New Title 3 (24 page)

“
Yeah.” I checked the clip in my pistol and replaced it, satisfied that I had enough bullets. Keeping flush with the kitchen cupboard, I twisted around the corner to see what I could.

Upstairs, John could be heard ordering Sidney to keep Caroline in the addition while Kevin slid on his belly down the carpeted stairs, then pressed himself against the hall tile, and trained his gun on the dining room entrance.

My heart pounded madly as I waited for something to happen. I could see Kevin sprawled on the hall floor, barrel raised to meet the enemy. Beads of sweat trickled down his forehead but he fought the urge to wipe them away. John, despite his broken ankle, slid down the staircase as well, ending up beside Kevin, who motioned for him to be silent. He looked from Kevin to me and nodded sharply.

Half an hour passed, and we couldn’t hear a sound. Everyone was silent, including the intruders. We kept watching the entrances to the dining room while Caroline and Sid remained in Skylab, waiting. But at some point, Caroline couldn’t take the pressure any longer. Dodging Sidney’s grasp, she hurried down the hall, looking for John. Seeing him downstairs, lying on his stomach beside Kevin, she whispered frantically, “John? Are you alright?”

John didn’t dare answer or wave her off, which would require him to release his grip on his firearm. Distraught at his failure to respond, she began to descend the stairs, each step advising the enemy that someone was advancing on their position. Finally John jumped up without a sound and limped to the stairs, grabbing Caroline’s leg and pulling her down against the steps.

Suddenly the three intruders left their cover and bolted for the front door. One turned and fired. John was caught in the back by a bullet and crashed onto the stairs, blood pumping from the wound. Kevin opened up from the floor and shot the intruder in the chest and face and he dropped like a rag doll. The other two retreated back to the dining room.

Kevin continued firing at the wall separating the two rooms, hoping that his blind aim might cut them down. When his ammunition ran out, he scrambled over to John, who was lying across a hysterical Caroline’s lap. He hauled John’s limp form up the remaining steps to the second floor, while Caroline trailed behind.

Connor and I opened up on the wall where the intruders sought refuge. Seth joined in. We could hear the windows smashing as our bullets made it through. Encouraged, we expended the last of our artillery. During the silence that followed, I crept forward on all fours and peered cautiously into the dining room. The last two intruders were dead, huddled together in a mangled pile of punctured flesh and shattered bone.

Our victory complete, we ran upstairs. Caroline was holding John’s head in her lap as she rocked back and forth, crying. Kevin had been applying pressure to the entry wound on his back, but it didn’t help. The bullet had been hollowed at the tip and exploded in his chest on impact. Wiping the blood from his hands on his t-shirt, Kevin said hollowly, “He’s gone.”

Seth, Connor and I each lowered our heads in turn. Sidney was now at the top of the stairs, leaning over the railing. Sonny, Fred, and Earl, who’d been out in the woods when the shooting commenced, burst through the front door, arriving too late to do anything. Luckily Sara hadn’t returned yet from the barn.

The fight was over. And then there were ten.

J
ohn was dead now, shot through the back. Jesus, his blood was thick and dark as it soaked into the carpet. As we gathered in the front hall, where Kevin and Seth eventually laid out John’s corpse, a strange buzzing sound filled my head. The room spun slowly as I seemed to leave my body, floating overhead, watching each of my friends react to the horror.

Connor may have dug his latest hole for John. Maybe he wasn’t predicting his own death at all. Maybe he just knew on some unconscious level that we’d require another grave. We fill one and he goes right to work preparing another. Who would be next?

Caroline was inconsolable. Sara returned and tried desperately to comfort her, but Caroline had a hard time buying the whole God concept. She was wrought with guilt, blaming herself for John’s death. No one could argue, but to keep her from blowing her own head off we had to sell her on the idea that shit just happens.

*****

A few nights later, I sat on the ledge outside my bedroom window, smoking a joint and trying to forget. This had become a nightly habit for me, but tonight it wasn’t working,
so I turned to climb back through the window.

My bedroom door opened. Shrinking back and out of view, I watched as Connor came into the room, followed closely by Sara, who closed the door gently behind her so as not to make a sound. The two sat on the bed, my bed, with their backs to me, unaware of my intrusion on their conversation. What were they doing? I suddenly felt utterly betrayed by both of them.

I listened as they whispered back and forth. What the hell was going on here? Since when were Conner and Sara close? Come to think of it, hadn’t I seen them together a few times lately? But suddenly they were secreting themselves away in my bedroom. For what purpose? Were they planning on overthrowing me… my authority? I suddenly remembered Sara rolling her eyes at all the times I’d tried to act like a leader. I clutched at my chest as if to silence my quickening heartbeat. The pounding became ridiculous, almost audible. Before I could listen to any more of their conversation, I slid away from the window, worried that my laboured breathing might give me away.

I made my way to the antenna at the south corner of the house, where I could climb down to the ground. The blood roared in my ears as I kept recalling the sight of Connor’s arm reaching around Sara’s shoulders, comforting her.

“
Who goes there?” someone called from the addition: Freddy, I think.

“
It’s me!” I shouted back at him. “It’s Joel.” I was sweating now and uncomfortable in my own skin.

“
Sorry, Joel!” he responded. The echo of his voice rang in my ears as I lost consciousness and fell.

*****

I awoke in my bed hours later. Earl was seated on my couch, playing with Rex. No one else was in the room. Outside, it was dark.

“
They’re plotting against me,” I whispered to him.

“
Say again?”

“
They’re plotting against me.” I struggled to sit up. “They were talking about me .”

Returning my T-Rex to his place on my desk, Earl tried to make sense of what I’d said. “What? Who? When?”

“
Just today, right here, in my room.”

“
Joel, who is plotting against you?” Earl looked seriously concerned.

“
Forget it.” I sank back onto the pillows.

Earl still looked worried.

“
I was just rambling.”

“
Okay, well, since you’re up and apparently better, I’ve got to head out to Skylab for my shift at the window. You gonna be okay? Sara checked you over, said you got a couple of nasty bruises but no broken bones.”

I winced at her name. “Sure, go ahead.”

“
Yell if you need anything.” With that, Earl left the room, closing the door behind him.

I replayed what I’d heard of the conversation between Sara and Connor over and over in my mind. Each time I closed my eyes, the dialogue recommenced and I listened again, teeth grinding behind quivering lips.

“
He’s an addict, Connor,” Sara exclaimed. “He’s changing, changing into someone that honestly scares me.”

I was an addict? Really?

“
Sara, I know he’s been dipping into the bag a lot more than the rest of us but he’s got the most riding on his shoulders.”

Attaboy Connor, let her know. Make her understand. “I can’t say that I would react any differently,” he admitted.

“
Oh bullshit, Connor. We let Joel get away with it because of who he is. We turned a blind eye, me because I’m in this relationship with him and you and the rest because you respect him.” Jesus, she wasn’t pulling any punches. Christ! This was what the person who loved me thought of me?

“
Alright, Sara, alright. You’re right. I was aware of the problem and I was hoping it would work itself out but you’re right, he’s slipping away. We’re losing him to the drug.”

Connor changed his tune pretty easily. Why? He thought I was a junkie too? That’s bullshit! He was looking to get on her good side, but why? What was his real objective? Did he miss Julia so much that he’d stab his best friend in the back to score some female companionship?

“
I can’t do it anymore, Connor. I can’t let him fall into that life. And if he’s intent on doing this I can’t be with him anymore.” She was crying now, crocodile tears. She can’t love me, no one could say those things about someone they really loved. Connor wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him. What was happening here? What was he doing?

“
I’ll talk to him. I need to talk to him anyway.”

“
What will you say?” Silence. “No, I can’t let you confront him, I have to tell him.”

Tell me? Tell me what? That you think I’ve turned into some fucking junkie, that you prefer Connor over me? Fuck you! Fuck the both of you!

“
Fuck that!” I shouted, not really giving a shit who might hear me.

Opening my eyes I saw no one. Only Rex sitting on the desk where Earl had left him.

“
So what? Huh, Rex?” I addressed my confidant from across the room. “So I’m a junkie now. So I’m not good enough, so I’m human!” My throat tightened. “Why couldn’t we have just died with the rest of them? Huh? Screw a second chance!” I swallowed hard.

Rex had little to offer me as I ranted on. Finally I stopped myself. My eyes closed as I fell back onto my pillows. As hate replaced sadness and loathing evolved from hate, I realized that I was hopelessly alone. Cupping my hands over my face, I cried. Or did I laugh? Like I had said, who could make the distinction anymore?

Lighting a bowl, I pulled the drug into my lungs, held my breath and passed out.

*****

When I regained consciousness, Sara was sitting on the bed, gazing down on me. Seeing that I was awake, she said, “I like you best like this.”

“
Like what?” I asked. “On my back or asleep?”

“
Calm. At peace.” Smiling sadly, she ran her fingers through my hair. “You’re such a good man and I do love you, Joel.”

Tears. She was going to break the news to me, perhaps an ultimatum. I knew she wasn’t going to stay with me.

“
I think it’s time I changed my plan here.” I squeezed her hand a little harder than I meant to. “I’ve got some thinking to do. Until I’ve figured this out maybe we’d better sleep in separate rooms.”

There, I said it for her. For some reason I didn’t want to make it easy for her but I didn’t want to hurt her either.

“
Joel, I.... “

“
Just go.” I said, cutting her off. “I’m not the same person I was and that may never change. I’m on a path that I can’t alter and I think it’s time I just accepted it. You’ll have to do the same.” I let go of her hand. She slowly released her grip on mine. After wiping her face, she got up and left, closing the door behind her.

Alone once again, I felt sad and angry with myself for having let her go so easily. But I could not forget what I had seen and heard. They had disrespected my authority. They sought comfort in each other’s arms, abandoning me! I got up, went to my desk, and packed a pipe to settle my nerves. After smoking the bowl, I crawled back into bed and covered myself with the tattered comforter. Soon I was asleep. The only place I was really comfortable any more.

T
he following morning I was in Skylab with Connor and Freddy for the 8:00 a.m. shift. We watched the sun creep over the horizon, igniting the sky. Then I asked Freddy to bring me some more ammunition. I needed him out of the room: before coming on shift, I’d hidden the bullet boxes for my sidearm, ensuring that he would be searching for awhile.

After he left, I faced Connor. “I sent him out on purpose. I want to talk to you.”

“
What’s up?”

“
Connor,” I said slowly, deliberately. “Did you and Sara have a little talk about me yesterday?”

“
Yesterday?” He stared at me. Damn it, he even looked confused.

“
Yesterday,” I reiterated. My face was solemn, and in a flash, so was his. He knew now that I had either heard everything or been tipped off somehow.

“
Yes. We did.” His eyes never left mine. “Nothing bad about you. Just some general concerns, because we both care.”

“
Spending a lot of time together lately, aren’t you?”

The questions were becoming accusations: I wasn’t holding back.

“
What? What?” That was all he could say. He’d been caught. There, I’d caught him now, now I knew. I felt dizzy.

“
I told Sara last night that I wasn’t going to be with her any more, that she was a free woman.”

For someone who was sleeping with my girlfriend, he seemed pretty upset. “That’s the fucking stupidest thing that’s ever come out of your mouth, man!”