New Beginnings (66 page)

“Really?” She licked her lips. They felt dry even though she’d just applied raspberry lip gloss. “What am I thinking right now?”

“You’re thinking about the kiss we shared last night,” he said, inching closer.

“Zach, we can’t do this here,” she said, hearing the desperation in her voice. She was so weak where he was concerned. Her body ignored her brain’s emphatic message every time he was within touching distance.

“I know that,” he whispered. “We can’t go public until we tell Tyler the truth. Which will be when?” She knew he would press her about that, but at the moment, she was more concerned about what he meant by
going public
. Before she could ask, he said, “It looks like the game’s about to start. We can talk about this later, at your place.”

“At my place?” she asked. Her voice sounded squeaky. “Who says I’m planning to invite you back to my place?”

“We’ll be spending the whole evening with Tyler. We won’t be able to say much in front of him, and you can’t deny we have a lot of things to decide, Rennie.”

He was right, of course. She scratched her palm, and he looked at her, grinning. “What’s so funny?”

“I want to hold your hand too.”

How did he know that’s what she was thinking? “What makes you think that’s what I was thinking?”

He laughed. “You forget how well I know you, lady. We may not have been together for the last ten years, but you haven’t changed all that much.”

Neither had he. They could probably still finish each other’s sentences. That was sad, alarming, and comforting all at the same time. “Wait,” she said, reaching for his hand. “You made me forget what I wanted to say. It’s kind of important.” She immediately withdrew her hand when she saw him wince. “God, I’m sorry. Is it your shoulder? Did I hurt you?”

He chuckled. “Relax, I’m fine. What did you want to talk to me about it?”

She would rather grind broken glass into her palm than ask, but she had to set her pride aside for her son’s sake. “Are you interested in Lily?”

“Who?” he asked, frowning.

“Lily—that woman you were just talking to.” It put her mind at ease that he didn’t even seem to remember her name.

“You can’t be serious,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“She said she gave you her number at the birthday party.”

“She did, and I threw it in the trash as soon as she turned her back.” He seared her with the intensity of his gaze. He may not be touching her, but with the way his eyes were sweeping over her face, he might as well have been. It had the same effect as an intimate embrace. “Don’t you know you’re the only woman I’m interested in?”

Rennie’s lips parted, and she knew she was subconsciously begging him to seal his question with a kiss. What was wrong with her? He was Zach. The father of her child. The man who broke her heart. “You can’t. I mean, we can’t—”

“Talk about this here. I know.”

He knew damn well that wasn’t what she was going to say, but he’d effectively shut her down just the same. “Zach, I’m serious.”

“So am I,” he said. “This isn’t a game to me. This is my life, and I want you and our son to be the most important part.”

***

Zach knew he’d said too much. Rennie had been unnaturally quiet since his big proclamation. What the hell had he been thinking? He’d promised himself he would take it slow, get to know her again, let her get to know him, while he built a relationship with his son. He wanted her to see that he was ready to be a father, that he wanted to make up for all the years he’d lost with Tyler. He knew he couldn’t rush her into something she wasn’t ready for. She’d been alone with Tyler for a while now, and it would take both of them a long time to trust a man who’d already let them down once.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he said quietly as they watched Tyler jog off the mound. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” she said, twisting her narrow gold band.

“Why do you still wear that?” he asked. He was probably crossing another line by asking her about the husband she’d lost.

“On the day I married Nathan, I promised him I’d never take it off.” She looked at the simple ring. “The least I can do is keep that promise.”

Her statement made Zach wonder if she harbored some guilt about her late husband, but he shouldn’t ask. Of course, that didn’t stop him. “You still feel you owe him something?”

Rennie bit her lip. “I…” Her eyes fell on the family a few rows ahead of them. Two parents with a son just a little younger than Tyler. “I don’t think I was the wife I should have been. I loved Nathan, but…”

Zach knew they were far enough away from the other parents that no one would be able to overhear their conversation, and he really needed to know more about the man who’d taken his place in Rennie’s life. “But what, Ren?”

“Sometimes I think he knew,” she said, sliding her hands under her thighs.

“Knew what?”

“That I’d never really gotten over you.”

Wow. 
He hadn’t seen that one coming. It was difficult not to smile. He wanted to jump up and pump his fist in the air. “Really?”

“Nathan and Tyler loved baseball,” she said quietly, watching the players jog back onto the field. “They used to watch games together all the time. I’d watch too, but never when you were playing. He asked me if it was because I still had feelings for you.”

“What did you tell him?”

Rennie stared at some point beyond the first baseman. “I told him I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. I hated myself for hurting him, but we’d promised we’d never lie to each other. Given what happened between you and I, that was kind of a deal breaker for me. Nathan knew that.”

“Where did you go from there?” Zach wanted to believe if his wife had told him she still had feelings for her ex, he would have let her go. If the woman in question was Rennie, he couldn’t be sure. He may hold on to her by any means necessary because after living without her for a decade, he knew that having even part of her was better than being alone with his memories.

“He asked me if I wanted to come back to Texas, to tell you about Tyler.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him I needed to think about what I wanted to do. We had that conversation the day before he died.”

He put his arm around her. He didn’t care who saw them or what they thought. The woman he loved was in pain, and he would do anything he could to comfort her.

“He wasn’t himself at breakfast that morning,” she said, lowering her head. “He seemed distracted. I knew he was thinking about what I was going to do.” She put her feet up on the empty bench in front of them. “Maybe he was distracted on the job. Maybe it was my fault—”

“Sssh,” Zach said, resting her head against his good shoulder. “Don’t say that. Nathan was a professional. He wouldn’t have brought his personal problems into a situation like that.”

“But what if that’s what he wanted?” she asked, looking up at Zach with tears in her eyes.

“What are you talking about?” The scars surrounding her husband’s death obviously went deeper than he’d suspected, and it tore him up that she blamed herself for something she had no control over.

“He told me so many times that Tyler and I were his life. He said he didn’t know where he’d be without us, that if he ever lost us…” She shuddered, and Zach tightened his grip, knowing her impulse would be to pull away. “Maybe that’s what he was thinking about when he walked into that fire.”

“Rennie, your husband wasn’t on a suicide mission. He was just doing his job.” Zach couldn’t imagine living with those tortured thoughts every day. It was no wonder she refused to take off his ring. “You have to let this go.”

“I know,” she said, inching away from him. Squaring her shoulders, she sat up straighter. “That’s what my therapist said. I’m trying. It’s just going to take some time.”

They watched the rest of the game in silence. Zach knew she needed time with her thoughts of Nathan and he couldn’t say anything more to ease her pain. He’d told her she hadn’t changed, but he was wrong. She wasn’t the same woman he’d fallen in love with years ago. She was living with the torment of believing she’d played a part in her husband’s death, of fighting her feelings for a man who’d betrayed her, of her fear of losing her son. No one could withstand that kind of turmoil and come out on the other side unscathed.

Tyler jogged toward them at the end of the game with a huge smile. They’d won 4-2, and he’d pitched a solid game. “What’d you think, Zach?”

“I thought you were awesome, kid.” Zach meant it. He saw similarities between Tyler and himself at that age. They had the same fire in their bellies. Paired with Tyler’s natural talent and the right coaching, he could go all the way. His old man’s connections wouldn’t hurt either.

“Thanks.” He grinned when Zach slipped his arm around his shoulder. “I’m starving. Can we go to dinner now?”

“You should change and grab a quick shower first,” Rennie said. “I have an apple and some crackers in the car. That should tide you over until we get to the restaurant.”

“I have my clothes from yesterday,” Tyler said. “Couldn’t I just wear that to the restaurant? It’s not dirty or anything.”

Rennie and Zach shared a smile before she said, “Where do you plan to change?”

“My place isn’t too far,” Zach said. “We could—”

“Yeah!” Tyler said before Zach could finish his thought. “Could we go back to Zach’s place, Mom? Please?”

“If you’re sure you don’t mind?” Rennie asked.

“Of course not.” Zach couldn’t wait to share his home with them. If all went as he hoped, one day they would never want to leave.

“Can I ride with Zach?” Tyler asked, looking hopeful.

Zach was driving the yellow Ferrari again since he was hoping to give Tyler that ride he’d promised him. “I sorta promised him a ride at his birthday party,” Zach explained to Rennie. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Rennie looked at the car as though she was gauging its safety. “Promise you won’t go over the speed limit?”

“I promise,” he said, tongue in cheek. “I know you’ll be right behind us, watching every move I make. I wouldn’t dare step out of line.”

She pressed her lips together. “I seem to recall speeding was a way of life for you, Foster. Remember how many speeding tickets you got in—” She stopped herself and looked down at Tyler with a fake smile. “You know, I’m pretty hungry too. We should—”

“You guys used to know each other?” Tyler asked, looking up at Zach for confirmation.

They’d let him believe they just met when Rennie contacted him about her applicant’s wish. Of course, Tyler would find out the truth soon enough, but Zach knew a parking lot wasn’t the right place to have that conversation. “Your mom and I grew up in the same small town. Why are you so surprised we knew each other back in the day?” Zach didn’t want to lie to Tyler, but he didn’t want to say more than he should and upset Rennie either.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tyler asked as he watched his mother carefully. “I talked about Zach all the time. Why didn’t you tell me you guys were friends?”

“I… uh…” Rennie looked at Zach helplessly.

Zach laughed and put Tyler in a headlock with his good arm. “Man, you ask a lot of questions. You sure you wouldn’t rather be a lawyer when you grow up?”

“No way!” Tyler laughed as he tried to get Zach to loosen his grip. “I wanna be a pitcher just like you.”

“Just like me, huh?” Zach said, unable to ignore the fact his heart seemed to swell at the innocent comment. His
son
wanted to be just like him. “Well, if you want to be just like me, you have to get used to eating like an athlete.” Zach knew it might help if Tyler believed he was choosing to eat well instead of being forced into it.

“How do athletes eat?” Tyler asked, stopping near the passenger’s door of Zach’s car.

“Lots of lean protein, veggies, grains, fruit, a bit of dairy, and we drink a ton of water to stay hydrated.” He caught Rennie’s smile out of the corner of his eye. He knew he was doing the right thing. “Think you can handle that, Tyler?”

“That’s kind of the way I eat now.” He wrinkled his nose. “Not because I want to but because Mom makes me.”

“Your mom’s smart. Think about it,” Zach said. “You really think you can be a professional athlete if you put a ton of crap into your body?” He didn’t see any reason to mention Tyler’s condition. Like Rennie, he didn’t want his son to feel his diabetes made him different.

“I guess not. Oh, I forgot my water bottle on the bench. Do I have time to go back and get it?”

“Sure. Go ahead,” Zach said.

“Thanks, I’ll be right back.”

“Thank you for doing that,” Rennie said, watching their son sprint across the field. “He really looks up to you. Right now, your opinion holds a lot more weight than mine. If we’re on the same page, it would help a lot.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to help,” he said. “I hope you know that.”

“I keep a cooler in the car for Tyler,” she said, walking toward her vehicle. “Just some fruit, crackers, nuts, and sunflower seeds. He should have a quick snack. Do you want something?”

“Sure,” Zach said, winking. “I have to set a good example, don’t I?”

Rennie was mortified when Tyler ran from room to room in Zach’s six thousand-square foot home, shouting about every new find.

“Mom, you gotta see this games room. He has huge Pac Man and Donkey Kong machines!”

“I see you still like to play games?” Rennie joked, smiling. The way Zach looked at her made her realize he’d read more into it.

“I’m not playing games, Ren.”

“I know that,” she said, wandering into the gourmet kitchen. Cooking in a kitchen like his instead of her little galley kitchen would be a dream come true. “Should you take one of these before we go?” She held up the plastic prescription bottle on the granite countertop.

“You can’t help yourself, can you?” he asked, reaching for the bottle. “You’re such a caretaker.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she said, trying not to feel defensive. Their friends in high school and college had always teased her about mothering them. She always made sure no one had been drinking if they drove. She brought extra sunscreen to the beach and water to the baseball games. Maybe she was maternal, but she didn’t see that as a character flaw.