Necessary Heartbreak (24 page)

“Elizabeth, I can never let anyone take you away from me. I will never let anyone hurt you. When I see you, I see your mother. Without her, you are the only reason why I have any energy to live.

“Understand this: you are the greatest gift I have in this world.”

Michael pulled her closer to him. “I'm afraid of losing you.”

Elizabeth nodded. “Please don't be afraid because when you're scared, I am, too.”

“I won't. See?” His face lit up and he grinned, prompting Elizabeth to giggle.

Michael glanced up and saw Leah watching them from the upstairs window, smiling.

Elizabeth fell asleep easily after a lovely yet quiet dinner that night. Michael was reclining next to her, but still wide-awake. From across the room, Leah whispered to him, asking if they were comfortable. Michael nodded, although he realized immediately how restless he felt.

“Hey, do you want to go up on the roof to look at the stars?” he whispered back.

Leah hesitated. A look of concern etched across her face. It had been a long time since she sat on the roof, almost two years. “Yes.”

They climbed up the ladder. The sky was so clear that the illumination from the stars cast a soft blue light on Leah's face. She shivered.

“Hold on.” Michael went down the ladder and returned with the blanket from his bedroll. He placed it over her.

“Thank you.”

The roof slanted slightly to the right and was surrounded by a three-foot balustrade on which they sat. The sky was glistening with stars—
like a mosaic of beauty
, Michael thought. A tranquil breeze danced off Leah's hair, and the light from the moon was reflected in her green eyes. She looked more serious than usual.

“I used to spend a lot of time up here with Yochanan. We would
talk about our dreams. But the last time I was here . . .” Leah bowed her head.

“Oh, your husband? I can see why you would come up here a lot.” He took a panoramic view of the town. “It's so peaceful and beautiful. The sky is really pretty.”

She remained silent, catching Michael by surprise. “It is pretty up here, right?”

But Leah didn't answer. She was lost in thought.

Several soldiers chased after the brown-haired man. Leah stood frozen, staring down at Yochanan's face, which was covered with blood.

The biggest Roman soldier towered over him, grinning. “Bring me back the other rebel,” his voice boomed as three soldiers joined the pursuit. “Rebels like you will be punished.” Then he spat at Yochanan, striking him in the side of the face. “Peasant! Jew!”

“Get away from him,” screamed Leah from the rooftop. She ran to the ladder and half slid, half fell to the bottom. Then she grabbed a cloth from the kitchen and raced to the well, where she collapsed to the ground next to Yochanan.

“Is this your husband?” the soldier demanded.

“Yes!” She spat the word through her tears.

“Your husband deserves to die. Rebels should die.”

Leah glared, her chest heaving. “He is not a rebel. He is a good man. A peaceful man.”

“Let him die in the dirt, fitting for such a man.”

Ignoring him, Leah bent over and wiped some blood off Yochanan's forehead. “Yochanan, can you hear me?”

There was no response.

She stood up and went to the well to pull up a bucket of water. Dipping the cloth in it, she went back and gently began to cleanse his wounds.

“Let him die!” the soldier said as he slapped her hand away.

Instinctively, Leah jumped to her feet and pushed the soldier away, slamming her hand hard against his metal armor. The soldier laughed as he saw her wince in pain. “Woman, you are weak.”

She swung angrily at the side of his head, surprising him with the force of the blow.

“Never touch a Roman soldier,” he bellowed as he whipped his spear against the back of her head. She fell forward, landing partly on Yochanan, who groaned.

She got to her knees immediately, overjoyed that he had made a sound. “Yochanan, how do you feel?” She poured some more water on the cloth and gently pressed it on his head.

A few soldiers had joined their leader near the well and were talking. “Did you catch the other rebel?”

“There are still some after him.”

“Is he caught?”

The soldiers looked at each other and shrugged.

The Roman soldier growled. “We must get him. Move!”

Together they turned and moved away, back toward the city. Leah pulled Yochanan's head gently onto her lap. “The soldiers have gone, Yochanan,” she said softly, fighting back tears. “We are safe now. You are safe. Please, please speak.”

His eyes were glassy and some of the blood on his forehead had trickled into his eyebrows. Furiously she wiped it away. “What happened, Yochanan? Why did this happen?”

He weakly touched her hand. “I am fine. How is my friend? Is he safe?”

Leah wasn't sure how to answer Yochanan without worrying him. “I am confused about this friend you speak of.”

“He was with me when we were chased,” Yochanan mumbled. “Did he get home?”

She nodded vigorously to reassure him. “Yes, he went home, Yochanan. He is safe.”

He smiled. “He is a good man.”

Leah shook her head, confused. She continued to try to stem the
flow of blood from his wounds. It just wouldn't stop. “How do you feel? Can you walk?”

“My legs . . .,” he whispered. “I cannot move them.”

Leah's tears dripped onto Yochanan's face as she cradled him in her arms. His eyes began to close and she held on more tightly. “Do not close your eyes, Yochanan!” she begged. “Please!”

“Leah, come close,” he said faintly. He managed to reach up with his arm and pulled her head down, closer to his mouth. Gently Yochanan touched her cheek and then her lips. “You are mine, always.”

“Always,” she whispered, her body shaking.

His hand fell back to the ground and she pulled away to look down at his face. Gently she began to rock back and forth, whispering over and over through her tears, “Yochanan, do not go. Do not go. You are mine, always. Always. Do not go.”

Leah stood up and walked to the other side of the roof. “Come here,” she said. Michael joined her. “Look over there.” She pointed at a mountain in the distance. “Do you see?”

Michael nodded.

“One time Yochanan took me there. Did you know that?”

“I'm sorry?”

She glanced back at him, her eyes upturned and searching. “I always thought you knew him so well,” she whispered.

Michael was baffled, but she continued before he could answer. “We spent the whole day there, talking and enjoying the beauty of the mountain. There was a babbling stream we walked in that we followed all the way down to the valley. It was the most perfect day. He held me so tightly that night. The stars were so bright that we could see our reflections in the stream.”

She paused. “I miss Yochanan so much. It's been so long, don't you think?”

“What do you mean?”

“My world has never been the same. And never will be.”

Michael could see her eyes were misty. “I'm sorry. Let's go back down.”

“No, I am fine. Yochanan would call me silly for not coming up here.”

She returned to her seat on the balustrade. “It is beautiful up here, isn't it?”

Michael followed her back and sat next to her.

She took a deep breath and pulled the blanket tightly around her. “Yochanan kept me safe before he died. He would wrap his big arms around me whenever I would be afraid.”

Michael nodded. “Vicki was much the same way for me. I think I drove her nuts with my fears.” He laughed, then grew silent.

After a few moments, Michael quietly asked, “What happened to Yochanan?”

Leah sighed. “Do you mean how I saw it?”

“Sure.”

Leah folded her arms tightly across her chest. “There is much violence in our world. But I never expected it to come to my doorstep. I never expected that a man with his message could anger people. The Romans are a ruthless people, Michael. You stay in your place to be safe. But Yochanan needed to find peace and comfort in his life. For some reason I couldn't give him that. I wish I had done something sooner. But I didn't know what to do.

“We always live with some danger, but it is our way. I never thought it would end in death . . . but it did, and so randomly. One moment he was there and then, what?”

Leah faced him in earnest. “Michael, I am asking you what happened.” Her tone was urgent and unrelenting. “Why was it necessary?”

Michael shrugged. “Leah, I can't say. I'm having a hard time myself understanding why my Vicki had to die the way she did.” He was anxious, worried that he wouldn't be able to find the words of comfort
that she so obviously needed. He paused. “Perhaps I can help if you tell me more about what happened.”

She hesitated. “I was grieving myself when everything happened. . . .” She took another deep breath and looked away from Michael. “After we lost our daughter.”

“Oh. I didn't know you had a daughter. I'm so sorry.”

Leah looked at him in disbelief.

Michael added in a whisper to her, “I can't imagine the pain of losing a child.”

Leah touched his arm. “We were so happy when she was born. She was a great gift to us. Yochanan smiled every day she was here. He would hold her in his big arms and walk her around. Yochanan would bathe her and sing to her. I never saw him so happy. She was everything to us. Two weeks later, we had lost our whole world. She got very warm, much too warm. And she wouldn't eat. It all happened so fast. And there was nothing. Looking back, I know I lost both of them that horrible day.”

Michael gently rubbed her shoulder as she began to weep. After a moment, he offered her the sleeve of his garment to wipe the tears away from her cheeks.

Leah took another deep breath and looked down at her hands, resting now in her lap. “He spent many days away from me. He wouldn't talk much. He wouldn't let me hold him anymore. He was angry at times, and so sad and quiet at other times. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I didn't do enough to help him through it. But I was having a hard time myself.”