Nova (44 page)

“Come on, Nova. You’re forgetting who Austin is here. He’s a competitor. He’s not
gonna
hand you over just like that.”

“
Oh but I thought you said he’d find a way to be together if he really wanted to,” I said sarcastically. “And quit
making me sound like a trophy or something.”

He was about to respond but didn’t. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. I wanted to hear what he had to say, but I was sure it would probably make me mad.

“Why in the world would you wake me up at four in the morning?” Ben asked, standing up.
“
I’d go back to bed, but I think I’m wide awake.”

“I’m sorry. North Carolina is three hours ahead…”

He slightly nodded, but on his way out the door he stopped and asked, “Did he finally call you?”

I was reluctant to answer but had to say, “Uh, no, I called him.”

After
a brief pause he asked, “And you just happened to be up at four?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged.
“And I knew he would be up, and that I might have a good chance of actually getting a hold of him.”

Again he barely nodded
and then left my room.

With a groan/sigh combination, I dropped myself onto the bed.

Surprisingly I got a call from Austin two days later. I was in Clover’s Café finishing up a shift after my morning of school. I was so excited to take his call that I left the
restaurant
with my apron on.

“Hey there,” I said as I got into my car.

“Hey yourself. You busy?”

“Nope, just about to leave the diner.”

“You working tomorrow
, too
?”

“Actually, no. I’m going to spend Wednesday with my Grandpa.” He didn’t respond right away, so I asked, “What are you up to? What’s going on for you this week?”

That got him talking about racing, and I was happy to hear about all of it. I was glad that he didn’t mention Ben, even though I knew that he’d called him himself and chewed him out the day after I’d last talked to him. Ben claimed it was a good thing, but I wasn’t so sure.

“So…I was wondering if you’d want to meet me in Vegas this weekend,” he finally said.

For a second I pictured Elvis and wedding bells, but I knew he meant for his race.

“Nova?” he asked when I didn’t respond.

“Um, I’m not sure.
I know I have a visit to the Langley
farm
with Jack on Saturday…”

“Can’t Jack go by himself? I mean wouldn’t that be more in his favor?” he chuckled.

“Yeah,” I smiled. “But we’re gelding a couple of horses she acquired…”

“So is that a no?” he asked. “I really want to see you, Nova. Could you find a way around it? Or maybe change it to a day early or something?”

“She’ll be gone until Friday night.”

“Well…could Jack take Lori?”

“Jack can’t stand Lori. And this isn’t about needing two vets, Austin. It’s about me getting some experience.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed, seeming disappointed. But then he said, “Well even if you miss my race, could you still come down that night?”

I guess that was a possibility, but why was I so hesitant
to answer
? I really wanted to see him, but I was afraid of two thi
ngs: one, conflicting with work,
and two, confusing myself
over
our relationship again.

“I’ll think about it,” I ended up telling him. “But right now I need to run because I’m hanging out with
Autumn
tonight.”

I really was spending time with
Autumn
later, but it wasn’t for another two hours. I was trying to be strong by givi
ng him a “maybe” type of answer
and it was getting tough for me.

“Okay,” he replied. “Call me as soon as you know.”

“Okay, I will.”

“I love you, Nova. Have fun on your date tonight.”

I had to pause for a second before I
chuckled
, “I
don’t have a date.
It’s
just Autumn
.
”
After the mess that Ben put me through, I really didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

“Okay, have fun with
Autumn
.”

“All right, I love you, too.” As a last second thought I added, “And only you, Austin.”

When I arrived at the ranch on Thursday night I found Ben in his room with the door open. He was folding clothes and setting them in his dresser drawers when I told him about Austin’s request.

“Don’t go,” he said matter-of-factly. He placed a shirt in the top drawer, and when I didn’t respond, he knew I was frustrated. “I’m telling you, Nova… Don’t go.”

“And what do I tell him the reason is? ‘Ben thinks I should play hard to get.’ He’d crap a brick.”

“Good, let him.”

“Ben, I’m serious.”

“I know you are,” he sighed. “And so am I. I know it’s hard to do,
but you shouldn’t go this time
. Wait for him to do something nice for you for a change.”

“He treats me incredibly well.”

“I don’t want to know what that means, but sure, why wouldn’t he when you make it so easy for him.”

I folded my arms across my chest but didn’t respond. Ben stopped putting his clothes away and faced me.

“You already told him yes, didn’t you?” he asked
accusingly
.

I couldn’t hide the fact that it was true, so I only shrugged.

“Why’d you even want my opinion then?” he wondered, going back to his laundry.

“I resisted the urge to say yes, but I couldn’t do it any longer. I agreed to it on my way here.”

“Then call him up and tell him you’ve changed your mind.”

“I’m sure he’s already made the plans.”

“Then tell him to tell whomever it is that booked th
e flight to cancel it. Not a big
loss for him, Nova.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Sure it is. Just send him a text. That is his style, right?”

He gave me a smirk, but I wasn’t amused. Austin was so excited when I said I was coming…

“Well, I hope you’re not disappointed,” he continued. “I guess that’s kind of my ‘I told you so’ in advance.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks.”

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “I do hope it works out for you, though. I wish you’d take my advice, but I do hope you’re happy.”

“I will be,” I replied arrogantly. But when I left him for my room, I knew I wasn’t sure. I wanted to be confident about it because I knew Austin and I belonged together, but so many things made me question that every day…

I did meet up with Austin in Vegas t
hat weekend. I couldn’t help it
and I just had to see him. I knew it was weak of me, but I didn’t feel like playing games with our relationship. I felt that being
honest was the best route to go,
and I didn’t want to hide the fact that I was completely in love with him
and I always would be
. Whatever happened, in the end I would know that I had tried my best, no matter how many times I got hurt.

But
that seemed to be
the
revolving door anymore. I left Vegas with a broken heart (again) and even though I was also angry at the same time, I really just felt too wounded to
understand my life
. Austin and I had a great weekend, and I felt like we fit so naturally together, but why didn’t he see things the same way that I did?

We had a huge fight when I was packing to go home, and even though he always got bent out of shape wh
enever I wanted to discuss “us,”
I just had to do it anyway. It wasn’t fair to me, and I realized that, and I was only letting him take the easy way out.

“What do you mean we’re done?” he asked. He was standing in the middle of the room when I threw my toothbrush into my suitcase.

“I can’t do this anymore, Austin. It’s killing me. And I don’t know if you can see it or not, but I’ve had enough of being your once-a-month girlfriend. I love you, I really do, but until you can value me for more than just a weekend fling, you and I shouldn’t be together anymore. It
’s all or nothing at this point
and I’m letting you decide.”

“Letting
me
decide? Looks like you’re the one making the decision.”

“No, I’m finally standing up for myself. And if you care about me at all, you’d realize that this is not a real relationship,” I said, motioning between us. “I’m willing to give you everything I have—everything—and you’re willing to give me two days a month at your own convenience.”

“I thought we agreed to giving each other space?”

“Space? Austin, t
his isn’t ‘space.’
This is you having things your way. And guess what? I’m not okay with it anymore. I’m tired of being the doormat to your career.”

“Well thanks for the support.”

“I support you!” I shouted with disbel
ief. “I’ve been willing to do
anything to support you!”

“Yeah, on the outside.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you say it all—that you support me, and that you understand and all that—but you really don’t. You’ve never wanted me to continue racing, Nova. And I’ve always felt that from you, even when you do enc
ourage me or come to my races. Talk about all or nothing, hypocrite. You say you support me one hundred percent, but I’ve never felt that from you.”

I stared at him with disbelief. For one I was shocked. I most certainly felt like I supported him one hundred percent. No I didn’t like the fact that he raced cars for a living, but I’d learned to accept it. That was part of loving someone for who they were, wasn’t it?

“Austin, I’m sorry you don’t feel like I support you. Racing makes me nervous, but I love
you
. I’ll take it all, whether it’s comfortable for me or not. I would never take that away from you. And you’ve never even given me a chance to show my support entirely. Instead
,
you pull us apart and move away on your own—”

“You’d never live in North Carolina,” he scowled.

“That’s not your decision to make. And yes, I certainly would if you had asked.”

He didn’t say anything at all, which led me to believe that he definitely wasn’t going to ask
now
.

“I need to get going,” I mumbled, shoving
the
clothing
down in my suitcase so I could zip it. “Let me know if you change your mind about us because I love you, and I choose you over anything else.”

I grabbed my
bag
and headed for the door, but Austin said
, “Wait.
Nova…”

I turned around to face him and he just stood there.

“I’m not kidding,”
I told him. “It’s all or nothing
. I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

“What about school?” was the last thing I expected him to
ask.

“What
about
school?” I frowned. “I’m done in two weeks and then I’ll be living at the ranch full time.
”

“So you’re not applying?”

“For vet school? No. And I’ve told you that how many times?”

He
didn’t say anything for a while
and I was just about to make another attempt for the door.

“You need to apply,” he
finally
said quietly, sitting down on the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and sighed. “Please, Nova. Even if you think you’re not goi
ng to go, will you just apply? Y
ou have to at least know that you go
t
in, oka
y? Can you please do that
?”

I really didn’t understand his obsession with school. I knew that he didn’t want me to
sell myself short
and he wanted me to keep my options open. But
being that he was so adamant about it made me think about the next four years of
his
future. He didn’t want to get married, and I felt like he was just trying to occupy my time
with something else
.

“I’ll think about it,” was all I said, and I walked out the door.

Chapter Twenty-Three

The last summer I didn’t get to witness much of horse camp at Harmony Acres. I had been so busy with school and interning that my time at the ranch was pretty used up.