Odd Girl Out (62 page)

rebuilding,
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–
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of self,
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of women,
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truthfulness

as form of aggression,
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learning to express effectively,
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as promise of anonymous message websites,
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repressing,
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as resistance to bullying,
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Tuck Everlasting,
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Tumblr,
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two-faced girls,
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University of Michigan study,
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University of Minnesota study,
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Vanessa (student),
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Vernon, Ashley (student),
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victimization,
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video games,
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videos, explicit,
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"vigilante parents,"
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virtual world, the,
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See also
social media

Ward, Janie,
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Way, Niobe,
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weakness, showing,
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Wexler, Annie (student),
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whispering,
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white middle-class girls,
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Wiseman, Rosalind,
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women,
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See
anger women's movement,
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Wood, Donna and Tracy (mother/daughter),
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working-class girls,
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working mothers,
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written communications, assumed veracity of,
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Wurtzel, Elizabeth,
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Yff, Alyssa,
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Zoe (student),
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When boys act out, get into fights, or become physically aggressive, we can't avoid noticing their bad behavior. But it is easy to miss the subtle signs of aggression in girls—the dirty looks, the taunting notes, or the exclusion from the group—that send girls home crying.

In
Odd Girl Out,
Rachel Simmons focuses on these interactions and provides language for the indirect aggression that runs through the lives and friendships of girls. These exchanges take place within intimate circles—the importance of friends and the fear of losing them is key. Without the cultural consent to express their anger or to resolve their conflicts, girls express their aggression in covert but damaging ways. Every generation of women can tell stories of being bullied, but
Odd Girl Out
explores and explains these experiences for the first time.

Educator Rachel Simmons sheds light on destructive patterns that need our attention. With advice for girls, parents, teachers, and even school administrators,
Odd Girl Out
is a groundbreaking work that every woman will agree is long overdue.

Rachel Simmons
graduated from Vassar College, where she studied women's studies and political science. A Rhodes Scholar, she is the cofounder of the Girls Leadership Institute and develops programs for girls, young women, parents, and educators. She writes frequently for
Teen Vogue.
Rachel lives in western Massachusetts. Visit her website at
www.rachelsimmons.com
and follow her on
Twitter @racheljsimmons
.

1. More than once in the introduction to
   Odd Girl Out,
   Rachel Simmons refers to her book as a "journey." What kind(s) of journey-taking is she suggesting? And what sort of journey did you, as a reader, experience? Where did this book take you? Someplace new? Someplace familiar? Both? Explain.
   
2. Simmons believes that the loss of a close friend in childhood is often a girl's first experience of heartbreak, rivaling even a romantic loss. Debate this statement.
   
3. Near the beginning of chapter three, Simmons writes: "Girls don't have to bully [to] alienate and injure their peers ... The word
   bullying
   couldn't be more wrong in describing what some girls do to hurt one another." Why does the author find this term inadequate? What other term(s) would you use instead? In addressing these queries, reflect on both your own experiences and the idea of "alternative aggressions" (which is explored throughout the book).
   
4. Consider the question Simmons poses at the end of chapter four: If girls use social media to project a particular image, or can only express certain opinions or feelings online, are girls still being "real"? How does this affect a girl's integrity? How does it affect her relationships?
   
5. Would your friendships be better or worse without social media? What can girls do to reduce online drama and cyberbullying? What is the responsibility of adults?
   
6. Simmons often looks back at her own girlhood experiences to make a point or give an example. Nowhere is this more evident than in chapter six ("The Bully in the Mirror"). How does Simmons owning her own mistakes and insecurities make this book more effective? Why is this kind of personal exploration so vital to changing the hidden culture of aggression in girls?
   
7. What is it about the desire for popularity that causes girls to give up their authentic selves? What is the relationship between popularity and aggression? Have you ever done something you regretted in order to be accepted by a person or group? Describe the moment and explore your feelings about it now.
   
8. Reread the section in chapter eight called "When Cultures Collide." Consider your own experience with girls of an ethnicity or race different from your own. Do you agree that girls' aggression can be influenced by their racial or ethnic groups? Do you think there are certain behaviors that all girls engage in?
   
9. Simmons tells parents that "when it's your child suffering, rational thoughts can go out the window." Do you agree? How does your own past experience with bullying affect your ability to parent, or to interact with other parents and school officials? Which advice for parents did you respond to? Why?
   
10. Review as a group the strategies Simmons offers to combat alternative aggression, particularly how educators can improve school climate. Point out which ones seem most realistic, helpful, and workable. What makes these particular strategies seem convincing and effective to you?
    
11. In her conclusion, Simmons writes: "Most of the behaviors mapped out in this book—nonverbal gesturing, ganging up, behind-the-back talking, rumor spreading, the exiling of cliques, note passing, the silent treatment, nice-in-private and mean-in-public friends—are fueled by the lack of face-to-face confrontations." Describe a key moment in your life when you stood up to someone face to face, or a time when you wish you could—or would—have stood up to someone.
    

1. Visit
   www.rachelsimmons.com
   and watch Simmons's "Real Girl Tip" videos. How do these tips further help your understanding of girl bullying and what you can do about it? Which were most helpful, and why?
   
2. For more on the changing technology landscape and how to handle it, log on to
   www.rachelsimmons.com
   and watch Simmons's video series "BFF 2.0." What did you learn? What advice or knowledge will you incorporate into your use of social media?
   
3. Look again, in chapter five, at the "Ideal Girl/Anti-Girl" chart that Simmons helps a group of girls at a leadership workshop compose. Try creating your own chart, with each member of your group contributing traits and qualities for each of these two archetypes. Then compare and contrast the chart you made with the one appearing in chapter five. What lessons can you draw from looking at these two charts side by side?
   
4. Take a fresh and creative approach to what you have learned from
   Odd Girl Out
   about yourself and all girls and young women. As a direct and honest response to the book, communicate your own ideas and impressions about girl bullying in a short story or poem, depict them in a drawing or painting, or set them to music. Remember to include in your creation the feelings and notions (and memories?) that came to you while reading the book.