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The crowd screaming and freaked out as the other werewolves came up from behind with the one who had attacked him. He turned to look at the tables full of artifacts to see one werewolf crouched on top of them as she tried to scoop them up. She had the flute, the Omega Sword, and That, but as she tried to grab the One Clog and the bag of crumbs they slipped from her fingers. Electricity began shooting out from someone in the crowd, and one arc came dangerously close to the werewolf girl s back. She yipped and jumped away, dashing with what few artifacts she had grabbed towards where she had come from.

There was a rip from Lucas s pants as the first werewolf tried to pull them off his legs, but they were caught on his shoes and he had finally recovered enough from his initial surprise to struggle to keep them around his ankles. The werewolf grabbed at the right side of the pants and raked a claw along the pockets, and the Confused Amulet of Water tumbled out to the floor. Lucas tried to turn over off his stomach and grab at it, but his legs got tangled in the pants and he couldn t move fast enough. The werewolf lunged for the amulet and caught the cord in its claws before letting out a howl and leaping away.

Lucas pounded his fist against the ground. That evil shit! He tried to untangle himself from the pants as the werewolf followed after the other one who had run off with its artifacts. Lucas even thought he saw Caleb, Gloria, and Phil run up to meet her. This couldn t be happening. Things were going too far out of control. He would have ordered Fluffy and Tuffy to go after her, but both of them were currently wrestling werewolves of their own. People were running up trying to get what artifacts still remained on the table, but more electrical bolts and various energy blasts kept shooting out to keep people away. Lucas could only guess that it was that sorceress bitch Caleb had gone to see earlier in the night. He d only invited her here to be thorough and make sure he got rid of every single danger to humanity, but he should have known that she would be a part of whatever Caleb and the others had planned. Lucas was failing, and now more than ever he felt like he needed another fix of the extract.

He smiled as he pulled his pants back up. The werewolf may have gotten what was in his right pocket, but it had never bothered to check the left.

As they rounded the hill and reached the far side of the pavilion Phil looked out and tried to make sense of everything that was going on, but that was pretty difficult. The crowd had thinned somewhat as some of the people had taken off running from the park, but what was left was just a mess of werewolves, cyborgs, werebunnies, sorcerers, zombies, and several things that he couldn t immediately recognize. Wylma was making wild gestures with her hands and screaming things that Phil couldn t hear, resulting in random magic attacks going at any who came too close to the tables. Moorealan and Mary McPhisto stood less than five feet away from each other and were staring directly into each other s eyes, but despite their apparent lack of movement there was a wind whipping around them and lightning flying off both of them at each other. Multiple zombies were grabbing for people and multiple skulls were being crushed. A purple unicorn ran from behind the hill and dashed out towards open land in the park.

What the hell? Caleb yelled as he looked out after the unicorn. It was the only way to be heard over all the noise. Why the hell is there a unicorn here?

Maybe it was just wandering through the park, Gloria yelled back. Or maybe someone over in that mess summoned it.

The unicorn was quickly followed by three more, plus an emu and a wallaby. And those? Caleb asked.

Beats me, Gloria said. I don t even know why I try to figure it out anymore.
Has anyone seen Sue? Phil asked. Both Caleb and Gloria looked around for her, but it was Spot who ran up to him with Sue in his arms.
Got her right here, Spot said, and he set Sue down next to Phil. Sue had been shaking the entire time, probably from trying to resist Lucas s commands to eat the brains of everybody in sight, but the shaking now was far worse than when he d seen her earlier. She looked less like she was trying to fight off unwanted commands than she was having epileptic seizures.
Sue? Phil said as he grabbed her arms. Both Caleb and Gloria reached out as though to pull him away from her, but he waved them away. Sue baby? Please tell me you re all right?
She doesn t look so good, Spot said.
We ve got to get the flute, Phil said.
Right here! Snoopy ran up to join them, with Fido close behind with the amulet, and they both handed the artifacts they had grabbed to Caleb. He took them and gave all three a glance. We can use these, he said, then held up the flute where everyone could see. Does anybody know how to play this? Everyone shook their head. Come on, it doesn t have to be good. In fact, it needs to be bad.
Well, I used to play the oboe, Snoopy said. Phil didn t stop to wonder why a werewolf might know how to play an oboe, but it didn t matter. With the way Sue was acting, he had to wonder if they were too late. Maybe the way she had been resisting the flute s song had already done too much damage to her.
What do I need to play? Snoopy asked.
Anything by Queen, Gloria said. Snoopy stared at her for a second, then shrugged, took the flute, and started to play We Are the Champions. It was quite honestly the most atrocious version of the song Phil had ever heard in his life, and yet as he saw Sue s shakes start to subside he realized it was also the sweetest song he had heard as well.
Sue blinked her eyes and looked around at everybody with that herky-jerky way of most zombies. But her eyes stopped on Phil. Phiiiiil?
Oh my god. Sue, you re okay! He turned to Caleb. But is she going to stay that way? You said that anyone under the flute s spell would eventually get their brain scrambled or something.
Right, but I think it s not as bad the less the flute player has control. And when the player has pretty much no control like Snoopy does now, then hopefully Sue won t feel any of the negative side effects. Hopefully.
There was still cause for worry in the future, Phil realized, but now was not the time to dwell on it. Now was not even the time to celebrate, since they still had a mini-riot do deal with, not to mention Fluffy, Tuffy, and Lucas. But there was still time for one thing.
He leaned forward and kissed Sue. She seemed surprised at first, then returned the kiss with her usual fervor. Almost everybody around them made disgusted noises, but Phil just plain didn t give a rat s ass what anyone else thought.

Gloria turned away from Phil and Sue s rather disturbing make-out session to look at Caleb, Fido, Snoopy and Spot. Right, enough of that. Everybody just run in and grab the rest of the artifacts while Fluffy and Tuffy are still occupied. The werewolves went right for the tables again while Gloria ran over to the stack where their duffel bags had been thrown and grabbed her crossbow and bolts. Caleb ran up next to her and went for the sword before he realized he already had a sword in his hands. Wait, do you think this might be a better weapon to use right now? Caleb asked.

I don t know, Gloria said. It s not like we know much about what it can do.
Right, probably shouldn t. He picked up his duffel bag and unzipped it to drop the amulet and That in. You know, I don t even know why everybody thinks the That would be so valuable anyway. It s not like anyone has the slightest clue about
He was interrupted by a thick smacking sound, and Fido flew backwards through the air behind them. There were more sounds of rapid hits against flesh and Caleb turned towards the other side of the pavilion to see a speedy blur as something repeatedly slammed into Bruiser and threw him off of Tuffy. The werewolf slammed into one of the pavilion s support columns, and even over the continued ruckus Caleb could hear the crack of breaking bones. The blur moved again, this time towards Spot and Snoopy as they dashed for the tables. It slammed into both of them in the space of a second, throwing them forward and knocking all the remaining artifacts off the table. Some of the artifacts looked like they might have spun through the air into the crowd while others fell to the concrete floor. The speeding thing didn t even have to rest as it went for Butch.
It s Lucas again, Gloria said. Quick, we have to get all the artifacts before we lose them!
She loaded the bow as quickly as she could, but she didn t think it would be enough to take out Lucas in his super-human extract-enhanced form. The better idea would to be to just get everything and leave, then try some other time to get Lucas back for all this.
Fido! Everyone else! Keep Lucas occupied! she yelled. She couldn t be sure if anyone even heard her, but she didn t have time to repeat herself. She pulled Caleb, the Omega Sword and his duffel still in his hands, as she ran for the tables. Just gather everything quick and throw it in your bag! she said and let him go to start grabbing things from the other end of the table. Most of the items on her own end were on the floor now, so she rounded the outside of the table and got down on her hands and knees to start grabbing things. Right as she reached for the first one, however, something large and heavy hit her from behind. She was thrown onto her back as Tuffy landed on top of her. The cyborg girl was heavy, way heavier than Gloria would have ever expected, and she straddled Gloria across the waist with her legs before grabbing Gloria by the throat.
Oh, that s right bitch, Tuffy said. I m totally going to fuck you up for what you did earlier tonight. Tuffy squeezed just a little, but for a cyborg just a little was enough that Gloria saw black spots at the edge of her vision.
This was supposed to be our big night of revenge and you ruined it! Tuffy said. Gloria reached out towards the artifact she had been about to pick up, but it was just out of reach. Of course it was. That was just the way things always happened on the Hill. If there was some critical item that was needed at a key moment, it was always just a fraction of an inch out of reach. If Gloria hadn t been gasping for breath she would have sighed.
But as her fingers brushed it she realized she didn t actually have to reach it. She could feel it- but thankfully not see it thanks to Tuffy holding her head down- enough to know that when Tuffy had knocked her aside she must have also knocked the lead-lined box open. Gloria tried to say something to Tuffy, but she couldn t get the air through her larynx.
What, bitch? Tuffy said. You trying to say something? Got something you want to fucking tell me? She let up on Gloria s wind pipe just a little but it was enough.
Look, Gloria croaked.
Look? Look at what? Tuffy asked.
Look, Gloria said again as she tried to gesture with her head in the direction of the box.
What the fuck are you Tuffy turned her head to look where Gloria had gestured, and her eyes stopped and went wide as she looked straight at the Pretty Pink Thing. Gloria resisted her own insane urge to look right along with Tuffy, instead keeping her eyes right on the cyborg.
Oh. Oh my god, that s pretty, Tuffy said. It s it s so cute. And adorable. So adorable! Tuffy began to twitch, and for a moment her grip on Gloria s windpipe tightened. Gloria s vision went black for a moment and she felt a head rush at the sudden lack of oxygen, then Tuffy let go of Gloria completely. I just want to hug the little thing, Tuffy said, but her voice had become a monotone. Her eyes stayed on the Pretty Pink Thing, though, even as they started to leak sugar water. The sugar water started to flow from her ears too, first just in drips and then in rivulets. So cute. So cute. So cute so cute so cute socutesocutesocutecutecutecooooo Tuffy fell aside, and Gloria quickly pushed her off as tiny granulated pieces of the girl started to fall off at her fingers, nose, and ears. Gloria forced herself to look at the cyborg and not the box as Tuffy slowly finished collapsing. The metal endoskeleton stayed intact, but ever single organic piece of the girl was now sugar.
Gloria closed her eyes before she reached for the box, made sure the fluffy thing was still securely inside, and closed it. As she looked at the sugary mess in front of her Gloria thought of what she had said to Caleb earlier in the night about keeping the Pretty Pink Thing in a lead box. Maybe she had thought that was overkill earlier, but boy was she glad for it now.

Caleb was having some serious trouble keeping track of everything that was going on around him. More of the crowd had dispersed as Wylma had continued to throw spells at any of them who approached the tables, and what few had tried to stick around were backing away as the magical storm surrounding Mary McPhisto and Moorealan intensified. Even Fluffy had taken the first chance to run, and she was already halfway across the park. Caleb knew he should try to catch her, but that might be something that would have to wait for another time. After all, it wasn t like he anticipated a cyborg with a smiley face for a head to be someone who could hide for long. Some of the zombies were still trying to attack people but most of them had apparently been within earshot when Snoopy had played the flute. They wandered around aimlessly, just as confused by the carnage as anyone else, but made no real attempts to protect themselves. Behind him Caleb could hear the sounds of the werewolves fighting Lucas, and while Caleb didn t want to take his mind off what he was doing long enough to check it didn t sound to him like the werewolves were winning.

Caleb grabbed the Amulet of Fire, the only one of the artifacts that was still on the table, then ran around to the other side and started looking for everything else. As he ran there was the sound of a small explosion in front of him, and he looked up to see Moorealan get blown backward as Mary McPhisto finally hit him with a powerful enough spell. She didn t waste any time gloating over her victory, however. She ran forward and grabbed something from the grass. Caleb couldn t see for sure, but he thought it looked like the Osterhaggis Key. Before Caleb could try to stop her she was already running away, moving way faster than she had any right to in her high heels.

Wylma, you ve got to stop her! Caleb yelled. Wylma looked at him long enough to nod, but she didn t look like she had enough energy to stand for long. Still, she took off after McPhisto as fast as she could, already muttering the beginnings of another spell as she went.