Northern Proposals (16 page)

I rolled back over and wriggled into her as tightly as I could. She wrapped her arms around me and held her.

"Yours," I told her. "Don't stop."

And then we went to sleep.

In the morning, I woke first. Jessica had rolled over and was facing away from me. I
lay there for a while, not sure how I was supposed to behave. I still had silk wrapped around my wrists and ankles, unattached to anything, and I still felt a glow from our nocturnal activities.

I looked over at her, and I wanted her.

I stopped caring whether I was gay, or whatever title I was supposed to use. I wanted this woman. I wanted her in my life. I definitely wanted more of what we had done last night.

But I didn't know how to behave. I didn't understand this dominant thing of hers. Was I supposed to be submissive? That wasn't my personality type. Was I supposed to wait until I had permission to do anything?

I decided I wasn't going to wait for permission to use the bathroom.

I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, almost tripping on the scarves as I shuffled to the bathroom. I untied the scarves while sitting down, then washed up, brushed my teeth, and wandered back to the bedroom. Jessica was still asleep, so I left the scarves on the bed and quietly grabbed some clothes. I closed the door and moved to the living room, getting dressed, trying to be quiet so she could sleep.

I made coffee then grabbed my laptop and did some leisurely surfing out on the deck.

It was a beautiful morning. We had been granted an amazing weekend of weather.
There was a very light breeze, causing small waves on the lake. A couple of jet skis went past; Mike and Matt were up early.

An hour later, I heard Jessica making noise in the cabin. "There's coffee," I said, yelling over my shoulder.

After a moment she wandered out, wearing a bathrobe. I stood up, expecting her to walk over and offer a proper good morning kiss. She started at me before walking over, but all I got was the most perfunctory of kisses. She turned around and disappeared back into the cabin.

I frowned after her. Maybe she wasn't a morning person but she'd seemed awfully chipper yesterday morning. I decided she needed to wake up more. I sat back down and did more surfing.

She reappeared fifteen minutes later wearing a swim suit with a towel wrapped around her. "Bedding is in the wash. I'm going for a swim." She headed down to the lake.

She hadn't invited me.

And I'd planned on using that bedding a few more times before we washed it.

I stared a
fter her. It had all been a one-night stand for her, and now she just wanted to be rid of me? All that talk, and all she'd wanted was a one-night stand?

I stared at her as she dropped her towel on the dock, dived in, and began to swim across the lake. She never looked back.

That's it? I wasn't kinky enough for her or something? I thought I was her dream girl, but clearly not.

Pissed off, I stormed into the cabin. I took a shower, washing away the smells of what we'd done the night before. By the time I was done, I couldn't smell her on me anymore.

I got dressed then went through the cabin and packed my things. If she was in a hurry to leave, I would be sure not to delay her.

Then I sat down and started to cry.

The washing machine buzzed about the same time my crying wore down. I got up and cycled the laundry into the dryer. I cleaned the kitchen, washing the few dishes and putting everything away. When I was done, I couldn't tell we had been there. I stepped out onto the deck. Jessica was halfway across the lake. I could have sworn she'd had plenty of time to swim across the lake and back. Then I realized she was doing a second lap.

Anything to stay away from me, I guessed. Or maybe she was waiting for her slave to clean the cabin for her so she wouldn't have to. If that's what she expected, then that is what she would get.

I started fuming.

I found the vacuum and vacuumed carefully. I wandered through the
cabin, looking at everything we had touched and putting it back the way it was before we got there. I moved my suitcase into Jessica's car.

Back in the bedroom, I pulled Jessica's suitcase from the closet and packed her things, leaving out clothes for her to wear home. I left her toiletries in the bathroom in case she chose to shower after her swim, but I packed the rest.

I ran out of things to do, and Jessica was still swimming. I sat down in the living room with my laptop, staring at it instead of doing anything at all. Movement from the windows caught my attention, and I saw Jessica walking up from the lake. By the time she got to the cabin, I was crying quietly.

She came in and looked at me. She walked halfway to me and said, "I don't blame you for being upset. I never meant to hurt you."

I turned to her. "Well you did."

"I'm sorry."

I turned away and continued to cry, hating myself. I hadn't done anything wrong, and I didn't deserve to feel like this just because she decided I wasn't for her after all.

"I'm going to shower," she said eventually.

"You're packed except for clothes to wear and your toiletries. The dryer will be done soon. We can leave whenever you want."

"Half an hour," she said.

She left for the bathroom, and I started sobbing.

* * *

I had myself back under control by the time she finished in the bathroom. The dryer dinged, and I was making the bed by the time she entered the bedroom, wrapped in a towel.

"We have to wash the towels, I suppose."

"I'll take them home and drive them over to my brother's this week," she said. "You won't have to stay here with me any longer than necessary. I'm sorry."

I finished making the bed then fled the bedroom, retreating to the living room.

She appeared from the bedroom several minutes later, pulling her suitcase after her. She took a couple of trips to her car. I ignored her. Then she roamed around the cabin for a few minutes, I presume checking the quality of my work. I ignored her for that, too.

"Everything looks good," she said quietly. "We can go."

I stood up, staring at her for a moment. She looked numb and sad. This was all her fault, and she had the gall to look sad. I hope she understood how much she had hurt me.

I didn't say anything but collected my computer and purse and headed for her car.

* * *

We didn't talk on the way home. She eventually asked me to put some music on. I
t covered the silence. Four painful hours later found us in my driveway. I looked over at her.

"You hurt me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I trusted you."

"I know."

I didn't say anything else but simply climbed out of her car and collected my things. I didn't watch as she drove off.

* * *

I spent the rest of the day consoling myself with empty calories. Friday and Saturday had been so amazing. I didn't understand how she could have become so different. I really believed she wanted me, and for a lot more than a one-night stand.

Finally I decided she was like those guys who can't wait to run away once they get laid. I never would have thought that about her.

* * *

I tried to avoid her at work on Monday, but we both were called into the VP's office. "Good job on the proposal," he told us. "When I saw you on Friday, Jade, I thought our delivery was in trouble."

"We worked on it over the weekend," I said. "Jessica went above and beyond. It was my fault it wasn't ready for her on Friday, but she worked several hours over the weekend so we could have it done."

Outside the VP's office, she grabbed my arm.

"Don't touch me," I hissed.

She dropped my arm. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to thank you for what you said in there. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome," I said, not at all meaning it, and stormed away from her.

* * *

For the rest of the week, as much as I tried to avoid Jessica, we kept bumping into each other. Twice it was literally. The second time I actually found myself in her arms when I turned around and practically ran into her. From inches away I stood staring into her beautiful eyes.

All I wanted to do was lean forward those last few inches and kiss her.

All I wanted was for her to wrap her arms around me and tell me she was sorry, that I had misunderstood.

All I wanted to do was get as far away from her as I could.

She stepped back from me, and I fled around her.

* * *

I had a miserable weekend. By Sunday I called my friend, Beth, sobbing. All she said was, "I'm coming over."

I was still crying when she got there. She let herself in, took one look at me, and sat down on the sofa, wrapping me in her arms. I sobbed into her shoulder for a long time. She said kind things and held me.

When I finally calmed down, had blown my nose, and somewhat cleaned up my tears, she asked, "Honey,
did someone die? Is it your parents?"

"No. It's a girl."

"A girl?"

I told her the entire story with most of the details. I even told her about the sex. I told her everything. She listened, somewhat surprised at first, almost shocked at times, but at no time did she make me feel like I was some sort of kinky weirdo.

"I don't understand," I said when I was done.

"Jade," she asked kindly. "Could it be miscommunication?"

"She was pretty damned clear."

"Jade, honey. Did she at any time tell you she didn't want you?"

"She wouldn't kiss me. She wouldn't touch me. And she apologized."

"Did she say she didn't want you?"

I looked into Beth's eyes. She repeated herself. "Honey, did she say she didn't want you?"

"No." I started sobbing again. "Oh god, what if this is all my fault?"

Beth let me cry out again then pushed me away and looked into my face. "I don't think it's your fault. But it may have been miscommunication, not lack of desire. What if something you did sent her a message you hadn't intended?" Her eyes bored into me. "Tell me about the scarves again."

I started at the beginning, but she said, "No, at the end. What did you do?"

"I took them off. I was tripping over them. I left them on the bed. In case she wanted to use them again."

"Honey, what if she thought you were sending a different message?"

"Then she should have asked."

"Yes, she should have. But you understand, this could be miscommunication. I still blame her, but it might not have been rejection. It might have been she thought you freaked."

"She admitted she had hurt me. And she did."

"Maybe she thought you were freaking out, and that's the hurt."

I sat there numbly for a while, staring into space. Finally I turned back to Beth. "Do you think that's it?"

"Jade, I don't know. This could have been exactly what you think. But it seems like you might both have been assuming. Maybe you assumed right. But she never told you she didn't want you. Maybe she doesn't, at which point she's a bitch and not worth this heartache, especially cause she dumped you in such a cruel fashion."

I looked away again. "It doesn't matter. It's too late. She's undoubtedly with someone else by now."

"If she was honest when she called you her dream woman, she is at least as upset as you are."

"She's probably consoling herself between some other woman's legs right now."

Beth smiled. "You're jealous."

"I'm angry. I deserved better. She had no business taking us down that path if she didn't mean it. She had no business snubbing me if I had just done something unintentionally wrong. Either way, she was wrong."

"Yes. If it's miscommunication, are you able to forgive her?"

"I still want her. I want the things she did to me. I liked them. Oh god, I'm a sick pervert."

Beth shook me a little. "No you're not. Everything you did is tame compared to what I did Friday night."

"You?" I said, my eyes growing wide.

"Yes. And no, I'm not going to tell you."

I stared at her for a while. Then she said, "Jade, I think you should talk to her. Either she's going to tell you that you interpreted her correctly, and if so, then you know she's a bitch and not worth your heart. Or she's going to offer a different explanation, and maybe it's something you can fix. Either way you'll know. Right now you don't."

I nodded. "You're right." I hugged her. "Thank you."

"Honey, don't pin your hopes on this. But you owe it to yourself to at least be sure."

I nodded. "Did I take you from anyone?"

She smiled. "No. But there's a sale today."

"Let me clean up. What are we buying?"

I couldn't find Jessica at work on Monday or Tuesday. I found out she was on an off-site project.