Ocean of Fire (14 page)

They had lunch at Burnie in a park, before setting off for the city of Devonport. The afternoon became overcast so they stopped at several craft shops and art galleries where Nicole bought some souvenirs for Gail and Trisha. She rang her parents’ number from her mobile phone in one of the country towns they passed through, having forgotten the previous evening due to her weariness. Gail informed her that Trisha was home and resting comfortably. She hadn’t heard from the yacht but assumed they were still enjoying their sail up the Tasmanian cost.

When she told Philip he merely shrugged. His silence was starting to get to her. Sure he’d been responding to every question and suggestion put to him, but she knew he was a million miles away. He hadn’t even touched her since the morning, and she knew if she hadn’t said anything about his scar, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her. She didn’t regret asking him about it, merely the fact that he preferred to clam up about it.

“Where to now?” he asked, once they were back in the car.

“We could always find a nice deserted beach. I feel like walking barefoot along the sand.”

“Sure. Lead on McDuff. You’re the navigator.”

Nicole couldn’t have found a more blissful spot if she’d tried, The beach was virtually deserted. Even though there was a strong westerly blowing, she still stripped off her shoes and socks, rolled up her jeans, and set off across the coarse sand.

They walked at a brisk pace, but Philip was soon way ahead of her. Perhaps the exercise would help work off some of his inner turmoil, she thought, but somehow she doubted it.

Nicole made her decision, as his figure turned into a speck in the distance. She
would
get him to talk things through. She knew that if she didn’t their relationship would go no further. They had come to an impasse, a turning point, and she cared too much to let him suffer alone.

She finally caught up with him. He’d stopped walking and was sitting on the sand, resting his elbows on bent knees.

“I love the beach, don’t you?” she remarked, glancing back out to sea, noticing how the ocean changed from crystal blue to deep green, and finally turquoise closest to the horizon.

He didn’t reply, merely continuing to gaze unblinkingly at the wide expanse of water, broken at intervals by the timeless foaming of waves against the white sand.

“Does it really hurt so much?” she asked tentatively.

At least that got a response. He brought his hands to his hair, raking his fingers through it.

“I’m a really good listener, if you want to talk about it,” she persisted.

“They trained you well, didn’t they?” His sarcasm hurt, but Nicole knew better than to rise to the bait.

“I’m not talking as a social worker now. I’m talking as someone who cares about you, and wants to help you.”

“I don’t need anyone’s help, let alone some innocent little graduate.”

Nicole had trouble containing her own anger by now, but then she thought he wasn’t really mad at her, merely the unfair way he’d lost his parents. “I’m sure you’d like to believe that, but we all need someone to talk to, someone to share our troubles with. You helped me with a problem last night. You were so- um- gentle and tender that I forgot the first time usually hurts.”

“The two situations can hardly be compared, Nicole,” he said tightly.

She reached out, placing her hand over his. “I know that.”

“I’ve never told anyone about it.” His voice quivered. “No one but the police. That was bad enough...” He removed his hand from under hers. “No, Nicole I can’t do it. Not yet. Please understand? I’ll deal with this my own way. You’re the first person who’s ever commented on that damned scar, so maybe you can understand why I reacted the way I did.”

“Of course, I understand. I can’t force you to talk about it, but that might be the first step to getting over it.”

“I’m over it, damn it. It happened years ago, for goodness sake.”

“No, you’re not, not by a long shot.”

“Yeah, you’d know. You’ve studied social work for four years... I’m sorry. I don’t mean to rubbish your profession... Let’s head back. It looks like it might rain soon.” He motioned towards the horizon, and the dark haze of massing clouds.

Nicole didn’t object, and allowed him to pull her up off the sand. He didn’t let go of her hand as they walked together back to the car. She hadn’t gotten him to talk about the accident, but at least the leaden atmosphere between them had lifted a little. Their conversation returned almost back to normal as they chatted about various issues that had been in the news recently.

Their accommodation that evening was a large colonial-style house overlooking the river, which had been converted into a hotel. They were shown to one of the upstairs rooms with its own en-suite by their friendly gregarious hostess, who informed them there was a club several doors down. This was where they headed for dinner, and stayed until almost ten, playing the poker machines and listening to a rather mediocre band playing popular sixties songs.

As they headed past the living area reserved for the hotel’s guests, Nicole noticed a young couple entwined on the lounge watching television. The man was solidly built and looked like he might be of Italian or Greek descent with his brown eyes and curly dark hair. He waved to Philip and Nicole. The woman was incredibly beautiful, with masses of shiny black hair flowing over her shoulders. They seemed keen to talk, so Nicole entered the room.

“All that driving has finally caught up with me, so if you don’t mind, I’m heading for bed,” Philip said, and left her side.

“Sure, I won’t be staying up much longer,” she replied, giving him a little wave. As he turned away, she noticed that his expression had become very grim. What was worrying him now? She wondered. But perhaps she was reading too much into it.

“What are you watching?” she asked the couple, as she sat down in the easy chair beside the lounge they were occupying.

“A comedy’s just started, one of those corny sitcoms,” the man replied. He had no trace of a foreign accent, so Nicole assumed he’d been born in Australia. “I’m Nick and this is my wife Marina. We’re doing a bit of a round-the-country tour before our son, Marcus, starts school.”

“He’s down the hall in bed, hopefully sleeping,” Marina added. She had an accent, however, which was softly spoken and definitely Italian.

“I’m Nicole, and on a two week holiday around the state. I sailed down on my father’s yacht in the Sydney to Hobart race.”

“Did you really!” Marina exclaimed. “My father would never let me to do something like that. You are very fortunate.”

“Neither would I, my love,” Nick added, giving her an affectionate hug.

“Actually, he almost didn’t, but my brother got sick at the last minute so he didn’t have a tenth man. I doubt he’ll ever allow it again.”

“Such a pity. I thought Aussie girls were much more liberated than us Italians. Not that I mind. Nick looks after me so well.” Nicole didn’t doubt it, judging by the way they kept gazing so tenderly into one another’s eyes.

Nick and Marina told her about their trip so far. They were from Sydney like herself, and had toured down the New South Wales and Victorian coast. Tasmania was their third state. After this they were planning on heading to Adelaide and Perth; then back and up through the Red Centre, Alice Springs and on into Queensland. They only had four weeks left to do it in before school started. Nicole lingered for about half an hour before she thought it polite to excuse herself, wishing Nick and Marina good night.

The light from the hall as she opened the door didn’t seem to wake Philip. As she walked past the bed to get her toiletries bag, she noticed he was once again sleeping with nothing on. At least she assumed he was naked, as he had the coverlet tucked under his arm.

Nicole couldn’t help herself. She stopped to stare at him. Even totally relaxed the muscles on his arms were blatantly obvious. She was tempted to brush back the ebony hair draped across his cheek, but managed to restrain herself. They weren’t close enough for such intimacies, she thought ruefully. In fact, they were nowhere near as close as she wanted them to be.

That uncomfortable ache in her heart returned, as she headed for the bathroom to have a shower. She knew it was her own silly fault for falling for him. Now she would have to live with the uncertainty of their tenuous relationship, for she was certain a time would come when he’d want out. Her initial deduction about him not wanting to get emotionally involved had been correct, but now she knew it was steeped in past loss. He’d closed himself off from love and commitment because it would mean pain and heartache if that person disappeared the same way his parents had.

As she stepped under the warm steamy spray, Nicole wondered if she could handle the emotional roller coaster of such one-sided love. Two weeks ago she would never have even entertained the thought, but two weeks ago she had been on the verge of hating the man she now loved.

She knew he felt something for her, but wondered whether it was only to do with sex. He’d told her that was on his mind often enough. Was it too much to hope that they could have more than a physical relationship? If she could get him to open up about his past then perhaps they stood a chance.

She had to let him know she intended sticking around, but with him not wanting commitment, and her father so staunchly against the relationship, she knew she had a massive task ahead of her.

They had just placed their orders for breakfast, when Nick and Marina joined them with their son.

Marcus had to be the most adorable child Nicole had ever seen. Like his mother he had jet black hair, which curled across his forehead in thick waves. His eyes were like pools of molten chocolate, and he had a cute smile, with a tooth missing right in the centre. He looked how she imagined Philip might have at that age.

She was so busy chatting to the garrulous child, she almost missed the deep frown creasing Philip’s brow, or the strange expression hardening his features. Surely he didn’t object to the family’s company that much. He hadn’t wanted to talk to them the previous evening, but he had been tired then. Perhaps it was children he disliked, since he ignored Marcus to the point of rudeness.

Nicole soon discovered the other couple also planned on heading to Cradle Mountain, and they organized to meet for dinner at the restaurant of the hotel they were all staying at. Nicole slanted another glance at Philip, but his eyes were lowered, concentrating on his breakfast. Neither Nick nor Marina seemed to have noticed how uncommunicative he was being. Perhaps they thought he was always like this, and not for the first time Nicole wondered who the real Philip was; the sensual man who had made love to her with such infinite tenderness, or the grim, cynical man she’d first met at the yacht club. How she wished she knew what was really going on inside his mind.

When they set out for the mountains, Philip was as distant as ever. Once again he insisted on driving, which he was doing much too fast, taking the winding corners with dangerous intent. The small car protested under the stain, as did Nicole’s nerves.

“Can’t you slow down a bit?” she pleaded. “We’re not trying to break a record here.”

For a moment she thought he was going to ignore her, but after they rounded another U-Turn he slowed the vehicle to a more acceptable speed.

“If you didn’t want the Martinolis joining us for dinner, you should have said something,” she went on.

“I don’t mind them joining us for dinner. Whatever makes you think that?” he replied indifferently.

“Something about them is bothering you.”

“How observant of you!”

When he didn’t elaborate further, she asked, “What Philip? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Will you ever want to talk about it?”

“Perhaps not.”

Nicole sighed heavily. “Would you prefer if I cancelled the dinner?”

“No,” came the curt reply.

“Please Philip?”

“Just drop it and enjoy the scenery.”

She closed her mouth, but found it difficult to enjoy the beautiful countryside that spread out beneath them, as they climbed higher into the mountain range. She was too busy trying to decide whether to be angry with him or feel sad for him. He really was a complex man, and not for the first time Nicole found herself wondering if there was any hope of a future for them. She couldn’t see herself staying with a man who clammed up the moment the going got tough.

At the tourist information centre they found out the best way to enjoy the scenery was to go for a bush walk along the mountain ridge. As it was a cool, breezy day, Philip agreed that a hike would do them both good.

They set off after lunch along a well marked trail, occasionally coming across other hikers. Sign posts along the way described the native fauna and flora. As Nicole was interested in botany, they stopped often to study plants and for her to take photographs.