OF DREAMS AND CEREMONIES (8 page)

"He added that maybe I'd been hoping for a more passionate answer."

"No, actually that's kind of perfect, isn't it?"

"Yes, David," the earl replied with great warmth, "actually it kind of is."

His Imagination

David apologises for reading - as if I could possibly mind. He says he feels bad for ignoring me, sometimes for hours at a stretch. He doesn't seem to realise I love him all the more for being a reader. Our best selves are readers.

And look what he has chosen for his other world! Books as clever and clear-eyed as they are kind and courageous. Who wouldn't fall for a man who shares his imagination with Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin?

At last it was mid-October, and Denise was due to arrive at Heathrow early one morning. She and Dave had of course spent time apart before, but never for so long, and never with half a world between them. He didn't expect her to have missed him as much as he'd missed her, but still. Dave anticipated a damp-eyed reunion in the grand tradition of airline ads everywhere. And of course it wasn't only Denise, but Charlie, and Zoe, and Vittorio.

Dave and Nicholas were up at five, and on their way by half past. Dave was driving Robert's Renault Espace, which had room for everyone. Frank had fitted a baby seat for Zoe. There was almost no traffic at that time of the morning, of course, so they made it there in about twenty minutes - and then it was a matter of Dave anxiously waiting by the barriers, while Nicholas went to fetch them coffee.

At last Dave's disparate little family appeared, and he beamed like an idiot as they saw him and headed in his direction, all of them obviously tired and a bit frumpy, but all of them just as obviously happy. Soon Dave and Denise were holding onto each other tight, as if they were two halves of a whole that had been too long sundered. Then wonderful Charlie must have a great warm hug, too - and then even Vittorio claimed one - and Zoe, who was strapped to her father in a carrier, lifted her hands and yearned towards Dave as if she might even remember him. "She's, like, doubled in size again!" Dave exclaimed, quite astounded by the changes. He was ashamed to realise he wasn't quite sure if he'd have recognised her.

"She's thriving," Denise said, quite complacently. "Though she'll be all the better for seeing you again, Davey."

"I'm all the better for it, too."

Before Dave could completely let the side down with sentiment in excess of the standard Aussie limits, Vittorio got them all moving towards the exit, with him and Charlie pushing the trolleys of luggage, and Nicholas leading them to the car park. Soon they were on their way back to the Goring family home, and the sun was rising into what promised to be a perfect English day. Denise sat up the front with Dave, catching him up on all the Brisbane gossip, while Charlie sat in the back with Nicholas, and Vittorio took care of Zoe.

Then they were home, and Simon and Frank were helping with the bags, and Richard was there to welcome everyone and show them to their rooms, and invite them to come back down for breakfast as soon as they'd settled in and freshened up. All was glorious chaos for a long while, except that in the midst of it, Dave got to sit at the breakfast table holding Zoe and feeding her, and the two of them gazed at each solemnly, and remembered anything about each other that they might have forgotten.

There was a quiet half hour with Denise late that morning as well, as she showed him the clothes she'd had made for the two of them for the wedding, and for Charlie as well - and she also had some news. "I'm pregnant again, Davey. So, if you're up for another irreligious godchild …"

"Always," he vowed. "Me and Nicholas maybe? As godparents?"

"Yes, absolutely. You and Nicholas. For Zoe, too." Denise laughed fondly, and whispered, "But mostly you, Davey."

He reached instinctively to rest a reverential hand against her stomach - and thought better of it just in time. But Denise took his hand and held it against her warm belly, still flat yet full of possibilities. "I've missed you, you know."

"It won't be long now, and I'll be home again."

"And your man with you, where he belongs."

Dave grinned at her, no doubt a bit lopsidedly. "Where we both belong, yes."

Denise turned away, busying herself with the unpacking. But she quieted after a moment, and said, "You're still sure about this, are you? Getting hitched, I mean."

"Yes. Why?"

"It's all happened pretty quick, that's all."

"It was quick for you and Vittorio, too. You just know, don't you? You know when it's worth trying, anyway."

"Yes."

"And this whole 'Seize the Day' philosophy has a lot going for it."

Denise laughed a little under her breath, and shot him a glance. Apparently if she'd really had any worries, he'd just convinced her as easily as that.

He watched as Denise carefully hung up the wedding clothes in one of the wardrobes, and then he dared to say - now while they were still a bit punch drunk with jetlag or the reunion or the early start to the day. He dared to say, "Nicholas has this thing, you know …"

"So I gathered."

"Ha ha." And he was blushing already. Dave sighed, and continued anyway because he knew Denise wouldn't let him get away with changing the subject now. "He asked me if … if I'd wear something silk. To bed. And I guess he wasn't talking pyjamas."

Denise came and sat beside him, and considered him seriously. "What d'you think about that?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I'm not meant to tell you. In fact, I said I wouldn't. He was - When you talked to him about the silk shirt for the wedding, he was mad at me, cos he thought I'd told you."

"So why are you telling me now?"

"I want you to help me. You did good with the wedding clothes. I figured you could help me with this."

Denise reached to grasp his hand for a moment, and then let him go before asking very matter-of-factly, "Are we talking lingerie? Something a woman would wear?"

Dave's face was waratah red, he could feel it, but he pushed on. He could trust Denise, and he wanted to make Nicholas happy. "I don't know. He said it didn't have to feminine, he just liked silk. But then he said actually that didn't matter, and he started talking about how he likes it best when I'm - um … When there's no barriers, yeah? Does that make sense? When it's just him and me …" He gestured, helplessly, with both hands miming the gates over his heart opening - and then flitting to and fro between their mutually engaged gazes.

"Davey - "

"Mmm?"

"He's not into … humiliating you. Is he?"

"No! God, no, nothing like that."

"You trust him?"

"
Totally
."

"He wants to … really
experience
that, I guess."

"Yeah, I guess so. And it's good, you know? When it's intense like that." Dave looked at her. "I need your help, Denny. I need you to figure out what I could wear - I mean, what it would take - to go far enough for him - and not too far for me."

"If you really trust him," she said very carefully, "then what would be too far?"

"Well, you know. If I just ended up feeling ridiculous. Would be kinda counter-productive. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, I get it." She frowned over all of this for a long moment with her head down, and then reached to hold his hand again. "No worries, mate," Denise said softly, her gaze meeting his with no judgement. "No worries. We'll figure it out."

And Dave let out a breath he'd barely known he'd been holding.

On the following Saturday night, Robert and Penelope took Denise and Vittorio out for dinner, and left Nicholas and Dave at home to celebrate a joint buck's night - not only with Charlie, but also with Zoe and Robin and all the other Goring children. They took over the family lounge room and played games, watched
Monsters, Inc
. and generally had a wonderful time. Nicholas read aloud from a Roald Dahl book chosen by Robin, and Charlie told a Dreamtime story that had all the kids enraptured - and the adults, too.

Dave thought the whole thing was hilarious. "I never thought I'd be over-indulging in
ice cream
on my buck's night!" But it was also completely perfect. "Best night ever," he quietly commented as he accompanied Nicholas carrying a sleepy Robin up to his bedroom once all the other kids had finally been reclaimed by their parents.

"Best ever …" Robin echoed. "Love you, Nic'las."

"Love you, too, my darling boy."

And Robin clung on with his arms around Nicholas's neck, and had to be gently prised off before at last he curled up on his own in his bed and fell heavily into sleep.

Dave knew just how the young fellow felt - though he realised now that unlike Robin he'd never once declared himself. He'd never used the L word to Nicholas. Though perhaps at this point he didn't really need to. Dave figured maybe it was understood.

It seemed that no decision relating to the wedding could possibly be straightforward. There was probably some kind of law about it. The current topic was cars. As there were only five people attending the actual ceremony - Nicholas and Dave, Robert and Denise, and Richard - Robert's idea was that they would all just go in one car and he would drive. Richard, however, thought that Nicholas and Dave should have a little time alone together after the ceremony, and therefore they should travel home separately, and Simon could drive them. Robert seemed to find this a bit unnecessary, though he didn't seem to have any particular reason why. Nicholas seemed to like the idea, but was concerned about Simon already having enough to do that day with organising the reception and helping Penelope to welcome the guests.

Robert and Richard were amicably arguing the matter back and forth between them when Dave noticed that Robin had sidled up to Nicholas and was whispering in his ear. When Nicholas pulled back a little to consider him, Dave could see that Robin was upset about something.

Nicholas made up his mind and settled the dispute. "It'll have to be two cars," he announced, "because Robin's coming, too." On which Robin clung to him, and Nicholas hauled the young fellow up onto his lap for a cuddle.

"Would there be room for Charlie as well, then?" Dave asked.

Robert still seemed a bit disgruntled over something, but everyone agreed that yes, there'd certainly be room for Charlie. And so that, at least, was finally sorted.

six

Early on the morning of the thirty-first of October, Dave woke nestled deep in the bed, with Nicholas curled around him pressing sleepy kisses to his nape. "Good morning, husband," Nicholas murmured with his lips brushing against Dave's skin.

Dave shivered in delight - and snorted. "Not yet, I'm not!"

"Mmm … Our last chance for a bit of illicit fornication …"

"You don't want to save yourself … ?"

"At least a decade too late for that!"

"Tart!"

"And you can't resist a fine tasty tart."

"That's true."

So they made love, just as they were, still warm and blurred with sleep, Nicholas thrusting gently against Dave's rear and each with a hand overlapping on Dave's cock echoing the same sweet rhythm. They spilled over with sighs, and still wrapped up close they snoozed again for a few minutes, before at last the alarm went off.

"Good morning, husband," Nicholas said again.

Dave chuckled. "Come on, then. Let's make that happen!"

They each had a quick shower and dragged on the nearest casual clothes, then headed down to join the rest of the family for breakfast. The general mood was cheerful yet busy. Everyone made a point of greeting Dave and Nicholas, and wishing them well.

Dave found that he wasn't very hungry, so after he'd drunk his coffee he made his excuses and wandered outside for some fresh air. He must have been looking pensive, for when Simon popped his head out of the front door to find Dave pacing back and forth on the driveway, he asked, "The not unexpected cold feet, sir, or is it serious second thoughts?"

He managed a low chuckle in reply. "Neither, really. And today of all days, you can call me Dave, can't you?"

Simon came out to join him in the cool morning air, closing the door behind him. "We're a bit more formal here in England than you're used to, I imagine."

"Just a bit," he replied, bunging on the irony.

"You know, … Dave. You must always ask if you need anything."

"Thanks, Simon," he said with a nod. "I will. And - likewise."

"I mean, sir, that I would consider myself to be serving the ultimate good of the family, if there was something you wanted … even if you felt they wouldn't agree. I would be happy to serve you, sir."

Dave eyed him narrowly. "Are you encouraging me to make a run for it?"

"Not encouraging, Mr Taylor. Merely making sure that you know it's a possible course of action. If you wish to take it."

"I don't. But I appreciate the thought." They paced back and forth together companionably for a while, before Dave confessed, "I've been thinking that I've never said - those three little words to him."

"I am sure that Nicholas is very much aware of how you feel for him. We can all see it."

"Yeah? Then why do people keep asking me if I want to get out of this?"

"Ah." Simon considered the gravel at his feet for a moment. "Nicholas does have a way of carrying all before him. Everyone here loves him dearly, and he's too sensitive a man to deliberately hurt anyone. We have, however, learned to speak up on the few occasions when we've needed to." Simon tipped his head towards Dave. "I suppose there might be some concern that you have yet to learn that."

"No, that's all right. I can fend for myself. Australians are rarely backward in coming forward."

"Of course, sir. Dave. Well, if I may, I would like to wish you every joy today and in all the days to come."

"Thank you, Simon. You, too, mate." And Dave went back inside and drank another coffee.

Soon it was time for Dave to head off with Denise and their little family to get formally dressed. Nicholas kissed him on parting, and told Dave how beautiful he was going to be. Treating him just like a bride! "God, shut up," Dave grumbled. "Anyway, you know no one's gonna outshine you."