No Regrets (Bomar Boys #1) (18 page)

As they entered the massive condo, she purposefully avoided looking directly at Cash. If his eyes went big or his jaw fell open, she would feel even worse. She knew this kind of grand luxury was out of his realm of comprehension. It had been out of hers until she met Hoyt. The town they’d grown up in, the people they’d grown up with, the rich kids were the ones like Skylar that had grown up with an extra bedroom in their house for games and toys. This level of extravagance had been reserved for movie stars and royalty in her imagination. At least until she’d met Hoyt.

“Son of a bitch.” Cash grumbled, “You lived here?”

She nodded again, avoiding his gaze as she dropped the key to the table in the entryway. She made her way into the living area, dragging the suitcases behind her. She heard Cash’s boots falling on the marble floor behind her but she didn’t turn back to face him even when she heard him give a low, appreciative whistle.

“Hell of a view.”

“Yep.” She said in a clipped tone, not even bothering to glance out the floor to ceiling windows that looked out over downtown and then further out to the bay. “I’m heading to the bedroom to load up my stuff.”

Every bit of warmth Cash had given her in the elevator with his passionate embrace, seeped away when she entered the bedroom. She moved through the room, breathing a sigh of relief when she went to the closet, flipping on the light to find that there were boxes there marked with her name. The boxes held the few things she’d really come for. Her tools and materials for her jewelry, the things she couldn’t replace easily.

She’d honestly been surprised when Hoyt told her she could come pick up her stuff. A part of her had thought the prideful bastard would torch her things or give them to Goodwill if he was feeling particularly spiteful. Instead, all of her clothes were still neatly folded in the dresser drawers and carefully hung on the hangers in the closet.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up and she spun to the doorway. The air in her lungs rushed out when she saw it was just Cash that had followed her into the room. She would have thought it was relief she was feeling but then she got a good look at his face and her stomach twisted all over again.

He was wearing his mask. His jaw twitched but he didn’t give anything else away. He’d crossed his arms over his chest and leaned one shoulder against the doorframe in a casual gesture but nothing about him said casual. Tension radiated off of him, anger practically seeping from his pores, and her unease doubled when he didn’t say anything.

“Give yourself the grand tour?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you think?”

“I think…” He said, his voice as hard as stone, “That I get it now.”

Her heart tripped over itself at the coldness in his voice. She’d heard him talk to other people like that, but never her. He might be hard and distant with everyone else but he was always warm with her. Except, he looked like a glacier right now.

“You get what now?”

“Why you stayed with him as long as you did.” He motioned around the opulent room, “All of this. It can’t be easy to leave it behind after getting a taste of the good life.”

This time her heart stopped, because it froze solid in her chest. She didn’t gasp or react. She didn’t feel tears prick at her eyes. He’d just insulted her but she didn’t feel like crying, she didn’t feel like lashing out. She didn’t feel anything but the cold awfulness of what he’d just said.

He thought she’d stayed for the money. Like a whore. He thought she’d put up with Hoyt and his verbal attacks and his abuse because of the lifestyle he provided.

She tried to breathe through the hurt but her voice wobbled despite her best attempts, “Yeah, that’s me, all about the money.”

Cash sighed, his mask falling away as regret flashed in his eyes, “That’s not what I meant, Jem.”

“No?” Her bottom lip trembled as he came closer.

“Damnit, no, of course not.” He caught her by the wrist when she started to evade him and held her still, “You know me better than that don’t you? It just came out wrong. I never say the right thing when it comes to you and that fucker because I hate thinking of you with him.”

She tried to think rationally thorough what he was saying and shook her head, “Tell me what you meant then, because all I heard was that I’m a gold-digger that let Hoyt hit me because I liked the kind of life he could give me.”

“Jesus…” Cash pulled her against his chest, his chin resting on top of her head, “He did a number on you didn’t he, babe? I know I just… I’m not so great with words on a good day and seeing you here, in his place… It makes me angry and I didn’t mean to take that out on you.”

Since he was apologizing, she didn’t try to get away from him, just circled her arms around his waist and rest her head against his chest, “What were you trying to say?”

He blew out a rough breath, taking a moment to prepare his thoughts before he started to speak, “You had a life here, Jemma, and maybe some of it was shitty, but I can’t believe all of it was, and leaving behind everything you’ve worked for couldn’t have been easy for you. That’s what I meant. Coming home must have felt like giving up to you and I hate that, even if it brought you back to me.”

She bit her lip and fought a flash of tears. She was not going to cry. Not today. Not even for this strong, incredible man that understood her so well but claimed not to have the words. He did. It might not come out right the first time, every time, but when he laid himself bare, his thoughts and his feelings, like he just had, she couldn’t help but fall for him all over again.

“It did feel like giving up.” She admitted.

“I know.” He stroked her back softly, “And I’m sorry I can’t give you anything like this.”

“What?” She pulled back to look at him.

He motioned around the room, “I can’t give you grand views or diamond rings or fancy things.”

Her heart nearly shattered at the worried look on his handsome face. As if any of that mattered to her? It didn’t. It never had. But she understood what he meant this time, because he’d already told her that he hadn’t thought he deserved her.

“I don’t need any of those things, Cash. I just need you.”

He cupped her cheek gently, “You have me.”

She tiptoed up and kissed him, trying to tell him what she felt without the words. He was so good to her, good for her. He understood her on a level that nobody else did, not even Skylar. He’d been her best friend once, known everything about her, all of the good and bad. He’d known her greatest fears and maybe, after what he’d done last time, she should be afraid that he would use all of that knowledge against her, but she wasn’t. Because the truth was she knew him just as well and she knew that he was a good man.

He kissed her back, sweet and soft for a long minute before he pulled away with a groan, “Not here.”

She dropped back to her heels with a sigh, “Yeah, okay, it’s a little weird I’ll admit.”

“If I look at that bed again I’m gonna start thinking about you in it with that fucker and then I can’t be held accountable for whatever I break on the way out.” He dropped a sweet kiss to her forehead as he released her, “I have to get out of here. I’ll go get the boxes from the truck.”

She nodded, “Take the boxes that are in the closet with you would you?”

“He boxed your stuff up?” Cash crossed to the closet and dragged the two small boxes out.

“It’s my jewelry stuff so be careful with it.” She lifted the second box and put it on top of the first he’d hefted into his arms already, “You sure you can get both at the same time?”

“I got this.” He winked, “Hurry up and pack your clothes in the suitcases so we can blow this town.”

“I’ll hurry. Be careful with those.”

“I said I got it.”

She watched him leave the room with a smile on her face and then sighed once he was gone. She looked around the bedroom she’d shared with Hoyt and snorted. Cash was right, it was a little weird him being in here and she wouldn’t hold him responsible for breaking things. If their roles were reversed and she had to help him pack up at some ex-girlfriend’s house, she’d likely break a few things herself.

Getting to work, she pulled drawers open and tossed everything she could find into the suitcases. She skipped the contents of her bra and panty drawer without a thought to the delicate silk and lace. Hoyt had bought most of it back when he was still playing the devoted boyfriend role and the very thought of putting a single piece of it against her skin now made her physically sick.

By the time she emptied the contents of the dresser, one suitcase was completely full and as she looked between the large walk-in closet and the small suitcase that was left she knew that she was going to end up leaving a lot of things behind.

She slid a hand lovingly over her favorite pair of red leather stilettos. She loved shoes. She’d always loved her shoes. Every style and color lined up neatly on the shelves of the closet but she only grabbed the ones that she knew she would wear again. Sneakers and flats and sandals, she left most of the heels behind. There wasn’t much call for stilettos in a place like Old Settlers but she packed a couple of pairs anyway.

She figured she could give them to Skylar to cheer her up out of the funk she’d been in the past few weeks. Skylar might not be a city girl but she loved her heels. An expensive pair of blood red stilettos might be just the thing to break through her best friend’s bad mood.

Jemma frowned just to think about it. Skylar was one of the happiest, most up-beat people she’d ever known. She wasn’t a positive polly, only ever seeing the good in things. She’d suffered life’s tough blows early on but she’d survived so she didn’t let the little things get her down. That was how Jemma knew that the tattooed Bomar downstairs was no little thing to her friend. Skylar had been upset ever since Colt sent her away that night weeks ago and she refused to talk about it, or him.

God, were they both complete idiots letting the twins be part of their lives? Liking them and wanting them? Sure they were good looking and if you managed to scrape past all the Bomar bluster and bullshit there was something inside them that was good and decent. But it was an awful lot of bullshit and there were some seriously sharp edges to navigate with no hope of not getting cut in the process.

She only dealt with it because she loved Cash. She bit her lip to stifle the smile that thought brought. It wasn’t the first time she’d thought about him and used that word in the past few weeks. It was crazy and fast and there was no way she should have even let herself consider jumping into this thing with him again right now but the truth was hard to deny.

She loved him. She always had. Even when she also kind of hated him.

Because that was how love worked. It didn’t disappear because the other person didn’t say it back. It didn’t care if it broke your heart in the process. It didn’t go away because of time or distance. It was still there, still beating between them, bringing them closer, and it was impossible to deny now that she was finally packing up her old life and looking forward to her new one.

Home. She’d gone home. She’d run home to Old Settlers because she’d been scared and hurt and looking for somewhere safe. She’d run home to Cash… she just hadn’t known it at the time. But that’s what he was, what he could be, what they could be together.

“Time to head home for good.” She mumbled to herself as she zipped up the last suitcase.

“And here I thought you were already home.”

She spun towards the doorway with a gasp. She had to blink twice, certain that she was seeing ghosts. When the figure in the doorway only smirked, she knew that she wasn’t dreaming. This wasn’t a nightmare. It was real.

Hoyt was here.

She stepped back, trying to put more space between them instinctively, “What are you doing here?”

“Is that any way to greet your fiancé after a month apart?” His smirk rose and sent a cold shiver down her spine.

He wasn’t supposed to be here. He’d said that he wouldn’t be here. That was the only reason she had come.

That lead ball that had been rolling around in her stomach all day doubled in size as she stared at him, knowing that he had lied. How had she not realized this was another of his tricks? He’d known the only way she would come back was if she thought he was far, far away so that was what he’d told her. In reality, he’d always planned to be here no matter when she came back for her things.

A fleeting part of her wondered where he’d been hiding when she’d arrived. Had he been upstairs in the penthouse waiting for word she was here? Had he been biding his time while she packed? Or had he simply waited until Cash had left her alone?

Cash! Where was he? He hadn’t come back though he’d had plenty of time to take the elevator down and make it back by now. He would be back any minute, at least she hoped so.

She forced a shaky breath and tried to be civil, “I’m not your fiancé anymore.”

“That so? I don’t recall you giving me my ring back.” Hoyt’s eyes narrowed.

She would have laughed if he weren’t so damn unstable. Unstable yet predictable. Everything came back to money and possessions with Hoyt. She’d known better than to pawn that ring once she calmed down and looked at things rationally. She hadn’t needed the money badly enough to take it off something that belonged to this man.