Never Look Back (50 page)

Once the duck had been carved and handed round, Matilda broke her news.

‘I’ve decided that Tabitha and I will take the next wagon train to Oregon to my good friends the Duncans,’ she said, hoping her firm tone would prevent either of the Treagars thinking she could be persuaded out of it.

Matilda had met Tabitha from school early in the afternoon and on the way home, stopping off to visit Giles and Lily’s grave, she’d put it to the child. Tabitha had become really excited, just the way she was when her parents first told her they were going to Missouri. She had liked Cissie and John very much, the whole idea of travelling in a covered wagon appealed to her. She even laughed when Matilda asked her to promise not to say anything if she heard Matilda telling the Treagars a few little white lies at dinner. She was an astute child, she knew Mrs Treagar was a worrier, and she understood Matilda had to make out the Duncans were richer than they really were, because otherwise she’d try to stop them going.

‘If we stay here just waiting to hear from the Milsons in England it might be too late to join a train,’ Matilda went on. ‘And Tabby doesn’t want to go back to England anyway. My friends the
Duncans have a successful lumber business and an extensive farm, Tabby will have the company of their children and the security of a family again.’

‘You can’t make that long journey without a man,’ Mrs Treagar said in horror. ‘It isn’t safe.’

Matilda had already prepared all her counter-arguments. ‘There are a great many women travelling without a man,’ she said calmly. ‘Most of them are going out to join their husbands who went last year. We shall team up with them. I have worked it all out, I have just about enough money to get a team of oxen, a wagon and provisions for the journey. Once settled out in Oregon I shall take up school teaching.’

Dr Treagar looked at Matilda sharply. He could see she was nowhere near as composed as she sounded, she had two bright red spots of colour on her cheeks and her eyes weren’t quite meeting his and this made him a little suspicious. Yet in the two years he’d known her, and from what the Milsons had said about her, he knew she was honest, practical and very hard-working. At the time of the flood he’d witnessed her compassion for others, and her ability to take command of those who might otherwise have just wrung their hands and wailed instead of helping.

But it was after Giles’s death that he’d seen the full extent of her courage and pride. Most women in her position, he felt, would have been hysterical, especially as she was clearly deeply in love with him. Yet she hadn’t burdened anyone with her troubles, she had cared for Tabitha in the same steady manner she always had, and had held herself with such quiet dignity. He wondered now if her decision to go to Oregon had been made because she was afraid the grandparents would insist on Tabitha being taken from her, and that thought touched his heart. Both Giles and Lily had voiced their affection and admiration for her. Matilda had always been the true mother to the whole family, they would undoubtedly prefer that their daughter stay in her capable hands and in the country they’d grown to love. He didn’t think it was his place to try to deter her.

‘I think Matty has made up her mind,’ he said, giving his wife a warning glance. ‘In my view it’s a good plan. A fresh start in a land of opportunity.’

He turned then to Tabitha. ‘And what do you think about it, Tabby?’

‘I want to go very much,’ she said earnestly. ‘Matty’s my mama now and I want to be with her.’

The doctor’s heart swelled up. Since Giles’s death he had considered suggesting that he and his wife took Tabitha and brought her up as their own, but there was no doubt who the child loved and Giles himself would have chosen love to be a greater priority for his daughter than comfort or wealth.

‘Then God go with you,’ he said, smiling at them both. ‘It’s a long, arduous journey, but I don’t doubt you will make something of yourselves out there. But my wife and I will miss you very much.’

Matilda offered up a silent prayer of thanksgiving for their approval. She added a plea that her belly would stay flat until she was well away from Independence and that Tabitha would be able to cope with the news then that she was going to have a half-sister or brother come September.

Chapter Fourteen

‘I hope that isn’t what it looks like!’ Dr Treagar exclaimed as he looked down at the wooden box left in his hall. Matilda had packed it with provisions for her journey, but a long object wrapped in a piece of oiled rag was lying across the top.

‘It is,’ she said, giving him a defiant look. ‘And I’ve learnt how to shoot it.’

‘Matty!’ he exclaimed with a look of horror. ‘Giles would never have approved of firearms.’

‘Giles might have changed his mind if he’d known words were no protection against ruffians,’ she said tartly. ‘Besides, I’m not intending to kill any people with it, not unless they look like they might kill me or Tabby. A rabbit for the pot is all I’ve got in mind.’

The doctor looked at her sadly. ‘You’ve changed so much since he died, Matty,’ he sighed. ‘I suppose it was inevitable, but I worry that you are becoming a little – ‘He stopped suddenly, afraid of hurting her feelings.

‘Go on,’ she said, and gave a tight little laugh. ‘A little masculine, were you going to say?’

The doctor’s high colour became even higher. ‘No, tough was the word I intended,’ he said. ‘Even toting a gun you are far too pretty to be masculine.’

Pretty was too weak a word really, he thought. Even in her plain black mourning dress she was beautiful, and in the past month it had become even more noticeable, despite the sadness in her eyes. Her blonde hair was so shiny, like sun on ripe corn, and her complexion had a new rosy bloom. She had put on a little weight too, maybe due to the good food and rest she’d been getting while she’d been staying here. He wished heartbreak could be cured as easily, he couldn’t count the number of times he’d heard her crying late at night.

‘Aw, shucks!’ she said, in a parody of how one of his maids
from Louisiana spoke. ‘You sure do know how to make a girl feel better about herself, doctor.’

He laughed then. Matty always sounded so English, yet just lately, when anyone complimented her she always answered in that mocking Deep South voice.

‘So how good a shot are you?’ he asked.

She glanced over her shoulder as if to check Mrs Treagar was still out. ‘Come outside and I’ll show you,’ she said.

They went out into the back yard where Tabitha was playing with the puppy the doctor had given her as a going-away present. She’d called him Treacle because he was as black and shiny as the molasses she’d been given recently as a springtime purge.

‘Get Treacle out of the way and set up the rocks,’ Matilda ordered her. ‘I’m going to show the doctor what a crack shot I am.’

Tabitha obediently tied up the puppy and ran down the yard to set up six stones on an upturned pair, then stood aside to watch.

Matilda lifted the gun to her shoulder, squinted down the sights and pulled the trigger. One stone flew off. She reloaded and hit another. In six shots she hit six stones.

‘Who on earth taught you?’ the doctor asked in amazement. He wasn’t much of a shot himself, and he’d certainly never seen a woman handle a gun so well.

‘Solomon’ she grinned.

It was mid-April now and she’d spent a great deal of time in the last few weeks practising shooting and reading every pamphlet available on how to survive the trail to Oregon.

‘He’s also taught me to drive my oxen, and how to change a broken axle and repair a wheel, too. I won’t be able to do those things alone, but I know how.’

The doctor shook his head. ‘Ladies shouldn’t have to do that sort of thing.’

‘I was never a lady,’ she said dryly. ‘Just between ourselves, doctor, ‘cos I know you’ve always been curious about how I came to be with the Milsons, I started out as their nursemaid. Before that I used to sell flowers on the streets of London and I was brought up in the slums. So don’t worry about me. The Milsons might have taught me genteel behaviour, but my childhood taught me survival.’

Although the doctor was surprised by such a revelation, it made sense of many puzzling inconsistencies about her that he’d noticed in the past weeks, and he admired her even more for her candour.

‘You’ll always be a lady to me,’ he replied, patting her shoulder with affection. ‘Now, shall we get that box of goods round to the wagon before Mrs Treagar sees the gun and has the vapours? Are you really sure you want to sleep in the wagon on your last night?’

‘Absolutely sure,’ she said with a grin. ‘You see, Cissie said I have to get a position right up the front, and if I’m not there tonight someone might just elbow me out.’

‘Just smile at Captain Russell and I’m sure you’ll get whatever position you want,’ he laughed. ‘So come on then, I’ll take you, Tabby, the dog and that infernal gun along to the square in my gig. I’ll bring Mrs Treagar down tomorrow morning to see you off and say goodbye.’

‘It’s real cosy, isn’t it?’ Tabitha whispered as they lay cuddled up close together in the wagon, Treacle lying at their feet. It had grown quiet outside, apart from the odd sound of horses neighing and dogs barking, yet there were thirty-five wagons and an average of six people to each one. ‘I like it better than a house.’

‘We might not like it so much when it rains or it’s scorching hot,’ Matilda said reflectively. It was a funny thing, but from the first moment Solomon showed her the wagon, she had liked the feel of it, perhaps because she’d never had a home that was only hers before. Solomon had bought it last year from a family who had only gone a couple of hundred miles, then returned to Independence thoroughly disenchanted with the idea of going West, and he asked Matilda for less than half what she would have been asked for a new one.

The previous owners had added lots of extras that she would never have thought of. There were pockets in the canvas to put small items in, the base of the bed was a deep box for more storage, it even had a little table and two stools with foldaway legs for eating meals on, and there was a camping stove on legs too, which Solomon said was the latest thing. Even the water containers hanging all around the wagon were included in the price.

Mrs Treagar had given her an old feather mattress and put in new ticking. Almost everything else they needed like pots, plates and cutlery had come from their old home. The remains of Lily’s little treasures and pictures, Giles’s Bible, his watch and a few special books he treasured were stored away under the bed along with the sacks of flour, dried beans, rice, molasses, a huge lump of bacon and other essential provisions. They’d kept the good quilts, blankets and bedlinen, but everything else, including the horse and gig, had been sold off to buy the wagon. She’d given away most of Lily’s everyday clothes after the flood, but she’d kept the more elegant ones thinking they could be made into things for Tabitha. Baby Harry’s layette was packed away too, she felt sure Lily would want the baby to use them.

Twenty-five seedling fruit trees took up the most room, but they were their gift to Cissie and John. They were planted tightly together in a strong tray and wrapped around with sacking to keep the roots moist.

The four oxen had been the biggest expense, and the yokes cost twenty-five dollars, but with luck she could sell them off when she got to Oregon, and she still had thirty dollars left.

‘Are you sad to be leaving?’ Tabitha asked.

‘A bit,’ Matilda admitted.

‘Because we can’t talk to Mama and Papa any more?’

‘We can do that wherever we are,’ Matilda said. ‘I’m sure their spirits will be coming with us to watch over us. And you mustn’t worry about no one looking after their grave, Mrs Treagar and Solomon said they’d put flowers on it for us.’

‘We had happy times here,’ Tabitha said wistfully. ‘There were so many nice people. Do you think they’ll be nice in Oregon too?’

‘I know they will,’ Matilda said firmly. ‘So go to sleep now, we have an early start in the morning.’

‘Chain up, chain up!’ Captain Russell’s yelling voice woke them at first light.

Matilda wriggled down the bed, looked out the back of the wagon and saw other people were already up and about. She pulled on her dress and rammed a straw bonnet on her head without even combing her hair.

‘Quick, Tabby,’ she said. ‘We can worry about washing and doing our hair later.’

Solomon’s training had worked, for she had the oxen yoked and chained well before anyone else. She was just about to climb up on to the driving seat when Captain Russell came riding along on his piebald horse.

‘Howdy, Mrs Jennings,’ he called out, reining in his horse for a moment. ‘I’ll let you go second in line as you seem so set on being up front, but if you can’t keep up a good pace I’ll have to drop you right back.’

He was the main topic of conversation among the women in town for they all thought him very dashing in his army uniform, and were dying to know if he was married. He was at least six foot tall, slim-hipped with long fair hair, bright blue eyes and a droopy moustache. Matilda guessed him to be about thirty, though it was hard to tell as his face was nut-brown and he had crinkles round his eyes from being in the sun. She agreed with the other women that he was an unusually attractive man, but she didn’t like his caustic manner, or his unnerving way of studying people silently.

She also knew she was starting out with a big disadvantage. He hadn’t wanted her to join his train, he had said it was no place for a lone woman and a child. It was really only Solomon speaking up for her that finally persuaded him to agree. Although he appeared to have come round a little since then, she sensed he was deeply prejudiced against her, and that he would always be waiting for her to make mistakes. On top of this she was terribly afraid that he might have found out more about her in the last few days. She had told him that she was a widow, travelling with her step-daughter to friends in Oregon. Pretending to be a widow was a common precaution for single women to avoid male advances, but if he had learnt about the Milsons in town, and then saw her belly growing larger, who could blame him for thinking the worst of her?