Night Fires (14 page)

Her eyes saddened. “He’s worth the fight. Believe me. Men are much more complicated than women. They struggle with their feelings and it confuses them, holds them back.”

“Alice?”

I turned to see David standing beside the bench, looking down at me with a smile. He had a coffee in his hands and he spun the plastic cup round and round.

“Hey.” I smiled back although my gut clenched with nerves.

As if noticing my anxiousness, he sighed. “Can I join you?”

I wasn’t sure there was room, and it would be rude to ask the woman to budge up. “Uh….” I turned to show David there was no room but the bench beside me was empty.

I looked around for her, squinting against the sun to see where she was but the park was quite empty. David, ignoring my hesitation, slipped into the place the woman had been not seconds ago.

“We should talk, Alice.”

I didn’t like the tone of his voice and I tensed, preparing for what he had to say. “Should we?”

He scowled softly at me and tilted his head to the side. “You seem to be afraid of me.”

I clenched my jaw and looked out to the water. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“I didn’t understand why at first,” he continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “So I did some digging.”

“Really?” I didn’t mean to sound so harsh and he winced slightly.

“Alice, my job is my job. It doesn’t come home with me. Whatever occurs in that prison stays there.”

I couldn’t help but scoff. “It’s a shame the residents don’t stay there.”

He sucked air through his teeth. “You do understand that I have no say over the cases of the inmates? They go to court. They come into my prison and serve their time. Occasionally, appeals are granted, but I have no say over that whatsoever. I’m not involved with each case, Alice. Whatever my opinion of the inmate makes no difference. I couldn’t grant someone release as much as I couldn’t sentence them to prison.”

I rubbed at my face, fatigue creeping up on me. “So you didn’t speak to Niall about me?”

“Of course not! He’s an inmate, Alice, not a friend. It’s rare I talk to each personally anyway. They are there to serve time for crimes they did, not gossip over tea and cakes.”

He stared at me genuinely, his eyes fixed firmly on mine so I could see the truth.

Eventually I nodded. “Okay.”

His grin made me chuckle. “Good. So now we can be friends?”

“Friends.” I smiled back and he tipped his coffee to my own.

“So, Janie tells me you’re coming along this weekend.”

“Yeah. Do I need to be aware of any initiation?”

He laughed. “They got you with that too, huh?”

I nodded and rolled my eyes. “I’m so gullible.”

“Then that makes two of us. But our monthly nights out are fun. It’ll do you good, and in turn, we’ll get to know you a bit more.”

Taking another sip of coffee I swung my eyes to him. “There’s nothing to know. Not now you know everything anyway.”

“I don’t know anything, Alice. Only what Niall’s papers told me, and that is pretty basic. There was nothing in there about you, only about what happened to your family.”

“What Niall did to my family, you mean?” I was suddenly angry, my fists clenching into balls as I glared at him. David put his hand over mine and squeezed.

“I am genuinely sorry. I can’t imagine losing my whole family like that. And from what I knew of Niall, he didn’t cope with the death of his son well.”

I snapped my eyes to him, his words surprising me. “What do you mean?”

He sighed and clenched his teeth together. “I shouldn’t have said anything. As much as I can’t discuss you in Dartmoor, I can’t discuss with you what happens in there.”

“You can’t just say something like that and then not explain it.”

He groaned and rubbed at his face. “All I’ll tell you is that when Niall first came in he was very withdrawn. He spent a lot of time in the chapel, and…”

“And?”

“Shit. I really shouldn’t be telling you this.” He twisted around until he was facing me, then taking my hand again he ran his thumb over my knuckles. “Niall tried to kill himself three times, Alice. He was referred to the prison psychologist and grief counsellor.”

“What the hell? How dare he grieve for our son? He took away my soul that day and I hope his own soul tortures him for the rest of his life.”

David gave me a sad smile. “I can’t tell you it will get easier, Alice, because I don’t know. But I’m sure your family would want you to live for them.”

I sagged in defeat. He didn’t understand. No one did. They all told me to carry on for the sake of my family, but what about me? Did they not think what I wanted? Why would I live for my family if I couldn’t live for myself? They were all hypocrites.

“Anyway, I have to get going. I’m on the late shift today.”

I nodded. “Well, I guess I’ll see you Saturday.”

Surprising me, he leaned down and placed a kiss to my forehead. I knew he felt me tense because I could feel him hesitate against me. But without saying anything, he walked away, throwing his coffee into the bin before rounding the corner to the car park.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about what David had told me. In one aspect I was angry Niall hadn’t made a proper job of his suicide attempt, but then I hoped he had to live the rest of his life with the guilt of what he had done. I physically ached for Josh every second of every day, but I prayed that Niall was tortured by what he had done.

I wasn’t a cruel person, nor was I vindictive, but it made me think of what I had promised my family the day I laid them to rest. Why should I wreak vengeance on a man who was obviously suffering by living? Why should I shorten the sentence he had given himself when he had committed my family to the cruellest, most painful death? To grant them peace, or to give myself peace? I knew that it was the latter, and that ached even more. What had a man that had loved me unconditionally turned me into?

Whatever that was, I realised it was someone I didn’t like very much.

J
ANIE HUNG OUT
of the car window, waving to me like a lunatic as I heaved my bag down the stone steps. “Come on!” she shouted. “What the hell have you been doing?”

“I had to wee, Janie. I’d never get there in one piece otherwise.”

“Shit! You’re in your twenties, not your bloody sixties.”

I glared at her as I threw my bag into David’s car boot and slid into the backseat with her and a girl I presumed to be Beth. “You just wait until you’ve had kids and then tell me your bladder still loves you!”

I froze. Janie stilled and Bray turned to stare at me from the front passenger seat. “You have kids?” Janie and Bray both asked together.

I winced and coughed to clear my throat. “I did. He… he uhh, died.”

The atmosphere plummeted and the icy chill of sympathy swirled around me. This was the very reason I hated people knowing. Ignoring them and desperate for a subject change, I looked around Janie and smiled at Beth. “Hey.” I stuck my hand out. “Alice Bird.”

She smiled back, but for some strange reason, I could sense an instant dislike from her. Her eyes were cold and her hand shake was stiff. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Alice.”

“All good I hope?” I laughed to try and ease the tension.

She just shrugged and turned to look out of the window.

Right. Okay then.

Janie slapped at Beth’s arm playfully. “Behave.” Then turning to me she rolled her eyes. “Of course all nice.”

“Then you don’t know me well enough yet,” I teased.

“That right there is why we love you,” Bray commented from the front passenger seat. “Your sarcasm.”

“Who said it was sarcasm?” I winked as David pulled away from the house. Then, leaning towards Bray, I handed him Carter’s phone. “Could you give this to Carter for me please? He left it at mine and I haven’t seen him yet. I meant to ask you the other day but it slipped my mind.”

“Ahh.” Bray nodded. “I wondered why I couldn’t get hold of him.”

I frowned, looking at the back of his head. “He hasn’t been in the garage?”

He turned to look at me over his shoulder. “Came in one day last week. Dunno what happened but he was talking to someone out front then came in and told me he was taking a few days off.”

“Strange,” I muttered. I also noticed that he hadn’t been on the beach for the last few nights. “Has anyone seen him?”

I noticed Beth staring at me and I shifted uncomfortably when she said, “He was at mine last night. I’ll give it to him if you’re not going to be seeing him.”

Something inside me tensed. I didn’t like how it felt and I scolded myself for it. Carter couldn’t have been clearer about what had happened between us and I knew I should have let it go, put it down to a one night stand, but I couldn’t. He was hurting as much as I was, and stupidly I had hoped that our joined grief might have connected us in more ways than just sex.

“Oh aye?” Bray chuckled. “And dare I ask what he was doing at yours?”

“You dirty bitch,” Janie teased and gave Beth another slap.

Beth gave me a smug smile and I rolled my eyes. It was obvious she thought I was competition. If I’d known her better I would have told her good luck, but I didn’t, and it angered me slightly that she had already made her mind up about me. I did wonder how she was aware of mine and Carter’s relationship though. I knew without a doubt she did, and that was why she was already brushing me aside.

“And why do you have Carter’s phone, Alice Bird?” Janie’s eyes were probing, accusation thick in her gaze.

Childishly, I grinned inwardly at Beth’s body tensing in expectation.

“Because he left it at mine.”

“And what was he doing at yours?”

I gave her a knowing wink. She gasped and squealed, making us all jump. “You dark horse! How long have you and Carter being banging?”

I stared at her. Bray just laughed. “Always subtle, Janie!”

“We’re not ‘banging’,” I laughed. For some reason I didn’t feel right about discussing our night together so I shook my head and told her a half-truth. “I got a leak. He came to fix it for me. I think the phone fell out of his pocket.”

Janie narrowed her eyes on me. I could feel David’s stare through the mirror but I didn’t look at him. “Bullshit.” Janie nudged me. “There’s more to it than that. He bought you a puppy for Christ’s sake.”

“He bought me a puppy so we must be sleeping together?” I quirked an eyebrow at her. “That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. We’re just friends.”

I frowned when I heard a slight huff come from Beth but the others didn’t seem to hear it.

The banter continued until we pulled up into the hotel car park. David and Bray lugged all the cases inside as Janie, Beth and I checked us all in. I was silently glad that Janie had booked us separate rooms. I was always a sickly drunk, and there was nothing worse than having a roomie peer over your shoulder and rubbing your back, thinking they were helping you. I wasn’t ungrateful for the support but I was embarrassed when I puked. My moans were always louder than my puking and it was shameful. I also tended to cry which I wasn’t too keen on people knowing either.

My room was basic but clean which was okay with me. I was only there for the bed, not to lounge around in. The shower was hot, and within an hour of checking in I was already perched on a stool in the bar with a Guinness, waiting for my friends.

“Someone’s eager.” Bray laughed as he slid onto the adjacent seat.

I grinned at him and slid out my purse. “First one’s on me.”

“Ohhh.” He grinned at the barman. “In that case I’ll have a double Jack and Coke.”

“Cheeky sod.”

I laughed as I passed the barman – Cooper, according to the tiny embroided name tag on his t-shirt pocket - a twenty. David came to sit on the other side of Bray and I told Cooper to take his drink out of the money I’d given him.

“Cheers,” they both said as they held up their drinks.

“To a fun night out,” Janie butted in as she leaned against the bar with Beth by her side.

“Oh God, I love your dress,” I said as my eyes skimmed over Janie’s amazing figure. She wore a tight vivid blue dress, the colour bringing out the blue of her eyes.

She grinned and stuck out her boobs as I paid for her and Beth’s drinks. “Discount shop in Truro. A fiver!”

“Bloody hell, you need to take me shopping! I’m shit at finding bargains. Especially ones that look that good. Your boobs look amazing.”

She scoffed. “They should. Four grand these cost me.”

“Eh?” My mouth fell open as my eyes landed on her chest. “You’ve had a boob job?”

She nodded and grabbed my hands, placing them firmly on her breasts. “You’d never tell. Feel how real they feel.”

I was impressed, nodding my head as I squeezed them tighter. “Wow.”

Bray groaned beside us. “Is it me or is it getting a bit hot in here?” He coughed and pulled at his shirt collar.

“You remember when we went shopping in New York, Janie?” Beth said before she looked at me. “You should come with us next time.” She clicked her fingers and pouted. “Unfortunately though, it’s probably out of your price range. But we’ll definitely take you to Truro. There are some really good discount shops there.”

I wasn’t sure if she was saying I was cheap. David scowled at her but the others seemed to take her with a pinch of salt, so I ignored her and pulled at my dress self-consciously. It had been a tenner around five years ago, but I loved how it wrapped around my body snuggly, and the deep green calmed the fiery colour of my hair. I thought I looked pretty good anyway.