Nova (38 page)

“It’s not you, Nova. It’s Austin.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Austin? What do you mean? He doesn’t even work here right now.”

“Tell
him
that. I’m supposed to take orders from him when he’s what? –Twenty-five hundred miles away?”

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s got some plans for you this weekend?”

My shoulders dropped. “Oh. He called you directly?”

“Yep.”

“And wanted you to make sure I was freed up?”

“Yep.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I told him I wo
uld see what was going on first
and then I would call him with an answer.”

He looked at me carefully. “So you really want to
drop everything for the weekend
to see him race?
Just because he asked you to?
No, just because he
requested
it of you?”

I didn’t answer at first. I wasn’t entirely sure of what
he was getting at
.

“Because Nova…”
He didn’t finish the sentence.

“I don’t understand why you think that’s a bad thing. No, of course I’m not going to go since it’s obviously
a problem
, but why do I get the feeling that you don’t approve
of my
desire
to go
.”

“I guess I don’t.”

“Why? Austin and I were together for ten months and… Well, even though we’re taking a break right now, we’re still really close, Jack. He’s still m
y best friend. I still love him
and I’m still going to wait for him to make up his mind.”

“Oh,” he replied dryly.
“I kind of thought he did make up his mind.”

Ouch, that kind of hurt. But he was right. Austin chose racing.

“Okay, I’m still going to wait for him to
change
his mind.”

“Oh, I see,” he said, as if he totally saw the light. “So in the meantime, while he’s enjoying his freedom and fun times, you’re just going to…wait.”

“Why don’t you just tell me how you
really
feel,” I said angrily.

“Okay. I think you’re wasting your time. I think he’s got you wrapped around his finger, where he wants you to be when he’s ready for you, and you’re letting him control your life.”

“He can’t control what I’ve already decided. I know what I want, and I’m not going to change my course just because he needs some time to figure things out. I love him, so I want him to be able to do that. I can’t force him to see things the way that I do. I have to let him do things his own way right now.”

Jack’s expression surprised me, because at that point, he slowly began to smile.

“What?” I asked. “What’s so funny? You think I’m being a pushover?”

He let out a huge sigh and quietly said, “My little boy has himself a great woman…”

“Excuse me?”

He laughed and said, “Nova… I admire you. Have I ever told you that? I really do. You are such a good kid. And if I had a son, I’d want one just like Austin. He’s like family to me, and I only want the best for him.
Right now he’s being an ass, but still…
”

I stared at him with confusion. “Jack, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“I just wanted to know how you really felt about
him
. I know we work together,
but
you really do k
eep your personal life private and
I don’t hear too much from your end of it. Austin speaks his mind constantly, so I know how much he loves you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So
all of that drama was about hearing how I feel about Austin?”

“Uh,
strangely
,
yes.”

“
Then
why didn’t you just ask?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes it’s nice to hear things in the heat of the moment.”

I scoffed. “You provoked me just to get my honest emotions? You’re a crafty piece of work, Jack.”

“Thank you,” he smiled.

“Okay, so I understand the part about Austin, but what the heck was all of that about your age?”

He chuckled and shook his head. Then he put his elbow on the counter
and dropped his chin into his hand
. “I’m getting old,” he kind of moaned.

“What? No you’re not
. Why would you say that?”

“Because I’m almost forty.”

“What? You’re thirty-seven. You’ve got three more years.”

“Two,” he frowned. “Starting
tomorrow
,
”
he added deliberately.

I smiled and said,
“You don’t have to toss around hints, Jack. Your gift is in my car.”

His face perked up. “You got me a birthday present?”

“Of course I did.
”

“What is it?”

“A surprise. A surprise you’re not going to get until
tomorrow
.”

“You’re no fun,” he pouted.

“Maybe I should have just donated to your mid-life crisis fund instead,” I teased. “Seems like you’re already getting there.”

“I think I got there two years ago.”

“Really? What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know. I’m gonna be thirty-eight and I’m still living the life of a bachelor.”

“You’ve been married before.”

“Yeah, for less than two years. And that was when I was in my twenties.”

“So now
you’re ready
to settle down
again
?”

“Well yeah. I mean I love living here part time—it’s really like being home with family—but when I’m staying at my apartment the other days of the week… It’s just lonely. And I hate the dating scene. I’m really not that good at it. After Karen and I divorced I had zero interest in settling down again. I mean she turned out to be psychotic, right?”

I laughed. “And you’re afraid the same thing would happen
again
?”

“Well yeah, wouldn’t you?”

I shrugged and said, “Yeah, probably. But you know you can’t think like that, right Jack?”

“I know, but what can you do when it keeps crossing your mind anyway?”

“You’ve got to remind yourself that
no two relationships are alike
and just go with the flow until you figure something out.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, w
hen I met Austin and his friends, I really wasn’t interested in dating anyone. I had my mind set on school, and that’s the direction I was headed. But then I got to know Austin a little better and…things became a little confusing. It really wasn’t in my plan to have a boyfriend, but it just sort of happened that way. And then the opportunit
y to work here kind of happened
and it just…felt right. In my head I wasn’t sure if it was something I was supposed to do or not, but it just felt right.”

“And you went with the flow again.”

“Yeah, pretty much. I still didn’t know how things were going to turn out, but I told myself to just do the best I could until
I felt confident about another decision.”

Jack was quiet for a moment
and I was surprised when he asked, “And I take it the latest turn of events wasn’t exactly in your plans?”

“Um, you mean being dumped?”

He smiled and shook his head. “You weren’t dumped. Like you said, you two are still very close and you still love each other. There has to be hang ups in every relationship.”

“There does?” I smiled wryly. “It didn’t have to be that way.”

“It didn’t?”

“Well, you’re right, maybe it did. Things were too great for me, and that’s unusual in my life. I should have seen it coming.”

“Oh, Nova. Don’t think like that.”

“It’s the pattern of my life.”

“It’s the pattern of everyone’s life. Ups and downs, great miracles and great tragedies.”

“
Well
I’m tired of tragedy. I was ready for great miracles instead.
I kind of felt like I was due.
”

He frowned and patted my hand. “
I can’t imagine what it was like for you to lose your mom, or to grow up with the dad that you had—everyone’s trials are different—but y
ou’re
going to look back and see that this was just a tiny bump in the road. You’re d
oing the right thing—going with your gut and keeping your resolve.
Your strong spirit and will are the two greatest parts of who you are, Nova.”

“I guess patience isn’t one of my strong points. And I know I say that I want Austin to figure things out on his own, but sometimes I wonder if I really do feel that way. I really just wish he would see things
my
way.”

“That’s normal,” Jack smiled. “That’s how you feel, but you’re willing to wait, and that’s what makes the difference.”

“How long will I have to wait?”

He
didn’t respond right away, and he even sighed as he thought about it. Finally he
said, “I really don’t know.”

“Well you know Austin pretty well…”

“I do, but it doesn’t mean I know what he’s going to decide, or what’s going through his mind.”

“He has
n’t
mentioned anything about me, or his plans, or his plans for me…?”

“I don’t know—well, yeah he has, but it’s not so simple. He knows how much he loves you—it’s new to him, so he’s still trying to process it all—but he’s in the same boat you are. He’s had this career goal in mind, and he wants to achieve it. The only difference is that…”

“He chose one way, I chose the other.”

“He wants you to finish school.”

“It’s not what I want. Jack, why can’t anyone understand
that
? I went with the flow and let life carry me in this direction. I tried out the door
s that had been opened for me
and I finally found what I wanted. It’s not really what I had in my pla
ns, but it’s even better. I was
so happy with how things worked out.
When I think about marrying Austin and sharing a life with him, I just feel like—”

“Wait a second. Marrying Austin? Is that—? Did you guys—? Have you actually talked about that?”

I was totally surprised that
he
seemed totally surprised. “What? Yes, we’ve talked about it.”

“Seriously?” he asked with complete awe. “Oh, holy cow… Nova, you’ve
gotta
tell me everything
,” he said eagerly.
“
It finally makes sense to me.”

“What finally makes sense to you?”

“
What Austin’s problem
is.
Why he did what he did whe
n I know how he feels about you!
”

“He has marriage phobia?” I smiled. Jack didn’t respond but I added, “I know the idea of it doesn’t really
appeal to him—it was my fault;
I brought it up too soon
and now I have to deal with the repercussions. I know it was my mistake, so I’m willing to pay the price. I’ll wait.”

“You’ve got four more years.”

“What?”

“To wait,” he sighed. “When he’s twenty-eight. Then he’ll
think about getting
married.”

I stared
at him for several seconds. “He’s got
a certain
age
in mind
?” I aske
d with disbelief. “He’s never- w
e’ve never talked about that before. He really has an age he’s shooting for?”

He shrugg
ed. “That’s what he
said. I mean maybe he’ll change his mind, but…”

“Oh, jeez,” I groaned, running a hand through my hair. “Four years. Four years until he’s twenty-eight; four years of vet school…”

“He’s laid it out.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I growled. “His perfect little plan.”

“Nova, don’t take what I say as fact, okay? Austin is pretty unpredictable. Sticking to that kind of schedule is really out of character for him.”

“
No, actually it seems to fit him pretty well. I mean he doesn’t want to settle down right now, and he’s trying to force me to go to school for four years to keep me busy while he continues racing. I think that makes sense to me. Marriage isn’t the type of thrill that Austin is looking for. Sure he’s unpredictable when it comes to the exciting things in life, but right now this—whatever kind of screwed up relatio
nship we have right now—is probably pretty exciting to him
, right?” Jack started to chuckle but I shook my head and said, “I’m not kidding. He likes the drama. It’s way more exciting than being tied down in a marriage for the rest of his life.”