o 922034c59b7eef49 (9 page)

James is trying to make conversation about music and school and our friends. As if nothing weird has happened.

Me? I am in shock. I am convinced he is a total maniac.

But he drives me home safely. Maybe he makes a move to kiss me good-bye, but I

wouldn't know. I'm out that passenger door the moment the car stops.

Mami and Papi are watching TV when I walk in. Isabel's out with Simon. I say hello, go straight to my room, and crash.

Now, I wish I could say that's that and James is out of my life.

But later that night the phone rings, and I hear Mami saying, “Hello, James.”

When she comes up to my room, I pretend I'm fast asleep.

And this morning, I wake up to find a message from him on the answering machine and then four hang-ups.

Over breakfast I tell Mami, Papi, and Isabel that James and I have broken up. I keep the details to a minimum, but I make it clear that I don't want to talk to him.

Today, James has called 3 more times. Luckily, I've been out of the house.

I don't know what is going to happen.

I can't let him think that I still want to go out with him. But how can I break up after what he told me?

What if he's serious?

Okay. I have to calm down. I have to stop thinking about this.

1/10

5:30 P.M.

I can't.

I can't let it go.

Isabel asks me to run some errands, and I figure that'll keep my mind off James. So what do I talk about in the car? James.

I tell her everything. And she says two things that blow me away.

First she says that James has an inferiority complex.

Yes, inferiority.

He feels inferior inside, so he needs someone on the outside to tell him how talented and wonderful he is. To him, I'm like a young, worshipping little doll. So when I show a mind of my own, he can't take it.

Which makes sense, when you think about it. But then comes the worst part.

Isabel says that I do the same thing, in a way. I make James into something he isn't.

“No way, Isabel. I see him exactly the way he is.”

“Now you do. You didn't at first.”

I tell her she's crazy. But inside I know she's not. When I first met James, what was I seeing? Not him, really. To me, he was somebody. I was feeling so insecure, this brand-new helpless eighth-grader. But when I walked down the hall with him at Vista, I was somebody too.

He was cool. So was I.

All these thoughts are swirling through my head as Isabel and I pull up to the front of the house.

James's car is parked in front.

And he's inside it.

“Uh-oh,” Isabel mutters.

“Ignore him,” I say.

We park in the garage. As we get out of the car, James is walking toward us. He's holding a bouquet of flowers.

He says hi. I say hi.

“Can I talk to you a minute?” he asks.

“Get lost,” Isabel says.

She pulls me into the house before I can take the flowers. James stands there, watching.

A few minutes later I'm up in my bedroom. I peek out the window and he's still there.

I duck under the windowsill. I want to tell Isabel, but I feel frozen. Maybe he's seen me.

If I stand up, he'll know for sure.

I must be down there, huddled on my bed, for ten minutes. When I finally have the

courage to look back out the window, he's gone.

I've been up here ever since

The phone just rang.

I know it's him. He won't stop.

What is happening to me?

Sun 1/11

7:10 A.M.

Well, looks like you survived the night just fine, Nbook. Wish I could say the same about myself.

The phone call last night? I'll give you 3 guesses who it was from, and the first 2 don't count.

“Amaliaaaaaa!” Mami calls upstairs. “It's James.”

I debate hanging up on him. Now I wish I had.

But I pick up the receiver in Mami and Papi's room and say hello.

You will never believe what he says.

“Hey, Amalia. Want to go out tonight?”

Like we've been fling into a time warp and the Firehouse Cafe never happened.

“James, you--” are a total ignorant jerk, is what I should say. But all that comes out of my mouth is, “No. I can't.”

“Tomorrow, then?”

Now Isabel is peeking into the room. She holds out a clenched fist, as if to say, Stand firm. I frown and wave her away.

“No, James,” I say. “I can't then either.”

“Tuesday?”

“I—look, we—no.” I close my eyes and count to five slowly. “Not Tuesday, not

Wednesday, not any day.”

“Just to talk. As a friend, that's all. I have to show you something.”

“No, James--”

“Look. If Maggie asked you to go out, you would, right?”

“That's different.”

“Right. She's a girl. Okay, Justin, say.”

“James, I am hanging up now--”

“Look, I have to see you. I'll drive over. It'll take a few minutes--”

“No. Stay home. Good-bye.”

James starts saying something, but I'm already hanging up.

As soon as the receiver clacks into the cradle, I hear Isabel whooping from outside the bedroom door.

“Eavesdropper,” I say.

Isabel stands in the doorway and smiles. “I'm proud of you.”

Bleeeeeeeeeep, goes the phone.

“DON'T ANSWER!” I shout to Mami and Papi downstairs.

It keeps bleeping. Isabel and I run downstairs to the answering machine.

It clicks on.

“Hello?” says James's voice. Then, “I know you're listening.”

Isabel and I look at each other. We're both gulping. I reach for the receiver, but she grabs my wrist.

“No one treats me like this, Amalia,” the voice says. “I am bending over backward to give you a chance. Pick up now or you will regret it.”

I feel like I am going to throw up.

Isabel is holding onto my arm. I shake loose, but I don't reach for the phone.

We hear a click. The answering machine cuts off.

Now Mami is standing behind us. “What are you girls doing?” she asks.

Isabel shrugs. “It was a crank call.”

Well, Nbook, that is all I heard from James. No more calls the rest of the day.

I try not to think about what he said at the Firehouse. About dying. But it's not like him to avoid calling me, and I'm worried that he might try to

Well, I don't even want to mention it.

But this morning, around 1:00, the phone wakes me up. I hear Papi's groggy voice saying,

“Hello...? Hello...?” Then I hear the receiver crashing back into the cradle, while Papi mutters something not too nice about a hang-up.

No one answers the call at 3:20. Everyone's fast asleep and can't hear it. Except me.

I have big trouble going back to sleep after that. When I o, I keep dreaming that the phone is ringing.

I'm totally awake now. Might as well start the day. It's gorgeous outside. Looks like it might be hot enough for

What is that thing on the lawn?

Don't go away, Nbook. I'll be right back.

This is not happening.

This is just too weird.

The thing on the lawn? It's two things. Two old rag dolls, a boy and a girl. They're in a pile, and I pull them apart. This is what they look like:

Should I wake Isabel?

I have to talk to somebody.

I am shaking.

Okay. I just called Maggie. She's a morning person. She was up.

She says that this kind of thing happened in one of her dad's films. I should ignore it.

Calling James would be doing just what he wants me to do.

Most of all, I should not act scared or look scared.

Right.

Isabel thinks Maggie is crazy.

“Living in La-La Land,” is how she puts it. She thinks I should call the police right away.

Mami and Papi weigh in.

Mami says, “Even though it may seem obvious, you're still not positive he did this.” She thinks I should invite him over, with the whole family in the house. I should have the two dolls sitting on the coffee table, and I should make no comment. Let him do the talking.

Papi wants to talk to James himself.

I can't tell which of those ideas is worse.

What should I do?

The phone rings. I'm curled up in bed.

Papi answers it with the loudest, most unfriendly “Hello” I've ever heard.

Then, “Amalia! It's for you!”

It's Maggie. Inviting me over to chill. Dawn and Sunny will be there too.

I am out of here, Nbook.

10:15 P.M.

Back again.

I love my Palo City friends.

We're sitting around the pool, eating nachos, trying not to be too freaked about James.

And you know what Maggie tells me? She says Rico has called up James and read him the riot act.

Bruce and Patti are mad at him too.

I'm almost in tears when I hear this. I'm amazed that they're loyal to me. James has been with the group since the beginning.

That was the first good thing that happened. The next? When Papi picked up the phone and threatened him. Exactly how? Neither he nor Mami will tell me.

But he did not call back.

I have hope, Nbook.

Maybe I'll sleep tonight. Wish me luck.

Mon 1/12

7:31 A.M.

I did it.

Slept right through the night.

And there were no calls overnight.

I'm looking out my window. Nothing on the lawn.

Maybe it's over.

No. I can't let myself be overoptimistic.

I still have to get through the entire school day.

1/12

homeroom

I am not singing hallelujahs yet.

But the signs are good.

I see James in the hallway on my way here. He's with his friends. They all smile at me.

James waves.

That's it. He doesn't come after me. He just stays put.

I'll check back after lunch.

lunch

I'm early. Waiting for friends to arrive.

James is not at the doorway today. I am feeling more and more

Sorry, Nbook. Gotta move. Girls at the next table are being snots. Looking at me,

whispering and laughing.

Haven't they ever seen someone write in a journal before?

study hall

Where do I begin?

Nbook, I am in shock.

You know what those girls were laughing at? Graffiti on the cafeteria wall.

Graffiti that looked something like this:

I go right to the head custodian, and he's in there with stain remover in seconds.

But you can still see it.

Sunny is practically in tears when she arrives at the table. She says everyone in school is talking about Ducky and me. There's this rumor “from an eyewitness” that I've been chasing him.

That I forced him to kiss me behind Rico's garage at a Vanish rehearsal.

Then Maggie comes to the table. She's upset because some kids in her math class have heard that I fooled around with Justin.

She makes it clear that she doesn't believe it. She's just upset anyone would think it.

Marina just ignores me. She and Cece sit at another table. Is she feeling guilty? Angry?

What's going on?

I am fed up. After lunch I wait for James.

He comes strolling down the hallway. I ask him if he wrote the graffiti on the wall.

He asks, “What graffiti?”

When I show him he just shrugs and says, “You and Ducky? Who would even imagine

such a ridiculous thing? Too bad you're not still going out with me. Then no one would even suspect it was true.”

I want to scream at him. I want to kill him.

But the words get stuck in my throat. And he walks out of the building.