My Very UnFairy Tale Life (11 page)

“Where have you been for the past two years?” asked Melissa. It was the first time in a long time that I'd seen something besides emptiness in her eyes.

“Two years?” I said. And then I remembered what Dr. Bradley had told me, that a sudden shock might reverse the memory-dust spell. Seeing Halga must have done the trick. It had brought my friends' memories back!

The two girls stared at me, waiting for an explanation.

“It's a long story,” I said with a laugh. “But you don't know how happy I am to see you guys!”

“We have so much catching up to do,” said Trish as she linked her arm through mine.

Melissa grabbed my other arm and gave it a warm squeeze. “I didn't realize you were working on movies.”

“Those puppets look so real,” said Trish, eyeing Halga and Crong.

I glanced over at the two lovebirds, and reality came rushing back. “I'm sorry,” I told my friends. “I have to go.”

“What? But you just got here,” said Melissa.

“I know. But don't worry, I'll be back soon! I promise!”

“Jenny!” Trish objected.

“I'll explain everything when I get back.” Only after I'd said it did I remember that I wouldn't be able to tell my friends anything without risking having their memories erased again. But I'd have to worry about that later. For now, at least, it was good to know that I finally had my friends back.

I marched over and wrestled Crong away from Halga. “We need to go find Prince Lamb.”

Crong gave Halga one last longing glance before he jumped up onto my hand. I pushed through the crowd, searching for any sign of the prince. Finally, I spotted a couple of Prince Lamb's popular friends hanging out by the edge of the field. I put Crong behind my back and went toward them.

“Hi, Jenny,” one of the boys said, giving me a shy smile.

“Have any of you seen Prince?” I said, surprised they were actually giving me the time of day.

The boys shook their heads. “Next time you're working on a movie, do you think we could be in it?” another one asked.

Ugh.
That
was why they were talking to me now. I shook my head and rushed off.

“Bye, Jenny!” a couple of the boys called after me. I didn't care about silly boys when Prince Lamb could be in danger. I went back into the cafeteria and scanned the clusters of people.

“Look!” said Crong, pointing to a trash can nearby. Ribba was perched on top, her head in her tiny hands. She was shaking with croaking sobs.

“Ribba, are you okay?” I asked.

“I was too late,” she cried. “He's gone! Klarr already got to him.”

“He took the prince? How do you know?”

Ribba pointed to a nearby table. In the middle sat a shining red balloon. It had been twisted and tied into the shape of a tiny lamb.

Chapter 18

My head was throbbing as I stumbled out of the school with the frogs perched on my shoulders. Klarr had Prince Lamb. I had to do something, but what?

“We must bring you to the kingdom of Klarr immediately,” said Crong, “so you can finally defeat the sorcerer.”

“With what army?” I said. “If you haven't noticed, my big weapon is saying cheesy things. It's not like I can do magic or anything. There's no way I can defeat Klarr.”

“There are other ways to take down a sorcerer besides magic,” said a voice from behind me.

I froze. I knew that voice, but it couldn't be. “Dr. Bradley?”

There stood the doctor on the school steps, a big toothy grin on his face. I had never been so relieved to see someone. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was about everything, but his eyes sparkled back at me, telling me he understood. All that silly stuff I'd said to Halga about love earlier seemed to really be true.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“The Committee said there was an emergency on your world.” He glanced around. “But I see you took care of it all by yourself.”

“I did the best I could. And I had some help.”

“You never give yourself enough credit, Jenny,” said Dr. Bradley. “I'm afraid that's been the trouble from the beginning.”

“And you always give me too much. Half the time I just mess things up and wind up almost having my head burned off or getting stabbed by unicorns.”

“Stabbed by unicorns?” said Ribba. “But that's great!”

I looked down at her in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“I wish I could have been honest with you, Jenny,” said Dr. Bradley. “But the Committee insisted that I let you learn things on your own.”

“What do you mean?”

Dr. Bradley sighed and adjusted his glasses. “Those unicorns weren't trying to hurt you. They were trying to thank you.”

“Thank me?” I echoed. “But they stuck me with their horns! They ran after me and tried to trample me!”

“That's what unicorns do,” said Ribba. “They show their appreciation with little love jabs.”

Dr. Bradley nodded. “So you didn't fail, Jenny. You taught the unicorns about sharing, just like you were asked to. Over the past three years, you've accomplished more than most adventurers do in a decade.”

I couldn't believe it. After all of that, those stupid unicorns had actually been trying to be nice? “But why didn't Anthony tell me?”

“Maybe we should let him answer that himself,” said Dr. Bradley, looking over my shoulder.

I turned to see a familiar, round face staring back at me. After all that had happened, I didn't feel an ounce of anger at the gnome anymore. Maybe he hadn't been the friend I'd always wanted, but he didn't deserve how I'd treated him. “I'm sorry I called you an elf,” I said finally. “I didn't mean it.”

“No,
I'm
sorry,” said Anthony, and for once he wasn't grinning from ear to ear. “I know I wasn't always the best guide. I guess it was because I figured you could take care of yourself. The truth is, you didn't need me at all. You've done great on your own.”

“You see, Jenny,” said Dr. Bradley, coming up beside me. “You may not have mastered magic, but you make people feel safe. You come up with solutions when they can't see them on their own. That's what makes you an adventurer. Without the skills of your people, the magical worlds would have perished long ago.”

It seemed strange to think that all my Hallmark card sayings and kindergarten lessons had made any difference. But I had to admit that they did seem to work pretty well in the magical worlds, even if I didn't understand why. All I had to do was say things like “Mind your manners!” and “It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt!” and everything tended to fall into place.

And the more time I spent in the regular world, the more I realized that I actually
liked
being an adventurer. When Halga and the frogs had appeared in my school and everything had gone into crisis mode, I'd been totally in my element. Maybe life as an adventurer wasn't perfect, but I'd missed it. Being a normal girl wasn't enough for me, not when adventuring was in my blood.

But no matter what kind of blood I had, it wouldn't be enough to defeat Klarr. The sorcerer was the most powerful enemy I had ever gone up against. He didn't just scare me—he made me want to go hide under my bed with a teddy bear. But I couldn't let him win. Not anymore.

“Crong, do you think you can get the League together?” I asked.

The frog stood up tall. “Of course, Mistress, but what would you like us to do?”

“We're going to storm Klarr's castle.”

“Hooray!” said Ribba, clapping her hands. “I knew you wouldn't let us down.”

I turned back to Crong. “Can you have the League meet us there?”

“You can count on it,” said the frog before disappearing with a determined
Pop!

“Does this mean you have a plan of attack?” Dr. Bradley asked.

I wished I could say I did, but the truth was I had no idea what I was going to do. All I knew was that I couldn't let Klarr harm Prince Lamb. “I'm not sure,” I admitted. “But if I really am the right person for this job, I guess I'll figure it out. Will you keep an eye on my aunt until I get back?”

“Of course I'll watch over your aunt,” Dr. Bradley said. “And I will keep an eye on you too. But I'm sure you'll do splendidly, just like always.”

“Thanks.” I turned to Anthony. “Do you want to come with us?”

Anthony grinned. “Absolutely! I want to be there when you save the day.” He took a step forward and lowered his voice to a whisper. “By the way, I worked out a deal with the Committee so that your friends won't get dosed with any more memory dust. You can tell them about your adventures as long as they swear never to tell anyone else.”

I was stunned. That was the first time Anthony had ever done anything truly nice for me. Maybe he really did care. “Thank you,” I finally whispered.

“It wasn't a big deal,” Anthony said with a shrug. “I just had to promise to deliver some candy to the Committee every once in a while. Turns out the old crones love Tootsie Rolls.”

I smiled. I couldn't wait to get back and tell Melissa and Trish about everything that had happened. If I made it back…

“All right, Jenny-girl,” said Anthony. “Are you ready to go take care of that crazy clown?”

I swallowed. Was I ready? Yes. This was what I was born for. It was time to be an adventurer again.

“Let's go!”

Chapter 19

Ribba, Anthony, and I materialized behind a patch of trees just outside Klarr's castle. I was ready for a fight, but the coast was clear. Crong and the League were nowhere in sight, which meant we had to wait. I hoped they'd hurry up and get here soon. Now that I was at Klarr's castle again, I could feel the panic brewing in the pit of my stomach. I needed a plan. Some way to rescue the prince and to defeat Klarr for good. Then I'd never have to see that clown's face again.

I replayed what Prince Lamb had said to me ages ago, about seeing Klarr's moment of weakness. But what had caused it? I went over the events in my head again and again. Klarr had been attacking me, then Anthony had popped in and showered him with circus peanuts. But no, Klarr had winced in pain before then. It had been when…when Anthony laughed!

My mind started spinning. Was it possible? Was laughter his weakness? Maybe that's why he hated mouths so much. A clown hating laughter was ironic, but Klarr wasn't exactly the happy kind of clown. In fact, everything he did was intended to make others miserable. Maybe laughter really
was
his weakness.

Okay, my theory was a long shot. But it was the best I had to go on.

There was a loud
Pop!
and Crong appeared, surrounded by a dozen other creatures of various shapes and sizes, about half of them with mouths. They all bowed when they saw me. Even Ribba bowed at my feet, which made my cheeks burn. It wasn't like I was royalty or anything.

“All right, everyone. Gather 'round,” I said.

The members of the League huddled up like I was a coach and they were waiting for me to psych them up for the big game. All we needed were some cheerleaders. Or at least a couple of pom-poms.

“Tell us what you need us to do, Mistress,” said Crong.

Ready or not, it was game time. “First, we need to get inside the castle.” I turned to Anthony. “Do you think you can blast open the door?”

“Easy peasy,” he said.

“Then, I'll need the League to fight off any guards so we can try to get into the castle. Once we find Klarr, we're going to form a circle around him, and then those of you without mouths will try to deflect his magic. While those of you with mouths…will help me laugh in his face.”

There were a few murmurs and concerned looks among the League members as Crong hopped toward me. “I'm sorry, Mistress. Did you just say that we're going to
laugh
at Klarr?”

“I think it's the only way to defeat him,” I said, not mentioning that I could be completely wrong. If laughter turned out to be a huge mistake, we'd just have to find another way to beat him. Or lose all of our mouths, and maybe our lives, in the process. But it was better not to think about that.

The League still looked skeptical until finally Ribba jumped forward and said, “Jenny is the best adventurer there is. If she says it's the only way, then we do it.”

That seemed to reassure everyone. I could have kissed Ribba's slimy head, but I settled for giving her a grateful smile.

“Okay,” I said. “Everyone come up with something funny to think about, something that's guaranteed to make you laugh.” The League members looked deep in thought. I tried to come up with a funny memory or image, but all I could think about was that first day when I'd arrived in Speak and seen hundreds of its mouthless citizens staring back at me with their hopeful eyes. I couldn't let them all down, not again.

“All right, let's go,” I said. I had the two frogs jump onto my shoulders, and then I got into position. The League members gathered around Anthony, ready to strike with their magic. There was an earsplitting
Pop!
and the castle door shattered into a billion pieces.

We ran out from behind the trees and charged toward the hole where the door had been. Almost instantly, energy beams started flying toward us as dozens of animal guards poured out through the entrance. Anthony led the way, magic flying from his hands, while the frogs and I stayed behind him.

As we got closer, three figures emerged from the entrance, and I only needed a second to recognize them as my favorite trio of guinea pigs. Their eyes widened when they caught sight of me.

“No!” I heard one of them say.

“Not you again!” said the second.

“Why can't you just leave us alone?” asked the third.

The three guards looked at each other. Then they let out high-pitched squeals, threw down their weapons, and scampered away. In a moment, they had disappeared into the woods.

If only the sight of me was enough to scare off
all
the guards!

As Anthony and I got closer to the incinerated door, more and more of Klarr's guards fell around us, the League's magic putting them into a deep sleep. We might have been outnumbered, but the League members were determined. After all those years of living under Klarr's spell, they were ready to be done with him once and for all. And so was I.

We finally fought our way into the castle and charged down a long corridor. It was lined with colorful, striped fabric and smelled like popcorn. From somewhere deep inside the castle, I could hear faint circus music. It had to be part of Klarr's act, the one he'd tortured Prince Lamb and the other prisoners with.

“Go toward the music!” I yelled just before we hit yet another wave of guards and even more energy beams shot toward us. I shrieked as one of them whizzed past my head, singeing off a clump of hair. At least it hadn't been my head. Even Ribba's styling skills couldn't cover up something like that.

We went down one corridor after the next, the music getting louder. There were so many guards that I was starting to wonder if we'd make it, but the League didn't back down. Crong was zapping guards left and right, and even Ribba, who had never seemed all that magical, was conjuring up swarms of flies and shooting them at the guards' eyes.

Finally, I spotted a big wooden door at the very end of the corridor. The music was coming from behind it. More than a dozen guards were clustered in front of the door, clearly frightened but willing to go down with the ship. I guess none of them wanted to face Klarr if they failed to protect him.

“How are we going to get through all those guards?” I said.

“Don't worry, Jenny-girl!” said Anthony. “I'll get us inside. Just stay behind me.”

The gnome let out a cry and charged forward, energy beams blasting from his hands. I darted after him, the frogs still on my shoulders. Guards fell around us as Anthony managed to clear a path to the door.

When we finally reached the doorway, Anthony pushed me behind him to protect me. And that's when I heard the loudest
Zap!
in the world, like ten different energy beams coming together. The beams hit Anthony right in the chest, and he let out a stunned cry. He stumbled backward, almost knocking into me, before falling forward onto the floor.

“Anthony!” I cried.

I started to kneel down to see if he was all right, but Crong's voice stopped me: “There's no time, Mistress! We have to go on. The rest of the League will stay behind to keep the guards back.”

I realized that only a handful of the League members were still with us, most of them without mouths. The rest must have either fallen back or been knocked out. Behind me, the music throbbed through the door. How could we defeat Klarr with only me and the frogs to challenge him? But Crong was right. If we didn't go ahead now, we'd lose our chance. The battle would be over. I had no choice but to leave Anthony behind and hope he was all right.

“Okay, let's go!” I said.

Ribba and Crong stayed rooted to my shoulders, deflecting energy beams, while I turned and heaved open the door. A wave of music rushed at my face, making me stumble back. I forced myself onward and slammed the door shut behind me. The sounds of battle faded, replaced by blaring horns and deep drums.

We were inside a giant, circular room that looked just like the inside of a circus tent. On the edge of the ring was an invisible band, with horns and cymbals and flutes all playing themselves. There were no seats or bleachers, only a huge red chair in the center of the ring. And in the chair was Klarr, his eyes focused upward. I realized he was looking at a lone figure dangling from a trapeze, its hands bound together. It was Prince Lamb.

The sorcerer's eyes swung toward us, and the music came to a sudden stop. With a crash, the cymbals and trumpets fell to the floor. And then there was silence.