Newly Exposed (41 page)

Tears ran down my cheeks at the idea of me so easily destroying him last night. I was a monster, and I didn’t deserve to be with him, but right now, I had to offer my shoulder, even if he didn’t want it.
 

My hand touched the wall for support as I rounded the corner to the waiting room, which was cleared out except for Adam, whose head was in his hands and he was slumped in his chair, looking absolutely devastated. My stomach fell to the floor at the sight of him and the pain he must be going through. Not just the pain of me breaking him apart, but from what his mom was going through.
 

His mom.

Oh, my God, his mom, was she…? I couldn’t even consider the fact that she might not be alive. There was no way I would even think about it, not after meeting the vivacious and warm woman. I would be absolutely devastated, not just for myself, but for Adam.
 

Tears continued to stream down my face as I watched over him. I wanted to run up to him, hug him, hold him, and kiss him all over, but I knew I wouldn’t be welcomed.
 

Taking a deep breath, I put one foot in front of the other and walked toward him. His stance was dejected, bleak, and disheartened. He wore sweats and a T-shirt and a hat that was pushed up on his forehead from his hands holding onto his face. Even in his state of sorrow, he was still the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on, and it gutted me that I was so evil to him.
 

As I continued to get closer, he never moved, never once looked my way. I was about to make myself known when he spoke through his hands.
 

“What are you doing here?”

He caught me off-guard. I wasn’t expecting him to know I was in front of him, but from the way he tensed up, I could tell he sensed me. I didn’t blame him; I could tell when he was near me, it was the deep connection we shared…shared being the key word.
 

“I-I, um,” I stuttered, trying to control my emotions. “I needed to see if you were okay.”

“Funny, I didn’t think you cared,” he responded, as he pulled his hands off his face and looked up at me with bloodshot eyes. My heart summersaulted in my chest at how sad he looked.
 

“I do,” I said, as a tear fell down my cheek.
 

He cocked his head to the side and stared at me for a second before saying, “You’re serious right now? You’re crying? Over what? Realizing that you were wrong? Because that is the only reason I can assume you’re here, to beg for forgiveness. Am I right, Solo?”

There was a sharp and condescending tone to his voice, which I deserved, I would give him that. So, like Zia said, I sucked up my pride and continued to try to win back the man I loved.
 

“I’m here to see if you’re okay and see if your mom…”

“My mom is none of your concern, Solo, so thanks for stopping by, but you can leave.”

He swiftly got up and passed me, slightly bumping into my shoulder and sending me back a couple of steps. I tried not to take offense to his actions; I knew he was hurting for more than one reason.
 

“Adam, please. Can you just listen to me?”

I was blown back by how fast he turned around and got in my face. He seethed as he said, “Like the way you listened to me? No, Solo, we’re done. The moment you second-guessed my faithfulness to you, for the second time, I was done with you. There’s only so much I could do to try to convince you that my fucking heart was in your hands. I gave you everything, I gave you fucking everything,” he choked on his words and turned around, while grabbing the top of his head in frustration.
 

I couldn’t control the sobs that started to come out of me; it was next to impossible. I hurt him, I hurt him so damn bad, and now I had to deal with what I had done to him. He didn’t want me, and I didn’t blame him. He was right; it’s hard to convince someone to trust them. You either did or you didn’t, and even though I thought trusted him with everything in me, I didn’t show it.
 

Needing to touch him, I went to lend my hand when his Aunt Sarah popped through the hospital doors that lead to the ICU with tears in her eyes. A strangled cry came from Adam at the sight of his Aunt Sarah, and that’s when my entire world went black.
 

Chapter Thirty Two

Adam

 
I didn’t even have to look up to know it was Solo who was coming toward me. I could feel her. I could smell that soft sugary scent of hers; it was impossible for me to mistake it. I wasn’t expecting her to show up, but a part of me was desperate for her. Even though she gutted me, I needed her.
 

My mom was fighting for her life, and the only person who could take some of the pain off of me was Solo. She was the one person I knew I could completely fall into and lose myself in. She wouldn’t judge me if I broke down and cried. She would hold me until I fell asleep, and she would rub my back until all the crap that was piling on my shoulders felt less heavy. She was my safe haven, but after last night, I wasn’t too sure if I could ever let her back in. Even though my body and heart craved her, my mind was being protective over my heart.
 

The last thing I wanted to do was get in an argument with Solo in the middle of the hospital waiting room, but to hear that she cared for me, that she wanted to be here for me was confusing. She was playing with my damn heart and right now, there was little left to play with. I didn’t think I could handle her trying to care. It was all too much to take in.
 

My hands gripped my head in frustration as I walked away from her. I could feel the same pain I was feeling come off of her, but I wanted to hurt her more, just like she hurt me, so I was about to tell her not to touch me when my Aunt Sarah came through the doors of the ICU with a look that would haunt me forever.
 

 
A foreign sound escaped my throat as I fell to my knees and tried to control the uneven breathing rolling through my lungs. I instantly felt Solo wrap her arms around me, even though I wanted her to leave, I couldn’t be more grateful for her holding me at this very minute.
 

Aunt Sarah knelt in front of me and lifted my chin. She shook her head as tears streamed down her face. “Adam, she’s awake.”

The words, “She’s awake,” kept floating around in my head, but I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying to me. I understood what the words meant, but my body had been through so much in the last twenty four hours that I wasn’t quite grasping what Aunt Sarah was trying to convey to me.
 

“She’s awake, Adam,” she cried and then pulled me into her arms. “She’s awake, baby.”

I nodded and cried into her shoulder. My emotions were a wreck, and finding out that my mom was awake was my breaking point. I lost everything.

The fear of my mom dying, the loss of Solo, and her presence now all came pouring out of me as I gripped onto Aunt Sarah.
 

My back felt empty as I realized Solo was no longer holding me, and instead, she was letting me have a moment with my Aunt Sarah.
 

“Can we see her?” I asked, wiping away my tears.
 

Aunt Sarah nodded as she looked behind me and stood up, while holding out her hand to Solo behind me.
 

“Come here,” she said, pulling Solo into a deep embrace. I stood and watched them hug. Solo’s shoulders shook, and I knew she was crying. My heart reached out to her, but my mind kept telling me what she did. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t trust me. I didn’t want to try to spend the rest of my life with her, proving to her that I would never do anything to lose her trust. There was only so much a human could do.
 

When Aunt Sarah pulled away, she looked Solo up and down, and then wiped away her tears.
 

“Sweet girl, I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you’re here. Adam has needed you more than anything. I’m glad you were able to finally make it to the hospital.”

Solo broke down in tears as her head fell in her hands. Aunt Sarah looked up at me with concern, as I pulled on the back of my neck and tried to think about what to do. I wanted to hold Solo, kiss her all over, and tell her everything was going to be okay, but I wasn’t sure if it actually would be okay.
 

“Aren’t you going to console her?” Aunt Sarah said to me with a “What the hell are you doing?” look.
 

Before I could answer, Solo stepped away and shook her head, while wiping her tears.
 

She took a deep breath and squeezed my hand and Aunt Sarah’s. “I’m so happy that your mom is going to be okay. I’m going to get going. Please give your mom my well wishes for a speedy…recovery,” she choked out the last word, and then took off down the hallway, leaving me with an empty heart.
 

I could feel the deadly burn my Aunt Sarah was giving me with her eyes, but I blew past her and went to go find my mom. I washed my hands and then went inside her room. Her eyes were lazy, but she was awake with a small smile spread across her face when she saw me coming toward her.
 

That was all I needed. I collapsed on her lap and held onto her while I cried. She cooed softly and told me everything was going to be okay, but honestly, I didn’t think it was going to be. I could physically see that my mom was better…that she was going to be okay. Granted, she still had a long road ahead of her, but she was going to make it. Even though I had that knowledge, my heart was still heavy and very much empty.
 

After what seemed like an hour, my mom combed her hand through my hair and said, “Adam, everything is going to be okay.”

I pulled my head off her lap, wiped my face, and nodded. “I’m so glad…you’re okay,” I hiccupped. I felt like a ten year old boy, but after losing my dad, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing my mom as well. We’ve been to hell and back, and I just wanted to catch a break, somewhere, I needed to catch a break.
 

“I’m going to be okay; now, tell me the real reason you’re crying,” she said, resting her head to the side to get a better look at me.

“Mom, I’m fucking relieved that you’re okay.”

“What happened with Solo outside?” Aunt Sarah interjected.
 

I snapped my head to Aunt Sarah, who was standing behind me with her arms crossed over her chest.
 

“Solo is here?” my mom asked, while trying to look around. “Where is she?”

“Yeah, where is she?” Aunt Sarah asked in an accusatory tone.
 

“We broke up last night, but I don’t want to talk about it. I want to focus on mom’s health right now.”

“Oh, no,” my mom said, as she took a deep breath. “You’re not going to get away with distracting us with this little heart transplant. You’re going to tell us what happened right now. I’m not afraid to ground you,” my mom teased, bringing lightness to the situation.
 

I smiled and said, “Mom, I would rather not relive it. Can’t I just focus on you right now?”

“You’ve been focusing on me for the past few months; let’s focus on you for once. Tell me what happened.”

With a frustrated sigh, I recalled everything that happened, from my photo shoot and Solo’s insecurities to the Ty bomb, and then to what happened in Vegas, which was absolutely nothing.
 

My mom and Aunt Sarah listened intently as I gave them a play by play, and it was almost comical to watch their heads nod in unison as I recalled everything. When I was done, I felt mentally drained, and even worse than before, because I had to relive the moment I realized that no matter what, I would always love Solo, always.
 

“Is this a deal breaker?” Aunt Sarah asked. “This trust issue?”

“What do you think?”

“Don’t use that tone with me,” Aunt Sarah scolded, putting me in my place, but then her face lightened. “I ask because it’s painfully obvious that you still love her, Adam. You still care for her.”

“I do,” I said, looking down at my hands. “I’m so fucking in love with her it hurts. I feel like I can’t breathe when she’s not around, but I can’t keep tormenting myself over the fact that I have a job where she has to trust me, and there is no trust there. I can’t spend every moment of my life showing her that I want her more than anything.”

Both my mom and Aunt Sarah nodded their heads and we sat in silence for a few moments before my mom cleared her throat and spoke up. “But isn’t that what love is, Adam? A constant battle of your heart connecting with another’s? Love isn’t easy; it’s not a walk in the park. Love is something you have to fight for, every day of your life, and when you think you can finally settle and stop fighting, you’re wrong, because being in love means fighting every last minute to keep that all-consuming feeling of being one with another soul. Don’t you give up…keep fighting. Fight until you take your last breath, because if you don’t, you will forever regret losing the battle.”

“I don’t know if there is any more fight left in me,” I admitted.
 

Her frail hand lifted to my cheek and she smiled down at me. “Baby, there is always fight left in you. If you’re anything like your father, which you are, there is fight left in you.”