New Title 1 (37 page)

Meanwhile Noelle felt like she was getting a lashing, Jordin was telling her like it was, and it hurt.

“
J...I am...I am just
so
sorry for what I've done to you. I know you could never forgive me, I
know
that, but I just want to let you know...it had nothing to do with you. I
never
wanted to hurt you, Jordin. I love you
so
much...”

Tears clouded Noelle's vision as she stared at her former best friend. Jordin was even closer to her than her own family was and she felt so horrible for being so selfish.

“
If I could just take it all back-”

“
You can't,” Jordin responded standing up and feeling the pain all over again.

“
But if I could!” Noelle pleaded becoming upset. “If I could J, I would. I just...I just wish I had my friend back. I'm
so
sorry. I hate that I did this shit to you.”

Jordin blinked away tears not wanting to go there again. Before she could even try to muster up a reply, the doctor interrupted.

“
Excuse me ladies, I am sorry for the interruption.” He waltzed inside, white clipboard in hand. “But I must know, how are we today Mrs. Payne?” The name caused Jordin to instantly shut her eyes.
His
last name,
she
still had
his
last name, and rightfully so. This was
his
wife.

“
Better. I feel better...can I leave now?”

He looked at her unblinkingly.

“
Soon...Miss?” He asked, addressing Jordin. “You're her...sister?”

“
Um, best friend...well...yeah, um, friend...of the family...”

The doctor paid little mind to Jordin's dance of her formal title.

“
May I speak to you outside for a moment?”

Jordin took a long look at him and then glanced over at Noelle. She suddenly felt more involved than she had intended on, but what could she do? The girl always had depended on her. This was nothing new.

“
Sure.”

Once she followed him outside of the hospital room her mother was waiting there as well as Noelle's grandmother.

“
What's going on?” Jordin questioned.

The three of them looked at each other before all looking at Jordin.

“
Well basically, we're having a problem with releasing Noelle. Not only for our concerns, but DYFS will also not allow the child back in her care without another supervised guardian as the sole care keeper of the both of them. We have tried to reach her husband, but seem to come to no avail.” Jordin thought of Julez for a fleeting moment as the doctor continued. “Her mother has tried to take on the care for the child and Noelle. However, being that her mother actually resides with the grandmother, and the residence is only a one bedroom apartment, DYFS refuses to release the child there. Not to mention, Noelle's mother has a past criminal record. We are conflicted on what to actually do. Basically, Noelle wants to go home, but she has no home to go to and in the meantime, they are debating on systematizing her daughter.”

“
No,” Jordin whispered thinking of her god baby. “Kenzie...”

“
Well what about McKenzie's father?” Jordin's mother spoke up.

The doctor shrugged.

“
We have not been able to reach him either.”

Jordin wondered what had happened with Freddie. He was unpredictable but usually there for McKenzie. Jordin sighed.

“
So what is the other option?” She asked, already feeling the answer.

Viola spoke up.

“
Well, Marta wanted to know...that if you were fine with it, Noelle and McKenzie come stay home in Cherry Hill with us. You know, until she gets on her feet. But this...this is totally at your discretion, Jordin,” her mother added. Jordin shook her head back and forth in disbelief. Was she horrible for wanting to scream 'hell no!' She couldn't believe that everyone was waiting on the answer to this, as if the last two months hadn't occurred. She finally suggested...

“
Well, what if... we just took Kenzie?”

Noelle's grandmother spoke up in broken English.

“
And separate de' baby from her mami!”

“
Yes,” Jordin replied matter of factly.

“
You'd have to get legal custody. It's a process,” the doctor intervened. This was too much. Jordin didn't understand why they couldn't all just go back to her mother's apartment, that's where they had been before. She thought about calling Julez and telling him the predicament, she knew he'd provide a place for them for the sake of Kenzie. But they didn't trust Noe alone with her child, he would have to live with her again. Be a family. For some reason, some selfish one, that prevented Jordin from reaching out to him. That and the fact that she knew he probably hated her now.

She thought long and hard about what was being asked of her. She knew it was temporary, and it was and would be all for the sake of Kenzie. Jordin had to laugh at how Noelle continued to put a damper on her life.

“
How long would it be before she could move out on her own with McKenzie again?” The doctor sighed before responding.

“
Probational period is about six months. After an evaluation, I am sure Noelle would be in a good position to move on independently. This is really all for the sake of McKenzie but also for Noelle's safety as well.”

“
It's totally up to you Jordin,” her mother reiterated seeing her child's deliberation and knowing that this was a lot they were asking. Jordin began to think of the fact that she herself was unsure of Noelle's stability. At least with them in Cherry Hill, she could be sure that Noelle would indeed be able to care for McKenzie as a mother should before she had her again. And the last thing Jordin wanted was for McKenzie to go into the system. It was an immediate decision that she had to make as a godmother.

“
Whatever... but.... I just have to do one thing first.”

Jordin quickly turned around and walked back into the room where Noelle was sitting there on the bed, staring blankly out of the window. There was no makeup, no fancy dresses, no diamond jewelry, no feisty words, just a childlike and lost looking woman. Jordin stood there, almost statuesque.

“
Noelle,” she called out almost urgently. Noelle turned her head and looked up at Jordin. She searched her eyes for purpose with a warm stare but nothing could prepare Noelle for what she was about to hear. Jordin knew what she had to do as she took a deep breath and began to speak.

“
I slept with Julez, Noe... And I'm six weeks pregnant by him... I'm getting an abortion.”

She stared long and hard at a stone faced Noelle who tried desperately to hide the instant devastation that she felt. If there had been a knife next to Noelle she would have picked it up and plunged it into her own chest. Noelle blinked her tears away quickly in total shock as Jordin just stood there, relieved and feeling a bit justified. Now she could bring them home, her former friend who in a way was still like her sister, and McKenzie, who was the closest thing to a child as she had ever known. She could bring them home and care for them, get Noelle back on track to being a good mother and a healthy person. She could do this now with no pretense because she had done what she needed to do.

She needed to get even, and she had.

And You Will See The Guiding Light

“
Jordin!”

Silence.

“
Jordin! You home?”

Another thirty or so seconds passed before Noelle heard anything. Moments later, Jordin came wobbling from her parents' family room.

“
Hey,” she greeted neutrally, her voice extremely even. “How'd it go?”

Noelle just looked on in silence before replying. It pained her to look at Jordin. Everyday that Jordin's belly grew bigger and bigger, it reminded her of the night of passion that her husband and friend had shared. And the fact that Jordin had decided to keep the baby and the harsh reality that Noelle had lost her own, was enough to make her want to take a dirt nap again, if she wasn't a more stable person now.

“
It went really, really good!” Noelle said dramatically as she beamed, trying to bury the thoughts. Jordin gave a warm smile but the stars didn't twinkle in her eyes like they used to. Noelle couldn't help but wonder if her and Slim had taken that away from her.

Ever since she and McKenzie had been staying with Jordin and her family, they seemed to try to forget what had happened, although anyone with eyes could see the change in Noelle and Jordin's friendship. Noelle wasn't even sure if you could call it one, their sisterly bonded conversations had turned into cordial discussions. Jordin would definitely take a while to get over it, if she ever did.

Noelle continued, putting her thoughts on the back burner.

“
They say I can be on my own now, DYFS even helped with finding me and Kenzie a place up in Princeton. And since the temp job hired me permanently, looks like I've got steady income...so I'm straight.” Noelle felt good. This was her first time doing things on her own. And although she had been so tempted to call Julez and reach out for money that she knew he would probably give freely, a part of her was happy that she was doing it by herself. She was almost back to the old Noelle, and although her lifestyle had been downgraded, she was still fabulous and glamorous. She pointed her dainty red painted fingernail at Jordin.

“
So, now maybe you can move into that condo you've been looking at, J. But I know you're gonna miss us mama, but don't be too sad, okay?” Noelle was joking with her, trying to put the humor and laughter back between them. Jordin only smiled lightly.

“
Yeah... I don't know how I'm gonna say bye to Kenzie. I got used to seeing her everyday again.” Noelle couldn't help but to lose some of her joy from Jordin's blatant disregard to her but she understood. Jordin had never fully let her in again. But today, she felt even chillier.

Noelle watched Jordin wobble over to the fridge as she opened it and stared at the contents. After a few seconds she closed it without taking out anything.

“
You keep staring at the fridge like something new is gonna jump inside,” Noelle snickered. “I can go shopping if you want.”

She couldn't help but glance again at Jordin's growing, round stomach and she wondered what Julez would think of it. Would he be happy? Would he want to be with Jordin? Noelle couldn't lie and say that she wasn't relieved that Jordin had decided not to tell Julez she had not gone through with the abortion. She knew that Jordin really wanted to be a mother but the fact that Julez was the father to her child was so heart wrenching. A hard pill she was forced to swallow based on her own betrayal.

“
You been taking your prenatal vitamins?” She asked blandly.

Jordin didn't answer, she only wobbled over to the cabinet and reached up for a box of cereal, her white nightgown rising up. She had a question of her own.