Nova (40 page)

Marlo
sighed. “Nova, I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean that Austin has always been used to his own little independent world. I’m sure that when he met you he wasn’t expecting so
much to change. I’ve never seen
him love someone like he loves you, and I know it took him by surprise.” She smiled, seeming to think something
over
. “You know, when he first told me about you he was pretty excited. He said, ‘Mom, I met the girl of my dreams today.’ ”

I smiled, just imagining his voice say that.

“I asked him why he would think that and you know what he said? He said, ‘Mmm, we hardly even talked to each other, so I’ll get back to you on that.’ ”

I lightly laughed, assuming it must have been the first time he’d come into the diner.

“But Nova… Do you understand where I’m going with this? He was drawn to you before he even knew why. That’s some powerful stuff. And he fell for you pretty hard—we could all tell because that wasn’t like Austin at all. But Austin doesn’t know what it’s like to be a quitter. He gets his mind set on accomplishing something and he goes for it. His racing goals are pretty much set in stone
.”

“And I got in the way of that,” I said matter-of-factly.
Marlo
looked like she wanted to disagree,
or say something to make me feel better,
but she ultimately didn’t say anything. I shrugged with a sigh and
added,
“I
guess I’ll take it a day at a time. For now I’m off to see what Texas has in store for me.”

She smiled and held out her arms for a hug. “Have fun,
Nova
. Give Austin a hug for me.”

By the time I’d landed in
Dallas/
Fort Worth it was eight o’clock. I hadn’t seen Austin for three weeks and I didn’t know what to expect. My little girl heart was elated, anticipating a happy reunion and possibly a change of heart on Austin’s end.

Although the time with him was everything that I’d hoped it would be, he made no mention that weekend of getting back together. I was too afraid to even bring it up
, and I definitely didn’t ask him about his marriage timeline
. I wanted to leave on a good note, without any disagreements or frustration between us
, so I avoided the subject
entirely
.

That next week I didn’t even hear from him. He’d texted me on Monda
y to see if I made it home okay—he
said that he already missed me
and I said that I missed him too—b
ut I didn’t hear from him a single time the rest of the week. I even called twice, leaving him a message both times. Calling a third time wasn’t an option for me (I didn’t feel that I should have to call a third time), but I did text hi
m about his race in Florida that would be in two weeks
. I got a response from the text, but apparently he wasn’t willing to
talk
to me on the phone.

This pattern continued on for two more weeks. Austin would reply with a brief text, but he wouldn’t call me back. I still chose to leave him a message
every few days
, just to be supportive and to tell him how much I loved him, but I knew he wasn’t going to call me back. I could have taken it two
ways. O
ne being that he really wasn’t planning on getting back together with me, and his only reason for inviting me to Texas was fo
r his own selfish reasons
. I hated thinking about it that
way
, but I was pretty good at assuming the worst. The other reason could have been that he really was pretty busy trying to focus on his career. Being that no one else had heard from him either, I wanted
to
believe that excuse more than anything.

But it only took a few minutes to make a phone call, so the next time I left him a
message
I made sure that he kne
w I wasn’t okay with his lack of communication. He did call me back after that—two days later—but I was pretty sure he called when he did because he didn’t have very much time to talk to me.

“They’re waiting for me to drive this car, Nova, so I gotta go. I just wanted you to know that I’m ‘capable of using a phone,’ ” he said, repeating a part of the message I’d left.

“Okay, but are you capable of having a conversation
with me
?”

There was a pause on the other end. Finally he said, “Probably not. That’s why I don’t want to talk to you on
the phone. I just can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what? Talk to me? You can’t talk about your day, or even tell me what you had for
lunch
?”

“Yeah, I can handle all of that. It’s t
he other crap I can’t deal with
and it always comes up.”

I knew what he was talking about without making him specify. He meant our relationship, or our “status.”

“Austin, I didn’t bring it up a single time while we were in Texas.”

“And it was amazing. I enjoyed every second with you. But I could t
ell you wanted to talk about it
.”

“Of course I
wanted to
, but I
didn’t
.
I know how pressured you feel lately with racing. I wasn’t going to add to your stress.
”

He didn’t say anything, and while I was
fretting about how our little grumble was going to turn out, I heard someone talking to
him
at the same time.

“Yeah, just give me a minute,” he replied. “Nova, I need to get going.”

“Austin, I didn’t plan on making you talk about our relationship,” I said quickly. “I just want to hear your voice, to see
how you’re doing. I love you, so I want to know that you’re okay.”

There was another pause, and as I sat down in a chair on the guesthouse patio, I rubbed my left temple with my fingers
and
told
myself not
to
cry
.

“I love you
,
too,” he finally replied. “But
it really does stress
me
out, Nova. This is all new to me—racing in this division, all the new things and new people—and I just need to focus for a while.
I’m working my ass off, I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I need to make this season work somehow.
”

“So it’s okay to love you and miss you,
I’m su
pposed to do it from a distance?
You honestly don’t have r
oom for me in your life, do you,
” I stated.

I heard another voice speaking to Austin, so I wasn’t surprised when he said, “I really need to go. I’ll, uh, talk to you another time, okay? Bye, Nova.”

He hung up before I could respond, but even if he’d given me the chance to, I don’t know what I would have said.
Out of frustration
, I
threw
my phone.

I
t landed in Field Four.

I just sat there for a minute,
unsure of how things with Austin had gone so wrong. I knew that he had a lot to prove, and this first season with his newest team was really crucial to him. I understood all of that. But I didn’t understand why he thought he had to do it without me.
It made me
fret
over who I was as a person
and if there was something about me that made me hard to be in a relationship with. I didn’t know if that was the case or not, but maybe Austin really did need me to back off.

I heard the screen door open behind me so I glanced back to see Ben. I had mixed feelings when I saw him. I really was glad to see him, but on the other hand, I didn’t desire any type of conversation that had to do with Austin.

I guess I could see how Austin felt whenever
he drea
ded discussing our relationship.

“Hey,” Ben said.

“Hey. What are you up to?”

He sat down in a chair next to me. “Not much right now.” He did a double take and looked at me again. “Everything okay?”

I slowly shrugged. “Not really, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

He barely nodded. “Do you feel like going to a concert
tonight
?”

“A concert?”

He nodded again. “
A few friends of mine are going to
see
Brandon Flowers
at the Fox.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. You interested?”

“Definitely. I mean
if it’s okay that I tag along?”

He smiled and said, “Of course it is. I invited you, didn’t I? I have an extra ticket.”

“Will your friends mind?”

“My friends?” he chuckled. “
Why would they have a say?”

With a shrug I replied, “Uh, I don’t know. Just making sure. What time is the concert?”

“Eight, but we were going to get something to eat before that. Can you be ready to go in an hour?”

I glanced at my watch and said, “Sure, I guess so.”

“I mean we don’t have go early if you—”

He stopped short when we both heard a cell phone ringing. He listened so he could tell where it was coming from, and since I was trying not to laugh, he looked at me with confusion.

“Excuse me, but I think someone’s trying to get a hold of me,” I said as I stood. I made my way to Field Four and climbed through the fence railing. My ph
one had stopped ringing by then,
but I picked it up
out of the grass
just as Ben arrived at the fence.

“Interesting,” was all he said.

“So I didn’t exactly like how the conversation ended,” I shrugged. I stepped through the railing again and faced him as I stuck my phone in my back pocket.

“Hmm. And
I suppose if I ask you about it
you might throw
me
into the pasture.”

I smiled, feeling a little embarrassed. “Nah. I might kick you, but I don’t think I could hoist you over the fence.”

“Fair enough. So what happened on the pho
ne?” he asked, pretending to put up guard,
just in case I really would kick him.

We started walking back towards the house and I shrugged. “I guess
I’m too much of a burden for Austin to deal with right now.
It’s kind of stupid because I can understand where he’s coming from—the whole career thing, and achieving your goals and such—but we just don’t agree on how to make it work. I can’t argue with him anymore because it doesn’t get anywhere, and he’s getting tired of feeling pressured. Even though I wasn’t even the one that brought it all up,” I added
with a groan
. “I didn’t say a single word about where we
stood
when we were in Texas together. It was even just like it used to be between
the two of us
and then… And then he completely shut himself off from me a
gain.”

We both
returned to the
chairs
on the patio. “What do you mean he shut himself off?”

“He won’t answer my cal
ls, he won’t even call me back… H
e’ll text me back if it has to do with a race or something, like how he did or whatever. And then today he called because of the message that I left—pretty much begging
him to call me—and it was just…
a really crappy phone call.
I know he’s really busy, but honestly, how hard is it to fit in a five minute phone call?
”

He thought about that for a moment before he asked, “And what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Where do you guys stand?”

“How the hell should I know?”

He chuckled. “Well…how do you feel?”

“Pissed. Isn’t it obvious?”

“Yeah, on the outside. But I think that’s just so you don’t let anybody see you’re hurting.”

I eyed him car
efully
and he was looking at me, too. I sighed, knowing that he was right, but I really didn’t want to get into it at the moment.

I stood up and exhaled a deep breath of air. “Well, I’m going to head upstairs and get ready for my date with
Brandon
.”

Ben smiled and stood too. “I’m sure you don’t have to do much to your appearance and you’ll catch his eye.
”

Chapter Twenty-One

“So how do you know Ben?” I asked Charlie.

“How do
you
know Ben?” he countered with a suspicious smile.

I was amused—it only took five minutes of being around Charlie to summarize his personality. He was really goofy.