No Surrender (3 page)

3

T
HIS
WAS
HAPPENING
, Kentucky thought.

The fulfillment of a fantasy.

If she wanted it.

She could say no, deny him and herself. Or she could take her own advice and “live a little.” Except she was starting to see the fallacy in that being a life philosophy. It wasn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to every problem.

If she did give in to this and then he left her, it would destroy their friendship.

But her wild heart answered the question for that part of her that was afraid. If these moments between them could shatter years of friendship, then it wasn’t a friendship worth having. If a simple merging of flesh was enough to lose him, she never had him to begin with.

That was the root of the problem. She wasn’t ready to face that possibility. Kentucky wanted to keep the illusion a little while longer. It was a fairy tale. A night-light in an unknown darkness.

Kentucky was too old to be afraid of the dark, and too old to need stories to lull her to sleep. No, she would rather burn in the fire every time.

Even this one.

So she met his hard mouth, colliding with him in an explosion of sensation. He tasted like Scotch and mint, and the heat from his body dispelled any other further chill. She could feel nothing but him. She’d always imagined if he kissed her, it would be like this. It wouldn’t be gentle touches. It would be primal, animal. Something he did by instinct, not choice.

Only he had chosen. He’d chosen to be with her here and now. He’d chosen to kiss her. He’d chosen to move his hand up her torso and beneath the damp cup of her bra.

Kentucky opened her eyes to watch him as he touched her, memorizing their joined topography, the way his tanned, callused hand looked on her breast, the shape of his thumb while he drew lazy circles around her taut pink nipple.

“Are you on any birth control? If not, I have a condom in my wallet,” he said.

She shook her head. “I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

“Me neither. Not since my last deployment and I was tested when I enlisted and tested again when I was brought back Stateside. Clean bill of health. You?”

“It’s been a year, but I haven’t been with anyone since I was tested either.”

She liked that he asked. She liked that he was mindful. Safety was incredibly sexy.

“A year? That’s a long time without touch.”

“But not long enough if it’s not with the right someone.”

“And this, right now, is it right enough?” His eyes searched hers. He wasn’t being glib; he was asking her again, giving her the chance to say no. Making sure she was going into this with both eyes open. It was such a far cry from what she’d imagined when she first began to consider that being alone with him now could lead to this.

Neither of them would be able to say this was some heated descent into madness. That it was some kind of accident where they’d been swept away by a tide of desire.

A tide of emotion maybe, but not mindless. They weren’t unthinking animals, but cognizant, aware complex creatures.

“Yes, Sean.”

He’d been waiting on tenterhooks, it seemed, when the expression changed on his face. He’d thought she might say no.

As if that would happen in a million years.

Still holding her gaze, he hooked his thumbs into the waist of her panties and tugged them down slowly. She bit her lip and lifted her hips to help him. His fingers sparked tiny jolts of electricity where they grazed her skin.

His lips were so close to her inner thigh, his breath ghosting against her flesh as he continued to divest her of her panties.

She tried to keep still, keep from shuddering and quaking at every new sensation. Kentucky didn’t want him to know just how bad she wanted this—him.

“Don’t hide from me now. Let me see it. All of it. Show me what I do to you.”

He worked his way back up her body, lips branding her as he went. First the inside of her ankle. That had never been something that struck her as particularly sexy, but the heat of his mouth on that neglected and oft-forgotten place sent shivers all through her.

Then her calf, the back of her knee—she squirmed and squealed, his breath tickling her in the most delightful way. He laughed and did it again, grasping her hips and holding her in place for the blissful torture of his mouth.

She knew exactly where he was headed with his mouth and if it could make her squeal just behind her knee, Kentucky realized she was in deep trouble.

Deep and hard trouble.

She didn’t want to be anywhere else.

He moved up her thigh, tongue drawing hot little circles in her flesh.

But instead of her cleft, he continued up the softness of her belly, to the V between her breasts, to her throat—she was sure she was going to have a hickey, but she was too dizzy with lust to care.

His mouth found hers again, his hands on the back of her bra, freeing her breasts. He pulled back then and stared at her—no,
stared
was too banal a word for what he was doing. He drank her in, devoured her. She hadn’t known someone’s regard could become a physical thing, not like this.

She’d felt people try to stare holes in her head when they wanted to shame her into doing something or pressure her to behave differently. It felt nothing like this. The way he looked at her was intense, but it didn’t try to tear her down. It made her feel like a goddess. Like something sacred and beautiful.

Something perfect.

And she needed it to stop or she’d crash down the rabbit hole. As it was, this was going to be painful when it was over. She didn’t need to give that future pain any more ammunition. So she reached for his boxer briefs and pushed them down his hips.

“You’re beautiful,” she murmured. He was. He was perfect, as though someone had designed him for her pleasure.

“I don’t have the pretty words that you deserve,” he said slowly. “But you can see what you do to me.” Sean drew her hand over his engorged sex.

She began to stroke him slowly and he didn’t close his eyes or look away; he held her gaze. He did that a lot, looked into her eyes while doing things that would cause others to close theirs. It made it so much more intimate.

That act itself was better than any pretty words he could summon.

His flesh beneath her hand was solid, real. There was no mistaking his intent or his desire. There’d be no picking apart his words later, wondering what he really meant. Or if he was just saying flowery things to get into her pants.

This, right now, it was honest and true.

When the morning light burned this to dust, these memories would be solid and whole. She’d remember the feel of him in her palm, the way he looked into her eyes. Kentucky knew he was there with her in the moment, not taking refuge in the memory of another woman.

Even if that woman was someone they both loved.

He dipped his head and kissed her, his mouth claiming hers with renewed vigor as his hands traveled her body deliberately—bringing her pleasure was a planned military campaign.

His mouth followed the trail his hands blazed, lips hot and seeking on her heated flesh. She couldn’t get enough of him. Kentucky wanted to touch him, explore him, but he was determined to indulge her first, as evidenced by the way he caught her wrists with one hand and held them over her head.

“Ladies first. I’m a gentleman.” He bent between her thighs, his mouth on her mound.

She gasped and hooked her legs around his shoulders, pushing her hand through the short spikes of his hair. The scruff of a day’s growth of his beard scraped against her thighs and the first touch of his tongue laving at her caused her to cry out again.

Pleasure spiraled through her and her whole body tensed with anticipation as she realized he was in no hurry. He played her body well, as if he knew exactly what she needed and set out to give it to her—as if her bliss was his own.

Kentucky was strung tight, arching her body to meet his mouth, waiting for that burst of ecstasy and consequent unraveling of self at his hands.

He groaned as if he were savoring some particularly delicious dish and the very idea that it was her caused her channel to constrict and spasm.

Culmination struck like lightning, overtaking her when she least expected it. She’d wanted it to last longer, wanted to hold out for more. But he was giving her more, she realized, as he rose above her.

Her flesh was still quaking with aftershocks when he pushed his rigid length inside her, his face so close to hers, eyes open. They seemed to be joined intrinsically, more than skin, more than heat.

She reached up and cupped his cheek and that was when he closed his eyes. “I’m drowning in you,” he murmured against her lips.

Kentucky wanted to give him that, wanted to swallow him whole and hide him from his pain so all he could feel was pleasure.

“You feel so damn good.” He buried his face in her neck and she clung to him as he thrust into her.

The friction built the flame in her anew and she rolled her hips to meet his thrusts, countering his force and building their mutual gratification. His effort intensified, a slow and steady increase in his speed and rhythm. Every drive forward hit the core of her, and she trembled as desire warred with fulfillment. It was as if simply by addressing her needs, he built them higher—hotter.

“Please,” she begged. Kentucky didn’t know what she was begging for—if she wanted to be flung off that precipice into bliss or if she wanted him to keep building their pyre higher.

His body tensed and she tightened around him, pulling him deeper as if that alone could keep him there. The tenderness was gone now as he drilled into her, and she didn’t want it. She wanted this part of him, this hidden need. She gorged on it, filling herself with his pleasure, which in turn brought her own.

She shuddered with him and when he eased down next to her, she didn’t let him go. Instead she pulled him closer, his head on her breast, and she stroked his cheek gently.

The moon shone down, a silent witness to what had transpired between them. Night birds sang their songs and the world around them had come alive with the darkness. This was her favorite time. Some people thought the dark to be a place of fear, but Kentucky loved how the shadows danced and saw it much like everything else—an adventure.

She wondered how long he’d stay with her like this, how long until the spell was broken. Midnight? Would he flee back to the world with his glass combat boot?

Not that it mattered so much in the grand scheme of the world. These moments were hers, for better or worse.

She shivered and it seemed to shatter the moment.

“Are you cold? We should be getting back,” he said, pulling on his boxer briefs. “Wait here. I’ll get your clothes.”

And just like that, it was over.

He walked purposefully to the other side of the pond near Mossy Rock, where they’d disrobed. It didn’t take him very long to bring her jeans and shirt back to her. There was no way she was putting a wet pair of panties and wet bra back on.

So when he handed her clothes to her, she squirmed into them commando. She wasn’t sure what to say. “Thanks for the good times”? “Hey, great orgasms—I’ll catch you later”?

He seemed to be at a loss, as well, looking at her, then looking away.

“Walk me back to my car?” she asked to fill the silence.

“Of course. I would never leave you out here by yourself. Remember?”

She did remember. The one time she really hadn’t wanted to be around him was when she realized she had a thing for him. They’d all been hanging out, eating hot dogs they’d grilled in the fire pit, drinking a few contraband beers, and it had struck her just how perfect she thought Sean Dryden was.

That it went beyond his golden-boy image.

For the first time, she’d wished she were someone other than herself. She’d wished she were more like Lynnie so that someone like him...

She hadn’t wanted to look at either of them. Felt like the biggest ass on the planet for coveting her best friend’s boyfriend. She hadn’t wanted to take anything away from Lynnie, but she couldn’t help but wish Sean loved her instead.

She’d had trouble living in her own skin for a while after that. Kentucky had pulled away from the group, hadn’t wanted her secret desires to damage their friendships. But he wouldn’t leave her alone. Lynnie seemed to understand that she needed her space, but not Sean.

“Even when I really wanted you to,” she said with a half smile.

“We’ll always be friends, Kentucky.” His tone was low and soft, reassuring.

She didn’t know if he was reassuring her or himself. “Of course we will.” She stuffed her feet into her shoes.

They headed back to the path through the woods toward the seemingly distant lights of the parking lot.

With her keys in hand, she didn’t look at him but instead hugged him close. “You’ll be okay, soldier.”

“We both will.” His arms tightened around her.

As much as she wanted to linger, she knew it would only make things harder. Best to fall back into old routines so they both remembered they were still the best of friends.

“Don’t leave town without saying goodbye, okay?”

“Not a chance. You, me, Rachel and Eric will grab a beer at Eddie’s bar and we’ll remember the good times with good friends.”

She ducked away from him and slid into her car. She wouldn’t have looked at him if he hadn’t put his hand on her shoulder and demanded she stop.

“Take care of yourself, Kentucky.”

“If I don’t, no one else will.” She flashed him a lopsided grin and drove away, secure in the knowledge that the night at Eddie’s wasn’t going to happen and she’d probably never see him again.

Her heart ached, but it wasn’t empty. It was full of tonight. Of memories.

Of what was and what could’ve been.

For all of them.

4

K
ENTUCKY
WAS
WORKING
on restoring a cherry-red ’57 Chevy. It was a beautifully old dame who still sparked with a fire that Kentucky needed in her life. She’d done the interior in this white metallic-flake vinyl and was currently installing various chrome accessories.

Working on that car was like meditating for her. Nothing could intrude on her thoughts while she was working on Betty, as she’d named the lovely machine. She could lose herself in the intricacies of the old girl’s guts, in the repetition of shining the chrome. Betty was close to done, though, and Kentucky would need a new project soon.

If she kept avoiding thinking about Sean, as she’d done since last night, she’d be able to restore a whole fleet of the ’57s.

When her cell rang from the pocket of her coveralls, she jerked it out, hoping against hope it would be Sean—even though the logical part of her brain knew it wasn’t.

It was Rachel. “Hey, Pop-Tart. Are you banging away on Betty?” she teased.

“You know it.” She was always working on Betty in every second of free time she had. Originally, Kentucky began restoring her in hopes of selling her at a profit, but the car had come to mean so much more to her. Betty had come to represent a dream of something more. A dream where Kentucky could cruise off down the highway and end up in a place that was her idea of heaven. Just as soon as Betty was done, they’d be on the road.

She knew it was silly, that every place and every person had their own faults, their own quirks, but Kentucky needed something to believe in and Betty had become that for her.

“Yeah, well, go wash off the grease and put on your good boots. Guess who is in town?”

“I don’t know. Tell me.”

“It’s no fun if you don’t guess.”

Had Sean called her about going to Eddie’s? She wasn’t ready for anyone to know what happened between them last night, and she was sure that Sean wasn’t really looking to circulate that information either. She swallowed and her gut flipped over and tied itself in knots. “I guess I’m not that much fun these days.”

“Sean! He just called and asked if I could get us together for some beers and pool tonight at Eddie’s.”

Suddenly, the idea of seeing him again, pretending as though she didn’t have deeper feelings for him after what they’d done—it was like a knife in her chest. So much for not letting anything come between them. So much for her acting as if it were just sex and didn’t matter past the comfort they’d managed to give each other in the moment.

She kind of despised herself for having all of the feelings she promised herself she wouldn’t.

“Man, I don’t know. I’m almost done with Betty. I could probably finish her tonight if I don’t go.”

“Come out and celebrate. Come on, how often is Sean home? It’ll be fun.” Rachel sighed heavily. “I think he really needs this, Kentucky. He didn’t sound good when I spoke to him. Didn’t sound like himself.”

“Well, his fiancée died less than a year ago,” she offered hesitantly.

“All the more reason for us to be together.”

“What time are you meeting?”

“Seven.”

She was torn between wanting to go and wanting to get rid of the resurgence of her feelings for him. If they saw each other and he acted as if everything were cool, she could make it that way in her head. She wasn’t stupid. She knew she was no Lynnie.

And she didn’t want to be. She’d wished it when she was young, that she could be someone else. But she was right with who she was now. She wasn’t changing for anyone. Even golden-boy Sean Dryden.

There was only one Lynnie, and she was gone and wasn’t ever coming back.

“What’s with all this reluctance to hang out with Sean? Don’t you want to see him?”

Rachel was much too close to her secret. “Just have things to do, is all. I’ll be there. Save me a seat.”

Her stomach flipped again, and so did her heart, the traitorous bastard. If Sean really wanted to see her again as something outside their friendship, he’d have called himself. This was a message and she’d received it loud and clear.

But she’d go.

Hell, maybe she should go crazy and curl her hair.

That was just what she did. Kentucky even put on a red lip gloss that tasted just like cherries. She had to admit that she cleaned up nice. She liked the woman in the mirror looking back at her and maybe even thought she was just a little bit pretty.

When she walked into Eddie’s a short time later, Rachel and Eric were already there.

“Whoa, nice!” Eric grinned. “Is that for me?”

“Nah, you know I’m trying to steal your girl.” Kentucky grinned back.

Rachel laughed and tugged Kentucky down into her lap. “You can steal me anytime, sugar.”

She found herself lost in the moment, and just like old times, she reached over and swiped a sip of Rachel’s beer.

“So who is up for a game?” Eric nodded to the pool tables.

“I’ll totally kick your ass, soldier,” Rachel promised.

“Not with a lap of Kentucky, you won’t.”

“Bet me.” Rachel lifted her chin.

“Shall we say a kiss?”

“Gross,” Kentucky interjected. “Let me just get out of the way here.” She squirmed off Rachel’s lap.

She was so happy that Eric and Rachel had found each other. Rachel had had a thing for Eric since they were kids. Her emotions had always been kind of tattooed on her face for everyone to see, but Eric... Eric was more like a rock when it came to his emotions.

“You wouldn’t think it was gross if you had your own soldier. I know this guy...” Eric started.

Kentucky held up her hand. “Lord save me from well-intentioned big-brother types. Sean told me what you guys did.”

Eric wore an expression of practiced innocence, eyes wide. “Who? Me?”

“Yeah, that doesn’t work on anyone who knows you, brother.” She elbowed him lightly.

“Especially not me,” Sean said, surprising them.

Rachel was the first to throw her arms around him and hug him as if it were going out of style. Sean returned the embrace, rubbing his hand up and down her back.

Eric didn’t bother to hide his emotion at seeing the other man. He clapped his hands on his back and hugged him tight. They stayed that way longer than what was considered appropriate for a casual hug, although it was anything but casual. Sean was his brother in all ways but biological.

“It’s good to see you,” Eric said gruffly.

“It’s been too long. Sorry about that, man.” Sean returned the hug with just as much ferocity.

There was enough emotion hanging among the group of them that it was almost a physical presence.

When Eric stepped away from Sean, his arms were open again. This time for Kentucky.

That emotion that hung heavy before, this time it was like a wall and it kept her from leaping into his arms the way she wished she could. The way she would’ve before Mossy Rock.

“What, no love for me, my pretty Kentucky Lee?” Sean looked so earnest, so hopeful and so...

Her throat constricted. “Always.” She leaned into his embrace, carefully. Almost as if all her feelings were something dirty and she was afraid to sully his crisp white T-shirt with them.

He smelled so good, felt so good...like all things pure and true.

The embodiment of the dream she couldn’t have.

Sean rubbed up and down her back just as he had with Rachel, but he tightened the embrace, crushing her against his chest in a way that made her wish they were alone and she could tear that shirt off him and drown in the heat of him, in the sensation of their bodies together.

“You smell good, pretty girl.”

Her face flushed at the compliment and he let her go.

“So we playing some pool or what?”

“You and Sean first.” Rachel nodded to the guys. “I need Kentucky for some girl time.” She didn’t wait for a response but practically dragged Kentucky to the bathroom.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Rachel turned to face her and leaned her back against the door. “Okay, what the hell was that?”

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Kentucky forced her expression to remain neutral. Why had she thought she could keep any of this a secret from Rachel? Rachel had gone into hyper matchmaker mode since she’d started dating Eric. She said she wanted everyone to be as happy as she was, whether they wanted to be or not.

Rachel put her hand on her hip. “Really? That’s the answer we’re going with?”

“Yep.”

“You saw Sean last night, didn’t you? What happened?”

“I—” She didn’t want to lie to Rachel, but she wasn’t about to go spreading tales that weren’t only hers to tell. “It’s not something I can or want to talk about. Just let it go, okay?”

“Uh, no.” Rachel sighed. “Fine. But you know whatever happened, you can talk to me.”

Kentucky considered the distance between them, the hole that had been left in their friendship, their world, since Lynnie died. “Yeah, I know. But you know I’m not the confiding kind. This girl thing, the talking in the bathroom at the pool hall, that’s not me.”

Rachel smiled, her features soft, with understanding in her eyes. “No, but you can be if you need to be. We’re all still walking wounded after losing her.”

“I know that, too. Don’t say anything to Eric, okay?”

“I won’t have to. He saw the way you and Sean were together, but I’ll tell him to keep his opinion to himself.”

“Would he be angry?”

“What, if you and Sean were a thing?” Rachel turned her head to the side.

Kentucky chewed her lip. “Yeah, I mean, he’s Lynnie’s brother.”

“I really think he’d just want you both to be happy.” She sighed. “I don’t know if I should tell you this.”

“Then don’t. Whatever it is, I’ll wait for Sean to tell me if he wants to.”

“When did you get to be the mature one in the group?” Rachel hugged her again.

All of this hugging was not something she was usually into, but lately, it had been kind of nice. “I don’t know. But I think we need to fix that because it’s definitely a sign of the impending apocalypse.”

“You know how much Lynnie loved you, right?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “And we have each other to remind ourselves of her. I think she’s still with us. In you. In me. In Eric.” Kentucky swallowed hard. “In Sean.”

Rachel nodded. “So whatever happens, don’t let it make things weird.”

“I won’t.” Or she’d try like hell. But change was inevitable. It happened to everything. Especially people, friendships—that was just the way of life.

“So, even with my eyes watering from all the feels, how do I look?” Rachel tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Like you got up on Eric’s side of the bed,” she teased.

Rachel slapped her arm and blushed. “Well, you know...”

Kentucky held up her hand. “This is all the girl talk I can handle at the moment. This is my quota for the night.” But she softened her words with a grin. “So next time give me the juicy details first and then we won’t have time to talk about me.”

They made their way back to the table, next to which Eric and Sean had already started a game of pool. Kentucky grabbed her own beer and sat down to watch. Rachel didn’t hesitate to harass Eric while he was trying to make a shot, blowing in his ear, tickling his neck, rubbing up against his back.

Sean shot her a look that seemed to be one of sympathy for Eric. Kentucky shrugged as if to say, “What can you do?”

Suddenly, she found a pool stick shoved in her face.

“Take over my light work, huh, Kentucky?” Eric asked. “I’m obviously not getting anywhere, since Rachel wants to dance.”

She accepted the stick and approached the table, trying to figure out a strategy to beat Sean.

“We could start over,” Sean offered.

“Nah, I like a challenge.” She continued to study the table.

He moved silently, stealthily, and slid up beside her, his arm around her waist. “You sure you don’t want to start over?”

She had the idea he was talking about something other than the game, but she didn’t quite understand what he meant.

God, but he smelled good. Playing any game with him in proximity was definitely going to be a challenge. She couldn’t concentrate. All she could think about was him bending her over the pool table, pulling her hair and taking her right there.

“I don’t need to start over. I can play the hand that’s dealt me. Or in this case, the balls.” Jeez, that sounded way dirtier than what she meant.

“Oh, really?” He arched his brow and flashed her a smirk.

She felt her face go hot again and knew she had to be blushing, but she wasn’t embarrassed. Or at least, that was what she told herself, and she certainly wasn’t going to let Golden Boy outdo her.

On anything.

“Yeah, really.” She slid her fingers up and down the end of the pool cue slowly and with obvious purpose. “I’m extra good with this, too.” Kentucky leaned over the table. “Nine and eleven in the corner pocket.”

She took her shot and the balls followed her prediction and dipped into the pocket. Kentucky took her next shot but succeeded only in setting up the next play.

“I guess you handle your balls well.”

She leaned over the table again, examining all possible outcomes to the game, plotting her strategy, and tried not to think about the innuendo. Before Mossy Rock, she’d have played this game until they both ran out of puns and the double entendres were so ridiculous they both laughed until their stomachs hurt.

But now she thought about him touching her. Thought about how she wanted to do all those things with him again.

He took his shot and completely missed.

“You’re cheating,” he accused, but his tone was light. Teasing.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t do that on purpose. You’re much craftier than that.”

She looked down at where he pointed and saw that the V-neck of her shirt gave him a rather spectacular view of her pink lacy bra and the curves of the tops of her breasts.

Kentucky kept trying to ignore the butterflies in her belly, the burn between her legs as she thought of him looking at her body and being so entranced that he missed his shot. “You’re right, I am much craftier than that.” She swallowed her fear and decided to let the conversation take them where it would instead of trying so hard to monitor her feelings, her thoughts and what she had to say about them.