My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1) (14 page)

"I can't believe I'm leaving in the morning. I hate that our time together has been so short. Will it be okay if I call you once I'm back home?"

"I think that would be okay." I laughed, relaxing my hand into his. I'd just leaned forward to say something when I saw David out of the corner of my eye. Where David was, Jesse usually wasn't too far behind. The thought of seeing him here, when I was on a date with Alex, made my stomach queasy.

Alex started to tell me about his next project for work and, as much as I would have liked to hear what he had to say, I tuned him out once my eyes locked with Jesse's and it took everything I had within me not to get up and run out the door. He was sitting at a table about thirty feet from me, talking with David. Whatever David was telling him must have been funny because every so often he would throw his head back and laugh. When he was done laughing he would casually bring his gaze back to me, staring at me knowingly. We hadn't been in this bar together since the night we'd met. Finding myself in this position, unable to shut him out, made me want to scream at the top of my lungs. Here I was, out with a perfectly nice guy who was obviously interested in me, yet I could't convince myself to look away. I saw Jesse avert his eyes toward the door, and I followed his gaze to where Tyler and Sam were coming in to join them.
 

Their presence at Theo's on a Thursday night could only mean one thing. They were going to perform.

I felt a pang in my stomach and watched helplessly as they made their way to the edge of the stage. I knew that if I didn't get out of here quickly I would have a nervous breakdown.

"Alex, I suddenly don't feel well. Would you mind taking me home?" He stands quickly and takes hold of my elbow.

"Yes, of course. I just need to use the restroom before we leave. I'll only be a minute." He weaves his way through the crowd and I get up and head in the opposite direction. He can find me outside, the band is about to start playing and right now I would prefer to be anywhere but here.

"Good evening." The deep timbre of Jesse's voice echoes through the microphone. "It's been a long time since we've played at Theo's." The crowd begins to whoop and holler for the band. They didn't need an introduction, everyone here was familiar with the music of Twisted Fate. "Tonight I want to do a song that isn't one of our own, it's a cover of a song that is near and dear to my heart. Before we start, I have a question for all the guys out there. How many of you have found the one?" Guys yell out answers and Jesse smiles while shaking his head. "I'm not just talking about a girl for the night. I’m talking about that one woman that makes you feel alive. That one woman that just gets you, you know, like no one ever has. The one that sees all of your flaws, your imperfections, and doesn't care.” The crowd yells out something sexually derogatory and Jesse chuckles. “Guys, I’m talking about that one woman that makes you feel so good, and when you're buried inside her there is no place on earth you would rather be, and you'd crawl across the desert, swim any length of ocean, just to be inside her again. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?” There are shouts of
Fuck yeah
and
I'll be that girl for you, Jesse
, and I can't help but roll my eyes at the stupidity of these women.
 

Then, he goes on to say something that cements my feet to the floor, and brings tears to my eyes. "See guys, I brought this up because if you have all that, you're a lucky son of a bitch. Don’t let her get away, because if you do you'll fucking hate yourself for it. I should know, because for one night I had a taste of what that was like and I let her get away. But, I've recently found her again and I've wasted a whole lot of time trying to deny my feelings. I've seen her every damn day for the last three months and I've been too fucking scared to tell her I'm in love with her." His beautiful hazel eyes meet mine and I'm unable to turn away. The room goes silent as the crowd begins to look around and see the lucky girl that has won Jesse's heart. "Well, anyway baby, for what it's worth, this one's for you."
 

Tyler starts playing the intro and the crowd goes wild as Jesse begins singing his rendition of Daughtry's
Losing My Mind
. The heart-wrenching words, combined with Jesse's powerful vocals, make for an entranced crowd. I break eye contact with Jesse only to find that Alex has returned from the bathroom and is staring at me with a look of understanding on his face.

"Alex." I take a step toward him and drop my shoulders in defeat.

"He's the one, isn't he? He's the asshole that made you cry?" I can’t respond, so I just nod. "You're in love with him, aren't you." He asked, softly. I can see the sadness written all over his face, and I feel bad for leading him on when I knew I could never give my heart to someone else. I couldn't offer it because it hadn't been mine to give.

"I wish I wasn't." I whispered, softly, but he heard me. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." I cried, locking eyes with Jesse once more before turning around and running out the door. I caught an old friend just as he was about to pull out of the parking lot and called to him, asking for a ride. I watched out the window as Alex stood on the sidewalk and shook his head. I didn't say anything to my friend, I just cried softly as I tried to process what the hell had just happened.

I
heard a door slam, and Jesse's footsteps on the stairs, long before he knocked on my door. I ignored him the first time, still trying to form the argument in my head. I was angry because he had embarrassed me in front of Alex. I was angry because he had made me cry. Mostly, I was angry because of what he said. He had been in love with me and hadn't even bothered to let me know. All this time my heart had been silently breaking while I watched him go out with other women, then each time I had to resist the temptation to sleep with him because I knew how much it would hurt me in the end when I couldn't keep him. Now, to learn that the whole time I had been fighting he had harbored feelings for me too. I didn't know whether to be pissed off or happy that he'd finally admitted it.

“Rhyann, can I come in?” He spoke softly into the door.

“Go away.” I groaned toward the ceiling.

He rattled the doorknob. Thankfully I had locked it earlier. “Come on Rhyann, let me in, please. I just want to talk.”

“Not sure I want to talk to you right now.”

I heard muttered cursing through the door and I couldn't help but smile. “Look, I
’
m sorry for being such an ass. I know I screwed up.”
 

I sighed mightily, before shuffling over and opening the door.

“It was a shitty thing to do. I was on a date, Jesse. Why tonight? You've had plenty of chances to tell me how you felt.”

“I should have given you more respect than that.” He walked over and sat on the edge of my bed. He tried to make eye contact but I refused. “Come on, Rhyann. You were out with another guy, what was I supposed to do?" He pleaded.

"What did you think I was going to do with Alex tonight?” When he didn’t respond I tried again. “Jesse?”

He sighed loudly before speaking, “I was jealous, okay. I saw you with him and I was so fucking jealous. I was afraid you would let him take you back to his place.”

"Why would I do that? I've only known him a few days."

"You'd only known me ten minutes before you decided to go home with me." He argued. "I saw you at Theo's and, I don't know, it was the first time we'd been together in that place since that night. I couldn't stand watching him with you."
 

"Jesse," I moved closer to him. "The night we met was different. I wasn't out looking for someone to take me home. I'm not even sure what I was looking for tonight." I muttered.

"I still didn't like watching him touch you, not when I know the sounds you make when you're touched certain ways. I couldn't bear knowing he would be the one to make you respond that way." He squeezed his eyes shut and blew out sharply through his nose.
 

“That's what it took to make you realize your feelings for me?"

"No. I've known all along." He admitted, quietly. My head snapped in his direction and my mouth gaped open. "I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of, but my only regret is that I wasn't honest with you from the beginning." He reached out to grab hold of my fingers, and held me firmly in place. "I should have told you the day I hired you. Hell, I should have told you that last morning we were together. I knew something was happening even back then. I guess I just assumed that it was because we had shared an amazing night, but deep down I knew it was much more. I haven’t been with another woman sexually in months. I can't go to sleep at night unless I keep one of your shirts on the pillow next to me, just so I can smell you when I close my eyes."
 

"I wondered why all of my shirts were disappearing." I whispered, my voice shaking as I spoke. "Wait, what about all those women that came here while I've been working? What about Josie the other night?" Now I was even more confused.

"I hung out with them, and I may have kissed them, but we never had sex. I couldn't bring myself to touch them like that after you came back into my life. Don't you see? I didn't just bring you here because I needed someone to organize my shit. I brought you here so I could be close to you." He moved closer, cupping his hand around the back of my head and pulling me to him while speaking with his lips pressed to my forehead. "I know that I've taken my sweet ass time to tell you this, but I've thought about you every day since our first night together. I've thought about how you smelled, how you tasted, how your body shuddered when you came around me. You were only supposed to be in my bed, I never expected you to move into my heart."

My eyes filled with tears at his confession and I choked out my next words. "Why didn't you just tell me? You knew how I felt about you. I was honest with you from the start."

 
"It wasn't that simple. I've never chased a woman before, but after you left me two years ago I couldn't stop thinking about you. I thought about your lips, and how I wanted to kiss them. Even though I'd only heard it a short time, I missed the sound of your laughter. Fuck, Rhyann, when I woke up that morning and you were gone--" His hand moves to cup my face and I stare up at him through tear soaked lashes. "You fucking ruined me. I fell hard for you that night. After that I did everything I could to try and get you out of my head, but it was no use. I'm sorry I never called you. I'm sorry I waited this long to tell you what you mean to me, but I'm not sorry that I finally told you. I couldn't stand seeing you with someone else, seeing his hands on our body, not when I know how amazing that body feels. I want to hold you and keep you safe, but at the same time I want to do things that make you scream. For the first time in my life, you make me want more.” He lifted my face to his before continuing. “I'm not sure I can promise you forever, not yet anyway. I want to, God knows I do, but it's been a long time since I've let myself fall like this. All I know right now is that I'm fucking crazy about you, and even though I don't know what our future holds, I can promise you tomorrow. I'm willing to do the work to prove it to you.”

"I've waited so long to hear you say that." I whispered, throwing my arms around his neck.
 

I lifted my chin and our lips came together tenderly. Tasting one another. He nibbled across my lips slowly, savoring each bite. I moved my hands up around his neck and ran my fingers through his long hair. I lifted my body slightly to meet his and his weight pressed against me, pinning me to the bed. Our lips were still locked together, and our tongues delicately brushed together as if testing the waters again before diving in headfirst. He slipped his hands beneath me and held the back of my head. His lips inched down the side of my neck, leaving delicate kisses along their path before making their way back to my all too eager mouth. He kissed me hard, pulling softly on my bottom lip before breaking the kiss.

"I liked it when you sang to me. I was shocked, but I liked knowing that I was the only person in the room that mattered." I smoothed my hand over his tight chest.

"You are the only person that matters." He kissed the top of my head. "I'll sing to you anytime."

"Will you sing something to me now?" I snuggled closer, even though we were pressed against each other I still sought to be closer. At this moment I would have crawled inside him if that were possible. I'd waited two years for his arms to hold me like this. Sure, we had kissed and made out a few times since, but this was different. The way he held me made me feel wanted. He began singing softly, and as he sang his hips rocked slowly, moving us back and forth in perfect rhythm.

The love that I'm feeling s'got me going insane.

My heart's beating faster than a runaway train.

Was lost to the bitterness, blinded by pain,

Your touch was my healing I'll forever be changed.

Destroying the heartbreak, erasing the shame,

I'm jumping the tracks to board this runaway train.

"Hmm, I love that song. That one has always been one of my favorites."

"Well, Tyler wrote it for Stefani when they got married." His fingers brushed through my hair as he spoke. "Now I get to sing it to a woman who has no idea how incredibly beautiful she is." I shook my head and tried to pull away but instead he pushed me back onto the bed and leaned over me. "Rhyann, what is it?"

“I’m not used to men telling me that I'm beautiful. I mean, look at me.” My voice was almost a whisper.

“I am.” He kissed me delicately. “All I see is perfection. Everything about you drives me wild.
Everything
.” He reiterated. “From here.” He lightly kissed the top of my head. “To here.” His finger traced down to the toe of my boot. “Make no mistake, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

“Thank you.” I whispered, softly. “For some reason, when I hear you say it I believe it.” I ran my fingers through his hair, raising my mouth to his for another kiss.
 
He pulled me against him and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close as we talked through the night. Not once did he attempt to take it further, we just spent the evening locked in an embrace, kissing like we were a couple of teenagers and that was the only option we had.