Night Sky (24 page)

“Oh, Jameson,” Mom says. Her voice is an odd
mix of sadness and frustration. “What’s going on?”

“Too much to think
about.”
And I don’t want to get into all
of it again.
I flop into a
chair.

“How’s Sky?” Dad asks.

Really, a dagger or a
knife would be less painful.
“We, uh, got
in a fight. She’s up with her family, her clan or whatever, and I
don’t know when she’s coming back down.” I stare at the
floor.
Yep, saying it out loud definitely
makes it worse.

“I thought it was just for a couple of
weeks?” Mom’s gaze is intent. We haven’t spoken about this.

“Well, I guess there
are…complications.”
That’s a nice way of
describing what’s really going on.

“I’m sorry.”

“And today you broke a guy’s face to protect
Sarah. Is that right?” Dad asks.

Why, oh why, does he feel
the need to point out the obvious?
“Anyone
would have done it.”

“Life’s confusing, isn’t it?” I can feel
Dad’s eyes on me, but I don’t look up.

“Yeah.” I have to admit he’s got a
point.

“I really screwed up, Jameson.” His voice is
quiet.

My head snaps toward him.

“I’m sorry, son.”

I nod. I’m still not ready to make up with
him…not yet…not while my head’s such a mess.

“Honey, your hand.” Mom is staring at my
lap.

My hand is swollen and turning purple.

Dad laughs. “Well, I’m glad I wasn’t on the
receiving end of that one.”

“I’m pretty sure I broke
his nose.” I hold in a smile.
Hitting Eric
felt really good.
I know Dad will
appreciate it, even if I get more disapproval from Mom. Then I
realize I want Dad to be proud of me.

“I think we need to take you to the ER.” Mom
stands up and starts for the door waiting for me to follow her.

I stand up and step toward Dad’s bed.

“I’m fine, son. I promise.
Go and get that hand looked at.” He reaches out and pats my
arm.
Dad and I are going to be
okay.

“Hey,” he whispers.

Mom’s holding the door open.

“You and Sky?” He raises an eyebrow, still
whispering.

He wants to know if we’ve
had sex. I can tell by the look on his face.
“It’s not about that, not with her.” I shake my
head.

Dad’s face turns serious again. “Well, it’s
nice to know you learned that lesson earlier than your dad.”

I’m not sure what to say.

“I’ve really missed you, Jay. I love you,
son.”

Dad and I don’t usually
talk like this. “Love you, too.” I look at the floor as I turn to
leave the room.
Yep, we’ll definitely be
okay.

But him asking me about
Sky brings her right back to the surface—where she hurts me the
most. How much I love her hits me as I step out the door, bringing
a smile to my face. But as soon as the door closes, how much I miss
her crushes me again.
Is there an end to
this? Is there a new beginning?
I have no
idea. It’s hard to know when we’re not even talking to each
other.

Three hours, two x-rays and one flirtatious
nurse later, I’m in a cast for a broken knuckle and metacarpal. I
didn’t know I even had a metacarpal. AP Biology and cat dissections
weren’t high on my priority list for senior year. Oh, and a bottle
of painkillers, which is probably the only way I’m going to be able
to sleep tonight. Part of me wants to stay here with Dad and part
of me just wants my Vicodin and my bed. Mom takes my prescription
bottle and hands me three pills.

“Really?” I laugh.

“You haven’t been yourself, Jameson. I’m
worried about you.” Mom looks sad, and tired.

Guilt washes over me. I
pull Mom into a hug with my good arm and we stand in the hallway of
the hospital. I want to ask her about Dad. Are they getting
along?
What can I do to help?

“Are you okay to drive yourself home?”

“I’m okay.” I pause. “You’re staying here
then?”

Mom smiles. It’s the most
genuine smile I’ve seen from her—aside from the afternoon she spent
with Sarah and Sky.
“I’m staying here. And
you know you’re grounded indefinitely. No phone, and no leaving the
house without permission.”

I’m about to ask how I’m going to talk to
her if I can’t use the phone, but it’s probably best to leave it
alone.

***

I think about calling Sky,
but I don’t feel like I can. I’m not ready to apologize, and I’m
definitely not ready to forgive. I just want someone to talk to.
But I know that I’d just be using her. I start to dial Sarah’s
number and then it hits me that Sky was right. There are unresolved
issues with Sarah floating around, and I need to take care of them.
But I don’t know how to do that, aside from what I’ve already
done—especially after today.
Ha…today.
The day when Mr. Carlson
made the horrible point that Sky might be staying in her village to
marry some asshole, or that she might not be able to leave. I got
suspended for fighting. I’m grounded indefinitely. And I actually
don’t care. There’s not a thing in the world I need to do right
now. Sitting in my room, closed off from the world sounds about
perfect. And even though I know I’m torturing myself, I turn on my
computer to check email.

Nada.

Great.
I don’t realize how much I hoped for something, until there
was nothing.

I need a shower. Crap, now
I have a cast.
I stumble into the kitchen
and wrap it in saran wrap. I shuffle into my bathroom and let the
hot water pelt down on me.

My face looks terrible. One eye is already
purple and swollen. My lip is cut and twice its normal size. At
least, I won’t have to go to school for a few days. Even if my face
is still in shades of purple and yellow when I go back, it won’t be
as swollen.

I get dressed in pajama
pants and hear someone knock on my door
.
Sky?
But she’s gone, for who knows how
long. I pull back the shade.
It’s
Sarah.

I open the door.

“I heard about your dad.” Her large blue
eyes look up at me.

“He’ll be okay,” I answer.

“That’s what my mom said.” She rubs her
hands on her shorts a few times. “Your mom called.”

“Uh, I’m grounded.”

She laughs. “I figured that.”

We stand on either side of the door.

“Why don’t you put your shirt on, and I’ll
come sit with you.” Her eyes dart everywhere, but on me. It’s so
unlike her.

I laugh and step back. “Whatever, Sarah. We
swim together, and you see me in less than pajama pants almost
every day.”

She doesn’t look at me, just sits on the
floor in front of my bed. She leans against the frame, pulling her
knees to her chest. Her chin rests there, and she stares out my
window into the backyard.

I slide on a t-shirt and sit next to
her.

“How’s your hand?” She looks at my cast.

“Broken.”
Now, it seems kind of funny.
“Did you know you have metacarpals?”

“Yes.” She laughs. “They’re bones, Jamesy.”
Her voice is the same sweet, little girl voice she’s always
had.

“Yep, in your hand.” I
nod.
The medicine is making me feel
funny.
“So, what brings you here at this
late hour?” I’m trying to keep my tone light. I have no idea how
well I do. Even my lips are starting to feel
numb…
that’s funny.

“I wanted to thank you…for today.” She’s
picking at her fingernails, not looking at me.

“Is that normal? His temper?”

She shakes her head. “No, I just broke up
with him, and he was mad.”

We’re sitting shoulder to shoulder on my
floor, our backs against the foot of my bed. I lean my head back to
rest against the mattress.

“I thought you and Eric were happy,” I
say.

“I don’t know, I guess we were.” She lets
her legs relax in front of her.

“Then why did you break up
with him?”
And why do I suddenly feel like
it has something to do with me?

She bites her lower
lip.
She doesn’t want to answer.
“I can’t believe I never saw it. You…liking me.”
Sarah’s eyes find mine. Her voice is soft and I can see the
freckles on her face closer than I ever have before.

“Well, I never said
anything.” I pull my knees up resting my arms over them. I’m trying
to be casual, but I know why she broke up with him. As unbelievable
as I thought it would be the night I watched them at the dance—she
broke up with him, at least in part, because of me. I just need to
hear her say it…once. “Why did you break up?”
Please Sarah, be honest with me.

“Jameson, I…” She leans toward me, watching
me. “I got swept up in what I thought I wanted. When I think of
some of the things I said to you, and how I acted around you, it
makes me cringe. I’ve missed you so much.”

Please tell me what I need
to hear. Tell me you like me. That you broke up with him for
me.
Maybe it doesn’t matter, or maybe
Sarah can heal the ragged edges around my heart left by
Sky.

“I miss being around you and…” She doesn’t
say any more. She closes the rest of the distance between us and
presses her lips to mine.

I don’t react at first.
I’m in shock.
This is Sarah…my
Sarah.
I know I’m confused and that
everything has gone to crap, but maybe that means something can go
right for once. I slide my good hand up her arm until it’s resting
on her neck. I bring us together again. She kisses me back in the
way I’d imagined for the three years we were friends.

For three years, I waited
for this moment, and now I can’t enjoy it.
I’m split into thirds. One third is thrilled to finally have
Sarah in my arms. One third is screaming because I want Sky here
instead. And the final third is just mad at everyone. I’m mad at
Sarah for not seeing the possibility of her and I sooner, and for
not saying what I wanted to hear. I’m mad at Sky for not telling me
about her daughter, and I’m mad at my parents for splitting up. And
now, to top it all off—I’m scared for my Dad who’s spending the
night in the hospital.

Is this my happy ending? Or is it something
else?

It’s too much to deal with, too much to
think about. I tighten my arm around Sarah, and kiss her
harder.

TWENTY-SEVEN

I’m suspended for three days and grounded
indefinitely. I’m missing the final days of my senior year. But my
teachers and I have gone back and forth on email. They’ll make sure
I’m able to maintain my grades. I can tell not one of them likes
Eric as much as they like me. I’m sure they have a better
understanding than the principal of what’s been going on between
the three of us.

I’m banished from using
the phone. I stay in my room. I lie on my bed and think about the
day Sky and I lied on her bed together.
Was the whole thing an act—her confidence, her
flirtatiousness…even her smile?
I’m not
sure. I hate that I’m second-guessing everything. I hate that she
hasn’t called, and I hate that she hasn’t even bothered to send me
an email to try and explain.

Now I feel guilty because
there are things I need to tell her. Like I kissed Sarah and I have
no idea of where things stand between us
.
Does it matter that I kissed Sarah? I want it to matter to
Sky.
I want her to call. To be mad at me,
or just to say that she’s sorry.
Anything.

I’m determined to take the high road.
Determined. I’m going to clear everything on my side. Everything. I
sit in front of my computer and type.

Sky –

I’m going to be brutally honest. Sarah
kissed me, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I wanted to prove
to you that I could tell her and I did. She broke it off with Eric
and came to my room a few days later. I was mad at you, and scared
about my Dad (he’s okay now, after having a heart attack). She
kissed me, and I kissed her back.

Everything suddenly feels temporary. I
thought I could trust you. And now I feel like an asshole because I
just told you I kissed another girl and then I complain about
trust…you know what I’m saying.

Why did you think I didn’t want to know
about your daughter? Why weren’t you able to share that part of
your life with me? It feels like the whole time we were together, I
thought we were something different, and we really weren’t. I don’t
know how to feel about that.

I miss you, Sky, like I’ve never missed
anyone. I don’t know if I have the right to say that, but I do.
I’ll get myself together. Everything’s a mess right now. It’s not
how I pictured my senior year. I’ve been wondering if I’ll ever
hear from you again, which pretty much sucks more than anything I
can imagine right now.

Jay

Before I can change my mind, I hit send.

Maybe this is how our relationship ends.
Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe I was here to listen to her about
her family, and she was here to listen to me about mine, and about
Sarah. Maybe we were just put together for a short time to help one
another with these crazy things we have going on.

But the thought just about
crushes me.
Now I get to have Sarah, and
things will turn out like they should have in the beginning. Only
knowing I can be with Sarah doesn’t feel like I thought it would.
It doesn’t feel right. It feels like something’s missing, and I’m
afraid it’s just because she’s not Sky. That’s something I don’t
know how to fix.