Once Burned (Firehouse Fourteen Book 1) (11 page)

Then he closed his eyes, just to rest them.

Just for a little bit.

A warm weight settled against his side, soft but solid. Comforting. Nick breathed deeply, full of a drowsy content he didn't quite understand, a content that unsettled him. He shifted and tightened his arm around the weight, holding it more securely against him as it snuggled closer. The sensation was soothing, something he had been missing in his life for entirely too long. He sighed again, thinking he could get accustomed to this.

A minute went by before his subconscious recognized what the weight was, then another minute before his brain registered what his sleeping mind had just acknowledged. Nick opened his eyes to the dimness of the room and looked around, disoriented. The weight next to him shifted again with a sleepy murmur and he came fully awake.

He had fallen asleep in Kayla's bed and she was now curled up next to him, her warm body snuggling against his own. Her head rested in the hollow of his shoulder and her hand was splayed across his bare chest. Funny, he didn't remember taking off his t-shirt. He turned his head to the side and saw the shirt in a puddle on the floor next to the bed. Nick bit back a curse, realizing he must have taken it off in his sleep. A quick check assured him he was still wearing his jeans, something minor to be thankful for since he rarely slept in clothes.

How long had they been asleep? He glanced at the window but could see only a dreary grayness through the lace curtains. Nick couldn't look at his watch without moving Kayla; the same with the alarm clock on the opposite nightstand. His head fell back against the soft pillow as he did a mental rundown of his schedule. Nothing on the agenda for tonight, thankfully. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing he should get up, or at least get himself untangled from Kayla.

But he enjoyed the feel of her against him too much to move. And what was she going to do when she woke up and realized he had crawled into bed with her, half-naked? Not that being shirtless really qualified as half-naked, but he was pretty sure that's not how she would see it.

Kayla murmured something in her sleep. Nick stopped breathing when her hand moved against his chest, her fingers moving gently up and down in a tender caress. He clenched his jaw against the sensation and reached up, grabbing her hand with his to stop its movement and wondering what the hell he was going to do now.

He needed to get out of the bed. He really, really needed to move away from her. Right now.

Her hand moved again, her fingers twining with his for a second before freeing itself from his and continuing its earlier caress. Nick swallowed.

Damn. He really needed to get out of the bed.

He took a deep breath and tried to ease his arm from around Kayla without waking her.

"Don't leave." The words, barely above a whisper, startled him and caused his heart to jump into his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he was dreaming, then opened them and looked down at Kayla. She was looking back at him, her eyes soft with sleep, her expression almost dreamy.

"You're awake."

"For the most part."

"Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Shh, you're ruining the dream."

That made Nick pause. He stared down at her, wondering if she was talking in her sleep. Her hand continued wandering across his chest, back and forth, playing with the spattering of hair in the center. He reached up to stop her, only to have her push his hand away.

"I always loved playing with your chest."

"I remember," Nick whispered, afraid to move, afraid to say anything more.

"You've filled out quite a bit over the years."

Oh God, he didn't think he could stand it. He grabbed her hand and held it firmly in his, then took a deep breath and stared at her. "Kayla, you're not having a dream. You're awake."

She pushed herself up on her elbow with a small wince and looked down at him for a long minute. A dozen different emotions whirled through Nick while she watched him: curiosity, trepidation, fear, caution. Lust. Definitely lust. He was acting worse than a sex-starved teenager.

"I know I'm awake. But it's easier to pretend I'm dreaming," Kayla whispered. Her soft admission sent an electrifying jolt through him, swift, paralyzing. She let out a soft breath and rested her head against his shoulder once more, shifting closer to him. Her leg tangled with his and another jolt went through him at the contact, freezing him.

"Kayla—"

"Why did you stay?"

"I—" Nick swallowed against the tightness in his throat. "I wasn't sure if you'd need anything. I didn't want you to be left alone if you needed help."

"Thank you."

Two simple words, but they held so much feeling and unleashed so many conflicting emotions that something in Nick's chest squeezed, causing the breath in his lungs to hitch. His arms automatically tightened around her and he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. There was so much he wanted to say to her but he didn't know where to start. And he wasn't sure if she even wanted to listen. He took a deep breath but she spoke before he could say anything.

"I missed you. I hated you for leaving me, but I still missed you. How pathetic is that?"

"Kayla—"

"No, don't say anything. I just want to lay here like this and pretend nothing ever happened. Just for a little bit." She shifted, moving even closer to him, if that was possible. Her hand resumed its gentle circular motion, back and forth against his chest, occasionally dipping lower to brush his stomach. It was torture, but a torture he would gladly bear because she had asked him to.

The rain pattered against the tin roof of the barn and filled the room with a relaxing sound. The whispered hum of the rain and Kayla's soft caresses lulled Nick into a place that was dangerous and comforting at the same time. He told himself he shouldn't let it happen, that he should fight it, but the lure was too strong. And dammit, this was where he wanted to be. Where he'd always wanted to be.

A minute went by, then another. Was it his imagination, or could he feel the hesitant touch of Kayla's lips against his chest, warm and feather light? His muscles tightened under the next soft touch. No, he wasn't imagining it. Kayla was kissing him.

This couldn't be happening. This
shouldn't
be happening. He tightened his arm around her and shifted away. "Kayla."

"Do you know what else is pathetic, Nick? That after all this time, and after everything that's happened, I still want you." She leaned up on her elbow and stared at him, her face only inches from his, her expression serious. "Sometimes I wish...I wish we could go back to the way it was, just for a little bit. To pretend nothing bad ever happened."

Nick swallowed a groan, his body tightening automatically at her words. It took every ounce of self-control not to pull her down against him and kiss her, to willingly take her back to what they used to have. But he couldn't. He wouldn't take advantage of her that way. So instead he reached up and gently guided her head back to his shoulder and held her. Just held her.

Quiet minutes drifted by and Nick was surprised at the contentment spreading through him. Warm, comforting. And, somehow,
right
. Like it was supposed to be this way. For right now, for this minute, it was just the two of them, surrounded by cozy softness and the soothing sound of the rain.

"Don't you ever think about it, Nick? About just going back? What would be so wrong with doing that, just once?" Kayla asked in a soft whisper. Her hand continued its soft caress, growing a little bolder, dipping a little lower with each stroke. Nick clenched his jaw and tightened his hold around her, careful not to squeeze too hard because of her ribs.

"I'm more interested in going forward, Kayla. Who's to say we can’t do that?"

She laughed, the sound forced and sarcastic, and lifted her head to look at him. "Because there's too much behind us to move forward. But we had some good times, too, before all that. And we always did have great sex between us, if nothing else."

Nick didn't bother trying to hide his groan. This conversation was leading straight for trouble. The smartest thing for him to do would be to jump out of the bed and run out the door. There were still too many raw wounds, especially for Kayla. The last thing he wanted between them was more pain.

But he didn't want to be smart. How could he, with Kayla laying half on top of him, her body stretched against his? He reached out and ran his hand through her hair, cupping the back of her head as he studied her. "It was more than just sex and you know it."

"No, it wasn't. If it had been, you wouldn't have...it wouldn't have ended like it did. We both know that."

"Are you lying to me? Or to yourself?"

"Neither. I'm just facing reality."

Nick stared at her, trying to figure out where she was heading. He rubbed his thumb along her cheek and finally shook his head. "Your reality, maybe, not mine."

"And your reality is better?"

"I don't—"

"Is it better than this?" Kayla asked, then lowered her head and kissed him, a hungry kiss that immediately exploded. Nick's arms tightened around her as she stretched more fully against him, their bodies touching from lips to toes. The kiss continued, heated and intense. Nick gave into it, for just a minute, just to enjoy the feel of Kayla against him, then he pulled away, his breathing ragged and hoarse.

"Kayla, stop."

"Why? If we had great sex before, imagine how it would be now. Just sex, Nick. No commitment." She lowered her head and ran her lips along his neck, nipping gently at his ear. Nick groaned, part of him wanting to do nothing more than give in to the sensation, to give Kayla what she seemed to be asking for.

With a silent curse, he reached up and grabbed Kayla's shoulders and gently pushed her away, making sure he rolled to his side when he did to keep her from climbing back on top of him. "What do you want, Kayla? A month ago you didn't want to be in the same room with me and now you're propositioning me. Are you playing some kind of game, or trying to prove something?"

Kayla leaned back and studied him, then slowly shook her head. "No, I'm not trying to prove anything, and I'm not playing any game. I'm talking about plain old sex. No strings, no commitments, just two consenting adults."

"You're talking about a one-night stand. Is that something you do now? Just hop in the sack with—"

"I've never done it before, believe it or not. And I figured we both knew each other, knew what it could be like, so why not?"

Nick stared at her in shock, still not quite believing what he heard. If the situation wasn't so sad, he'd laugh. He shook his head, not sure what he should say. The sane part of his mind told him to get out of bed and leave. The reckless part urged him to take Kayla up on her offer, if for no other reason than to teach her a lesson.

"My God, Kayla, do you have any idea how that sounds?"

She rolled on her side so she was facing him and pushed up on her elbow. A minute went by before she reached out and ran a trembling finger down the middle of his chest. "Are you going to tell me that you haven't thought about it at all at any time since September? That you haven’t wondered what it would be like now?"

Christ, yes, he had thought about it. Every damn night. And he mentally kicked himself for the thought every time. But not now, not this time. This time, Nick's control snapped. He reached out and grabbed Kayla's hand, pulling it down, holding it firmly against his erection. Emotion flared in Kayla's eyes, sharp and bright, when she looked up at him. "Yeah, I've thought about it. I'm thinking about it now. Is that what you want, Kayla? Just a quick fuck?"

Nick lowered his head and pressed his mouth to hers, deliberately hard and intense, possessive. He wanted to show her this was a bad idea, wanted to scare the stupid idea out of her mind. Two seconds into the searing kiss and Nick was lost. Passion and need, instantaneous and consuming, engulfed him. His hands roamed over her body, searching, caressing. Her own hands trailed along his flesh, igniting a trail of fire wherever they touched him.

Minutes later, her shirt and sweatpants were gone, tossed in a pile with his own jeans. Her hand folded around the length of his cock, stroking and squeezing, sending mindless pleasure racing through him. Nick squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself against the sensation, trying desperately to remember the point he had foolishly thought he could make.

With a groan he pulled her hand away and rolled so he was lying on top of Kayla, bracing his weight on his forearms so he wouldn't injure her. He stared down at her, waiting for her to change her mind, waiting for her to come to her senses and tell him to stop. Instead she slid her body lower against his and arched her back, lifting her hips, searching.

"Kayla." His voice was hoarse, her name a ragged whisper torn from somewhere deep in his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

"Nick, please."

He watched her for another second, hoping she would come to her senses, hoping reason would return to him in a flash before they were both lost.

With a silent curse, Nick thrust himself deep inside her, burying himself to the hilt in one quick move.

And one quick prayer that this wouldn't turn into the second biggest mistake of his life.