Night Sky (26 page)

Thank you, Jay.

Sky

I raise my eyes from the
computer screen. I love her letter and I hate it all at the same
time.
It feels like a good-bye.
It feels like maybe Sky and I were thrown
together to help one another, and that’s it.
Now, our relationship is going to be a memory. The thought of
Sky—as nothing more than someone from my past—is crushing. But I
don’t know how to reach her.

I know I have to write
back, but I still don’t know what to say. Right now, I’ll keep it
short. Hopefully I’ll think of something before she calls…if she
calls.
I start typing.

Sky,

Sarah is resolved. We decided to be just
friends and I feel good about that—better than good. It feels like
I’m finally free of something that’s held me back for too long.

I want to talk to you. No, I need to talk to
you. Please call.

Jay

When I hit send, I don’t
care how pathetic I sound.
Because she’s
important enough…

***

“Jay!” Matt yells to me across the school
parking lot. “We’re going to Red Rock to celebrate the last day of
school. You in?”

“I’m in!” Going home to stare at my
computer, so I can hit refresh on my email inbox, probably isn’t
healthy.

A big group is going, probably half our
senior class, maybe more. I ride out by myself, in my own car.
Maybe I’m brooding, but I don’t care. Making friendly chit chat
isn’t high on my end of the year checklist. But being alone
definitely is.

Sarah and Kaylee giggle and talk about dorm
room assignments and their college picks. Sarah is leaving for
London in August. Both Kaylee and Matt are going to the same
college in Colorado. Something they didn’t realize until he asked
her out. I haven’t finalized my plans yet. I’m still holding out
hope for Sky. But maybe it’s about time I moved on. Sarah and I
might stay friends, and we might not. It’s hard to tell right now.
I think it’ll take her years to finally grow up, and that’s okay.
She’s in no hurry.

I hike out to the small ledge where Sky and
I stood on our first night here. I feel more like an adult now than
I ever did. Even a year ago, I thought I knew everything about
everything—except how to tell a girl I loved her. Now I realize
that it’s just as well. My words to Matt hit me when I said to him,
“If you don’t care enough to put yourself out there, you don’t
deserve the girl.” But I’m amending my statement. I should have
said, “If you don’t care enough to put yourself out there, maybe
the girl isn’t someone you deserve to be with.”

I think about my first night with Sky—the
very first night. I’d never been like that around someone. But even
then, part of me knew there was something different about her.
Kissing her at the top of the Eiffel Tower…it was like my brain and
body were at the top of the world all at once. How many times did I
put myself out there for her? Countless times…

And she did the
same.
I wish I could go back in time and
force her to change things—to tell me sooner. I wish I’d pried her
for more information. But would it have made a difference? Or would
it have just given her more opportunities to lie? I’m not sure. I
do know that I’d do just about anything to hear her voice
again.

“Hey, man.” Matt climbs up to where I’m
sitting. “You look way too serious up here.”

“Yeah,” I agree.

“The bats will be out soon. You coming
down?”

“Are you guys going to tease those poor
things again?” I ask.

“Dude, lighten up.” He laughs and starts
back to our camping spot.

“I’m coming,” I say, walking down behind
him.

There’s an odd tinge to
the flame, which probably means Matt used something he shouldn’t
have in order to start it. The girls are already throwing small
rocks when I get near the fire. When the bats are out, they’ll
chase the small rocks, thinking they’re large insects. It doesn’t
work all the time, but if you time it just right, you can get them
to fly really close to you. Kaylee and Sarah start screaming and
ducking when the tiniest creature flies near them, making me wonder
why they bother in the first place
?

“So, here’s to our last day of school,” Matt
says, holding his water bottle high.

“Our last day!” The girls shriek as loud as
they can.

So why don’t I feel excited?

TWENTY-NINE

Today is graduation. I know I would be a
jerk not to show up and support my friends, but do I really want to
be there since they’re not letting me walk? I dive into the pool
and start my laps. The cast slows me down, but I can still
move.

Instead of trying to sort
through problems, I try to clear my head completely. It seems safer
somehow.
I don’t swim particularly fast. I
just swim. When I can’t keep my brain from thinking about Sarah and
Sky or Mom and Dad, I slide out.

My butt hits something on
the concrete. I scoot over and pick up a small totem.
Sky!

My head snaps up and there
she is, sitting at the table, watching me.
What do I do? What do I want? Why is she here? Is it only
temporary?

“Is it okay that I’m here?” There’s nothing
but vulnerability on her face. It looks soft, sad.

“Uh, yeah.” I stand up and pick up my totem.
I can’t take the time to look at it right now, not while Sky is
sitting in front of me.

“I got your message…about Sarah.” She looks
down. “And I want to show you something, unless, of course, you
want me to leave.”

“I don’t want you to
leave.” I find my legs and sit next to her at the table. Close, but
not too close—not close enough for us to accidentally touch.
This isn’t how I pictured seeing her
again.
When she left, I looked forward to
her coming home and throwing my arms around her. Now we’re watching
one another…untrusting, unsure.

“There’s some things I want to tell you, if
you still want to listen.” She chews on her bottom lip—something
I’ve never seen her do before.

There’s a small photo book
on the table between us.
Do I want to do
this?
I’m not sure, but I know I don’t
want anything to come between us again. “Yes, I want to know
everything.”
What if she’s just going to
have to leave again?
But I don’t care if
she’s going to leave again, she’s here now, and I can’t let her
go.

“I’m not going back.” She shakes her head.
“Not anytime soon.” A slow shaky breath escapes from my chest. “My
brother finally stood up and said what really happened. He
controlled his temper this time and was able to testify without
starting a fight. It tipped the scales in my favor. I couldn’t
stand the thought of Gunnar raising her. It started to look like my
only option would be stay there and do it myself. He wanted us to
do it together. But I couldn’t,” she pauses, shaking her head.

I think I nod in response,
but I’m still in shock. It’s a lot to take in. The things she’s
dealt with are so
grown-up
.

Her finger rests on the picture of a baby—a
toddler with a round face, huge brown eyes and a big smile. “This
is her. My aunt is her mother now.”

I don’t speak. I just
stare at Sky’s
daughter
. There are pieces of Sky in the small child’s
face.

“Her name is
Summer,
because she just is.
She’s just over a year old now.” A faint smile
starts on Sky’s lips. “She’s full of warmth and wonderfulness, and
I love her more than I thought I could love anything.”

I open my mouth to talk, but words won’t
come with everything I’m feeling right now. She opens the book.
“This is where I grew up.”

There’s a smattering of wood-sided
houses—some white, some painted, some natural wood—all are small.
The trees stand like giants in the background, and the water looks
cold and grey, just like I imagined.

“Our house was outside the
village since my Mom didn’t want to live in the middle of town.”
Her smile is wider now. She knows not many people would consider
this isolated group of homes, a
town
.
“And
this is the house I grew up in.”

“It’s so small.”
It looks like it has two rooms, maybe
three—total. It’s smaller even than a cabin and totally dwarfed by
the surrounding trees.

“When it comes down to it, we really don’t
need that much to live.” Her brown eyes meet mine and there’s even
more depth to them than before. More experience, more love, more
sadness…

“I guess not,” I say.

She turns the page.
“Here’s my mom.” She touches the picture. I can see traces of Sky
in her Mom. Sky’s skin is only a shadow of the depth of her mom’s,
and her mom’s face is rounder, smoother than Sky’s angles.
“And here’s my brother.” There would be no
mistaking Sky’s brother, for anyone other than Sky’s brother. “His
name is Tim, after our dad. But Mom doesn’t like that name for
obvious reasons, so she calls him Sun, like the sun,
not…”

“I get it.”
Sky and Sun…

“She didn’t give us traditional Tlingit
language names. She’s practical enough to know that we’d end up
shortening or changing them if she did.”

The more she talks, the
more my anger and mistrust starts to fade away. She’s telling me
everything—things that are important to her. Things I probably
should have asked her about before, and things she should have told
me, even without my asking. It feels like, for the first time, I’m
learning about who she really is. I’m learning about her because
I
want
to learn
about her.

“Your voice has gotten so quiet since you’ve
been away,” I remark.

“Everyone speaks more quietly there. There’s
less noise. It takes me a little while once I’m back to get out of
the habit.” She sounds almost apologetic.

“Don’t bother, I like it. If I’m not
listening well enough to hear you, then I don’t deserve to hear.” I
can’t take my eyes off her.

“And you still want to…hear?” She shifts
back and forth in her seat, her eyes not meeting mine.

“Everything…I want to hear everything.”

A breath escapes her lips, and she smiles
wider than I’ve ever seen. Sky flips through the whole book. I see
the boat she takes across the inlet to Gem Cove, and the cannery
where she worked as a kid. Her dad is tall and skinny with the same
thin mouth as his parents. I see his log home, and the rock Sky sat
on that night when we talked on the phone that feels like a
lifetime ago.

I rest my arms on the table, and lean
forward as she finishes. “Thank you, Sky.”

“We both messed up, bad.” Her eyes meet mine
again.

I scoot closer to her on the bench. “Sarah
has no idea who she is, and I don’t think she will for a long time.
I never felt even a tenth of the amount of love for her, as I do
for you. For the first time in three years, I don’t feel drawn to
her at all.”

“And for the first time since Gunnar walked
into my house, I’m not afraid to let someone really know me.”

“And you’re back? For real?” I’m amazed I
can say the words without stuttering.

She nods. “I’m back. Summer is safe with my
aunt and she now has four older brothers to protect her.” A smile
spreads across her face.

“Thank you for this,” I say, holding up my
totem.

“My brother helped me with it,” she says,
looking at the intricate carving.

“
You
did this?”
Knowing that Sky’s hands had a part in its creation changes
it somehow. The wood is silvery…
driftwood
maybe?

“Do you want to know what it represents?”
Her brown eyes are deep, waiting for my answer.

“Yeah, definitely.” I just want to keep
hearing her voice, and feeling her sitting next to me.

“The raven’s on top, you know…”

“Mischievous.” I remember.

A smile breaks onto her face. “Yeah, and
then the eagle—not the scavenger—the real one, the golden. His
wings signify protection. Next is the orca, not a necessarily a
personality trait, but it seemed like something from the water
needed to be represented.”

I nod. I want to pay attention to the
carving, but she’s looking at it in my hands, which makes too easy
for me to watch her instead.

“On the bottom is the bear, big and strong,
supporting the weight.” The tips of her fingers touch mine, as they
slide to the bottom of the figure in my hands.

“Sky…I’ve missed you.” And it feels awkward,
but I reach out and touch her shoulder first. My hand slides slowly
across her back and she immediately leans into me…without
hesitation, without pause.

“I’m so sorry, Jay. I’ve
missed you, too.” She puts her arms around me, holding us
together.
I can feel the dampness of her
tears on my skin.

This moment means so much more to me now,
then it would have even a few weeks ago. I’m a different person
than the one I was before I met Sky. I’ve seen more, experienced
more…and had my heart stepped on more times than I thought
possible.

“Are we okay?” Her hands clutch my back.

I pull her more tightly against me. “We’re
okay.”

“Jameson!” Mom calls from
my bedroom door. She steps into the backyard before coming to a
complete stop. She looks at Sky leaning into my chest, before
raising her eyes to me. “Jay?”
Mom looks
visibly shaken; Sky being here has thrown her.
“Are we…going to the graduation?”