Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2) (8 page)

Neither Mack nor I had touched our food, but it wasn’t because we were being polite and waiting for his return. I had forgotten about the food in front of me during our brief, but intense, conversation.

“We just got caught up in conversation,” I said with a smile as I took a bite of my swordfish. My appetite was gone and I might as well have been eating cardboard.

“What were you guys talking about?” Logan dug into his steak enthusiastically.

I glanced at Mack and he looked back at me with an impassive expression. He was silent, apparently waiting for me to come up with a lie, which I figured was only fair since I was the one asking to keep our conversation private.

“Just about law school and your wild partying days,” I lied.

Logan raised his eyebrows. “I think Mack did enough partying for both of us. I spent most of my time studying.”

Mack laughed, apparently deciding to push aside whatever issues he had in regards to my questioning him about Logan and Kristina. The rest of dinner went well, but I noticed that Mack wasn’t so quick to joke around with me anymore. I told myself I didn’t care, but I had instantly liked him, and it was a little disappointing that he obviously didn’t care for me anymore. But in the scheme of things, it really didn’t matter. All that mattered was Logan and finding out the truth about his relationship with Kristina.

I was full and tired after dinner was over, and was relieved when the check was settled and it was time to leave. We said our goodbyes as we waited for our cars at the valet. I was thankful when Logan’s car came up first because I was more than ready to escape Mack’s scrutiny.

“It was good seeing you,” Logan said after he took the keys from the valet. “Let’s try to get lunch sometime this week before you leave.”

“Definitely.” Mack slapped his back, in what was, I guess, a man hug. He turned to me, and he was still smiling, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “It was nice meeting you, Madison.”

I forced a quick smile. “You, too. Have a good rest of the night.”

I didn’t look back as Logan helped me into the car, but I could feel Mack’s gaze on me and I knew it was full of censure.

“That was a nice dinner,” I said, as we drove home, wanting to make sure Logan didn’t suspect anything.

“I’m glad you liked Mack. He’s a good guy. Of course, I knew he would like you.”

I stared at the road ahead. It was getting late and there weren’t too many cars on the road, but the lights of the city kept it from being too dark.

“Yeah,” I finally answered. “He seems like a good guy.”

My chest felt tight. I was keeping too many things from Logan. I wasn’t going about this the right way. What did I think I would accomplish by interrogating Mack? I was just too scared to confront Logan. I was scared that he would tell me something I wouldn’t be able to bear hearing, whether it was a truth too painful, or a lie too transparent. But all I was doing was putting more walls between us. I needed to be brave enough to be honest with him, and deal with the aftermath.

I turned to him, taking a deep breath before I took the plunge and asked him about Kristina. The next thing I knew, there was a blinding light careening towards us, and then a screeching explosion of metal.

Chapter Six

The beeping of Logan’s monitor terrified me. I was constantly afraid that the next beep indicating his heartbeat wouldn’t come. I tightened my grip on his hand and dropped my head, resting my forehead against his bed. I couldn’t believe what had happened. How could life change so completely in a matter of seconds? As furious as I was at the drunk driver who had crashed into us, it was also hard to come to terms with his death, even though he had been wholly responsible for it. The fact that we had been involved in an accident where someone had died was unsettling.

But Logan would be okay
, I told myself. He had bruises and scratches from the impact, but the worst thing was the blow to his head that had rendered him unconscious. It was like some cosmic joke that I had regretted not being able to be by his bedside in L.A., and now I had gotten what I had wished for, in a sick and twisted way.

I had been lucky to get only a few minor cuts and abrasions, and had been released pretty quickly after being treated. It had been hard not to break down when I was told Logan was unconscious, but I knew that would do nothing to help the situation. That didn’t stop the tears from silently slipping down my face onto the bed sheet as worry made my heart heavy. Logan had to be okay. There was no other alternative.

I had been by his bedside for hours and it was almost morning. Doctors had come in and out throughout the night, and they all said the same thing.
We need to wait and see.
They had given me explanations full of medical jargon, and I had nodded, not caring about the whys and hows. After every explanation, I had simply asked,
Is he going to be okay? Will he wake up?
And all I had gotten was the “wait and see” answer.

I wanted to contact his parents, but I had no idea how to get in touch with them. They always vacationed during the holiday season and the only thing I knew about their whereabouts was that they were on a ship somewhere near Italy. I had tried both their cell phones through Logan’s phone, but neither call could be completed. I had scrolled through his contacts to find other relatives, even though I knew he didn’t have much extended family, but I had gotten nowhere. I told myself it didn’t matter, because Logan would wake up any minute. He had to.

The morning nurse came in and gave me a bland smile. I knew I must look like a mess from the accident and from sitting by Logan’s bed all night, but that didn’t even enter the realm of things I could possibly care about.

“How’s our patient doing this morning?” she asked, in a tone that was a little too cheerful. I knew she was trying to be upbeat but it grated on me. She said it like Logan was here to get his tonsils out, and she wanted to know if he was ready for his ice cream.

“Just dandy. He woke up, did some morning calisthenics, checked the weather for today, and then slipped back into unconsciousness.”

The nurse’s smile didn’t crack and she just nodded as she went about checking Logan. She was probably just trying to humor the crazy lady so that she could do her job and get out of there as soon as possible.

I was relieved when she left, still with that daft smile on her face. I wondered if she tortured small animals when she got home after a long shift.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. The doctors had encouraged me to go home and get some rest. Shower. Change clothes. Eat something. But how could I leave Logan? I was afraid that if I left his side, he would slip away from me. As ridiculous as it sounded, I felt like my presence would somehow anchor him here.

I was startled when Logan’s cell phone started ringing. I grabbed it from the side table and frowned when I saw it was Mack. What was he doing calling so early? I hesitated, not knowing if I should answer it. I decided that he was Logan’s friend and he had a right to know what had happened, even if I wasn’t sure I wanted him around.

“Hello?”

There was a long pause before Mack said anything. “Madison?”

A part of me wanted to retort, “No, Kristina,” but I reined myself in. My emotions were all over the place with Logan’s condition, and I knew I just wanted to lash out at someone, but it wouldn’t be fair. The person responsible for Logan’s condition was beyond reach.

“Yes, it’s Madison,” I replied wearily. “Logan and I were in a car accident last night. We’re at the hospital.”

“Oh, my God. Are you guys all right?”

I felt my throat start to tighten and I tried to keep calm. “Logan…he’s unconscious. The doctors keep saying there’s nothing wrong with him physically and they’re just waiting for him to wake up. But they also keep saying the longer he stays unconscious, the more risks there are.” Tears streamed down my face and my voice hitched. Actually telling someone about what had happened seemed to burst open the dams. “I don’t know what to do except sit here and hold his hand. What are the fucking odds of Logan being in an accident twice in the span of a few days? How is this fair? How the fuck is this fair?”

I was sobbing and I felt like I didn’t have enough breath for the wailing that threatened to explode from my body.

“Madison, which hospital are you at? I’ll be right there.”

Mack somehow understood me through my sobs and promised he would be there as soon as possible. I couldn’t stop crying after he had hung up. Now that I had truly started crying, the fear of possibly losing Logan was too searingly painful to contain within myself. It poured out of my body and I sobbed until I was too physically exhausted to continue. I looked at Logan lying there. He looked so peaceful, so oblivious to the tornado of raw emotion that had just been on display right next to him. I wanted to shake him awake, to beg him not to leave me, not to leave
us.

I turned when I heard the door to Logan’s room open, expecting Nurse Cheerful again, probably to tell me to keep it down because my soul-wrenching agony was a little too disruptive. Instead, I saw Mack, his face drawn and concerned. I was surprised at how quickly he had gotten here. He must have immediately rushed over after hanging up the phone.

I looked at him awkwardly, not knowing what to say. He was a virtual stranger, after all.

He walked over to the bed and stood beside me, looking down at Logan, his expression solemn. After a few moments, he turned to me. “You look exhausted. Have you eaten?”

I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to think about was eating. “I know I look like hell. Comes with the territory, I guess.” I sounded more flippant than I meant to, but the words just slipped out.

“Madison,” he said gently. “You’re going to make yourself sick. I spoke to Logan’s doctor before I came in, and they have no idea how long he’ll be unconscious. You need to keep yourself healthy so that you can be there for him for as long as it takes.”

“I’m scared,” I whispered. “I’m scared if I let go of his hand, he’ll leave me. I know that sounds crazy, but what if it’s true?”

Mack watched me for a few moments before saying anything. I expected him to tell me I was being silly, or promise me that Logan wouldn’t slip away if I let go of his hand. The last thing I expected was for him to humor me. “Is there a friend I can call who can stop by your place and pick up some stuff for you? I’m sure you can still freshen up without letting go of Logan’s hand. And you can certainly eat with just one hand.”

In that moment, the amount of gratitude I felt towards Mack couldn’t be expressed in words. I had felt so totally alone, and suddenly I wasn’t.

“Emily,” I finally said. “I can ask Emily.”

Mack held out his hand. “Give me your phone. I’ll call her.”

I shook my head, feeling a bit foolish. “It’s okay. I can call her.” I made an attempt at a shaky smile. “I can use my phone with just one hand.”

Mack smiled back. “I know you can, but let me. You’ve been through enough.”

I surprised myself when I gave him my phone willingly. I watched him as he scrolled through my phone and pressed the button to call Emily.

“Hi, this is Mack, Logan and Madison’s friend,” he said after a few moments of silence. He paused, presumably to let Emily express surprise that he was calling her on my phone. “They were in a car accident. Madison is fine, but she needs a change of clothes and whatever else you think she needs to spend the night here. Logan is unconscious and she’s not planning on leaving his side anytime soon.”

I listened to him answer her questions, although he kept his explanations brief. When he disconnected the call and handed my phone back to me, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he dragged a chair over and sat next to me.

“What did she say?” I finally asked.

“She asked how you guys were doing. She sounded pretty worried. She said she would be here with your stuff as soon as possible.”

I rubbed my forehead wearily. “She was probably already at work. She can’t really afford to take any time off. She’s super busy right now, and her boss has been riding her lately. I shouldn’t have told you to call her.”

Mack shook his head. “She didn’t sound bothered. In fact, I think she was upset that you hadn’t contacted her earlier.”

I sighed and leaned my head forward, resting it against the bed, and closing my eyes. They burned from lack of sleep, but there was no way I would be able to get any rest. Not until Logan woke up. I tightened my grip on Logan’s hand and said my millionth prayer.

Mack and I were silent, neither of us feeling the need to talk. I no longer felt awkward around him. The conversation between us last night seemed so trivial now.

He seemed to have read my mind and broke the silence. “About last night, and what we talked about—”

I raised my head and cut him off before he could continue. “Let’s forget that ever happened. It was a stupid conversation fueled by my insecurities. I honestly couldn’t care less right now about what happened between Logan and Kristina. I should have just asked him in the first place instead of questioning you.”

Mack gave me a half-smile. “I just wanted to say, in case I wasn’t clear enough, there’s no one besides you, Madison. There never has been for Logan. During law school, there were plenty of girls who would have done just about anything for a date with Logan. I asked him once why he never seemed to take any girl seriously, and that’s when he told me about you.” Mack paused a few beats before continuing. “He told me about Cassie, too. He said you were broken by what had happened, and he was waiting for enough time to pass so that you were healed enough to give him another chance. A man that much in love, that devoted to one woman, isn’t going to risk his relationship by cheating.”

Instead of Mack’s words making me feel better, I felt crushed. I had expended so much energy suspecting Logan of cheating, when I knew in my heart that he could never do anything like that. And now I was possibly going to lose him. It seemed too cruel.

I didn’t say anything, because there was nothing to say. We lapsed back into silence and stayed that way until I heard the door open. Emily looked worried as she came in, setting the bags she was carrying down onto the floor before giving me a hug.

“Madison, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this happened.”

I tried to give her a wavering smile, not wanting to break down again. “I bet your boss is pissed you’re not at work right now.”

“Screw Sylvia,” Emily said, waving her hand. “This is way more important than designing some stupid office space.” She put her arm around me as she looked at Logan lying deathly still on the bed. “What happened?”

I gave her the details of the accident and the aftermath, as well as my reluctance to let go of his hand. She was as understanding as Mack, whom I had briefly introduced her to.

“I brought a few changes of clothes and your toiletries. Let me help you undress. I bet you’re more sore than you think, since you must have gotten pretty banged up during the accident.” She turned to Mack with an arched brow. “You should probably leave the room for this.”

He got up agreeably and left the room, asking if we wanted anything to drink. Emily ordered him to get coffee for us, and although he raised his eyebrows at her commanding tone, he affably went to go get them.

“Way to boss him around,” I said, smiling faintly. I could always count on Emily to lift my spirits, no matter the situation.

She wrinkled her nose. “He annoys me. He’s the type who looks at a woman and thinks he knows everything about her. He’s too good looking to like.”

Despite everything going on, my smile widened, although I didn’t comment. I let her help me change and accepted the wet washcloth and toothbrush she gave me so that I could wipe my face and brush my teeth.

We were done by the time Mack knocked on the door and called out, “Is everyone decent?”

“You can come in,” Emily said. “We’re all done.”

Mack strolled in with the coffees and pulled another chair over for Emily. She gave him a curt thank you as she took the proffered coffee and sat down. In another situation, I would have laughed at how discomfited she was by Mack. She definitely had an instant crush on him, and was pissed and trying to fight it. Later, when Logan was awake and okay, I would warn her about his womanizing ways.

Both Mack and Emily stayed until the afternoon, despite my insistence that they go to work. I knew how heavy Emily’s workload was right now, and Mack undoubtedly had a lot of things he was ignoring since he had come to Chicago for work.