Necessary Heartbreak (32 page)

Michael awoke with a throbbing headache. But as he rubbed his eyes, he felt relieved that the air was cool and dark. When he stood up, he noticed that he had an extra blanket wrapped around him. He saw two flickering lamps in the distance still burning from the night before.

It's time to go. We don't belong here. There's nothing more we can do.

His aching legs carried him across the rooftop as he measured each step so he wouldn't fall. He staggered near the head of the ladder but made his way down safely. He saw no one on the second floor so he proceeded down to the first. Leah was in the kitchen by the fire while Elizabeth was in the next stall, petting Cassie.

Leah looked up at Michael. “How are you? How do you feel?”

He gingerly rubbed his head. “I've been better, but we really have to get going.”

“Of course. Breakfast soon will be ready,” Leah said.

“No, we've got to leave now. Elizabeth, get your things.”

“Okay, Dad,” she said as she passed Leah in the kitchen on her way to the ladder.

Leah gave him a puzzled look. “Why now?”

“It's Good Friday. This is the day they will crucify Jesus. There'll probably be no one on the streets. They'll all be in the courtyard. With everything going on today, it's the best time.”

“Let me get my veil.” Leah looked at Michael sadly. “Drink some water before you go,” she said as she proceeded upstairs.

Elizabeth appeared with a fresh robe tucked under her arm. Michael met her at the foot of the ladder.

“Listen, I want to talk about last night.”

“Dad, you don't have to.”

“No, I want to,” he said, following her. “I got lost when I was out. I saw Judas. I spoke to him. I asked him why he did it, and he said he thought Jesus would rise up against the Romans.”

Elizabeth's eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

“I'm sure. He told me just before he . . .” Michael paused. “Well, before he killed himself. I tried to stop him. I tried to convince him to give the money back and stop it all. But he wouldn't listen to me. He must have hit me hard. When I woke up . . . oh, it was awful. His body was hanging from a tree.”

Elizabeth gasped. “Oh, Dad!”

“Today's the crucifixion.”

“How can you be so
sure
?”

“I saw everything in that garden last night when they handed Jesus over to the Romans.”

“What?”

“Yeah, it was unreal. But think about it: we've been here a week, and each day when we wake up, another event is happening. It was Palm Sunday five days ago. Last night was the Last Supper. I literally saw him being handed over to the soldiers. I heard him tell the apostles to put down their swords! Today has to be Good Friday. We've got to go now while we can.”

Elizabeth hesitated, weighing what he was saying, but then turned to him. “But we can help him! We can stop them from killing Jesus!”

Michael wrapped his arms around her. “I tried to help him last night. I had a chance, but I froze when I saw the soldiers taking him from the garden. I tried to convince Judas to come back with me, but I couldn't save him either. I'm not going to try again today, knowing
that you may never get back, knowing that it will do no good. Last night the streets were empty with just a few soldiers around. Today there will be hundreds more. And there will be angry crowds. I can't lose you.”

Elizabeth pulled away. “But we could
try.
We
have
to try.”

Michael exhaled slowly. His voice trembled. “But
should
we? If we change this, Elizabeth, if we stop it or even just slow it down, what does it mean for everybody else? They always told us growing up that his crucifixion was part of this great plan for the world, and heaven. ‘God sent his only son' for this to happen, right?”

Elizabeth stared at him accusingly. “You always told me to help other people, and yet,
once again
, you're backing away. Can't we try?” She rattled Cassie's gate. “Daddy, please.”

Michael stretched his arms out resignedly and Elizabeth hugged him.

“Okay, we'll go,” she agreed quietly. “What about the soldier who's looking for me? He's going to be after us, right?”

Michael nodded. “I know. He's frightening, but I believe that today all the soldiers will be there with Jesus. There's a good chance that the soldier won't be near the tunnel.”

Leah came down the ladder carrying a white veil. “Put this on,” she said, motioning to Elizabeth. Her face grew worried as she watched Elizabeth wrap the veil around herself.

When they passed through the front gate, Michael stopped to close it behind them. He looked at the quiet, vacant house.

“Thank you,” he said to Leah, touching her arm.

Leah moved expertly through the maze of streets, her brisk pace never slowing. Although it was eerily quiet when they first left Leah's, a distant roar soon pierced the morning solitude.

Michael felt worn down, racked with guilt over his actions the night before.
I'm sorry, Jesus, I should have helped last night. I couldn't and now I can't help today. I'm sorry.

“Dad! Look!”

Michael realized that they were just outside the courtyard where
they had met Leah. From the road, he could see Jesus standing on the big marble steps in front of hundreds of people.

“Oh, no,” he said under his breath.

Turning back to the road, Michael saw in the distance the alley leading to the tunnel.
It's right there! We can leave right now.
It's safe
. But when he looked over and saw Jesus in front of the angry mob, he felt drawn. He knew he couldn't leave. Not like this.

“Elizabeth. Come on.”

They walked slowly through the massive gates into the courtyard. They were quickly surrounded as more people swarmed in. The crowd seemed angry, even ravenous.

“Daddy, I'm scared,” Elizabeth whispered under her breath.

Leah grabbed her hand and looked deeply into her eyes. “I'm here. I won't leave you.”

Elizabeth tightened her grip on Leah's hand and let herself be led farther into the courtyard.

The noise around them escalated to a fever pitch when a new man, not the high priest but a noble-looking man—a true Roman—strolled out before them. He was escorted by several soldiers to the edge of the stairs, where he stood, surveying the scene. He watched as more soldiers came marching in from the right, their spears and armor gleaming in the early-morning sunlight. The crowd parted quickly for the soldiers, who quickly surrounded Jesus.

“What crime has this man committed?” the Roman shouted to the crowd of soldiers.

“He has claimed to be the Son of God,” one of them replied.

Michael grabbed Leah's arm tightly. “Leah, is that man at the top of the stairs named Pontius Pilate?”

Leah nodded.

“He's the man we saw at the parade on Palm Sunday, Dad,” said Elizabeth.

Michael reached down to hold Leah's hand, and she grabbed it tightly. Pilate called out to the crowd, asking them which prisoner
should be released as a gift from the Romans. Michael stood transfixed, horrified at the cries around him.

“Barabbas,” they cried. “Barabbas!”

Elizabeth looked at her father in disbelief. He rubbed her back quickly to reassure her. The atmosphere was chaotic and confusing, making it hard for them to follow the proceedings.

The crowd began to shout again.
“Crucify him, crucify him!”

Leah turned to Michael and whispered fiercely, “This is unbearable.”

Stunned by the scene, Elizabeth leaned her head against Leah's shoulder.

Michael looked at them. “Elizabeth, you must stay with Leah at all times. If we get split up, go back to the house.”

Elizabeth and Leah nodded as the crowd grew louder, swelling up closer to the stairs.

“Would you crucify this man who has done nothing wrong?” Pilate asked the crowd again. “Shouldn't he be the one set free?”

“Barabbas! Release Barabbas!”

Pilate motioned to his guards, who brought Barabbas out to the cheering crowd. Their howling overwhelmed Pilate, and he relented by freeing Barabbas. Then Jesus, with his hands tied, his legs badly bruised, and bloodstains on his torn clothes, was led down the stairs into the courtyard.

“Go now,” Michael urged.

But swarms of people had entered after them, blocking their exit. Michael could feel the thrust of the crowd propelling him backward. He heard the soldiers taunting Jesus with lewd cries—
“Our king, our king!”
—but Michael was unable to see what they were doing.

A Roman soldier stood on the marble stairs to the far right with a whip in his hand. Michael realized with horror that the soldier was stretching, loosening his shoulders much the way a baseball player does in an on-deck circle. A moment later, Michael saw the soldier run down the stairs to join the others beating Jesus.

The sickening sounds of leather striking flesh knifed through his ears. Elizabeth was openly sobbing under her veil while Leah held her. It seemed to go on and on. Michael couldn't imagine how anyone could endure it.

“No more! Please!” Elizabeth screamed before Leah could push her face back into her chest.

The smell of blood was thick around them.

“Stop! Please!” Michael howled.

A soldier ran through the crowd toward Michael. When he was near, he thrust his spear toward Michael's stomach. He fell backward into the crowd, his head slamming against the stone ground.

“Be quiet!” the soldier shouted.

Elizabeth and Leah helped Michael back to his feet. He was dazed.

“It's too dangerous here,” he said to them. “Go!”

“Dad, I'm not leaving you. Are you okay?”

Michael nodded weakly. “Yes. Please, you need to go. I'll be right behind you. Please.”

But just then the beating stopped, and the soldiers broke into the crowd, creating a path. One of the soldiers brushed against Michael.

Looking out behind them as they passed, he could see Jesus' limp body lying by the stairs on the ground. Michael turned away, covering Elizabeth's face with his hands.

“Don't look!”

Michael watched the soldiers pull Jesus to his feet before placing a big wooden crossbar on his back. They began to push him forward.

“Stop!” Michael screamed.

Jesus staggered a few steps, unable to keep his balance, and tumbled back to the stone pavement. The beam bounded off the ground and lay at his side while the soldiers surrounded him, laughing maliciously.

“Stop this!” Elizabeth yelled.

“Take her home,” Michael pleaded over his shoulder to Leah. But Leah pushed forward with the crowd, trying to get a look at Jesus.

“Who will help him?” shouted a soldier.

Leah released her hand from Elizabeth and stepped forward. “I will!”

“No!” Michael yelled. He yanked her back toward Elizabeth, but she resisted. “You can't do this. They'll hurt you if you fall. Let me do it.”

He paused, grabbing her shoulder to make her look into his eyes. “Your place is with my daughter,” he said to her.

Leah stared back at him, her face blank. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek while Elizabeth grabbed Leah's arm. Michael turned from them and stepped out from the crowd toward the soldiers, his hand raised.

“Pick it up!” one of them commanded.

Michael bent down on one knee, bracing himself to pick up the heavy crossbar. As he tried to get a grip on it, he looked over and saw Jesus on his knees. Their eyes met. Michael wanted to look away but couldn't.

“Are you here to lift your burden or to help me with mine?” Jesus whispered to him.

Michael stared.

“Get up!” a soldier commanded.

Michael looked at the crossbar and then again directly into Jesus' eyes. The other man stared back with total understanding and empathy, and Michael was dumbfounded. How could Jesus be worrying about him—about Michael Stewart—at a moment like this? The sudden realization made him weep.

Jesus looked at him forlornly. “Heartbreak is necessary for one to understand how great God's gift of time truly is.”

Michael's body heaved a couple of times as he tried to regain his composure.

“Don't look too far, Michael. Your daughter can lift your burden,” Jesus said.

The soldier grew impatient.“I said,
get up!
”He kicked hard into the softness of Michael's back.

The blow rattled him, throwing him off-balance. But he quickly
planted his feet again and lifted the heavy beam. It was rough in his hands and he felt tiny splinters dig into his skin as he hoisted it up onto his shoulder. His knees buckled but he regained his footing and walked slowly out of the courtyard. Michael could hear Jesus as he, too, was kicked to his feet. But with the crossbar so heavy and the crowd so tight around them, Michael couldn't turn to see him.

“Follow me!”the soldier demanded, leading them out onto the road.

Michael wasn't sure if it was a drop of rain that hit the top of his head or a tear from heaven.