Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2) (3 page)

“I miss you, too. Talk to you later.”

“I love you.”

The knot in my stomach loosened at his words. I had nothing to worry about. My unfounded concerns about Logan being in the same city as Kristina were making me paranoid.

“I love you, too, Logan.”

I felt better after our call, and spent a productive day working on my article, interspersed with playing with Lola. I also spoke to Emily, who sounded harried and stressed, but I knew she thrived on her work.

I ordered Chinese food for dinner and shared some beef and broccoli with Lola, which she seemed to appreciate. I settled in for another night of TV while waiting for Logan’s call.

The fact that my phone stayed silent for the rest of the night made sleeping almost impossible, so I popped a sleeping pill. I had a gut feeling that I wasn’t in danger of missing his call tonight.

Chapter Three

It was a dreary morning, which matched my mood. Despite having slept soundly with the aid of sleeping pills, I still felt like crap when I woke up. As expected, there were no missed calls from Logan. I felt like I was going to go crazy. I told myself that I couldn’t have imagined his depth of feeling for me. My God, he had waited years for me, hoping that I would finally be ready to have a relationship with him. He couldn’t have ruined it all by being with Kristina again. But I couldn’t rationalize to myself why he wouldn’t have called me again. No matter how crazy work got, he could have taken a minute to let me know he couldn’t talk. The only reason I could come up with as to why he hadn’t called me was because he didn’t want Kristina to overhear him.

I felt so confused because everything I had ever known about Logan and our relationship was at odds with his lack of contact. I was glad Emily was coming back today because I desperately needed someone to talk to. I needed her to tell me I was being ridiculous, that Logan loved me and would never betray me.

I was dragging myself to get dressed so I could take Lola out for her morning walk, when my phone rang. My heart sank when I saw it was Logan calling, because I knew he was going to give me some bullshit excuse that I would want to desperately believe but couldn’t. A part of me didn’t want to answer it, because if I didn’t hear his lies, maybe I could believe that things were still all right between us. But I knew not answering his call would just be delaying the inevitable.

“Hello,” I said, trying to sound emotionless.

“Maddie, I’m sorry I didn’t call. Don’t worry, I’m okay, but I was in a car accident last night.”

My heart squeezed tight as panic seized me. I was so, so stupid. So self-involved in my own insecurities and fears, that instead of calling him last night when I hadn’t heard from him, I had immediately assumed the worst.

“Are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt? Did you go to the hospital?” I couldn’t stop the barrage of questions spilling from my mouth. I was terrified that he was seriously hurt.

“I’m okay. No serious injuries.” Despite his words, he sounded exhausted. “A car going in the opposite direction swerved into my lane when the driver dozed off. He pushed me off the road, but fortunately, the collision wasn’t too bad. I just have a few bumps and bruises.”

I had a feeling that Logan was downplaying the whole thing. A fear I had never known before overwhelmed me as I realized that I could have lost Logan last night.

“What do you mean, a few bumps and bruises? Where are you hurt?” My voice was getting shrill but I couldn’t seem to control the panic, even though obviously Logan wasn’t seriously hurt because he was talking to me on the phone.

“I’m really okay,” Logan reassured me. “I bruised a few ribs and I have some scratches and bruises on my face and arms. I would have called you last night to let you know what happened, but I was drifting in and out.”

“You were unconscious?” I was right, this was more serious than Logan was letting on. “I’m coming to L.A. on the first flight I can get. Are you at the hotel right now?”

Logan tried to make his voice soothing, which made me feel worse because he should be the one being comforted, not me. “I’m okay, Maddie, I promise. I hit my head in the collision but I’m fine now. I’m at the hospital but I’m about to be discharged. I’m cutting my work trip short and getting a flight back home tonight.”

“Oh, my God, you spent the night at the hospital? I’m so glad you’re coming back tonight, but can’t you get on an earlier flight?” I sucked in my breath. “Wait—are you sure you’re okay to fly?”

A hundred things were going through my head, but fear and guilt dominated them all. I felt ashamed that I had doubted Logan and his faithfulness to me when he had been lying in a hospital bed, hurt and unconscious.

“I’m fine to fly, the doctor cleared me. I have to tie up some loose ends at work so I can’t get on an earlier flight. But I should be home by about ten tonight.” He paused before continuing, his voice softening. “I want you waiting for me at my apartment. I miss you so damn much.”

“I miss you, too. I’ll be there.” My voice dropped. “I’m so sorry, Logan.”

“What are you sorry for, sweetheart?” Logan sounded bemused. “It’s not your fault I got into an accident.”

“I know, I just…I’m just so glad you’re okay. I love you.”

Logan’s voice grew husky. “I love you, too. I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

It was almost painful when our call was disconnected, our tie severed. I felt a physical ache that we were apart while Logan was hurt. I wasn’t sure if it was because I thought he needed me, or that I needed to see with my own eyes that he was okay. The desire to put my arms around him, and feel him alive and vibrant, to reassure myself that he was healthy, was overwhelming. I couldn’t fathom losing him. Losing Cassie had almost killed me. I didn’t think I could survive losing Logan.

I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head of such depressing thoughts. Logan had reassured me that he was okay, and he wouldn’t have been cleared to fly home tonight if he was seriously hurt. My own guilt for having had doubts about him was fueling my anxiety, making it disproportionately worse than what the situation called for.

I tried to distract myself by playing with Lola, but I still felt tense. I had to resist the urge to call Logan back and interrogate him further because I knew he needed to get work done so he could leave early. It was a relief when Emily came home later in the afternoon, and it took everything I had not to pounce on her and pour out everything that had happened.

Lola went crazy when Emily walked in the door, whimpering and licking Emily like she hadn’t seen her for months.

“Hey, girl,” Emily crooned as she crouched in front of Lola and returned the love. She looked up at me as she scruffed her fur. “How has she been?”

“She’s been a sweetheart. She’s such a good dog. If she wasn’t so attached to you, I’d try to steal her away.”

“Oh, no, no one can take the little puppy from her mommy, can they?” I excused Emily’s baby talk to Lola as she scratched her under her chin, since she hadn’t seen her in a couple of days. As attached as Lola was to Emily, I think Emily was even more attached to her.

Lola followed Emily around, wagging her tail, as Emily collapsed onto the couch with a sigh of relief.

“I’m so glad to be back. Even though I was in New York for only a couple of days, I think I did a week’s worth of work. And of course, Sylvia was a bear to deal with. Sometimes I think she’s even worse than the clients.”

“Do you at least get the day off tomorrow?” I asked sympathetically, as I sat down next to her. “Sylvia has to cut you some slack since she’s been working you so hard lately. Even more than normal.” As much as I wanted to pour out the details of what had happened with Logan, I knew how much stress Emily’s job caused her and wanted to give her the chance to vent.

Emily snorted loudly. “Yeah, right. The slave driver’s not going to give me a day off. It would actually be more stressful to take tomorrow off, since there’s so much going on at work. Catching up would be a bitch.”

“I think you need a glass of wine,” I said as I moved to stand up. Emily waved me back down and shook her head.

“If I drink anything, I’m going to fall right to sleep. I need to organize some work files on my computer tonight because they’re a mess.”

“Ugh, more work.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it.” She stretched and yawned. “Anything interesting happen here? You must be missing Logan since you rarely spend more than a couple of hours apart.”

“That’s not true!” I exclaimed, but I had to laugh because it wasn’t that far from the truth. “We go the whole day without seeing each other on weekdays, while Logan’s at work.”

“Yeah, but you guys call and text, like, every other hour. And don’t forget how often you go to meet him for lunch.”

I put my hands up in surrender. “You’re right, you’re right. We’re in a codependent relationship. I admit it.”

Emily poked my arm with a smile. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing. I wouldn’t mind having a gorgeous guy worship the ground I walk on. Logan would do anything for you.”

I immediately felt guilty by her words, because she was right. Logan
would
do anything for me. I, on the other hand, had doubted his faithfulness while he had been lying in a hospital bed, unconscious.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked with a frown. “You look like someone just told you your dog died or something.” Emily grabbed Lola around the neck and gave her a kiss on the head. “I’ve gotta think of a new expression. Lola doesn’t approve of that one.”

I sighed heavily. “It’s just that I’ve realized how much I suck at relationships. Logan was in a car accident last night. He says he wasn’t badly injured but apparently he was hurt enough to stay the night at the hospital. He was even unconscious for a while. He had told me yesterday, earlier in the day, that he would call, and what did I think when I didn’t hear from him? I immediately assumed that he was screwing around with Kristina. What’s wrong with me?”

Emily looked concerned. “I’m so sorry to hear about Logan. How’s he doing?”

I frowned. “He said he just has some bruises and scratches, but he must have hit his head pretty hard to have been unconscious. He’s cutting the trip short and coming back tonight.”

Emily’s face cleared. “It doesn’t sound like it was serious if he’s okay to fly. And it’s natural for you to be worried because he’s back in the same city as Kristina. You were just jealous.”

I shook my head. “I let my jealousy and pride become more important than my relationship with Logan. Instead of jumping to conclusions and being hurt, I should have just called him. If I had, I would have known sooner about the accident.”

“And done what? There’s nothing you could have done to help him.”

“But something could have been seriously wrong,” I insisted. “I could have flown out there to be with him.”

“I think you’re being hard on yourself,” Emily said. “At the end of the day, Logan’s okay and he’s coming home and you guys will continue being the fabulous, sickeningly sweet couple that I know and love.”

I threw a pillow from the couch at her, but I felt a lot better after having talked to her. I could always depend on Emily to make me feel better.

We chitchatted for a little while longer about Emily’s trip, and then I left her apartment so that she could get some work done.

When I got back to my place, I quickly packed more clothes into my bag and headed over to Logan’s apartment. When I was settled into his place, a sense of loneliness overcame me. I wasn’t used to being in Logan’s apartment without him. Hell, I wasn’t used to being in
my
apartment without him anymore, since we were usually together in the evenings. At least at Emily’s place, Lola had kept me company.

Logan had texted me earlier to tell me he had gotten on his flight, and now I was restlessly waiting for him to come home. It was still a few hours until he was due back, but I found myself checking the clock every five minutes, willing time to go by faster.

I hadn’t realized I had dozed off until the sound of a key turning in a lock roused me. I groggily sat up on the couch where I had fallen asleep, and then was instantly wide awake when I saw Logan walk through the door.

He was a sight for sore eyes. He was as beautiful as ever, but there were several scratches on his face and a large bruise on his cheekbone. He also looked exhausted, but he smiled when he saw me.

I practically flew into his arms, melting into him when his arms wrapped around me. I breathed in deeply, loving the scent that was singularly his. I tipped my head back to look at him, and before I realized what was happening, I was lost in a soft kiss. It felt so incredibly good to be in his arms, kissing him. To think—he could have been taken away from me by some careless driver who had gotten on the road when he was too tired.

When our lips finally parted, I raised my hand and gently stroked his cheek, barely touching him as I frowned at the scratches on his face.

“This looks painful.”

Logan shook his head. “It doesn’t hurt. It looks much worse than it is.”

I took his hand and guided him to the couch, sitting so close to him that I might as well have been on his lap. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I snuggled into him, feeling at ease for the first time since he had left for L.A.

“Tell me everything that happened.”

Logan sighed wearily, and I knew that despite his reassurances, the events of the past 24 hours had taken a toll on him.

“I was driving back to the hotel when all of a sudden I saw a pair of headlights heading in my direction. I swerved but I wasn’t fast enough, and we crashed. That’s the last thing I remember before waking up at the hospital. I had a hard time staying awake and was out of it for most of the night.”

I squeezed his hand, as if I needed the physical reminder that he was all right and sitting next to me.

“But the doctor said you’re okay? There’re no serious injuries?”

Logan raised our entwined hands and kissed the back of mine. “No serious injuries, I promise.” He raised an eyebrow. “Now, enough talk about the accident. I can think of more interesting ways we can spend our time, especially since it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.”