Once Burned (Firehouse Fourteen Book 1) (15 page)

"Yeah, I am. Look at me Kayla."

She waved him off and continued her frustrated pacing. She didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. Or just run over and jump him and finish what he started. The choices made her even more frustrated, which increased her agitation.

"Kayla, stop and look at me."

"No. No, no, no. This is stupid, Nick. So stupid."

"Is it?" He finally grabbed her arm and pulled her into his embrace, a glint in his eye as he looked down at her. One corner of his mouth twitched and she realized he was trying not to laugh. She bit down on the inside of her cheek and tried to pull away, only to have his arms tighten around her.

"Let me go, Nick. I don't believe this! How can you stand there and laugh? This isn't funny!"

"You're right, it isn't. C'mon, hold still and listen to me." A smile briefly curved his lips before his expression turned serious again. He rocked his hips against hers, just once, leaving no doubt that his body, at least, wanted her. "Kayla, there is nothing more that I want than to take you right now, to make love to you all night long and then some."

"Then let's—"

"No. Because if I do, you're going to convince yourself that this is about sex, that that's all I want from you, and it's not. And then you're going to regret it, just like you regretted it the other week."

"I won't regret it, really."

Nick offered her a small smile, his arms briefly tightening around her waist. "Yeah, you will. And then you're going to pull away again and shut yourself down, and convince yourself it was another mistake. I don't want that to happen, not this time."

Mike squeezed her eyes tight, trying to contain her frustration. He was being ridiculous and she searched her mind for a way to convince him of that. But every argument fell flat because at least part of what Nick was saying made sense—and it pissed her off that he could still know her so well, even after all this time. Because he was right, she
would
convince herself it was all a big mistake, and blame it all on Nick.

Which didn't say a whole lot about her. Did it make her just as crazy as he was, actually seeing the logic of his argument? She let out a loud sigh and eased away from his arms, part of her cursing the ease with which Nick let her go. She opened her eyes and watched him for a long minute, then took another step back, finally nodding.

"Alright, you win this one. Now take me home before I say something just as stupid as your insane idea."

"Insane, huh?"

"Yeah, insane." Mike turned away and grabbed her coat from the recliner where she had tossed it then shrugged it on, careful to keep her gaze averted from Nick. Outside she might look calm and reasonable, but inside she was shaking. The depth of her body's response to him scared her. The emotions that lurked beneath the surface terrified her. She refused to look at them too closely, afraid of what they might be. Worse, she was afraid of what she wanted them to be.

"Kayla." She jumped at Nick's whisper, surprised to realize that he was standing so close behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist from behind and he held her, resting his chin on top of her head. "Are you mad at me?"

She stiffened in his arms for a brief second then let herself relax as she shook her head. "No, I'm not mad. I do think you're crazy, though." She took a deep breath and forced herself to laugh, glad that her back was to him so he couldn't see her face—and the emotions she was sure were clearly written on it. "Now take me home so I can jump in a cold shower."

***

Nick watched from the warmth of his car as Kayla walked into the house, briefly waving at him before she closed the door. He had wanted to walk her in, felt bad about waiting in the car, but she had insisted. And in that she had been right, because if he had gone in with her, he wasn't sure if he would have left. It had been hard enough pulling away from her once. Twice would have taken more resolve than he possessed.

Because tonight had been, with a doubt, the dumbest thing he had ever done. He needed his head examined for turning Kayla down, especially since she was as hungry for him as he was for her. But his conscience wouldn't allow it, no matter what his body wanted.

And his sexual frustration aside, he was happy with the way tonight had gone. He had expected more of a fight from her when he mentioned each condition, especially the last one. Part of him still couldn't believe she had actually agreed. But she had, for which he was grateful. If he could just get her to let go of the past, even for a little bit, it would give them each a chance to get to know each other again. Not who they were back then, but who they were now. And if they did that...

Nick hoped it would be enough to convince Kayla to at least think about moving forward. That, more than anything, was what he wanted. He still had feelings for her, deep feelings, and all he wanted was a chance to see what they might be together now, without all the baggage from their past weighing them down.

He watched as the downstairs lights went off, followed by a dim glow from the upstairs window. A few minutes later and that, too, went dark. Nick sighed and put his car in reverse and slowly backed out of the driveway, feeling too much like a stalker watching the dark house.

Yes, Kayla's agreement had been a complete surprise and he was afraid to read too much into it. Part of him wanted to think that she only needed an excuse, no matter how weak, to spend time with him. That maybe part of her was willing to look forward to what they might be able to have together. The other part of him, the part rooted in reality, knew that her friend Jay probably had more to do with her agreement than anything else.

He sighed and cast one last glance at Kayla's darkened house, then drove away, wondering at all the things that could possibly go wrong.

"So how do you think it went?" Nick leaned against his desk and watched Jay and Kayla, waiting for their answer. Jay shrugged, his brow creased in thought as he began collecting the leftover pamphlets that littered the desks.

"I don't know. Okay, I guess. I mean, it could have gone worse. I think for the first one, it wasn't too bad. We weren't aiming for perfection the first time around, were we?" Jay's rambling was unusual, the words spoken quickly and as close to emotionless as possible without being completely flat. Jay continued picking up the pamphlets—most of them had been left behind—but said nothing else. His face was carefully blank and he wouldn't meet Nick's eyes—which made him wonder exactly what he was trying to hide.

"Hm." Nick looked over at Kayla. She was still sitting at the back of the room, her elbows propped on the desk, her chin resting on her folded hands. Her expression was one of sheer boredom and it reminded Nick, unfortunately, of the expressions on the students' faces during most of the presentation. "Well, Kayla, what do you think?"

She sat up straighter and slowly stretched, her uniform shirt pulling tight across her chest. Nick looked away, his mouth suddenly dry as he wondered how she could look so appealing dressed in that shapeless, unflattering uniform. For the thousandth time in the last few weeks, he questioned the wisdom of his self-imposed celibacy. And for at least the hundredth time since then, he wondered if Kayla had acted to deliberately get his attention.

"I think you lost them after the first five minutes," she finally said, her voice matter-of-fact. Nick let out the breath he had been holding, realizing he had expected an answer like that from her. The worst part of it was, she was right.

The students had let it be known, clearly and without having to say a word, that they weren't interested in the topic. And not only were they
not
interested, they resented being forced to sit still and listen to it for forty minutes.

The reception to this had been worse than his class on the symbolism of the evils of humanity in
The Scarlet Letter
.

Jay tossed the stack of pamphlets on the nearest desk then leaned against it, his arms crossed tightly in front of him. The muscle in his clenched jaw twitched as he stared at Kayla. Nick realized that the man was upset about the less-than-successful program that had just ended. Or maybe he was upset with Kayla’s blunt assessment. "So do you have any better ideas?

"Don't go copping an attitude with me, Jay. It wasn't anything you did, okay?" Kayla's voice was mellow and reassuring and Nick was amazed to see how quickly Jay's anger faded. Kayla stood and reached for a pamphlet, flipping through the colored handout with mild interest. "They're seniors. Seventeen and eighteen years old. They're invincible, remember? We all were at that age." Her gaze slid to Nick and rested on him briefly. He shifted, understanding her meaning all too well.

Kayla paced around the room, stopping at the blackboard where bulleted items were listed, a visual aid to the lecture that had just ended. She reached up with one finger and tapped at each one, blurring the chalky words. "They think that nothing is going to happen to them. Lecturing them isn't going to change that, and that's essentially all this was—a lecture. They know that drunk driving is dangerous—just not for them. Invincible, remember? Preaching just makes them tune out."

She turned back around and faced both of them, her gaze fixed on Nick for a long minute before moving to Jay. "Did you drink in high school?"

Nick straightened, an automatic defensiveness surging to the surface at her question until he realized that it had been directed at Jay, not him. Jay tossed an uncomfortable glance his way then faced Kayla, shrugging.

"Of course. Who didn't?"

"Exactly. And if some official authority figure came in and lectured you on the evils of drunk driving, what would you have done?"

Jay studied Kayla for a long time then looked at the notes on the blackboard and the pamphlet in his hand. He let out a loud sigh and sank further against the desk. "Laughed at them."

"Bingo." Kayla picked up the eraser and cleaned the blackboard then sat in Nick's chair, her leg brushing his as she propped her feet on the corner of the desk. "Next time, don't lecture them. We know they're going to drink. They know they're going to drink. Be up front about it, let them know it's not about not drinking, but about not driving drunk. There's a difference. We just need to show them that difference. And then show them the reality of driving drunk."

More discomfort surged through Nick and he looked down at Kayla, expecting her to be pointedly staring at him. Instead, she was looking at her lap, picking at a spot on her dark blue uniform pants. He straightened and looked from Kayla to Jay, then back again. "Wait a minute. You're not saying that you want to tell them that it's okay to drink, are you?"

"No, I'm saying stay away from the 'don't drink' angle. The more you preach, the more they're going to tune out."

"Then what about showing them the reality? How do you plan on doing that?"

Kayla finally looked up at him, her eyes carefully hooded. She took a deep breath and blew it out, the sound one of pure frustration. "With pictures, Nick. Next to the real thing, that's the best we can do. But instead of preaching with the pictures, you toss them up behind whoever is talking. You don't even mention them, just use them as background. They'll focus more that way."

"What, those same pictures you showed me before? I already told you I don't think we can use them. They're too graphic."

"I don't know, Nick. I think she has a point. You saw how they were today. We weren't getting through to them." Jay moved around the room, collecting the handouts and his outline, then tossed everything in his briefcase. "Think about it. At this point, it certainly can't hurt."

"I don't know. I think the pictures are too much," Nick said, shaking his head. Jay shrugged, snapping the briefcase closed and straightening, then moving toward the door.

"Well, we have time to figure something out. There's a couple of weeks before the next presentation." He paused and faced Kayla. "Are you going to finish the paperwork here, or at the station?"

"I'll get it Sunday when we go in." Jay nodded then walked out of the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. Nick looked over at Kayla, surprised she hadn't left with Jay. She was still sitting in his chair, leaning back with her feet propped up, her hands laced behind her head as she studied Nick. He looked at her for a minute then walked around the room, straightening a chair here, picking up a scrap of paper there.

Kayla sighed and lowered her feet from the desk, then stood with a small groan, stretching some more. Nick watched her twist from side to side, then he quickly looked away when she focused her gaze on his.

"So what's the big deal about the pictures, Nick? Why are you so against using them?"

"I don't think they're appropriate, and I didn't think we'd have to resort to shock therapy to get the point across." He rested his hands on the back of one of the chairs, his fingers curling over the wood. "I'm a teacher, Kayla. I have to think of the welfare of the students. And I don't think the pictures are a good idea."

Kayla studied him for a long minute, her face blank of all expression. Then she shrugged, the motion slow and careful, almost too casual. "Listen, you asked what I thought, I told you. If you don't want to use them, then don't. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other." She glanced at her watch, then reached for her jacket. "I have to run."

"Kayla."

"Yeah?" She paused, one arm in a sleeve, the jacket hanging loosely by her side as she faced him. Nick took a deep breath and stepped closer to her, but not too close. She had kept her word and lived up to his conditions over the last few weeks, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she was still holding something back.

"Did you want to get together tonight? I was thinking—"

"I already had plans, sorry." She finished putting on her jacket then picked up the thick file folder she had brought with her. "Besides, I thought you usually played on Friday nights."

"We do. I thought maybe you'd want to go with me. We were playing at Duffy's again and—"

"Duffy's?" Kayla whirled around and stared at him, her mouth opened in surprise. Irritation flickered in the depths of her eyes before she had a chance to hide it.

Nick folded his arms and watched her, his jaw clenched. He didn't need her to tell him that her plans had included going to Duffy's, and that his being there was going to interfere. "Why do I get the sudden feeling that you're not happy to hear that?"

"No, I just—you caught me off guard. I didn't know Grant had planned on having you guys back." Kayla walked to the door then paused, studying him. She finally offered him a faint smile and shrugged. "In that case, I guess I'll see you tonight."

Nick watched her walk out the door, wondering if she would find some excuse not to show up.