “Troy?” I must be
hallucinating.

“In
the flesh.” He sat opposite me. “So. What brings you here? Last time we spoke,
you were pretty much
in love
with your
perfect
book publishing
career in Perth.”

I
shrugged, dropping my eyes to the table. “I’m here celebrating my birthday.” I
drew invisible patterns on the laminate.

His
eyes assessed me. “Well, you look happy,” he teased.

I
picked off a chunk of pepperoni and dropped it into my mouth.

He
arched an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

I
always was an open book to him. “Everything.”

“It
can’t be that bad, surely.”

I
met his eyes. “It’s Kate.”

“You
want me to go kick her?” he said.

I
managed a laugh then filled him in.

“Hmm,
now I really wanna kick her.” He smirked. “So, what’re you gonna do?”

I
picked up another slice. “That bitch has the hotel room. I’ve got nowhere to
sleep tonight.”

He
thought for a beat. “I have a house on the next block. You can stay with me.”

I
nodded. “Okay.” At least I wouldn’t be sleeping on the street. “Have you
eaten?”

He
shook his head. “No, I’d just walked in when I saw you.”

Lucky
me. My lips pulled into a tense smile.

“So
how’ve you been - besides this thing with the-girl-who-shall-not-be-named?”
said Troy.

I
let him snitch a slice. “Not bad, I suppose.” If not living my dreams counts as
that. “Okay, my life is crap. Thought I would have my own publishing business
by now and be married and-” I paused. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“Just
a little. I think it’s cute.” He took a swig of my beer. “I’ve always liked
that about you. But I bet some lucky guy has you on his mind.”

“Not
that I know of. What about you?”

“Nah,
who would want me?”

I
do.

Sitting
here with him reminded me how awesome Troy was. How
sweet
he could be.

“Guess
we’re both unlucky in love.” He signalled the waitress for a beer.

“Yeah.”
What was the chance of us getting back together? I figured I had a better shot
with Matt Damon.

He
held up the last slice. “You want it?”

I
shook my head. “Go for it.”

He
ripped off a chunk with his teeth. “How’s your mum? You guys getting along
yet?”

“Nope.
Right now, she thinks I’m being silly, making
impromptu
decisions because of Kate,” I said, “My
solo vacation, for example.”

“Are
you?”

“I
don’t think so. I found you, didn’t I?”

His
lips stretched into grin. “Yeah, you did.”

I
missed that smile. I wanted to reach over and kiss it. But I couldn’t move.
Why? Fear that the relationship wouldn’t work again? Or that it would?

Troy
finished his beer. “I could go for some ice cream, how about you?”

“Sure,
yeah.” I was going home with him anyway, so I may as well try to enjoy what’s
left of this crappy night.

Troy
paid then hijacked my suitcase. We walked out into the balmy air.

“So,”
I said, “How long have you lived in Cairns?”

“A
couple years.”

“Do
you like it?”

“Yeah,
I do.” He stowed my luggage in his car then draped an arm over my shoulders. “I
remember,” he said as we ambled down the street, “Your favourite used to be
mint-choc-chip.” He smiled down at me.

“It
still is.”

“Good
to hear. I won’t be spending an hour waiting while you try to make up your
mind.” He smirked again.

I
elbowed him. “Be nice.”

“Oh
c’mon. I know you better than anyone.” He winked. “Triple scoop with caramel
sauce and sprinkles, right?”

He
knew me too well.

* * *

I awoke to the scent of
bacon and eggs. I threw back the covers and padded into the kitchen.

Troy’s
head swivelled at my approach. “Hey, Mon.” He shot me a smile. “Sleep well?”

“Somewhat,”
I said.

He
slid a plate of pancakes, bacon and eggs towards me.

“Thanks.”
I chose a barstool.

“Figured
I’d better feed my house guest.”

“Hm,
about that - I’m going to try and find another hotel today.”

His
face dropped. “Mon, you’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

“I
don’t want to impose.”

“You’re
not.” He sat next to me. “So, what’re you thinking of doing today?”

I
shrugged. Sightseeing and celebrating my birthday no longer sounded appealing.

“Well,
I’ll see to it that you have a good time,” he said, “That’s my mission.”

“You’re
a great guy.”

“So
I’ve been told. Usually tailed by
it’s not you, it’s me.
”

“Been
dumped a lot?”

He
shrugged a shoulder. “The only one that stung was yours.”

I
cut a triangle of pancake. “Hm.” I hated hurting him.

“It’s
all good now.” He slid a mug across the counter.

“I
saw an article about your book a while back - it said you were the new
up-and-comer.”

“That
was last year. My publisher dropped me a couple months ago.”

My
eyebrows shot up. “Really? I thought it was good.”

He
faltered. “You read my book?”

I
nodded. “I heard it was dedicated to me.”

He
met my eyes. “The only woman I ever loved.”
His
phone vibrated on the table. “It’s Patrick. Excuse me for a sec.”

“Tell
your brother I said hi.”

Five
minutes later, Troy returned. “I’ve gotta go out for a bit.” He fished his keys
from the bowl by the phone. “You need me to drop you somewhere?”

“No.
I’m good,” I said, following him into the hallway.

He
cupped my cheek. “Do me a favour?”

“Yep?”

“Live
a little. And don’t worry about this thing with Kate so much. It’ll all work
out.” He touched his lips to my temple.

“I’ll
try,” I said, “Can’t guarantee I will.”