New Title 1 (36 page)

“
I'm sorry, Julez,” she managed to say. And it sounded like she meant it. In fact it sounded like she meant it for more than just the present situation. Julez just looked at her for a second.

“
You been alright?” He asked honestly, truly concerned as he stared into her sad eyes. She nodded.

“
You?” She asked and he nodded the same. They held eye contact a little longer and then Julez broke it this time and shifted his gaze to Viola. He held out his hand.

“
Hello. I'm Julez. You must be Jordin's mother.”

Viola smiled naturally at Julez's kind demeanor and took his hand.

“
I am. I'm Viola. Nice to meet you Julez, I've heard a lot about you.” Jordin wanted to kill her mother. Her jaw tensed as she looked over at Viola. She was lying and she was trying to start shit. Viola sensed Jordin's anger and added. “I'm sorry for your loss.”

Julez nodded but wondered if it was really
his
loss. It could've very well been Slim's loss. He also wondered what Viola had heard about him. Had Jordin talked about him? Had he been on her mind like she'd been on his? Seeing her only intensified his feelings. With all that was happening he wanted nothing more than to hold Jordin and have her hold him, she would make it right.

Julez then turned around and noticed Kira sitting there for the first time. He crinkled his brow.

“
Kira, what you doing here?”

She stood up, hoping that he didn't blow her lie.

“
The hospital called the office and told me what happened.”

Julez nodded as he thought of what had occurred between them. He'd been avoiding his office.

“
You didn't have to come though.” She cut him off before he said too much.

“
I wanted to come,” she said with adoration as she walked up close to him. “I wanted to be here for you.”

Jordin blew out a deep breath of air and stood up, heading for the restroom. The baby, and this scene, was making her sick. She felt stupid. Pregnant by a man who's wife was in a hospital bed and who's mistress was standing right next to him. She had to get away.

Julez watched her walk, her round ass in her sweat pants and her long ponytail swaying across her back was so effortlessly sexy, not to mention her gorgeous face when she turned around and the fact that she had a brain when you spoke to her. He didn't know if he was in love with her, but he knew he couldn't get the woman out of his head. He felt crazy thinking about her like that at a time like this.

Viola noticed the way Julez looked at her daughter and she made a rash decision. A decision that she knew Jordin would kill her for, maybe even curse her out and disown her as a result of it, but she didn't care. At that moment, she felt it had to be done. Viola was looking at the bigger picture when she stood up and said to Kira.

“
Excuse us.” And then she turned to Julez and added. “May I talk to you for a minute. It's very important.”

“
Yo what the fuck is going on, Jordin?”

Jordin was like a deer caught in headlights as Julez came storming into the ladies' restroom.

“
What are you doing in here?” Her voice rose in bewilderment, half surprised and half scared. She could see that he was angry with her, very angry.

“
I think you know exactly why I'm in here,” he spoke matter of factly. “You got something to tell me?”

Shit!
Jordin took a long and deep breath and continued to wash her hands calmly. Her mother must have spilled the beans, she couldn't believe it. Jordin, never being one to lie, just played the silent game, attempting to buy time.

“
Julez...you can't be in here. This is a
woman's
bathroom.”

Julez bolted over to her and shut the water off angrily, grabbing her arm and turning her to face him.

“
I don't give a fuck!” He took a deep breath. “Jordin...I'm serious.” Julez stared at her and his eyes pleaded with her to be honest with him. Although he had heard from Viola, he wanted to hear Jordin say it. He wanted the words that she was carrying his child and thinking of killing it, to leave her mouth. Jordin stared into those eyes, those eyes that she had fallen in love with way before Noelle had ever laid eyes on them, those eyes that were so filled with an honesty that she wanted to trust so bad but wasn't sure if she could. Whoever said the bad guys ruin it for the good ones knew exactly what they were talking about.

Jordin swallowed hard and realized there was no reason to beat around the bush anymore, the jig was up.

“
I-I can't keep it, Julez. I know you understand.”

Julez felt like someone had stabbed him right in the heart. He was a nigga, he was a far from soft nigga, he had dealt with some of the wildest shit in the streets, but all of this was just too much. First Noelle's betrayal, then losing what could have been his first child, and now about to lose a second. He turned from her, caressing the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, trying to remain calm.

“
Why Jordin?” He asked lowly, almost in a whisper.

Jordin's face grew hot and she willed herself not to cry. She was making the right decision... right? I mean, her and Julez weren't even together, all of this was too new. And he was fucking Kira. She shook her head against her doubts.

“
It's just...bad timing. Too much stuff is going on Julez. I gotta get my shit together. And you....you got your own thing you're doing. It's not even an option.” Even as she spoke the words she hated the finality of them. She could tell they hit Julez hard but he remained stone faced.

“
So that's it. You just gonna get rid of it, just like that? Fuck what I gotta say about it, huh?”

Jordin bit on her lip but tried to remain tough.

“
It really doesn't matter what you have to say Julez. It's
my
decision.” He was done. First Noelle and her bullshit, and now Jordin and her emotional dancing, he was definitely taking a break from the emotional side of bitches. His anger and hurt from the situation clouded his head.

“
You know what...” he started feeling like he was about to blow. “Fuck it. If that's what it is then that's what it is.” He was tired of chasing. He was so angry that she didn't even plan to tell him, that she had just made the decision without him.

Jordin felt that it was better this way. They could never be. The realization and her need to indirectly self sabotage her own happiness, not to mention the thought of him and Kira led her to utter, “It never really
was
anything, Julez.” Julez stared at her in silence but she had sent a dagger to his heart. He appeared wounded, and he was. He ran his hand over his waves and sighed. Maybe he was foolish for thinking he and Jordin could be something, maybe she didn't even want that. Julez took one final look at her, waiting for her to say something, anything that could stop him from walking away. She didn't.

He turned around and headed for the door but something stopped him. He paused. He had to know..

“
Yo, you really sure about this?” He asked this without even turning around and facing her again. Hearing her say that she was to his face would've been torture. He waited an excruciating long moment before he realized she wasn't responding. With defeat in his stance he just dropped his head and shook it, realizing that he would just give it up. It just wasn't meant to be. He could have yelled, he could have demanded that she keep his baby, threatened her, cursed her, but in the end, it was her decision.
Fuck it,
he thought.

This time he made it to the door and opened it, and then he walked out without even looking back. He would've offered her the money to get it done, he would've offered to go with her. But he was so angry with her that he didn't even want to look at her anymore. She had made the decision without telling him so she probably had everything figured out on her own as well. And besides, he in no way wanted to be apart of the destruction of his child that he wanted so badly. When Julez had said a child was made out of love, he meant it. He thought Jordin would be the perfect type of woman to raise his child, but if that wasn't what she wanted then what could he do?

When he reached the lobby he explained to Marta and Viola that he would be back. He told them to just hit his cell when they received word about Noelle, he was stepping outside for some air.

About a half hour later, Marta called him to let him know Noelle had waken up and she was fine. Julez was glad to hear it because now he knew for sure he wasn't going back. Knowing that the baby was gone and now Noelle was fine, he could walk away from the scene, he had no more ties.

As he started up his car and drove away from the hospital he couldn't help but think about his seed that was growing inside of Jordin and it saddened him deeply. She had disappointed him. And now, he had no choice but to forget her as well. When she decided to kill his baby she decided to kill whatever they had shared. The two of them, just like he and Noelle, had no more ties as well.

***

“
I'm glad you're okay,”Noelle said sweetly into the phone, truly meaning the words she spoke.

“
I was just thinking the same thing about you. But are you going to stay like that?”

Noelle sighed, thinking about Slim's words. He had called the hospital and her mother had told him what happened. Since then he had called back in thirty minute intervals until he was finally able to talk to Noelle and hear for himself that she was fine. The news about the child that he knew was his being dead was a blow, a hard hit, but knowing that Noelle was doing well was his greatest concern.

“
I'll be okay, don't worry,” she assured him.

There was a long silence and Slim wanted so desperately to come back and be with her, but he knew not only did her husband want him dead, Noelle also made it quite clear that she didn't want to be with him. It was hard for him to face but he had no choice.

“
You know I'm always gonna be here, right mami? I'm always gonna love you, Noe...”

Just then, a face that Noelle hadn't expected to see came walking through the door and the shock caused a delay in her response to Slim.

“
I...I know...”

With nothing more coming from her lips, Slim only nodded.

“
Take care of yourself,” Noelle heard him say and then the line disconnected before she could even reply.

Noelle was too busy looking at Jordin to even comprehend the sadness from the short phone call with Slim. She scooted up and smoothed out her hospital gown as Jordin remained standing and they shared a neutral eye contact.

“
Your mother said she'll be back. She's going to try to talk to the Child Services people about McKenzie.” Jordin's voice was even and she showed little emotion. Noelle understood but it brought her great sadness. She needed Jordin more than Jordin could ever realize. She nodded.

“
I know...”

A moment passed as Jordin squinted at her. Noelle was so unreal. She couldn't believe that she was victimized in this whole ordeal. She had to ask her...

“
Did you really want to die, Noelle? I mean... really?...Or was this just another attention seeking scheme from you?”

Jordin was aware that she very much could push Noelle over the edge again with her harsh words, but she had to know the truth.

Noelle only shook her head after chuckling. Jordin had every right, but she was so wrong.

“
I just...I just wanted to take a really, really long nap...,” she said with an awkward laugh. She ran her hands through her hair and continued. “When I woke up...I wanted things to be back the way they used to be, you know?”

Noelle was talking so low, and her voice held so much emotion, Jordin knew it was truthful. It saddened her a bit.

“
Things will
never
be the way they used to be Noe,” Jordin said sternly, with disappointment dripping from her words. She briefly thought of Julez as well, things would never be the same with her and him either. “You just gotta find a way to live with the consequences of the decisions you made. You have a little girl to look out for Noe, it's not just all about you.”

Jordin couldn't believe Noelle had been so foolish and tried to take the easy way out, costing her the life of her unborn baby.