One or Two Things I Learned About Love (6 page)

My jeans got dirty just getting into the canoe, never mind sitting down. And I needn’t have wasted so much time worrying about what top I was going to wear since we had to put on what Connor calls personal flotation devices (and I call life jackets). I looked like a bright blue marshmallow. (I could’ve been on a date with Dolittle!) And then I got really,
really
nervous. The way I would if I had to talk in front of the whole school. Not because of the canoe (I’ve had enough near-death experiences because of Zelda not to let that kind of thing bother me). Because of him. Just being near him made me feel fizzy. And it wasn’t because he’s even better looking than I remembered, or even because of that smile (which if you ask me should be registered as a lethal weapon). I never really tried to impress a boy before. I’ve never had to. They’re either my friends or they don’t really know I’m there. But I wanted to impress Connor. I wanted him to remember all the intelligent, funny and interesting things I said. It made me a wreck. You know how when you’re anxious you can hear your heart beating? I could hear my heart beating, and my breathing
and
the blood moving in my arteries and veins. I swear I could even feel dead skin flaking off. (Wait till I tell Sunia. I’ve spent two years in yoga class trying to become aware of every part of my body, when all I had to do was get in a small boat with Connor Bowden. I could’ve saved a fortune!) So instead of being intelligent, funny and interesting, I pretty much just sat there like a sack of potatoes. I couldn’t even think of something
not
clever to say. So he did most of the talking, and I did most of the smiling and nodding. Every time he made a joke, I laughed. I sounded like I was in a who-can-laugh-the-most contest. It was agony. I could see that my whole life was going to be like this. For ever. There really was a curse on me. I’d have one disastrous date every year or two. Until even I got tired of trying. And then I’d end up living with a whole bunch of cats and a Weimaraner like Gran’s friend, Aviva. I guess my hands were really sweaty or I wasn’t concentrating enough or something, but all of a sudden I dropped my paddle. We both made a grab for it. We banged heads. We slammed shoulders. We capsized the canoe. But besides all his other terrific qualities, Connor is really calm. (Unlike anyone I’m related to.) There was no panic. No screaming. He told me what to do like he was telling me the time. We weren’t too far out, so we grabbed the rim and swam the canoe back to shore. When we got on dry land, Connor said, “Boy, some people will do anything to keep cool.” We both thought that was hilarous. And I said it must be something that runs in my family because my sister capsized a rowboat last summer. We cracked up again. And that was it! After that I wasn’t nervous at all. By the time we got to his house we were practically dry so we sat out on the porch and talked and talked and talked. We talked about all kinds of things, not just the normal stuff like what your favourite music is and what things you think are cool. We talked about what we really like and really don’t like. About embarrassing stuff that’s happened to us. Things we worry about. Things that really make us mad. I didn’t expect it to be like that. I expected it to be about liking dogs and salt and vinegar potato chips, and hating violent movies (which he does!). It was pretty intense. But in a good way. We laughed a lot, too. (Besides being smart he’s also very funny.) Later we went down to the Snack Shack for crabcakes and fries. Connor said it was the best date he’d ever had. I said me too. (But I didn’t say it was more or less the only one.) And then he kissed me. Since nobody’s ever tried to kiss me before, I didn’t actually have a first-date policy in place. I kind of froze. Connor asked what was wrong. So I said I’ve never really done much kissing before. He said that was OK, practice makes perfect! And he kissed me again.

When I got home Mom wanted to know how my date went. I said it was OK. Then she wanted to know what happened to my jeans. She said I looked like I fell in the lake.

I have to try to sleep. I’ve been talking to Nomi for so long my throat’s sore.

Zelda
wanted to know what was wrong with my lips. I said they got chapped being out on the lake. Gus smirked at me over her coffee, but instead of annoying me like it usually would, it made me feel kind of grown up. As if I belong to a special club. The Girls Who Are Kissed Club!

I couldn’t believe what a good mood I was in today. Despite my family, thinking I would never have a real date and sleeping in the pantry, I’m usually a pretty happy person. But today I was
really
happy. I felt like all the good things I could think of had happened at once. I ask you, how can nearly drowning, a few hours of talking, a couple of crabcakes and a crash course in kissing make a person feel like this? I don’t know. I really don’t. But it’s as if I have some amazing secret – like what the meaning of life is or something like that. Something that makes everything really fantastic. Nomi says it’s just endorphins. (Which are peptides, not marine mammals.) She says I could get the same effect running four miles, hanging off a cliff or eating a bag of chillis. (I know which option I’d take.) I said there’s such a thing as being too practical. But nothing could dump on my good mood. Not Gus starting a fight about the orange juice. Not being late for work because Zelda wouldn’t leave the house. Not my hair frizzing up in the humidity. Nothing. Not even when Broccoli Man did that thing where he won’t get out of the car, roll down the window, or speak, but still wants to be served. I didn’t lose my cheery smile for even a second. I pointed to every vegetable individually. And when I had to guess how much Broccoli Man wanted, did I sigh and groan and say I’d had enough and that if he didn’t stop he was going to be banned again? No, I did not. In fact, Green Pick-up Guy commented that I looked like I was singing, even though I was just weighing vegetables. Finally Ely noticed. “What happened?” he asked. “Your sisters move out?” I should be so lucky. I said nothing happened, I was just in a good mood. It’s one thing telling Nomi about Connor, but I don’t want to jinx things by blabbing about him when we’ve only had one date. (Even if it was the best date he ever had.)

And then Connor called me at work today! He said he’d tried to text me and get me on the landline last night to make sure I hadn’t come down with pneumonia after being dumped in the lake, but he couldn’t get through. He thought there was something wrong with my phones. How cute is that? I said I was talking to Nomi and charging my cell. He said I should charge my cell while I’m sleeping so people can get through to me when I’m awake. Then he wanted to know what I was doing right then. I told him I was filling punnets with tomatoes. He has a softball game tonight but he wanted to know if I wanted to do something on Saturday. I said yes. When we hung up Ely was standing there staring at me. I said, “What? Are my pointy ears showing or something?” Ely said, “No, but I think maybe your nose is starting to grow.”

Nomi says it’s unprecedented for a guy to call you the same night you went out with him. She said she heard somewhere that it’s three days minimum because they like to seem cool. I said what, they have a manual? She said yes. I said didn’t I tell you he’s not like most guys? She said, “Yes you did, Hildy. Several times.”

Louie came over after supper. He wanted to know why I missed Movie Club yesterday. It wasn’t like I didn’t tell him I couldn’t make it. I texted him from the Snack Shack. I said I told you, I was busy. Louie said yeah, I got that part. But busy doing what? I didn’t know he was counting, but Louie says I’ve never missed a single Movie Club since we started it. Not even that time I twisted my ankle and couldn’t walk (Louie and Jax carried me over). I said well if you
must
know, I had a date and it went on longer than I thought it would. Louie didn’t seem to think me having a date was a freak event worthy of fireworks and a commemorative poem. He said that I should’ve brought him with me. As if! I want Connor to get to know me before he gets to know my friends. (I figure meeting somebody’s friends is kind of like looking in their closet or the medicine cabinet. It could put you off in a serious way.) I said, “Oh sure, and then Scorsese corners him in the hall or won’t let him out of the bathroom and you put it on YouTube. That should win me points.” Then we started listing all the other things Scorsese might do. (He wouldn’t really hurt anyone, he’s all bark and growl, but he is a Schnauzer, so he’s fairly insane – he once treed the UPS man and now they won’t deliver to the Masiados any more, not even at Christmas.) When we finally stopped laughing we played Scrabble. Louie left just as this massive thunderstorm started. We stood on the porch for a few minutes watching it, but then we could hear Scorsese and Hitchcock going nuts (they hate thunder), so Louie ran home to calm them down and I went to check on Zelda because she’s afraid of thunderstorms (that and teaspoons, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…) but she was sleeping through this one.

Find myself thinking a lot about Connor. I can’t see any major flaws in him. Smart. Funny. Good looking. Sensitive. Sweet. (Nomi says if you think a person’s totally perfect it’s only because you don’t know them well enough. But Nomi can be immensely cynical for someone who looks as if she must always’ve played the angel in school plays.) So then I was thinking about some of my favourite movies and wondering if Connor likes them too. And what he’d think of the sock-shaped cookie jar I made my mom for Christmas (it’s my best piece so far). Or if he eats duck or okra (which would bring him down by at least half a point from a perfect ten). Stuff like that. It’s weird. I don’t know if all that means I have a major crush on Connor or if I’m just relieved not to be the only one of my girlfriends not seeing anyone. I mean, it could happen. That we’re seeing each other. I know we haven’t had our second date yet, but we’re going to. He said so. So who knows… It’s the most exciting thing that’s happened to me since the power cut last winter. Maybe pretty soon when someone asks me what I’m doing on the weekend I can say (casual as a pair of slippers), “Oh, I’m going out with my boyfriend.”

OMG, I just realized! Now I have to find something else to wear tomorrow night. No wonder everybody says girls are obsessed with clothes. But I ask you, do we have a choice? No, we do not.

Gus says now might be a good time to stock up on lip balm. I’ve waited seventeen years for Gus to give me some big-sisterly advice, and that’s what it is. Lip balm. Can’t wait to hear what she says after the next seventeen years.

I
am going out with the most thoughtful and considerate boy on the Eastern Seaboard (or possibly the entire continent). Connor texted me at work today to remind me that we had a date tonight. (Um, duh. I’m more likely to forget where I live.) And also to tell me that he thought about it a lot and decided tonight’s going to be a Have A Normal Night Out Without Danger Of Drowning Date. (How cute is that?) He thought we could go to the multiplex at the shopping plaza. Nomi says getting in touch two days running
and
reminding me that we have a date is unprecedented, too. She says the only time Jax has ever reminded her about anything was when she borrowed his black hoodie and he wanted to make sure she returned it. She figures Connor definitely hasn’t read the
How To Be A Guy
manual. Either that or he just landed from another planet. Maybe he’s really a two-foot tall alien with gold skin, a head like an enormous egg and eyes like swimming holes who can change the course of rivers by moving one finger and read minds. (Would it bother me if he was? Not if he keeps his human form.)