Off to War (19 page)

I'm trying to do okay without my dad. I do the things we used to do together, and it feels like he's a bit closer. I try hard at school, and I'm good at PE. I play football with the Santa Clara Wildcats, and our team does pretty well.

On Dad's birthday, we all get together and do something. Nothing big, just something quiet. On the anniversary of the day he was killed we stay inside and do something quiet, too, away from other kids. Away from everybody.

My advice for other military kids? I don't have any. I'm not a military kid anymore.

According to the US Army, rates of desertion (soldiers abandoning their posts without permission) were higher in 2007 than they were in 2006. In 2007, more than 4,500 soldiers deserted, compared to 3,300 in 2006. Some of these deserters have been caught and sent to prison. Nearly sixty deserters (or resisters, as they are also called) have gone to Canada, hoping to be accepted as refugees. During the Vietnam War, thousands of Americans fleeing the draft were taken in by Canada, but this time the Canadian government has said that since these soldiers volunteered to join the military and were not drafted or forced into it, they will not be accepted as refugees.

Mary lives on the outskirts of Boston, Massachusetts. Her father, who fought in Iraq with the National Guard, is a member of Veterans Against the Iraq War (VAIW), an organization that brings together military men and women who are opposed to the war in Iraq.

I came to downtown Boston today with my mother and father to attend a rally against the war in Iraq. I'm the youngest in my
family. My older brother lives in Los Angeles. My sister is nine years older than me, and she lives with us when she's not away at school.

I don't know why Dad joined the Guard. He made that decision long before I was born. Before he went to Iraq, his being in the Guard didn't really affect me. He'd be gone a lot on weekends for training on the base, but he'd be home again on Monday and that was just routine. My life was pretty much normal. My dad and I would sometimes go to the park, and we saw movies together and did family stuff.

We were all pretty surprised when Dad was told he was going to Iraq. It was in 2004, and I didn't know what Iraq was or where it was or anything. A lot of people didn't know. It was a big mystery to most people.

I remember that Dad went to the base as usual on the weekend, and they told him then. He was shocked. I think he thought that going over there was more a regular army thing to do, not a National Guard thing. I thought that, anyway. But he had to go, and he was gone for eighteen months.

He missed a lot while he was gone. He missed me turning eight, and that only ever happens once in a kid's life.

We were told a month before he left. The day he left, he gave me and my sister teddy bears. Each one had a note that said, “No matter how far away I am, we'll always be close together in our hearts.”

We dropped him off at the base and we were sort of quiet for awhile. I didn't really know what to think. I was sort of thinking, “Oh, my God, Dad's going to war! I can't believe it! I don't want him to go!” Back then, war seemed like something from a movie, not something that real dads have to go and do.

My sister took Dad's leaving really hard. She cried a lot after we dropped Dad off. She started to cry while we were sitting in the restaurant Mom took us to on the way home. Mom
wanted to take us some place special so we could have a nice supper and sort of forget about what had happened. But it didn't help.

I didn't know any other kids with dads in Iraq. When my best friend came over for the first time after Dad left, she asked where my dad was and I said, “He's in Iraq.” She was really surprised, but she was also a good friend and helped me through it. I could talk to her, and to my mom and my sister. That helped, but it was still hard, I think because it was so unexpected.

I really crawled inside myself. Kids at school would say hi to me and I wouldn't say anything back because I didn't know what to say. I was going through a really hard time and I didn't think any of them would understand. After a while of that, they started to think I was strange, and treated me not so well.

See, I was scared that if I answered them, they might be able to tell something was wrong, and they'd ask about it. I don't like talking to people I don't really know about my life.

I didn't talk much, and I didn't do much, either. I didn't feel like going to the park or to the playground because they both reminded me of my dad.

Eventually I saw a school counselor about it, and that helped a lot.

Dad called sometimes from Iraq. They were short conversations, mostly about what I was doing in school and how my friendships were doing. Regular parent stuff. He didn't tell me much about his job. I learned later he was up in a guard tower a lot of the time, watching to make sure the terrorists didn't attack the base. I don't think he ever had to shoot anybody, but he was ready if he needed to.

When Dad finally came home, we picked him up at the base in the middle of a huge homecoming party. It was so wonderful to see him, but we didn't stay for the party. Dad said the
noise of the party bothered him, so we left really soon and went home.

When he was away, my sister sat up in the front seat with my mother when we went anywhere, but when Dad came home, she had to return to the back seat with me. The ride home from the base was filled with Dad's voice telling us about his trip home and what it was all like.

Things didn't go back to normal, though. Before he went to Iraq, he used to spend most of his home time in the living room, doing family stuff and being around us. But when he came home, he just sat in his bedroom with his laptop, staying away from us. It surprised me because he's generally a very sociable guy.

Then it got worse because my mom started hanging out in the bedroom with him, and then I didn't have either of them. I think she was in there with him so that he wouldn't feel alone. For some reason he wasn't comfortable being out around the house with all of us, so she went in to where he was so that he'd know we were glad to have him back.

For the longest time we couldn't have a telephone in the house because the ringing startled him too much. All kinds of noise bothered him because of all the explosions he heard in Iraq.

Just a few months ago we were dropping my sister off at college, and there was a loud bang from somewhere back in the woods. Dad jumped, and it made me really scared because I didn't know what was wrong.

I never ask Dad about it. I'm not sure why I don't, except that sometimes I think he might yell at me, and whenever he does, I get really sad.

Mom and I talk, though, and she also says that if things bother me, I can write them down on paper, and that helps, too.

Dad's retiring soon from the National Guard, so I don't think he'll have to go back to Iraq. He had to go to the base for a meeting recently, and he came downstairs in his uniform, with his hair cut short, looking just like he did before he left for Iraq. It really startled me.

Both Mom and Dad believe that the war in Iraq is wrong. This is going to be a big rally today because a lot of people in Boston are against the war and are against the president for taking us into the war.

I've been to rallies in other cities, too. We went to Washington, DC. I wanted to take a picture of the White House but it's hard to see it unless you're right in front of it, and I didn't get enough time to get a good picture. But I did get a picture of the crosses that had been set up with the names of soldiers who had been killed.

Then there was a rally in Des Moines, Iowa, where they talked a lot about the Iraqi children who have been killed by American soldiers. They put out rows and rows of kids' shoes and sandals to be symbols of the dead children. There were a lot of shoes. A lot of shoes in Des Moines, and a lot of crosses in Washington.

I also went to New York City for a rally with my sister. At the front of the march was a group of military people who had come back from the war. They'd fought in it and now they were protesting it. I liked marching through the streets for what I believe, which is that the war should stop.

And we went to Texas, to the peace camp that Cindy Sheehan and other protesters set up outside the president's ranch. The point was for President Bush to be reminded of the war while he was on vacation. After all, he got us into the war, so why should he have a nice quiet holiday when other Americans are over in Iraq getting killed and damaged? It was fun. I was the only kid there at the time, but I brought lots of
books and things to entertain myself, because nothing but adults can get really boring.

It really helped us as a family to speak out against the war. We had no say in whether Dad went there, but maybe we can have a say in whether other moms and dads get sent there.

Adults don't let kids fight. If I'm at school and I start to hit another kid with my shoe or my ruler, the teacher will put me in detention or something. I'd be in big trouble because fighting isn't allowed. So why can the president get away with dropping bombs on another country and sending our soldiers to die? It makes no sense.

Protesting has really helped my dad, too. He's not so sad anymore. He still has bad days, but it's getting better.

All of this has made me see the world differently. When I was at Starbucks a while ago, a woman came in wearing an army uniform and using crutches. It made me feel really bad because she was hurt and maybe she got hurt in the war and her family was probably really worried about her. It's made me think of the world beyond myself.

AWOL – Absent without leave. Leaving one's military post without permission.

Battalion – A large body of troops, with a total of roughly 1,000 individuals.

Boot camp – Slang for Basic Training, the initial weeks-long training undergone by everyone when they first enter the military.

Bunker – A hiding place reinforced to withstand explosions and gunfire.

Burqa – A garment some women wear in Afghanistan. It covers the head and drapes down loosely over the body, leaving just a small screen over the eyes.

Cadets – In Canada, it's an organization for young people ages twelve to eighteen, sponsored by the military. Cadets do pre-military training, outdoor activities, fitness, leadership and other activities. There is no cost to join, and no obligation to join the military after. The United States equivalent is Junior Reserve Officers' Training Corps (JROTC).

Camouflage – A way of dressing to blend in with the surroundings.

Camp Bucca – A US-run prison camp in southern Iraq, holding roughly 10,000 Iraqi detainees. Both Iraqis and Americans have been killed in riots there.

Canex – General store on a Canadian military base.

Commissary – Food and general goods store on a military base.

Deployment – When a soldier is sent on duty, often overseas.

Desert Storm – The first Gulf War, in 1991, to drive Iraqi troops out of Kuwait.

Detainee – Someone being held in detention, with or without being charged or tried.

Enlist – Voluntarily join the military, rather than being forced or drafted.

Green Zone – A heavily fortified safety zone in the middle of Baghdad, also known as Little America.

Guantanamo – A US army base in Cuba, currently a prison for those the US government suspects of being a threat.

Insurgents – A term covering all forces that are fighting Coalition Forces in

Iraq or Afghanistan, whether they are Iraqi nationalists or Al Qaeda, who have very different reasons for opposing the occupation.

LAV – Light armored vehicle.

M16 – Assault rifles used by the US military.

Mat tech – Material technician.

Muslim – A follower of the Islamic faith.

National Guard – A military person who pledges allegiance to their state as
well as to their federal government, who can be called out to provide additional military strength or to assist in a state or federal emergency. 9/11 – September 11, 2001, the day that planes attacked the Pentagon in Washington (the headquarters of the US military) and the World Trade Center in New York City.

Opium – An illegal drug made from poppies, grown in Afghanistan and other places.

OPP – Ontario Provincial Police.

PX – General store on a US military base.

Rangers – US troops trained in special operations (i.e., behind enemy lines) and to move swiftly in small units.

Reserves – Military personnel who also hold civilian jobs but who can be called into active duty when needed.

Reveille – A wake-up call played on a bugle.

Ruck march – A long march with a heavy ruck sack, often used in training.

Shrapnel – A piece of metal or other material that flies about during an explosion, and can become embedded in someone's body.

Suicide bomber – Someone who straps explosives to herself or himself and enters the territory of their enemy to kill themselves and as many others as they can at the same time.