Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (30 page)

Around 6:30, I curled up on the sofa with a throw and flipped channels. My heart started beating when my phone vibrated in my hand. It was him.

“Hello?”

“
Em?”

“Yes?”

“May I still come by?” Assurance settled over me as his words came out.

“Sure,” I chirped out too quickly.

“I’ll be by in a little while.” He hung up.

I didn’t like his tone. What was going on?  It had to be his probation.  Something had happened.

I opened the door casually when he arrived and wanted to give him a hug but he showed no inclination of returning the favor. So, we sat next to each other on the sofa.  Calm on the outside, I was flipping out on the inside. His arms were crossed across his chest and his left ankle rested on his right knee.

“How are you feeling?” he finally asked.

“Totally fine.” I lied a little because my head still hurt. “A little embarrassed.”

“Why is that?” Still no eye contact. In fact, no contact period.

“Why didn’t you tell me I had blood all over my face?” I playfully poked him in the side.

He offered a slight smile. “You looked fine.” He studied the TV.

“How were the weights?” I prodded.

He nodded. “Good.”

“And your folks?”

“Good, as well.”

I tried to suppress the anger that was growing inside of me but I was fighting a losing battle. What the hell? My breathing bordered erratic.

“What is going on?” I asked irritably.

He acted innocent. “With what?”

“With you. You won’t touch me. You won’t look at me. What did I do? Oh, and I found the rings.” My words were pained and I pulled the necklace out from under my shirt to show him.

“Yeah. Ryan said he had them.” He paused. “Emma. I’m not going to make out with you right here. This is where we got busted last time.” His words were sharp.

“I’m not saying we have to make out. But a simple hug, hand touch, kiss or even a little eye contact would be nice.” My voice cracked and I could now check off the eye contact—done. His troubled eyes met mine. “Talk to me.”

“Where are your folks?”

“Mom had a 7:00 showing.” It was just now seven.

He nodded and pulled me over onto his lap then nestled his nose under my ear rubbing it up and down the side of my throat. It tickled. “
Em. I need to tell you something.”

“You
wanna break up?”

He pursed his lips and glared at me. “Seriously?” 

He twisted my hair around one of his fingers lightly pulling it to his nose and smelling it. “I’m sorry.” If that wasn’t it, what? 

I searched his eyes for answers.

“I need you to know I’ve never been in a relationship like this. With someone like you. You make me feel good about who I am. What I am to you. You make me laugh.” He smiled. “I’ve never really taken a relationship seriously and now this one has blown me away. I think about you all the time. Today…” He struggled to get the words out and kept rubbing his forehead. “That was worst thing I’ve ever been through. You were hurt and I couldn’t get to you. When you left in that ambulance…” his words trailed off.

It hurt me just watching him agonize through this.

“Zach. I’m fine.”

“I know.” his voice was soft and he pulled me into his chest. “I love you so much. Please. Please don’t ever forget that. No matter what.”

“I won’t forget it. Did you forget how much I love you?” His arms wrapped me so tight; it robbed my lungs of air. Why did it feel like he was saying goodbye? When he released me, I cupped his lower jaw in my palms. “So why are you being distant tonight? And why didn’t you come sooner?”

He lay back against the sofa still fingering my hair. “I worry if I’m right for you.”

My body instantly stiffened. “What?”

“Forget I said that.” He was backtracking.

“No. What do you mean right for me?             

He blew his mouth up like a puffer fish. “You are innocent and sweet and pure and…well…I’m none of those and you got hurt today because…”

“STOP! I got hurt because I’m a klutz. I hurt myself. You had nothing to do with that.”

“But you wouldn’t have jumped out of the truck had I not punched Grant.” He rubbed both eyes with his palms.

“You have to stop beating yourself up. I am fine and I’m going to be fine. As long as you are OK and we’re together. Promise me you aren’t thinking about walking.”

He twisted his neck till our eyes met. “I promise.
I’m
not going anywhere.”  Then he leaned in and kissed me and my thoughts hung on his slight insinuation.

The next morning was cloudy. I missed the brightness and warmth of the sun. I was back to riding to school with Zach and decided to wear my faded jeans with holes in the knees and my Lake Tahoe sweatshirt. Dabbing a touch of perfume on my neck, I hurried down the stairs to watch for him.

Like clockwork, he was on time and drove straight to school. Though he still didn’t seem quite himself, I thought back to our conversation last night and managed to smile. Plus his beautiful rings dangling from my neck brightened my mood.

He kissed me goodbye and we both headed to first hour. US Government was boring as usual and the class was discussing our mock election.

In Advanced English, our test took nearly the whole hour and I was ready and waiting for the bell to ring for Algebra.

I took the stairs two at a time and turned up the last flight and ran smack into Grant. His eye was nearly swollen shut and the white of his eye looked raw and bloody. I swallowed hard and stared at the purplish black bruise around his eye. He didn’t look away in fact his gaze was so intense I wanted to look away but felt compelled to maintain the eye contact.

“Grant.” My voice broke midway through his name. Even though I was mad at him he was one of my best friends and he was hurt…physically and emotionally. I saw the pain in his eyes and I was responsible. I’d hurt him. My chin trembled and I fought hard to keep back the tears. They came anyway.  His left index finger swiped one off my cheek and he flipped a blonde curl out of his eye.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He finally broke the eye contact and looked at the stair he was on. “I’m sorry too.” His voice was sincere and I knew he meant it.              

“What did you say that made him so mad?” I was almost too afraid to ask. I didn’t like the sound of the chuckle deep in his throat.

“That’s his to tell you, and he
will
tell you.” Then the bell rang and we were late.

“Tell me what?” There
was
something.

“Nope. Not my job.” He tugged at my sleeve. “Come on. We’re already going to be in trouble.”

“Ms. Hendricks an
d Mr. Meiers so lovely of you to join us. Please have a seat and I’ll see you both after school as well.” Mr. Bowman smiled then turned back to the smartboard.

Zach was in his normal seat and I slid in to my empty one. Grant sat across from him. I opened my book and got started on the assignment. It was hard to concentrate on linear equations when I knew Zach’s eyes were boring into my back. I slid a piece of paper out of my notebook.

I want to know what Grant said to yo
u
.

I passed the paper back.

When?

Before the fight.

I heard a deep breath as he read.

Why?

I was getting angry.

Because!

I tossed him the paper.

Because why? Is that why you two were late?

I watched Mr. Bowman.              

Stop stalling. Just tell me. He will…if you don’t.

I heard him laugh under his breath and I felt annoyed.

No he won’t. But you can try to get it out of him in detention since you’ll be with him. Not happy about that

I’m getting angry. Tell me now what he said.

I threw the paper this time.

L
ater. Now is not the time.

At the end of the hour, I wadded the paper up and walked to the trashcan. On the way back over, if looks could kill…Zach would be toast.  The bell rang and I sprung out of my chair. I almost expected his laughter to continue but his face was serious and his eyes met mine. He was doing it again…hiding it from me…whatever it was…it was eating at him. And, now I was sure this is what had been bothering him for the past two days—something he didn’t want me to know. Grant knew.

“Let’s go. You don’t need another detention,” he said firmly and pushed me toward the hall.

“What’s the big deal? He said something to piss you off. What was it?” My probe continued.

“Emma. I’m not talking about this right now.” He scratched his head the way he did when he was angry.

“Fine.” My throat felt tight and we made our way to gym in silence. “Do you want me to ride home with Ryan?” I asked.

“Why would I want you to ride home with him?” he replied.

“Because you’re angry at me.”

“I’m not angry at you. And I
will
tell you.”

“Tonight?”

He blinked his eyes slowly and didn’t answer right away. “I have an appointment with my PO at four. I was going to take you home first and then go, but with your detention…I won’t have time.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No,” he responded instantly, but then must have reconsidered. “OK, you can ride with me and wait in the Jeep.”

“OK.”

“I’ll meet you at Bowman’s room after school.”

I nodded and went into the gym.

Ali and Lauren ambushed me at the door.

“What’s he on probation for?” Ali asked.  “Ryan wouldn’t tell me.”

Chalk another point up for my brother. I wasn’t prepared to answer questions about this. I forgot about Ali learning this information. I laughed. “It’s so totally not a big deal. I’m not even sure to be honest. It was like a little misdemeanor.” I downplayed.

“Did he steal something? You know, my cousin, David, was on probation in Sacramento for shoplifting,” Lauren added.

“I don’t think it was shoplifting,” I said and heard the whistle blow. The game started and as much as I hated dodge ball, I was glad. Shoplifting would have been easier to explain.

At the end of the day, I closed my locker and headed back to Algebra. Zach was waiting with his backpack at the door.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey to you.” I smiled.

“How’s your head?” He asked brushing back my bangs to see the stitches, then pulled me forward till his lips met my forehead.

I shrugged. “Fine. I don’t really notice it.” This wasn’t really true. It hurt more today than yesterday.

“Do you want me to wait here or in the Jeep?”

“Did you tell her?”

My head snapped toward Grant, who’d shown for his detention. The day didn’t do his face any favors. Zach’s face hardened and he reminded me of a male peacock spreading his tail as his chest puffed out when Grant neared.

“I asked, if you told her?” Grant repeated.

“Does it look like I’ve told her?” Zach’s lips pulled back across his teeth.

I wedged my body between them and Zach swiftly pulled me behind without saying a word.  “Stop. Both of you,” I demanded.

Grant smiled out one side of his mouth. “I have nothing to lose.” He eyeballed Zach. “Do you man?” His smile broadened.

Zach’s teeth were clenched together and his eyes shot daggers at Grant. “How about your other fucking eye?”

Grant entered the classroom without another word.

“Maybe you should wait for me in the Jeep.”

He agreed but stared in the classroom.

I touched his cheek to get his attention. “Tonight?  You’ll tell me tonight?”

His jaw was still rigid but he nodded.

As I left the school and walked to the Jeep, I shivered. Something was looming tonight that I couldn’t control and I couldn’t predict. My fight or flight was kicking into overdrive and I considered playing sick. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Grant wanted me to and Zach didn’t…so I knew it wasn’t good.  Zach’s head was against his headrest and I think his eyes were closed but I couldn’t tell. I wondered how many people Ali or Lauren had told, and I suddenly felt like I was dating a criminal.