Needing Her (15 page)

“You keep saying that. I know. But you’re keeping something from me.”

Shaking the disturbing images from my head, I flung my arms out to the side, and tried to remember what we were talking about. “I don’t understand why you’re getting this worked up over my sister.”

“Don’t say it like that. You know why I’m upset. You freeze up whenever anyone mentions her, and you did it with me just now. If you want me to keep being open and honest with you, you need to be honest with me. I
know
you’re hiding something, Connor.”

“No, you
think
—”

“Save it. Have a good day.”

“Maci!”

She didn’t respond, and I didn’t go after her. Because she was right . . . I just couldn’t tell her. Sharing my past with Cassidy—and people who could benefit from my story—was one thing. Telling Maci was another. She’d had no idea that Amy and I were even adopted. And if I told her about my past, I’d have to tell her about my fears of the future. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready to lose her.

Once I heard both our doors open and shut, I slowly got out of the bed and went about straightening it up before picking up the broken pieces of my lamp. I tried to stop the thought that by keeping Maci in the dark . . . and keeping
her
. . . I’d actually just lost her.

Letting our night together flood my mind instead, I took a shower, dressed, and headed over to Amy’s to spend time with her and my nephew.

A
MY HAD SPENT
most of the last two hours watching me carefully, and I’d hated that she was doing it. I knew what she was doing. She was about to go all mom mode on me, and she’d see right through my bullshit.

With a sigh, I sat up with Ben in my arms and focused on her. “Just say it. Let’s get it over with.”

Her lips pulled up on one side in a sympathetic smile. “What happened between you and Maci? You were so happy when I saw you last week.”

Knowing it was pointless to lie, I told her about this morning, and waited for five agonizing minutes as she studied me.

“You still haven’t told her about us?”

“Still?” I asked, a little confused. “I don’t know what you mean by ‘still.’ We’ve only been seeing each other for a week and a half.”

“You told Cassidy and you weren’t even seeing her,” she said, accusation coating her voice.

“Cassidy was different and you know that. She had a past worse than ours, she understood.”

“But you weren’t in love with her.”

I sat there, waiting for her to correct herself . . . or maybe for myself to realize I’d heard her wrong. But the way her eyes speared me, I knew I’d heard her correctly. “I’m sorry . . . but I’m not in love with Maci either.”

“Maybe not yet, but she’s different for you. You can’t deny that.”

Ben started squirming in my arms, so I let him go to crawl around the floor between us. “It doesn’t matter if she is or not, nothing can come of it and you know it.”

“Why not, Connor? What is so wrong with marrying Maci Price? You’re fearless, her brothers can’t scare you that bad.”

I looked at her, horrified. “I can’t marry her.”

“You would have married Cassidy.”

“She would have understood, Amy! She would have understood
everything
!” I tried to calm down as I waited for her to respond. But she just sat there shaking her head at me. “What?”

“Kevin didn’t have our past: was it wrong for me to marry him? Was it wrong for
me
to have Ben?”

“Amy”—I sighed and ran my hands through my hair—“you don’t have problems with your anger like I do.”

“You don’t have a problem with your anger. You’re afraid of getting angry, period. There’s a difference. You can’t always be afraid to turn into him, Connor. We don’t have his genes, who knows what either of our biological fathers were like? Mom sold herself so she could get coke. What you should have been afraid of all this time was developing a drug problem, because our fathers probably had one too. The man you’re afraid of turning into just took his anger with our mother out on us. You need to get that through your mind.”

I sat there staring at the floor and chewing on the inside of my cheek, trying to stop myself from saying what I so badly wanted to. But, in the end, it still came out. “When we were adopted, you were terrified of new men. Anytime you saw a man that was older, you would start shaking. It took you years of being asked out by guys at school before you finally said yes, and then you came home crying because you were afraid he would turn out just. Like. Him. Until Kevin came along, the only man you ever trusted was Dad. I have nightmares of me being the one to beat
my
future family. I never once judged you or said a word; I was just there for you. So don’t start judging me because of this.”

“I just want you to be happy. Cassidy may have understood better than most, but you have to know that you wouldn’t have done anything to her or your future family with her if it had ever even gone that route. But all you can see, or think about, with her is that she would understand. You’re not letting yourself realize that even
you
understood that you wouldn’t hurt her. You won’t hurt
anyone
, Connor.”

I looked up and instantly felt like shit when I saw her crying. “Fuck, Amy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just—I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said that, though.”

“I’ve seen how much Maci has changed you, and I saw how happy you were last week. I know you won’t turn into him. But if you won’t let yourself have that, then don’t lead Maci on with the pretense that something will happen between you two. I can see it, you may not realize it yet—maybe because you just don’t want to—but you love her. She’s going to see it too, so don’t do this to her. Don’t break her heart when you know that you can’t give her what she’s going to want.”

I knew what she was saying, and knew I needed to listen to her. My head started to nod, but shook instead. “I can’t stay away from her. I tried, but Cassidy didn’t even consume me the way Maci does. It’s like, now that I’ve finally pulled my head out of my ass, I’m trying to make up for all the time I’ve already lost with her. I can’t get enough of her, and I hate when I’m not near her. I hate that she’s mad at me right now, and it’s killing me because I know I still won’t tell her when I go home.”

“You have to tell her.”

“Amy, I just told you—”

“Tell her, or stop wasting her time. I know you’ve tried to protect me since Mom and Dad adopted us, and I appreciate what you did. But, I love you too much to let you ruin yourself and Maci like this.”

I just sat there, not knowing what to say after that. If only it was as simple as she made it seem.

Maci

T
URNING AROUND TO
face Amber, I blew out a deep breath and asked, “Okay, I look hot, right?”

“For the tenth time, yes, you do! I still don’t know why you’re trying to make him drool over you when you left his bed just this morning, but whatever.”

Amber wouldn’t understand what had happened between Connor and me this morning. It would seem stupid on my part, but she hadn’t seen the way Connor had hidden and protected his sister for as long as I’d known him. She was a huge part of his life, and I didn’t know what it was, but whatever it was he was keeping from everyone had everything to do with her.

Turning back toward the bar that I knew my brothers were at with Connor, I squared my shoulders and said, “Just want to make sure I drive him crazy tonight.”

“Mission accomplished. I’m betting he won’t last the entire time we’re here before he makes a move toward you.”

I smiled to myself. I was betting the same damn thing. I was wearing my dark skinny jeans with ridiculously high heels I’d borrowed from Amber, but the shirt . . . well, we’d gone on a hunt for it today. What little fabric there was, was a bright green color that connected in a knot low on the small of my back, and with a gold chain around my neck. The front was cut so low that I couldn’t wear a bra—not like I needed one anyway. It’d cost a stupid amount of money since all it covered was my boobs and stomach, but I was hoping it’d be worth it.

I’d spotted them sitting at a table with a pitcher of beer among them as soon as we walked in, and like he could sense I was there, he turned and his eyes went wide when he saw me. I watched as he took me in, and loved when his blue eyes met mine again. They were dark with want. Good.

Walking past their table, I paused when Dakota called my name, and tried not to smile. “Amber, please remember to stay away from my brothers tonight.”

“But they’re so—”

“You’re dating Aaron!” I hissed before turning around to walk toward their table. “Can I help you?” I asked lazily and eyed Dakota before punching Dylan’s arm when I caught him checking out Amber.

“The fuck are you wearing?” Dakota asked.

“Um . . . clothes?”

“You need to put more on,” Dylan added, and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair.

“I’m not putting your jacket on, I look fine. Was there something else you needed?”

Dakota pinched my arm, and I smacked his hand as I jumped away from him. “We’ll be watching you, Maci.”

“That’s nice.” Grabbing Amber’s hand, I turned without looking at Connor. Everything in me wanted to rebel against the action, but I had this planned out.

Twenty minutes after we’d walked away from the table, I walked toward the restrooms and waited in the hall, hoping like hell I would be right about this. And not two minutes later, Connor was storming down the hall toward me, a determined look on his handsome face.

Grabbing me around my waist, he hauled my body against his and pressed his lips down onto mine as he forced me back up against the wall. “You trying to kill me, sweetheart? Wearing something like this when you know I have to sit next to your brothers?”

Looking around the hall, he grabbed my hand and walked us into the women’s restroom and locked the door behind us. His hands were all over my bare back, gripping and pulling me closer, and he moved the front of my top aside to suck on one of my breasts.

I pulled on his hair, until he released my breast, and brought my mouth to his for a few seconds. “We have to get out of here. My brothers are going to realize I’m not with Amber and go looking for me.”

“I know, I know. Just . . . fuck. I can’t sit there next to them while you’re walking around looking like this.”

Looking at him from under my eyelashes, I rubbed my hand over his hard-on and bit down on my lip, loving when his eyes rolled back. “Then what are you going to do?”

“Give me a few minutes, I’ll check my phone and tell them I’m going to meet up with a girl. Ten minutes after I leave . . . no, fuck that. Five. Five minutes after I leave, you and Amber leave. If they ask where you’re going, tell them to another bar—and apologize to Amber for me for cutting your night short.”

“Her boyfriend is waiting for her at his place, she’ll be fine.”

With another hard kiss, Connor pushed away from me and moved my shirt back into place. “Five minutes after I leave, sweetheart. I’ll be waiting in your apartment.”

“See you soon.”

His eyes raked down my body one last time, and he harshly whispered, “Fuck!” before unlocking the door and walking out.

When I didn’t hear yelling from my brothers immediately after, I followed him out into the hall and smiled when he turned to wink at me before leaving the hall. I was so focused on him, I didn’t even notice the girl walking down the hall toward me until she was talking to me.

“Don’t fall for it, honey.”

I jerked back and looked up at the busty brunette. “Excuse me?”

She pursed her lips and looked back over her shoulder. “Connor Green.” She said his name like he was a legend or something. “I get it, I swear I do . . . but don’t fall for it.”

“Fall for what, exactly?”

“You think I don’t know you two were just in the bathroom together? This is just the start for him. He’ll call you ‘sweetheart’ and say all the right things to get in your pants.”

I stopped breathing at “sweetheart.”

“He’ll make you feel special for a little while, but then he’ll leave you . . . and he’ll do it without a second thought. Then he’ll move on to the next one. It’s what he does; I’m just warning you so you don’t get hurt.”

Tears burned the backs of my eyes, and I forced myself to smile at the bitch. “Thank you. So, so much. I’m glad you warned me before anything else happened.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile that was as fake as her breasts, and patted me on the shoulder. Walking quickly back into the bar, I found Amber, grabbed her hand, and began towing her toward the front door.

“Mini, where are you going in such a hurry?”

When I looked up, I noticed Connor was still there with my brothers, and he looked confused. “Go to hell.”

“Hey!” Dylan and Dakota said at the same time, but I didn’t stop.

“Oh my God, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Amber asked when we were finally outside and making our way to my car.

“Fine.”

“Maci!”

I choked back a sob and walked faster.

Once we were in my car and I was reversing out of my spot, Amber spoke again. “Okay, I saw him follow you, what happened? What did that fucker say? I’ll go shank him!”

“He didn’t . . . didn’t. Son of a bitch!” I yelled and blinked back the tears. I couldn’t figure out if I was more upset or angry. “Gah, he didn’t say anything bad. He . . . we made out, it was actually really hot. This girl approached me after; obviously it was someone he’s been with, because she knows that he calls me ‘sweetheart.’ She was warning me, she said how he’d treat me and then how he’d leave me.”

“Well, Maci, you knew he’d fucked random girls before. This isn’t news, and he said you weren’t one of them, didn’t he?”

“That’s what he said, but he called them
all
sweetheart. That’s what he calls me.”

Amber was silent, but kept watching me, until we made it to Aaron’s apartment complex. When I pulled to a stop in front of his building, her voice was careful. “Maybe he just—”

“Amber, I know for a fact that he called his random hookups that, because he didn’t want to bother remembering their names. I just don’t know why I’d forgotten that until tonight.”