No Regrets: Jani Kay (Firebird Trilogy Book 2) (11 page)

An hour later she woke up and seemed refreshed. She changed into jeans and a T-shirt and applied lip-gloss.

“I’m ready to go. I'm excited to see his place,” she said, grinning.

Lily’s cheeks flushed as we walked over to Kurt’s place. She was more curious about Kurt than any guy I’d ever known of. She bombarded me with questions, carefully trying to fish if we were in a relationship or not. The more I told her we were just great friends, the less she wanted to believe me.

“There must be something wrong with you if you don’t find Kurt attractive,” she gushed, watching my face apprehensively.

“I didn’t say he wasn’t attractive, Lily. All I said was he was a great friend and nothing more.”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I took him up on his offer to take me sightseeing then?” She beamed, her cheeks rosy and her eyes bright.

“Not at all, cupcake. I have a few things going on work-wise I’m trying to sort out, so it would be great if you spend time with Kurt. I know he’ll take good care of you. He’s a good man.”

“Thanks, Sis. I’m glad I came to visit you. It's going to be great.”

If my family and friends were happy, I was happy.

Only, I wasn’t truly there yet. There was still the issue of my boss. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Maxwell fucking Grant. But it wasn’t the same as it was before. Instead, it was because I
wanted
him.
Fuck my life.
I just couldn’t win.

*****

D
inner was great. I sat listening to Kurt and Lily rave about books they both loved, watching them discover they liked most of the same things, not only books, but also movies, music and art. They made plans for each day around Kurt’s work schedule and he was scheming how he could ask his brother for a few nights off when he didn’t need to do shifts at the bar. It sounded to me as if they planned to spend every free moment Kurt had together, since he invited Lily to join our fitness workouts too.

It was sweet actually. It also gave me the opportunity to chill out and simply soak up the pleasure of their company without any pressure.

Of course my mind drifted to Maxwell. I had another week to sort myself out; to decide if I was staying or going back to Australia with Lily.

A week in which I probably wasn’t going to get much sleep either as I wrestled between what my heart and my mind wanted.

A week for Maxwell to prove he was willing to fight for me.

“I
’m so tired tonight, sweetheart. I’m just going to veg out on the couch and watch a bit of TV before I go to bed. Do you mind if we eat leftovers and have a quiet night?”

I’d kicked off my shoes as we walked in the door and I had my legs folded under me on the comfy sofa. A whole day out with Lily on a sightseeing tour had been fun, but the restless nights and lack of sleep had finally caught up with me. My limbs ached, feeling heavy and impossible to lift.

Lily frowned. “I was hoping to go shopping to get Kurt a book as a gift for all the time he’s spent showing me around. There’s a specific one he mentioned and I’d love to see his face when I give it to him.”

“Can we go another night? My feet are killing me.” I didn’t want to sound whiny, but my body was telling me it had enough for one day.

“Um...Kurt’s working, so going tonight is ideal. Since when have sore feet stopped you from shopping? You’re the one who calls it
retail therapy
.” She laughed. “Why don’t you have a power nap for an hour, then we’ll go?”

“Lily, please don’t make me put those shoes back on.”

Struggling to keep my eyes open, a pang went through my heart when I registered her disappointed face. She wasn’t demanding like Chloe could be when she wanted something, so it made me feel extra guilty.

“I think I’m coming down with a cold. Everything’s aching—my damn throat’s scratchy and I have a headache from hell. Sorry, cupcake.” I sunk further into the soft cushions and closed my eyes.

I hate feeling sick.

“How about I get you some cold and flu tablets after I go to the bookstore?”

“I don’t like the idea of you going out by yourself. Tell you what...I’ll have a nanna nap as you suggested...then wake me in an hour and we’ll go, okay?”

She placed her hand on my forehead. “Becca, you’re feverish. And actually, you look like shit.” I heard a cupboard door opening and pills rattling against plastic. “Here, take these.”

Lily held out two headache tablets and my water bottle. Grateful, I gave her a weak smile as I swallowed them and lay back against the cushions again. “I’ll be better in an hour.”

“Sis, you shouldn’t go out feeling like this.” She planted a sloppy kiss on my forehead. “I’m not a kid anymore and I go out by myself all the time. I’ll get the book and flu tablets and be right back by the time you wake up. We’ll have dinner then, okay?”

I forced my heavy eyelids open. “No. I prefer to go with you,” I croaked.

“You worry too much, seriously.” She wrapped a scarf around her neck, smiling at me.

“Lily, wait for me.” I pushed up to my elbows.

She rolled her eyes at me before she closed the door behind her.

I should’ve jumped up and followed her, but my teeth clattered as my body started shivering. Dammit. If only she’d wait a while. I’d be fine once the tablets kicked in and the fever broke.

Maybe she was right. I sighed and lay back, pulling the throw over me. As the oldest sibling, I was super protective of my two sisters, especially because our flaming red hair provoked a lot of teasing at school, and since Daddy died, I took on the responsibility of being the ‘other’ parent in his absence.

My eyelids grew heavier and my limbs sunk into the couch. If only Kurt was available, but he’d taken over someone else’s shift at the hospital after he’d done his own twelve-hour stint. I wondered if he was as tired as I was. All those weeks of sleepless nights had finally caught up with me and the timing couldn’t be worse.

*****

I
woke to the sound of the television blaring, a sour taste in my mouth and goose bumps scattered on my skin. I blinked a few times, staring unseeing at the television. The late night shopping channel was the same, whatever country one was in. I found the remote under my arse and switched the TV off.

What time was it? And how come Lily hadn’t woken me when she came in? It was unlike her just to leave me here, sleeping on the couch. Or was she that pissed off I didn’t go out with her?

Stretching out my arms, I yawned. I hated falling asleep in front of the television. I always felt disorientated and stiff from the uncomfortable position I’d ended up lying in. My neck was sore and I rotated it slowly from left to right, and then back the other way to loosen it up.

Rising slowly from the sofa, I shivered as the cool evening breeze snuck in through the open window. I rubbed my arms in an attempt to feel warmer. I had a splitting headache and my stomach growled because I hadn’t eaten anything.

I yawned while glancing at the clock. It was two-fifty-five in the morning. Damn, I only had a few hours left to sleep in my warm and cozy bed before I had to get up again. I tiptoed to the spare bedroom to check on Lily. How did she manage to sneak past me? Usually, I was a light sleeper and any unfamiliar noise woke me.

We’d have a talk in the morning about her going out by herself. I wasn’t comfortable with it and last night she’d caught me off guard by just leaving. As much as she was an adult, it just wasn’t safe. My mind flicked back to the incident at the square—and that was broad daylight... We’d have to reach a compromise. Between Kurt and me, we’d devise a plan so that at least one of us accompanied her.

I flicked on the passage light so I wouldn’t bump into anything. Still feeling drowsy, I didn’t want to wake Lily. Her door was slightly ajar, so I pushed it open slowly, hoping it wouldn’t creak. It was weird how sounds one never heard during the day were amplified at night.

The dim light made it difficult to see, but it didn’t look as if she was in her bed. Clothing was strewn on the bed and I was pretty certain Lily wouldn’t just crawl into the bed like that. I took a few steps into the bedroom, listening for the sounds of her breathing.

Nothing.

My throat tightened. Panic swept through me and I surged forward, holding out my hand to feel if she was tucked under the blankets.

Nothing.

My heart beat so hard against my ribs; I thought they would crack. “Lily,” I called into the silence.

I switched on the bedside lamp, just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. For fuck’s sake, it was three in the morning, and I had no idea where could she be. She wasn’t the type who went to a bar or who picked up guys. At least not when I last checked. Granted, a few months had passed, but it was so out of character, that my heart sank in despair.

Running back to the kitchen, I found my phone on the counter. I scrolled thought the messages, hoping there would be some explanation of where she was.

Nothing.

My stomach churned. I didn’t like coming up with nothing time and time again. Cold sweat broke out on my forehead as I dialed her number. I held my breath as the call rang out and her message service answered. She should be here—asleep in the bed, under my roof.

God, where was she? I dialed again, nausea settling in the pit of my stomach. Again, it rang out. I listened to her bright and cheery voice. It sounded strange at this time of the night.

“Lily, honey, please call me. It’s late and I’m wondering where you are.” I tried to keep the panic from my voice, tried to pretend everything was okay and this was normal.

Two minutes later, I dialed again. Same message.

“Lily. I’m worried, sweetheart. It doesn’t matter if you’re out having fun. Just call me to say you’re okay?
Please
.” Right now I’d do anything to hear her voice—to know she was safe, even if she was drunk or with a man.

Was she punishing me for not going out with her? It wasn’t how I knew my Lily, but stranger things had happened to me in the past few months, which made me question everything and everyone.

I paced the room, anxious, trying to think through the blinding headache. I rubbed at my temples, trying to imagine where she could possibly be. I hated being in a foreign country. I didn’t know the procedures or how to handle this.

Kurt. He would know.

I dialed his number. “Come on, Kurt. Pick up!” I shouted at him, willing him to answer his phone. He didn’t. Despair was gripping me now, hard cold fear squeezing my heart. I left a voice message for him to call me as soon as he got it.

“Lily. It’s me. I’m not angry with you, baby girl. Just let me know you’re safe, okay?” My mouth was dry; I could hardly get the words out. It was my fifth voice message in twenty minutes.

I sank onto the sofa, my mind racing.
Think, Becca, think
. Where would Lily go after the bookstore? I came up empty.

Had she met a man and was she with him now? She was a woman, with sexual desires just like any of us. I’d never thought of her like that before, but it was a very real possibility. Maybe she thought this was her chance to break loose and enjoy herself. How much of a fool would I feel like if she strolled in here tomorrow morning and the worst that happened to her was that she’d had multiple orgasms?

The phone broke the silence. I was clutching it so tightly my hands were aching. Lily!

“Where are you?” I screeched down the phone, all reason leaving my brain.

A deep German voice answered me, “Rebecca, I’m still at the hospital. Three hours to go. Are you okay?” I could hear the exhaustion in Kurt’s voice.

“No. I’m not okay,” I blurted out. “It’s Lily. She’s not here and I don’t know where she is.”

“
Scheisse
. Did she go out alone?” Suddenly, he sounded wide-awake.

“Yes. At around seven. She said she wouldn’t be long.”

“You let her go by herself? In a strange city? At night?” His voice boomed. I held the phone away from my ear for a beat.

“Kurt, don’t shout at me. Help me find her.
Please
.”

“God, Rebecca, Munich is a big fucking city. Did she say at all where she was planning to go?” I felt his rage even through the phone.

“Shopping. A bookstore and pharmacy. That’s all she said.”

“Fuck. Have I not taught you anything, Rebecca? Remember the day at Marienplatz? Those kinds of scavengers are everywhere, especially at night, preying on the vulnerable.”

“Jesus, Kurt, don’t give me a heart attack. What if she’s just out partying? What if she hooked up with a guy?”

“I’ll fucking kill him.”

“Kurt! I don’t know what to do. Help me here,” I pleaded.

“Call the cops. I’ll get away from here as soon as I can. Keep your phone close,” he ordered in a tone I’d never heard Kurt use before. “And stay the fuck where you are. I don’t want to have to be looking for both of you. Are we clear on that?”

I was shaking, cold and frightened. And so alone. So fucking alone.

With trembling fingers, I dialed the number for the police. Kurt had keyed it into my phone on the first night we met. I explained the situation to them as best I could. Frustration at having to repeat myself over and over because they couldn’t understand my accent had turned into a full-blown migraine. I could hardly see out of my eyes—even the lamp was blindingly bright.

The cops told me the same as Kurt. To stay where I was. I paced the room, feeling like a caged lion. Surely if I was out there, pounding the pavement, we’d find her sooner. She could be anywhere. The thought of not knowing was driving me crazy.

My chest tightened. How could I be so damn stupid?
It’s all my fault
. If something happened to Lily...

It was a nightmare. One I was hoping to wake from very soon.

S
till trembling, I sank onto the sofa from sheer exhaustion. My stomach rumbled, eating itself from hunger, yet I couldn’t make myself drink or eat a damn thing. Not until I knew my sister was safe. Nearly two hours had passed, and I’d heard nothing.

My mind had been conjuring up all sorts of scenarios—from reasonably innocent ones to the most horrifying. With each passing minute, the scenes in my head were worsening, my fear and panic escalating. I was convinced Lily was dead, somewhere in a ditch. I sobbed, unable to control myself any longer.