Nova (21 page)

Jack chuckled. “She’s putting me in a euphoric state. Hope you don’t mind.”

Austin walked around the counter to get a look
at what we were up to.

“Oh, please don’t leave, Nova,” Jack pleaded
when I was about to get up
. “Just one more time.”

“You know my boyfriend is here and I’d rather kiss him right now than straddle you, right?”

He barely
laughed
again but said, “I know, but please? Austin, give a guy a break.”

“You’ve got ten more seconds,” Austin told him.

Jack thanked him
like it was his last wish on earth, so I relieved the compression in his lower back one more time
, and then stood
.

“I don’t think I want to get up now,” he said.

“Good, stay there so we can make out in your office,” Austin said.

Jack laughed, but he did lie there for a few more seconds while Austin kissed me, and then he rolled onto his back.

“All I need is a yoga mat and I can just stay here and tell Nova what to do,” Jack said.
He pulled himself up into a sitting position and paused for a moment. “Wow, I think that feels a lot better.” He stood and slightly stretched himself out. “That’s ten times better. I think I should go for a run.”

“I think you should c
ontinue to lie down and rest it,” I told him.
“
Take some ibuprofen.”

“Ibuprofen didn’t work.”

“It might’ve been so bad that it didn’t have a chance to work. Now that the nerve might be released, it can have a chance to relax. Go lie down.”

“Okay, Miss Smarty Pants,” he playfully scowled. He murmured something about getting bossed around by everyone, but he eventually left the office.

I looked at Austin, and with a smile he said, “That was odd.”

I laughed and replied, “Hearing Jack moan behind the counter?”

“That, and seeing your head appear with a surprised expression.”

“Pssh, you
didn’t
honestly
think…?”

“No, it was just weird I guess. You know, when you see something that looks one way, but you know in your head that’s not what it is?”

I smiled and said, “Yeah, I understand.” I paused and looked him over for a few seconds, and then I wrapped my arms around him and laid my face against his chest. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. T
hought about you every second I could.”

“Me too. So how did you do? How’d you place?”

“Mmm,
fifth
. But
I led
41
laps. I
t was a
learning
experience.”

“That’s good.
I think?
”

He smiled and nodded his head.
“I race
at
Irwindale
next weekend…”

I didn’t respond right away, even though I knew he was going to ask if I would go. Instead, I took his hand and we left the office to walk to the hammock. Once we were lying in it, barely swinging side to side, he did ask, “So I take it that means no?”

With a sigh I said, “Yeah, that’s a no.”

He didn’t reply, but I knew he was disappointed. I did feel bad, but I was also annoyed that we were back on the subject again when he had promised he wouldn’t pester me about it. But I guess he kept his word because he didn’t mention it again, and we began talking about other things instead.

Chapter Eleven

I wondered when I was finally going to break down and attend another one of Austin’s races. It was hard to decide how I felt about it because I wanted to go to one, but I didn’t want to at the same time.

I arrived
at
the Toyota Speedway
with Austin’s family the next weekend, against my better judgment. Well, I didn’t know if I should be there or not, but I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversation with Clara, when she questioned whether or not it was better for her to be there the day her daughter died. In Clara’s opinion it was, and I didn’t expect that I would have to deal with the same thing when it came to Austin, but I decided I needed to stop worrying about it and just be there for him.
The bottom line was that I
needed
to go to his races, just so I could be around him more.

I wasn’t able to see him before the race that time, but Austin knew I was there. I also knew how happ
y he was that I’d decided to go
and that made me feel good. I was beginning to realize that my relationship with
him
was changing again, and even though it was the best feeling in the world, it also caused me to question so many things. Decisions, decisions, decisions… I hated making them, and I hated worrying about them.

It was a pretty big day for the Gaines family that afternoon. Aus
tin
led for
137
laps and
finished first
at
Sonoma,
and I’ll admit that I was really proud of him. The race itself made me nervous, but I think I handled it a little better than the first time. Maybe I really was going to get used to it after all.

We all wen
t out to celebrate that night—A
ustin’s family and his team. It was a pretty fun night, and I kind of got caught up in the energy of it
,
too.
He
was easy to feel happy around, but I could tell that raci
ng was almost like his lifeline
and I wasn’t sure if he’d ever give it up. I wondered how that would affect my future with him. Along with that, I also wondered how UC Davis was going to fit into my new life as well, and I wondered if maybe Jack was on to something when he suggested getting my
associates to continue working at Harmony Acres.

I guess my plans were going to stay the same. So far there wasn’t any indication that Austin wanted things to be any different than they were. And as long as my relationship with him
was going well
, I didn’t have any reason to change my course. I knew what direction I wanted to head, even if the choice might be difficult when the time came.

Wednesday was my day off, and Austin took me to the beach.
It was sort of an odd day because his f
riends—Brock, Will, and Nash—m
et us there, and even though I had been around them a few other times over the summer
(
particularly Will
)
this time was different because they each had other girls with them. I wasn’t shy in the sense that I couldn’t get along with new people, but just the mix was a little strange and I felt a
bit
reserved. I guess I got along with everyone well enough, but I was really glad when Austin said farewell to the group and decided to spend some time with just me for the rest of the day. 

We got takeout at a nearby restaurant
,
and then Austin surprised me by taking me to Clover Park.

“I haven’t been here for a few years,” I admitted
, looking around at the familiar scene from the parking lot
.

Austin walked around the car to take my hand and said,
“You
told me
you used to come here with your mom a lot… This isn’t a bad thing, is it?”

“Oh no, it’s not. I mean I have really good memories of this place, and yeah it makes me miss my mom, but I like it here.”

He only nodded and we found a place to enjoy our dinner together. After an hour or so, and a bit of time wandering around the park,
I kind of expected him to come up with some r
andom idea for something to do.
I was a little surprised when he
only mentioned heading home to watch a movie, but it sounded good to me and I easily agreed.

It was then that I noticed his demeanor to be a little
off
. He almost se
emed a
bit
tense
, and that wasn’t like Austin at all. He was probably the calmest, most laid-back guy that I knew, and to see him seem so rattled kind of threw me.

But I guess I didn’t have to wait too long to understand what was up, because as soon as we got home, he wanted to take a walk to the creek. It was there that he asked me to come with him to
Colorado
for his next race, and I could tell that he was really anxious about my answer.

“
Colorado
? Why? I mean is there a reason that I should come to this particular race?”

He paused for a few seconds, and there it was again: he was nervous.

“Austin?” I smiled. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, it’s just… I’d like you to come to
Colorado
with me. I want you to be there with me.”

“Well, yeah, I’d love to be there with you, but…just this time? Or are you going to try and convince me to travel with you every weekend?” I teased.
The look on his face confused me, and I raised my eyebrows to reveal my surprise.
“Austin, what’s the matter with you? You’re really worrying me.”

“I am?”

“Yes, you’re not acting like yourself.”

“Well, yeah, I’ll agree with that. I’m about to do something that totally isn’t me.”

I studied him for a few seconds and suddenly
I
was nervous.
“Okay…” I replied slowly.

He took a deep breath and exhaled as he looked at the
moving
water in front of us. “I’m a really independent guy,” he began matter-of-factly, almost like he was lecturing t
he creek. “I mean…
I’ve always just done my own thing without relying on anyone or needing anyone’s input. I guess… I guess that’s
kind of changing
and I’m not sure what to do about it.” He turned to face me and took my hand
s
in both of his. “Nova, I, uh… Well, I love you. And I’ve never told
a girl
that,
so
it’s not really
ground
I’m familiar with.”

I wondered if your heart could actu
ally grow in a moment like that
because mine certainly felt like it.

“I keep telling myself that I’ve got the right to do whatever I want,” he continued. “But now it seems like I can’t because…well, because I have you, and I don’t want to do anything without you. I guess I’m being selfish because I want to have it all. I want to have my life stay the sa
me, but I want to add you to it even more.
Does that sound stupid?”

I had no idea. I was still stuck on the ‘I love you’ part. Like Austin, it wasn’t something I was familiar with either, but I kn
ew I felt the same way
.

“I want you to have everything you want, Nova. But I guess I just need to know what that is so I can adjust accordingly. I mean Jack told me he talked to you about having a permanent job here, and if that’s something you want, it can happen. You could keep working on the ranch, I would be
here
as much as I
can
in between racing, and things can stay the same. The only difference is that I want you to be a part of my life even more.
I want you to travel with me on the weekends.”

I was still speechless. Now was the time
to discuss our options out loud
and I couldn’t even say anything. But wait a minute… Was he asking me to give up my career? Was he asking me not to go to UC Davis? He didn’t want to give up racing, and I understood that now, but instead
,
he wanted me to change
my
plans?

“Why don’t you have something to say?” he finally asked me. “Did I say something wrong? Did I totally jump the gun by saying that I’m in love with you?”

There went my heart again, and I had to smile. “No, I just…I…”

He decided to wait for me to respond instead of saying anything else. It was a good choice on his part, but
that meant I was required to speak
. It was my turn to stare at the creek, and I understood how it made saying something difficult a little easier.

“Austin, I just… I feel like you’re asking me
to
put everything aside for you. Is that what you’re asking?” I took a chance to look at him and asked, “You want me to change my mind about going for a career and just be there for yours?”

“I’m trying to get an idea of what you
’d like to do, Nova.
I just need to know what your thoughts are so we can make decisions together.
If that’s what you want,” he seemed to add as an inquiry.

“Yes, I do consider you whenever I make a decision that pertains to the both of us. We’re a couple, so I like to think of it that way. And yes, if you’d like me to travel with you I would do that, but I’d have to check with the boss about my schedule—”