New Kid Catastrophes: 1 (TJ and the Time Stumblers) (16 page)

dozing off every few seconds.

“ . . . gather your projects and proceed directly to the gymnasium, where the judges will begin judging first thing tomorrow morning and where, if you are fortunate enough to . . .”

It’s not just that Mr. Beaker was boring, but you could make millions selling his voice. Forget tranquilizers or sleeping pills—just drop in a CD of Mr. Beaker and everyone would immediately nod off.

“ . . . and furthermore and therefore and so forth and so on . . .”

TJ wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep before she was startled awake by something rubbing against her leg and the quiet

of a cat.

She looked down to see Doug’s mechanical kitten at her feet. Talk about cute. It still looked like a robot, with all the steel and stuff, but he’d added a pair of little ears and furry pipe-cleaner whiskers. It really was cute. And in its little mouth it held a card.

TJ glanced up to Mr. Beaker, who was still furthermoring, thereforing, and so-forthing. She reached down to take the card and read:

I didn’t mean to be a bother.

Can we start over just as friends?

She looked across the room and saw Doug operating the remote controls. It was a sweet gesture and she had to smile. He smiled back. Not all goofy and weird like before. More like . . . well, like a friend.

And when Mr. Beaker had finally finished (by putting himself to sleep), she got up and joined Doug.

“So what do you think?” he sniffed.

She looked down to the kitten. “I think he’s really cute.”

“He’s a she,” Doug corrected.

“Oh, and does she have a name?”

“I call her TJ.” He beamed.

TJ frowned and fidgeted.

He winced. “A little much?”

She nodded. “A little much.”

“Sorry. Then how ’bout Killer?”

“Killer?” She giggled. “For a kitten?”

“Sure.”

“She doesn’t look like a killer.”

“Ah—” Doug grinned—“but looks can be deceiving.” He pressed another button on his remote control and out of the cute little mouth came a gigantic little

It was so loud, it woke up everyone in the class (including Mr. Beaker). And it was so funny, TJ broke out laughing. Everybody in the room turned to glare at her (Big Surprise #1). And they all tried to make her feel small and stupid (Big Surprise #2). But it was so funny, she didn’t care. For the first time since she’d started school, she didn’t care what anybody thought. And it felt terrific.

“So,” Doug sniffed, “shall we take her to the gym and set up the display?”

TJ motioned to the hall. “Let’s do it.”

He nodded, pushed a few more levers, and the three of them headed toward the door. Of course, everyone was still staring, so of course, Doug pressed the button and Killer gave another, even louder

as they headed out of the room and down the hall, laughing all the way.

Chad watched them leave the room. He couldn’t help smiling, pleased that the new kid had finally found a friend. His cell phone vibrated and he opened it to read the text. It was from Hesper.

GOOD NEWZ. HIRED A TEAM OF
SCIENTISTS 2 FIX OUR SCI FAIR PROJECT

Chad texted back:

FIX?

She answered:

THEYRE ADDING A LASER BEAM
WILL B READY TOMORROW

Chad blinked at the screen.

LASER BEAM? ON A MOUSE??

Hesper answered with a final message:

NOBODY MESSES WITH ME.
UR GONNA LOVE IT !!!
XOXOXXO

Chad stared at the message. The good feeling he had for the new kid suddenly didn’t feel so good. With Hesper on the warpath, it didn’t feel good at all.

CHAPTER TEN

Show and
Tell
YELL!

Time Travel Log:

Malibu, California, October 14

Begin Transmission:

If you thought things were bad before . . .

End Transmission

For the first time that week, TJ almost felt good about going to school.

Almost.

She would have felt better if the two boys hadn’t insisted on tagging along.

“Trust us, Your Dude-ness,” Herby said, floating invisibly beside her. “You’ll want us with you.”

“Why today?” she asked as they headed up the sidewalk toward the gymnasium. “I don’t get it.”

“Oh, you will.” Tuna gave a heavy sigh. “I’m afraid you’ll understand in a very big way.”

She opened the gym doors and came to a stop. Before her were rows and rows of science projects. Of course there were the usual ones thrown together by last-minute slackers. Like the experiment with a giant hammer and a huge crate of tomatoes titled

HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU HIT A TOMATO WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER BEFORE IT SPLATTERS?

RESULTS: Once (unless you’re a very bad shot).

Or the one with all the gauze and first aid cream titled

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU HOLD YOUR HAND OVER A CANDLE FLAME FOR FIVE MINUTES?

RESULTS: You scream until you pass out.

But there were plenty of other experiments asking questions only the super-spoiled and super-rich could have. Like the project with the recording of a barking dog. Its title was

WHICH DESIGNER JEWELRY MAKES POODLES THE HAPPIEST?

RESULTS: Whatever has the most diamonds.

Or the project with a giant pile of ash in a wheelbarrow titled

DO $50 BILLS BURN FASTER THAN $100 BILLS?

RESULTS: After several hundred tries, results are undetermined.

“TJ!” a voice called. “Over here!”

She turned to see Doug standing in the section especially set aside for inventions. At his feet was Killer, the mechanical kitten.

TJ waved and headed to join them. As she approached, she saw other inventions that only the super-spoiled and super-rich could dream up:

THE AUTOMATIC HAND RAISER

Stop the bother of raising your hand in class!

Simply press a button and it automatically pops up for you.

(Batteries not included)

or

AUTOMATIC CATALOG ORDERER

Never bother having to decide what to buy from expensive catalogs again.

Just press SELECT ALL and this device will order everything!

TJ arrived and bent down to scoop up the purring kitten. The little thing was cuter than ever. She glanced around the gym. “Looks like we’ve got some pretty stiff competition,” she said.

Suddenly a bright light blazed from the far corner of the gym.

“What’s that?” she asked.

Doug pushed up his glasses and sniffed. “I’ll give you one guess. Come on.”

They crossed the gym to investigate. Along the way, they passed other rich-kid inventions like

GIANT MIRROR SURFBOARD

Check out your do while checking out the waves!

and more experiments like

WHICH CAVIAR DO HAMSTERS LIKE BEST?

RESULTS: The most expensive you can find.

At last they arrived to see Hesper Breakahart holding another press conference under the bright lights. Chad stood silently beside her, just as uncomfortable as ever. And between them, on a control panel, was their skinny little mouse, Wendell. The poor critter had something strapped to his head that looked like a miniature flashlight.

They listened as Hesper spoke to the crowd.

“What we did was attach a laser to the side of cute little Wendell’s head. So wherever he looks, he can fire a laser beam.”

“That’s
in
-credible, Hes-
per
,” a bald reporter said. (His acting was as bad as Mr. Beaker’s.)

“Yes.” She nodded. “I think so.”

“Where did
you
come up with
such
an incredible ide-
a
?”

“Oh, I just wanted to help our brave soldiers overseas.” She flashed a brand-new smile with brand-new false teeth. “Of course, the hardest part was all the work Chad and I had to do to build this laser. Isn’t that right, Chad?”

Chad’s gaze landed on TJ, and he hesitated.

“Isn’t that right, Chad?” Before he could answer, Hesper held out her hand with a pout. “I mean, I almost broke a nail. See.”

The crowd sighed in sympathy.

Chad looked down in embarrassment.

The reporter asked, “So
may
we have a demonstra-
tion
?”

“Why, certainly.” She looked over to Chad. “Chad, sweetie?”

Without a word, he obediently picked up Wendell.

Hesper reached for the control panel. “All I have to do is press a little button labeled POWER ON.” She searched the box trying to find where her scientists put it. “Ah, here we go. I just press this little button like so, and—”

Instantly the control panel hummed to life. So did the laser strapped to Wendell’s head. It frightened the little guy so badly that he leaped out of Chad’s hands and raced across the floor.

That was the good news.

That bad news was that everywhere it jerked its little head, the laser